Escape and never come back

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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
So yes, I'm home now after the vacation and exactly what I was afraid of happened: I started feeling better mentally, lower anxiety but it was the last day of vacation... All the binges leading up to my vacation fucked me up. It took me 6 days to start feeling anything more than anger and anxiety. Today I started experiencing urges. I'm 9 days sober as well but I'm craving both porn and alcohol. I was in the store some hours earlier to buy some things and I eyed the alcohol stands like crazy but I left without buying anything and I felt crushed on my way home. But now I'm alright, I guess. I hope I don't relapse until sleep.
 
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Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Don't do it Escape! It's the PMO & the drinking that is ROBBING you of the ability to feel pleasure.

Do a set or two pushups and get out of the house for a bit. Even just go for a walk til your head feels a bit clearer.
 
Simon2

Simon2

Well-Known Member
These first few weeks are the hardest. But you have to get through them to start getting control back over your life. Persevere. Don't let porn be an option. It's literally a fight for your life.

On the other side there is light.
Stay strong brother!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
SimonM said:
These first few weeks are the hardest. But you have to get through them to start getting control back over your life. Persevere. Don't let porn be an option. It's literally a fight for your life.

On the other side there is light.
Stay strong brother!
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Thanks, man. I appreciate the support!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
This addiction won't let me escape without the suffering. It's like: "Alright, when you had fun, when the high was so intense, it was great, right? If you want to escape that, you need to put the suffering of the magnitude of all the high you used to get." That's how it goes, man. Nobody escapes this easily. If they do, then I'm happy for them, they have a low level of addiction. But true porn addicts know.
 
Dungalef

Dungalef

Active Member
Bro, honestly if you really believe the pleasure is that amazing, why are you holding back? I think you know deep down that the pleasure is fake, that it promises SO much and delivers so little.

Don't let that crap win, there's REAL pleasure on the other side of resistance. It takes a long time, but real, deep, lasting joy does exist. It's just not there in porn, but in LIFE. And life is on the other side of porn.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Dungalef said:
Bro, honestly if you really believe the pleasure is that amazing, why are you holding back? I think you know deep down that the pleasure is fake, that it promises SO much and delivers so little.

Don't let that crap win, there's REAL pleasure on the other side of resistance. It takes a long time, but real, deep, lasting joy does exist. It's just not there in porn, but in LIFE. And life is on the other side of porn.
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I know, man. You're right. You're absolutely right.
 
forceisstrong2

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey @Escapeandnevercomeback,

I think you should defo look at joining something like AA. I think tackling two addictions at the one time is really hard. But I think if you were to go to something like your local AA, the meetings would help you stay away from porn too. You'll be meeting people, they'll listen to you without judgment, give you the tools to beat these awful addictions. Something for you to consider.

You've had great long streaks before. You can do it again. We're all here to support each other. We're all going to help each other quit this thing.

Take it a day at a time, bro. Remember the first couple of weeks are the hardest and don't be too tough on yourself if you do fall now and then - we all do. It's about getting back up, learning from your mistakes, making positive changes and going again.

Keep fighting the good fight, bro!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
forceisstrong2 said:
Hey @Escapeandnevercomeback,

I think you should defo look at joining something like AA. I think tackling two addictions at the one time is really hard. But I think if you were to go to something like your local AA, the meetings would help you stay away from porn too. You'll be meeting people, they'll listen to you without judgment, give you the tools to beat these awful addictions. Something for you to consider.

You've had great long streaks before. You can do it again. We're all here to support each other. We're all going to help each other quit this thing.

Take it a day at a time, bro. Remember the first couple of weeks are the hardest and don't be too tough on yourself if you do fall now and then - we all do. It's about getting back up, learning from your mistakes, making positive changes and going again.

Keep fighting the good fight, bro!
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Hey man, thanks for the support! I appreciate it.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 8

And day 11 sober. I definitely feel way less neurotic. I know this is the key to success for me: Staying away from those addictions and leaving my brain alone. But the craving, man... I'm in the middle of "urges days" and it's not fun. Mornings are the most difficult, I'm attacked by porn fantasies and flashbacks. Evenings are the easiest. For some reason, I don't experience hard urges in the evening. When I had longer streaks in the past, I used to plan my day around this, make sure I didn't do anything stupid during the day until evening came and I could take a break.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 9

Just the hope that all this will end eventually is the only thing that keeps me going. I'm tired of having to avoid people and normal pictures because of the urges. This is not the way to live my life.
 
forceisstrong2

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey man,

Try journaling. List out all the reasons why you want to never watch porn again. You're doing really, really well, Escape. Nine days is really, really good. The urges will lessen soon. Just take it one day at a time.

Tomorrow do something special to celebrate ten days.

You can do it, man! We're all with you.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I didn't make it. If I've ever experienced level 100% urges I did today. I felt entirely what it means to really have "uncontrollable urges". I couldn't focus on anything, I couldn't think about anything, I was trapped. I felt sick with urges. And I relapsed, it was a matter of time. The promised pleasure was right there. I am obsessed with pleasure. Obsessed with the biggest pleasure in the world. This is the first time in my life when I feel I can't escape this.
 
forceisstrong2

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey,

Don't get too down on yourself. The important thing is not to binge. Start over and aim to do more than nine days next time. Learn from your mistakes. I've gotten uncontrollable urges too. Always they were caused by bad patterns of behaviour - checking out images, being on the computer/phone too long, etc. It's important when we relapse to learn from our mistakes, make positive changes in our lives and go again.

And remember nine days without porn is a win. Keep building those days. Learn from your relapses. Make positive life changes. Think about all of the amazing changes that can happen in your life when you beat these vices. And you will.

You can do it, buddy.
 
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