Ages 16 to 26 - A Journey of Addiction and Spiritual Change

Jinx2109

Active Member
November 14th, 2020

Today is my 25th birthday. I am a quarter of a century old and I am just so happy and grateful to be alive, for all the personal growth I have accomplished this year. For the first time (I think) I am journaling before I start my day, in the past I have waited to see how the day went and journaled about the birthday celebrations. Not this year. This year...I am enough.

~Jennifer
 

Jinx2109

Active Member
January 17th, 2021

When my self-esteem is lacking I ask myself one question: Who am I comparing myself to? This is the inevitablility because we wouldn't know better. I'm not aging as well as... I don't look like... I wish this were smaller and that were bigger. How do we know but if not comparing ourselves to others? "What's wrong with that?" Some may say - or " I can't help that - everyone does it." Stop. Just stop.

If I was like them,
well I'd no longer be me.
If I am not me then whats the point in living?
I bring something new to the world
but if I brought 'you' instead
I'd be silenced
because you're already you.
Every scar, every crease, every feature
served or serves a function
that allowed and allows me to live -
my own unique me with so much to give.

If you want to spend your life trying to look like you haven't lived it, then truly you will not have lived it at all.

~Jennifer
 

Jinx2109

Active Member
January 21st, 2021

My christian girlfriends got me started on this 60 day devotional to "reveal my royal identity as a princess of God." There is something still in me that scoffs at the idea of being a "princess." Yet I view it as acres of progress that I got this book and am going through it. Day 10 and I'm starting to see how this may really change me and help my feminine side thrive.

It made many topics pass through my mind. Sex outside of marriage and being okay with that; this was such a huge step into my womanhood and though my study on it is in my Bible notes I feel a summary should go here as well. Another thought once again questions if I should even be in a relationship. Will my personality and dreams coexist with someone else? Will I just feel held back? I want to be loved. And God told me to be and every time I question this my thoughts go to Miss Fischer's Murder Mysteries. I always felt so connected to her. She loves. But she doesn't stay or keep people. She works and does so in a way that is play. I would love to be married but this journey through my feminity makes me wonder. This also got my thinking if my life (everyday responsibilites) fall to the wayside when I'm in a relationship? But no, my life was a mess before. It's me. Trying to break bad habits gain. I wonder why I can't stop sabotaging myself with all this mess. Feminine energy grows life - it is ssace, potential energy, beauty, working to allow life it's greatest opportunities. I have come so very far with sexuality, nudity, knowing my own boundaries. What is personal and what is moral worldwide. I feel clear on these matters now and it is a huge burden off my shoulders. Now I feel my biggest lesson may be in my boundaries with myself. It's not about rules. It's about self love.

Everything I do to care for myself and no-one else falls short. Exercise, food, cleaning for a happy space, journaling, even MOing becomes the T.V. dinner versions. Minimum effort, investment, and nourishment required. This all shoud be performed as though I am making love to myself. Fine cooking, clean and pretty home. Dating myself by getting to dive deeper into my thoughts and making time for the most romantic and sensual evenings. If I dont't feel I've fixed this by the end of this devotional I may have to design a process for making self-discipline into self-love. I also feel like God is calling me to something bigger- maybe in politics or leadership. But not yet. Right now I am oh so tired just trying to figure myself out and I know God knows that. But I think he is preparing me for the idea.

~Jennifer
 

Jinx2109

Active Member
February 6th, 2021

We must always be improving ourselves. I believe this is the key to truly loving yourself the way you are. And I believe that this can be applied to all facets of life, community, and human existence on this planet Earth or anywhere else we may end up.

~Jennifer
 
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