Well I got to 45 days, but lost control of myself at about 3am. Felt very tired and low yesterday. Should have caught all the warning signs yesterday and perhaps before, and taken more time with the advice I got yesterday from you all which I really appreciate, all the more so today! It started with messages from my obsession, and its a hard lesson as I realise I am going to have to tighten up on the 'grey' areas and perhaps break contact, which is a nightmare as I really want to see her and she's been missing me. No excuses though, I just got carried away with feeling horny and needy. Humble pie - I really thought I had this.
So..Day 1. I wrote the above yesterday. What is positive is that I have learned a few things, and I know that in the last 10 weeks I have used PMO twice, so re-sensitising is still happening and i was careful with my touch yesterday. I had an accidental slip at 3am, which was caused by 'grey' area stuff, but it wasn't intentional, but then decided the next day that if i was resetting my counter i wanted it to be for at least a good O. So I had an intentional one yesterday, and used P and kink stuff. I didn't actually enjoy the P part much, so it was videos from her that I used. I am going to do some private journalling about the two paths - one where I heal this shit and the other where I follow what would happen if I give into kink and can't break free.
Got a headache this morning, and am going to treat myself gently today, try not to beat myself up too much, and do that journalling.
So..Day 1. I wrote the above yesterday. What is positive is that I have learned a few things, and I know that in the last 10 weeks I have used PMO twice, so re-sensitising is still happening and i was careful with my touch yesterday. I had an accidental slip at 3am, which was caused by 'grey' area stuff, but it wasn't intentional, but then decided the next day that if i was resetting my counter i wanted it to be for at least a good O. So I had an intentional one yesterday, and used P and kink stuff. I didn't actually enjoy the P part much, so it was videos from her that I used. I am going to do some private journalling about the two paths - one where I heal this shit and the other where I follow what would happen if I give into kink and can't break free.
Got a headache this morning, and am going to treat myself gently today, try not to beat myself up too much, and do that journalling.