strongfuture89
Active Member
I am 33 years old and will marry next year. For the last few months, I´ve been doing better and better in stopping this timewasting compulsion of watching P photos at work. The last years I have been active in a small community of extreme consumers. Almost every day I would talk to them and share material. It is always new and it was interactive. Being very social, my biggest problem was leaving the other people. That is luckily a very good strategy for me to be on this forum now, where I could interact while being on the right path.
My story started at a young age, discovering P by an older friend that showed me the ways to get in contact with P. Later, I would consume it more and more. From the kink scene I discovered erotic hypnosis and as I loved the taboo, I started using that a lot.
At that point, I met my first girlfriend. The expectations and fear of all these new things, gave me terrible PA. As the idea of ´having to do´ PIV would give me PA, I was not interested in that anymore and avoided it.
For years, I have been struggling with this PA. I knew that all virtual sexual stimulation made this worse, but it was my only alternative.
I had weeks and even months being completely rid of P, but as I had a new girlfriend and I thought about even the possibility of PA, the PA destroyed everything.
My first 3 partners were awful at supporting someone with PA and I see it as a lack of respect and intelligence now. I am now in my fourth relationship and since the beginning, I´ve had only slight PA which is mostly there when I am tired (everyone can be tired sometimes, I tell myself). She knows about my PA past and she suffers from it herself in a mild form of vaginism, so we have tons of respect for eachother. We learned how to understand eachother and people here can always ask me for advise about that topic.
In the beginning of that beautiful relationship, she discovered a blog that I had made in the time before our relationship where I shared/reblogged random P photos. Even today it hurts her that I tried to hide that from her. I was honestly slowing that down, to be able to quit. It´s because of the slowing down itself, that I got careless and she found out. I deleted everything immediately.
We are together 5 years now and in the last years, I´ve been struggling in my head, wanting to consume P again. It is crazy, because my PA is better and my girlfriend is amazing in every way. It is just more a sort of compulsion, because I don´t even enjoy it.
As I said, having a community is what had kept me on the bad side, but I am certain it can easily keep me on the good side as well. Today, wednesday 12 october, I start counting the days!
My story started at a young age, discovering P by an older friend that showed me the ways to get in contact with P. Later, I would consume it more and more. From the kink scene I discovered erotic hypnosis and as I loved the taboo, I started using that a lot.
At that point, I met my first girlfriend. The expectations and fear of all these new things, gave me terrible PA. As the idea of ´having to do´ PIV would give me PA, I was not interested in that anymore and avoided it.
For years, I have been struggling with this PA. I knew that all virtual sexual stimulation made this worse, but it was my only alternative.
I had weeks and even months being completely rid of P, but as I had a new girlfriend and I thought about even the possibility of PA, the PA destroyed everything.
My first 3 partners were awful at supporting someone with PA and I see it as a lack of respect and intelligence now. I am now in my fourth relationship and since the beginning, I´ve had only slight PA which is mostly there when I am tired (everyone can be tired sometimes, I tell myself). She knows about my PA past and she suffers from it herself in a mild form of vaginism, so we have tons of respect for eachother. We learned how to understand eachother and people here can always ask me for advise about that topic.
In the beginning of that beautiful relationship, she discovered a blog that I had made in the time before our relationship where I shared/reblogged random P photos. Even today it hurts her that I tried to hide that from her. I was honestly slowing that down, to be able to quit. It´s because of the slowing down itself, that I got careless and she found out. I deleted everything immediately.
We are together 5 years now and in the last years, I´ve been struggling in my head, wanting to consume P again. It is crazy, because my PA is better and my girlfriend is amazing in every way. It is just more a sort of compulsion, because I don´t even enjoy it.
As I said, having a community is what had kept me on the bad side, but I am certain it can easily keep me on the good side as well. Today, wednesday 12 october, I start counting the days!
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