I'm so sorry about the relapse and the difficulties, yet the intention you came with by re-writing in your thread here is a HUGE first step!
You laid it all down and the keys are there. It's a matter of you using the keys in the most impactful ways. We've both been struggling because life and progression in life isn't linear. We've identified the contexts that don't make it easy for us, and right now we both are facing difficult contexts!
I really hope you keep seeing the psychological support you've talked about a few times before I believe?
Also, just dropping a thought here... Have you considered changing setting entirely? You seem to be living in a very difficult city and environment (I've heard many friends living there talking about how intense, tiring and demanding this city is!) Are you applying for jobs elsewhere? I know changing life entirely a couple of years ago has helped me a lot reinvent myself and feeling better about my life in general... Not saying you should do it, just wondering what this provocative thought will do in your head...!
And, here's a song from me I've been listening to recently
And LOVING "I only always think" - didn't know the musician, but loving it! Thanks for sharing.
I'm very sorry to hear you are stryggling, TypeN.
I hope you can find a way of not beeing to hars on yourself. Depression is a heavy burden, and life circumstanses are difficult.
I hope also that you find a way of taking care of yourself and your stuff. It is difficuly sometimes, I know.
Maybe an acountabilitty partner could help you? I am looking for someone as well, I haven't been doing very good lately, so maybe we can team up to keep each other acountable.
Best of wishes,