Sunday in specific can be a pain.. although not always. At other times, it's been Friday or Saturday night, or even Monday to Wednesday.
It's not just from not being "busy", it can be the associations we may have with certain times. If we think we should be socially fulfilled at certain times, and we're not, that can lead to trouble. If we're simply unhappy midweek, despite being "busy", that can lead to trouble too.
Anyway. Currently a little unhappy about certain things, but this too shall pass!
Messing up a bit lately, after a decent 12-day streak. Usually I've been getting back on track quickly after resets, but not so much this week. I've been a bit down due to mood swings and some interpersonal stress. Feeling a lack of motivation and so on.
I'm currently suffering from a health issue which may have been more or less caused by this addiction. It's a bit like if you had back pain for some time after sitting in a weird position for a long time while "using". That's not my current problem, nor is it something to do with my
, but it gives you an idea.
Is this the "rock bottom" that finally gets me to quit this stuff for good? That would be nice.
Fortunately I'm now doing something which is helping a lot with that health issue. We can solve "some" of our problems, no matter how hopeless things can seem.
I had a pretty stressful day yesterday but I managed not to reset. Maybe I wasn't that strongly tempted anyway. I did have too much alcohol instead, although I drink at quite a slow pace so at least things don't tend to get too messy.
I did MO
in the shower
today, but I think I'll allow that as long as it's only once a week at most. Maybe I'll gradually reduce the frequency or something.
Edit - also got round to working on some stuff today which should hopefully reduce some of my stress
Right, so I did suffer from the chaser effect after the MO I mentioned in the previous post. Generally speaking I don't try "healthy" MO when I'm doing recovery (and I'm basically always attempting recovery, I don't really take any breaks from recovery despite my resets / relapses). But I do often wonder if it might be a good idea. I usually just try and hold out however, then a reset will gradually happen due to consistent high libido, random fantasies, my motivation not being as high as it maybe should be, being distracted by other problems, rationalising.. then the reset usually starts with chat of some kind, then
P-subs or P might happen too (plus chat is often full of P-subs and P anyway, or at least it can be).
. But "healthy" MO often leads to chasers anyway, so maybe going "hardmode" or whatever is the only way to go.
You might notice I'm using a lot of spoilers lately. I don't want to trigger anyone even if it's perhaps unlikely that I will.
Perhaps that last sentence brings me to my next point. I often feel alone (or triggered lol) when I read other posts on forums like this (but this forum probably isn't the worst for this feeling). It seems like I have little in common in people. Maybe I just happen to click on the wrong stuff, or maybe my background and issues just make me feel alone. Maybe modern life is the problem, although frankly I've lived in more old-fashioned, traditional enviroments (to an extent anyway) and I still felt different. One consolation is that modern life can allow us to find people we have things in common with.. but they usually live far away from us and it's tricky to see them. Another point is that the loudest voices often don't represent what the average person is actually thinking (there may be exceptions if you live in certain places or do certain jobs or activities etc. - I don't think I'm in those exceptional environments too often though). Perhaps the rest of us who aren't so shouty should express ourselves and our opinions more often. Who knows.
Edit - oh yeah and blockers, I'll talk about them a bit next time.
Blockers. If you want to block some sites on your Windows computer, ColdTurkey isn't a bad choice. Don't bother paying for it and just get the free version (based on my anecdotal experience).
On my Android phone I've gone for BlockSite. I'm reasonably happy with it overall. This isn't a "proper" review in a sense for various reasons. I currently have it set up with a password lock. I'm not sure if this is completely reliable. I did this before and it's possible that sooner or later it just stopped looking for a password. Or maybe I unlocked it deliberately (my method is to write the unmemorable password on a bit of paper and hide it somewhere awkward). It's better than nothing anyway (I think, I'm honestly not sure yet lol), and I'm paying money for it, but it was pretty cheap at the sale price (if you're buying it, quickly agree to any good looking sale offer, or you might have to contact them to get the offer again etc.)
Life's been throwing a lot at me lately, well life and my "issues", but anyway, I'm doing pretty well at responding to a lot of it, I hope! Of course, working on one thing can lead to neglecting something else, but I'm trying to avoid that side effect.