Let's call it "the final thread"

new reality

Member
So yeah it's been a bit of a hell week. Fortunately it hasn't been too bad as regards the addiction (but not perfect, certainly), but otherwise pretty rough. On the other hand, I guess I know "the truth" about certain things now, and it's time to accept those truths and start to move on. In some ways perhaps the worst part is over.

Anyway it seems like I need some accountability. I do have an accountability partner but he takes breaks sometimes, and so do I really.

Okay, here goes..
 

new reality

Member
So it's Day One, as opposed to Day Zero. I probably won't obsess about the day count going forward, however.

Some discussion of sex addiction in the next paragraph, probably not triggering but fair warning just in case.

I remember once I was in a bookshop flicking through a book about addictions. The writer talked about how the sex addicts he worked with usually looked incredibly exhausted and worn out, despite society's generally positive attitude towards sex. Okay, there can be guilt and shame about it, but generally when it comes to safe, consensual sex, society says the more the merrier. But as most of us know, whether it's addiction to sex or to things like P (and things like chat rooms - argh), yeah... it's not so good. I feel pretty wrecked today, partly from the crappy time I've been having lately, but also from acting out yesterday.

This morning I had a healthier form of online chat. I felt the need to talk with someone about a mental health condition I suffer from, which affects my ability to do certain things. It was a good talk, however the other person had a largely positive attitude to medications for mental health problems. I tend to have a largely negative opinion of such things these days, although I think everyone has the right to make an informed choice and take them if they want to. I don't rule out taking such a medication again (last time I took any I was a teenager).

Lately I find it easy enough to do about a seven-day streak. I often do streaks of up to about two weeks too. I'm pretty good at avoiding "actual P" most of the time, but less good at avoiding P-subs and especially, chat. I'm not too bad with the chaser effect, although it can certainly get me sometimes. I used to be better at longer streaks, and maybe that was because I had more hope that long streaks would help me in various ways besides the obvious benefits of just staying away from all that crap. And yes, I did experience benefits, but not as many as I hoped for maybe.

Anyway, probably enough for today.
 

new reality

Member
My life isn't going to magically improve in every way if I stay away from the bad stuff. However, using the bad stuff guarantees that things will get worse. And things can always get worse it seems!

Man it's been a tough time lately but hopefully things are slooowwly starting to get better.
 

new reality

Member
Hell Week has become something of a Hell Fortnight (two weeks). Also I reset yet again last night. It may be the feeling of not being in control of things. I have a vague plan which might help solve one of my problems. Or it just might make things worse. Oh well.

So yeah, better do some stuff.
 
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