It's time to change

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
22 days. Remembered another situation yesterday that sometimes acts as a cue to use PMO. I am learning music production. Sometimes it's really fun. Sometimes it's really frustrating when it feels like I get stuck on something. In the past when I have been working on music and hit a wall, I have sometimes taken a PMO "break". Yesterday I had that feeling.

The funny thing is never once has using actually allowed me to come back more energized and ready to tackle what I got stuck on. In fact, usually it just made me more tired and often I just cut the music session short and wasted the rest of the day on TV or scrolling social media.
This. PMO is the ultimate killer of energy and drive. Great progress so far man! Stay strong!
 

logicprox

Active Member
23 days. Woke up in the night and started to masturbate. Wasn't really any inclination to use porn, which was nice, but since I have decided to stay away from MO as well for the time being, I stopped and went back to sleep.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
We’ll resisted @logicprox - what tricks is your brain playing on you to make you go back? When you know the answer to that question you have a huge advantage. Your brain does not want you to do this exercise by the way.

Keep going, pal. You’re doing so well.
 

logicprox

Active Member
25 days.

"Users believe they use porn for enjoyment, relaxation or some sort of education. The actual reason is relief of withdrawal pangs."
 

logicprox

Active Member
23 days. Woke up in the night and started to masturbate. Wasn't really any inclination to use porn, which was nice, but since I have decided to stay away from MO as well for the time being, I stopped and went back to sleep.
27 days. Same thing happened again. No porn, stopped masturbating and went back to sleep.

I'll take it as progress that I didn't feel much inclination to porn in either instance.
 

logicprox

Active Member
28 days.

Tonight will introduce some risk. I am going out with some friends and we will be drinking. I don't intend to get hammered or anything, but historically alcohol has definitely reduced my resistance to urges. And if I'm being honest, seeing lots of beautiful woman out at night and then coming come to an empty apartment drunk probably triggers some things emotionally (loneliness, jealousy, etc.), in addition to genuinely making me a bit horny.

The thing that is obvious to me sober is that using my hand to orgasm to pixels doesn't actually solve any of those emotional problems or satisfy the legitimate physical cravings for sex. It just becomes a little less obvious to my drunk brain...

Here's the plan if there is even a hint in my mind that i may have an issue when I get home. There is a sort of public dining/party area in my apartment building with some comfortable seating. I will grab a book and go up there and let myself sit till I sober up or fall asleep.

I don't use PMO anymore and I don't need to start again.
 

logicprox

Active Member
30 days. A month actually sort of snuck up on me.

Survived my first major test Saturday night. Next major test is coming up in a week when I spend two weeks out of town for work, since I have often struggled with the disruption to my routines and additional triggers it introduces.

This week I will be planning my out of town morning and night routines, and strategies to deal with urges while I am traveling. Using isn't an option, so it's just a matter of how I ensure that I don't.
 

Simon2

Active Member
30 days. A month actually sort of snuck up on me.

Survived my first major test Saturday night. Next major test is coming up in a week when I spend two weeks out of town for work, since I have often struggled with the disruption to my routines and additional triggers it introduces.

This week I will be planning my out of town morning and night routines, and strategies to deal with urges while I am traveling. Using isn't an option, so it's just a matter of how I ensure that I don't.
Plan to watch lots of movies you've had on your wishlist? Or read some great books? :) I think that's what would help me... I have the same triggers around travelling.
 

logicprox

Active Member
Plan to watch lots of movies you've had on your wishlist? Or read some great books? :) I think that's what would help me... I have the same triggers around travelling.
I will definitely be reading in the evening before bed. That's become a core part of my evening routine to avoid using. Movies are more of a trigger for me, and one of the things I've done before bed that have led to slips while out of town. Anything just lounging in front of a screen tends to be. So not those so much. :)
 
I will definitely be reading in the evening before bed. That's become a core part of my evening routine to avoid using. Movies are more of a trigger for me, and one of the things I've done before bed that have led to slips while out of town. Anything just lounging in front of a screen tends to be. So not those so much. :)
I do the same and can approve that it is a good thing before going to sleep. I am not at the point to avoid the smartphone, but I don't consume anything that could trigger me. But before I sleep I read and become so sleepy that I have no problems to fall asleep.
I'm also afraid of the travelling, because these were my darkest days with excessive behaviour. So I think this will be hard to get through. Do you have any advises?
 

logicprox

Active Member
I do the same and can approve that it is a good thing before going to sleep. I am not at the point to avoid the smartphone, but I don't consume anything that could trigger me. But before I sleep I read and become so sleepy that I have no problems to fall asleep.
I'm also afraid of the travelling, because these were my darkest days with excessive behaviour. So I think this will be hard to get through. Do you have any advises?
Wouldn't take any of my advice on traveling quite yet. Haven't figured it out on any prior work trips. I'll let you know what worked in 3 weeks when i have been through this upcoming trip without PMO.
 
Wouldn't take any of my advice on traveling quite yet. Haven't figured it out on any prior work trips. I'll let you know what worked in 3 weeks when i have been through this upcoming trip without PMO.
I wish you the very best for that time. I avoid it at the moment as long as possible.
 

logicprox

Active Member
32 days. Been thinking about why I have so much trouble when traveling. Most of it I've previously identified, but one new piece to the puzzle:

1. Messed up/lack of routines
2. Lack of things to do - ie my guitar isn't there, I have my laptop to work on music but usually the setup in a hotel room is just awful and uninspiring. Then theres that giant inviting tv screen across from the bed. (I never used porn on the tv, but the lounging and watching something, one thing leads to another).
3. More drinking - sometimes it's happy hours with coworkers I only see on these work trips, sometimes it's me going out hopelessly trying to meet women...
4. Related to 3. I'll be honest, I have some anxiety about sex, having still never had "intercourse" (though have done "other things"). As I wrote in my old journal, grew up religious and believing in sex only after marriage and passed up on a lot of opportunities in my 20s because of it. Then I got into PMO and it gave me PIED so by the time I adapted my worldview I was basically incapable.

Because of that anxiety around it, there has been an appeal to trying things with women out of town who I will never see again and who are not attached to my social circle. So when I am out of town I have just been trying to get laid. I have generated a couple opportunities that way but of course PIED struck. Also, since I skipped all alcohol/going out to bars and such in my 20s, I never had an opportunity to learn how to meet people at bars, so my anxiety on that front is also elevated.

My PIED has been improving since I have backed off PMO, so maybe it would work now, but I think that is beside the point. I think the level of pressure I place on myself to pick up women while I am out of town just heightens my anxiety and disappointment so that I come home to my hotel and want to use. I don't think going out and trying to meet women is the problem. I think it's the idea that "I only had a good and successful night if a girl wants to come home with me". I need to change my perspective. I do think I need some practice meeting women, honestly. And that's the success. If I can go out to a bar and strike up a conversation with a women, that's success. That's it. I don't have to get laid to be successful.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
32 days. Been thinking about why I have so much trouble when traveling. Most of it I've previously identified, but one new piece to the puzzle:

1. Messed up/lack of routines
2. Lack of things to do - ie my guitar isn't there, I have my laptop to work on music but usually the setup in a hotel room is just awful and uninspiring. Then theres that giant inviting tv screen across from the bed. (I never used porn on the tv, but the lounging and watching something, one thing leads to another).
3. More drinking - sometimes it's happy hours with coworkers I only see on these work trips, sometimes it's me going out hopelessly trying to meet women...
4. Related to 3. I'll be honest, I have some anxiety about sex, having still never had "intercourse" (though have done "other things"). As I wrote in my old journal, grew up religious and believing in sex only after marriage and passed up on a lot of opportunities in my 20s because of it. Then I got into PMO and it gave me PIED so by the time I adapted my worldview I was basically incapable.

Because of that anxiety around it, there has been an appeal to trying things with women out of town who I will never see again and who are not attached to my social circle. So when I am out of town I have just been trying to get laid. I have generated a couple opportunities that way but of course PIED struck. Also, since I skipped all alcohol/going out to bars and such in my 20s, I never had an opportunity to learn how to meet people at bars, so my anxiety on that front is also elevated.

My PIED has been improving since I have backed off PMO, so maybe it would work now, but I think that is beside the point. I think the level of pressure I place on myself to pick up women while I am out of town just heightens my anxiety and disappointment so that I come home to my hotel and want to use. I don't think going out and trying to meet women is the problem. I think it's the idea that "I only had a good and successful night if a girl wants to come home with me". I need to change my perspective. I do think I need some practice meeting women, honestly. And that's the success. If I can go out to a bar and strike up a conversation with a women, that's success. That's it. I don't have to get laid to be successful.
Man I can really relate to this. I think our story is similar in that when it comes to being religious in our 20s, and then when we moved on from it, it was hard to adjust to new possibilities and lifestyle. I remember times coming home to my apartment crying because I couldn't "figure it out" how to talk to girls in a bar and get laid. Pretty pathetic huh? It's so sad looking back on it now lol. But there was a few things I did learn through trial and error that might help you.

Firstly, you're absolutely right, you can't go out to the bars with only the main goal of "getting laid", because you give off a weird vibe to women and they can feel that desperate energy on you. Remember, women are "naturals" at picking up on someone's energy, and if it feels off, they run and never look back. And who could blame them? I sure as hell don't. The best thing to do, no matter how bad you want to get laid, is to just have the goal in mind of having fun no matter what happens. I found that this attitude presented many more opportunities than only having the goal of getting laid. Why? Because your vibe will be completely different to women. Sex comes from having fun and enjoying yourself with someone, and not the other way around.

Secondly, and just as importantly, I realized later on in my journey that I often conflated my religious 20s with my natural personality. What I mean by that is I mistakenly thought I wasn't a "party man" or "bar man" because I was a Christian, however, that really wasn't the whole story. I'm naturally introverted and kind of a bookish man, thus, the bar scene in general, no matter Christian or not, was never really in tune with my natural disposition. While it is true that I did go to a bar and have a good time, and I did have a few "successes", the bar scene in general, with it's extraverted everything, was never entirely conducive for me talking and meeting women. Thus, I often found myself trying to be someone that I'm not, and once again, women can pick up on that vibe instantly. However, I found out bookstores and other places like that to be much more beneficial for me meeting women.

No matter what though, remember in your hierarchy of values, that porn will not happen, no matter if you get laid or not.

Hopefully that helps you a little.

Best brother!
 
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