Hey
@logicprox, I like what you said about shyness/social anxiety, and how those are not necessarily intertwined with being an introvert. I too think those are two different things and often get annoyed when people diss introverts by saying they're all shy or awkward or what not, that's simply not true. I can be very social and outgoing, crack jokes and be funny (all skills I've learned) however, doing that all day long 24/7 will wear me the fuck out, and I will definitely need some time by myself to recalibrate etc. I've known plenty of extroverts who can also be socially awkward, but it's just in different ways than us introverts. All of us, both introverts and extroverts, have to learn how to properly calibrate to the universe. Anyway, I know what you mean, and yes, that's something that anyone can work on and improve, I sure know I have a lot more to work on in that area. Unfortunately, porn has definitely not helped us when it comes to our social anxiety etc., however, the further we stay away from it, the better it becomes. I know mine is getting better. Hell, now that I think about, does porn do anything good for us?
As far as your question goes, there's many things you could do I suppose. If you like to read books, great, maybe you could join a book club in your area for young adults etc., that would be a great way to meet women who love to read. And let's be honest, is there anything more sexy than smart bookish ladies? I think not
. What's more, you could go to your nearest bookstore and sit down and see what happens. Maybe a beauty will sit down besides you and you can use the greatest pickup line ever, "What's that you're reading?"
And if you really want to stop giving a fuck (I know, easier said than done) you can just approach the one you like and say hello. Obviously, you have to do this respectfully and with tact, but it can work. Let's face it, before online dating (and porn lol) almost all men met their girl in one way or another similar to this. None of us would be here if our dads and grandpas didn't make their move on our sweet moms and grandmas, literally! Thus, if we really want to embrace life, it's time to take life in our own hands, and out of our palms. Unfortunately, unlike in porn videos, women just don't jump on your bone without talking and approaching them first. I know, it's strange but true!
Well, you might ask,
Blondie, that's great on paper, but what the fuck would I say to a girl I don't even know? That's a good question, and here's my answer. How about the truth. How about being authentic to yourself and her? How about being in the moment and not in your head? How about no modern games. I read that idea once in a book, and it completely blew my mind!
Could it really be that easy?? At that time I was playing games, trying to be the "cool guy", you know, the guy who stands in the corner like James Bond and all the girls love. And, as you now know, I'm an introvert, so I had that whole "strong silent type" nailed down to a T. Anyway, I was always thinking to myself,
maybe just maybe if I look cool enough, a girl will approach me. Or as it usually happened (if I was lucky enough to talk to a girl), I would try to be "cool" so as to not mess up and show her my true self
. Needless to say, none of that works and women (yes they do make us men better) see right through it all and walk away, or laugh about it with their friends and won't take you seriously - and why should they?
So what's a guy to do? Well, you could just walk up to her and tell her your truth. And what is your truth? Everything that you're thinking about in that moment. You're probably thinking about your fears, the excitement of the possibilities, and, your utter amazement at her feminine grace and beauty, thus, that's exactly what you tell her.
"Hi, I'm Logicprox, I'm scared shitless at the moment, but I had to come over here and say hello to you. What is your name?" Then you sit back in all your masculine glory and see what happens. This "line" is great, because one, it's not a pickup line (I hate that shit), two, you're being authentic to yourself and to her (women love that), and three, she really can't "reject" you. Sure, she might not be interested, or she might have a boyfriend or whatever, however, she cannot reject your truth. Why? Because it's your truth! More importantly, you didn't ask for her number nor her time, or anything in fact from her, you just told her your truth and nothing more. What's more, as I mentioned previously, you do this with an attitude of fun and joy and NOT with an attitude of trying to get something from her, i.e. sex. Women can feel the difference, and it's a night and day difference.
Obviously this shit can be scary, but hey, we only live once. Us men are always afraid about what "might" happen, however, we should elevate our thoughts to what "could" happen instead. We make this stuff way too hard for ourselves. What if that cute girl across the coffee shop would actually like you if only you would ask her? What if you two had amazing conversations for hours on end and then had great sex afterwards? Thinking of these lofty thoughts just might push you through your fears and anxieties.
Possibilities are everywhere, if only we would get our eyes off the screen and into the real wonderful world of women.
I hope that helps.
P.S. In my day (when I was 30 and 31) I was definitely no player or master of women lol, trust me, many times I was awkward as fuck. And although I would never say how many women - I think guys who brag about that are vacuous and misogynistic - you can take my word for it that it's a very very low number. However, I did get out there and tried many things, plus cried a few times and got my heart broken too, not to mention my ego! I also learned by reading quite a few psychology and dating books (the dating ones are often pretty terrible to be honest) and more often than not, just by making "mistakes". Nevertheless, I was desperate to learn about women, so, little by little, I did get better and more social and that's fun to look back on to this day. Eventually I did meet my current girlfriend, and I can honestly say I played no stupid games and was authentic with her, or pretty damn close.
I even told her straight up about my porn use, not right away, but a month or so into our relationship. Needless to say, I was definitely not the cool "Strong silent type" of man that I was when I had started out on my journey two years before that.
Authenticity really can work.
Best
