176 days. Yesterday I had the first legitimate urge to use porn that I have for a while. There have been little moments if course over all this time, but yesterday was more like the old days.
It was triggered by an image in an album cover that I have seen a million times during this streak with no issue but yesterday it triggered.
Which means it wasn’t actually the image that triggered it. I realized I have been, in just the last 2-3 weeks, letting some habits slip in the name of “I am almost to the end of this work stuff, I am tired, it doesn’t matter if I shortcut this thing or that for a few days, I will be back to it soon”
A dangerous mentality and so I am done with it. Back to business now.
Yesterday I had been planning to go for a run but was working on music when I saw the cover and had the trigger. I really did consider using but remembered myself, everything I have done to get here, the pointlessness of porn, etc., and decided not to use. Just to be sure I decided to leave right then for my run. Forgot all about that happening until just now sitting down to write this.
Anyways, a little scare every now and then is good to keep me vigilant. No more shortcuts and no more excuses. And lucky me after I work today I am done with weekend work and shouldn’t be working 15 hour days during the week anymore, so that helps too.
Porn is fantasy, fantasy gives me nothing.