the_badger
Member
DAY 28 (15 noMO)
Back again to go all the way
- Thread starter the_badger
- Start date
the_badger
Member
DAY 30 (0 noMO)
Pdub
Member
Congrats on your 30 days @the_badger !
the_badger
Member
Thanks Pdub and GBS! Happy new year to you as well!
Unfortunately, at the time of your congratulations I had fucked up already.
Slipped yesterday. After the MO on Monday it was dangerous, but I was quite sure, that I would worst case MO a second or a third time but stay clear of porn. Then I could not sleep for hours at night, started to browse on the phone and more or less by accident I found out about a weakness of the porn blocker and things went downhill.
Not the best way to start the new year. To be honest, I don't really know how to proceed from here. I was not sure a month ago if I can handle LongCov and Pornrecovery at the same time. And the past month rather confirmed that. When you are doing a reboot, you are supposed to engage in other positive activities, rather than just "wait" and avoid porn. But it's simply not possible for me at the moment. I used to do more sports, focus on hobbies and projects and apart from the withdrawal I also had good things in my life that showed me why I am doing this. I took cold showers that improved my mood and my energy. Now, I can't even do that. My autonomous nervous system is so fucked up, that a cold shower (just as any other intense activity and sensation) make it spin out of control and cause a bunch of symptoms and would certainly cause a crash if done repeatedly.
After the MO 2 days ago I felt really good and positive for the first time in weeks. Of course I know, that's not really a good thing. As any other drug, it's not the solution. But I did not make any real progress in LongCov recovery in the past month as well. Rebooting from porn takes a lot of energy and willpower. Energy that I need for my LongCov recovery as well. I really am afraid, both at the same time is just too much and makes me stall in everything. Just like when you, for example, had a heart attack as a heroin addict, I guess it would not be wise to start heroin-rehab while you are still recovering from the heart attack.
That does not mean, that I want to go back to binging porn, of course. But maybe it's better to go back to the way I handled it the past half year, when I mostly stayed away from porn and masturbation for one or two weeks, without putting any pressure on myself and without counting days. I know, this will reinforce the habit of regular (bi)weekly relapses and that I will have to deal with it.
I'll have to give it some more thought in the upcoming days...
Unfortunately, at the time of your congratulations I had fucked up already.
Slipped yesterday. After the MO on Monday it was dangerous, but I was quite sure, that I would worst case MO a second or a third time but stay clear of porn. Then I could not sleep for hours at night, started to browse on the phone and more or less by accident I found out about a weakness of the porn blocker and things went downhill.
Not the best way to start the new year. To be honest, I don't really know how to proceed from here. I was not sure a month ago if I can handle LongCov and Pornrecovery at the same time. And the past month rather confirmed that. When you are doing a reboot, you are supposed to engage in other positive activities, rather than just "wait" and avoid porn. But it's simply not possible for me at the moment. I used to do more sports, focus on hobbies and projects and apart from the withdrawal I also had good things in my life that showed me why I am doing this. I took cold showers that improved my mood and my energy. Now, I can't even do that. My autonomous nervous system is so fucked up, that a cold shower (just as any other intense activity and sensation) make it spin out of control and cause a bunch of symptoms and would certainly cause a crash if done repeatedly.
After the MO 2 days ago I felt really good and positive for the first time in weeks. Of course I know, that's not really a good thing. As any other drug, it's not the solution. But I did not make any real progress in LongCov recovery in the past month as well. Rebooting from porn takes a lot of energy and willpower. Energy that I need for my LongCov recovery as well. I really am afraid, both at the same time is just too much and makes me stall in everything. Just like when you, for example, had a heart attack as a heroin addict, I guess it would not be wise to start heroin-rehab while you are still recovering from the heart attack.
That does not mean, that I want to go back to binging porn, of course. But maybe it's better to go back to the way I handled it the past half year, when I mostly stayed away from porn and masturbation for one or two weeks, without putting any pressure on myself and without counting days. I know, this will reinforce the habit of regular (bi)weekly relapses and that I will have to deal with it.
I'll have to give it some more thought in the upcoming days...
In some of my past streaks, I fell into the idea that, just doing some MO without the "P" is ok because it doesn't involve P, and that's where the problem is, right? Time and experience has taught me that, at least in my case, MO is like the gateway back into PMO. So I really have be look at it as hard mode reset or bust. You can't get a little bit pregnant, as the saying goes.Thanks Pdub and GBS! Happy new year to you as well!
Unfortunately, at the time of your congratulations I had fucked up already.
Slipped yesterday. After the MO on Monday it was dangerous, but I was quite sure, that I would worst case MO a second or a third time but stay clear of porn. Then I could not sleep for hours at night, started to browse on the phone and more or less by accident I found out about a weakness of the porn blocker and things went downhill.
Not the best way to start the new year. To be honest, I don't really know how to proceed from here. I was not sure a month ago if I can handle LongCov and Pornrecovery at the same time. And the past month rather confirmed that. When you are doing a reboot, you are supposed to engage in other positive activities, rather than just "wait" and avoid porn. But it's simply not possible for me at the moment. I used to do more sports, focus on hobbies and projects and apart from the withdrawal I also had good things in my life that showed me why I am doing this. I took cold showers that improved my mood and my energy. Now, I can't even do that. My autonomous nervous system is so fucked up, that a cold shower (just as any other intense activity and sensation) make it spin out of control and cause a bunch of symptoms and would certainly cause a crash if done repeatedly.
After the MO 2 days ago I felt really good and positive for the first time in weeks. Of course I know, that's not really a good thing. As any other drug, it's not the solution. But I did not make any real progress in LongCov recovery in the past month as well. Rebooting from porn takes a lot of energy and willpower. Energy that I need for my LongCov recovery as well. I really am afraid, both at the same time is just too much and makes me stall in everything. Just like when you, for example, had a heart attack as a heroin addict, I guess it would not be wise to start heroin-rehab while you are still recovering from the heart attack.
That does not mean, that I want to go back to binging porn, of course. But maybe it's better to go back to the way I handled it the past half year, when I mostly stayed away from porn and masturbation for one or two weeks, without putting any pressure on myself and without counting days. I know, this will reinforce the habit of regular (bi)weekly relapses and that I will have to deal with it.
I'll have to give it some more thought in the upcoming days...