Unbusting my balls

[BrassBalls707]

Day 11-13

I stayed up a while longer than usual and noticed that my ability to resist PMO is proportional to the time I haven't meditated. I did so around 16:00, and am now noticing an extreme struggle to resist PMO at around 23:30. It is worth adding I had a 1 and a half hour nap at 20:00. I think both time spent since the last mental exercise and sleep lower my ability to act conscientiously. A necessary revelation for sure, since I almost relapsed. Holy moly this is the most difficult thing I've done in my life. I see now why some religions saw some sexual acts as profane, it literally feels like a demonic possession .

This makes sense because most people say that urges are greatest right after they wake up or right before they go to bed. In other words, when the mind is compromised.

I am going to start doing mental exercises first thing in the morning and last thing of the day. I already did the latter, but now I have all the more reason to.

Onwards!

 

[Androg]

Stay tough!

 

[BrassBalls707]

Day 14

To follow up, I am experiencing and even larger decrease in resistance towards PMO the more tired I become. Mental exercises, meditation and breathing exercises also decrease in helpfulness the less I sleep.

Unfortunately I am faced with a severe risk. The coming three days I will be exhausted due to a lack of sleep. I have deadlines (I am a procrastinator) so there is no way out of this. I am looking forward to stabilizing my routine to prevent this from being a risk again. I am working myself to decrease procrastination during these harsh times. One step before the other.

I am sleep deprived, I experience severe urges, I feel intense pressure, this is suffering.

Yet I take it in stride. I will not break! I will not relapse! I will not fail to meet my goals!

I will make it through! Staying tough!

Onwards!

 

[Androg]

Procrastination can be such a curse. Or rather, "choosing to be proactive is such a blessing."

 

[BrassBalls707]

Ironically and shamefully I admit to a relapse.
I slept for a few hours to increase my mood and energy, but after waking up forgot to do my mental exercises again. Soon after I saw some triggering material, and since I didn't put myself in the right headspace beforehand I click - click - clicked and my dick had appeared in my hand.

It's frustrating because I had the right idea and solution to this beforehand but failed to apply it. I could have set a reminder before sleeping to remind myself afterwards, but I think I was simply too confident. I can't trust myself to remeber shit or make the right decision in the future, it's like I have to let one state of mind coach the other and it was too exhausting on top of my other responsibilities. As I quoted before "if stopping PMO isn't at the top of my list, I won't make it".

It happened, but I learned a lot about myself and am optimistic for the future. I'm going to think more about how I can sabotage the type of relapse I had to tomorrow.

Onwards.

 

[strongfuture89]

Sleep deprivation makes it more difficult to resist triggers. I also noticed that and since the start of my reboot I´m sleeping minimum 8 hours a night. I check when I need to wake up, then count backwards to tell me when I have to sleep - no exceptions. When you´re sleepy, you don´t think straight, you won´t be able to focus on what´s best for you.
If needed, place you phone in another room when you go to bed.
Naps can sometimes disturb your wake-sleep rhythm, so first priority is a good long sleep each night.
I also procrastinated a lot. When you are well rested, you can work faster.

 

[BrassBalls707]

Sleep deprivation makes it more difficult to resist triggers. I also noticed that and since the start of my reboot I´m sleeping minimum 8 hours a night. I check when I need to wake up, then count backwards to tell me when I have to sleep - no exceptions. When you´re sleepy, you don´t think straight, you won´t be able to focus on what´s best for you.
If needed, place you phone in another room when you go to bed.
Naps can sometimes disturb your wake-sleep rhythm, so first priority is a good long sleep each night.
I also procrastinated a lot. When you are well rested, you can work faster.

All truths there, I agree. Already put my phone far enough away when I go sleep, so that's not an issue. But I'll take your advice about naps and focus on getting my nightly sleep right, as opposed to patching holes with naps.

 

[BrassBalls707]

Day 7/30

I haven't been posting as I come to the same conclusions often. I am posting now to keep this battle at the forefront of my mind, lest I let down my guard like I did last time. I've been continuing to meditate to cultivate conscientiousness, to prevent having as many close calls.

That's all for now.

Onwardssss

 

[Androg]

Day 7/30

I haven't been posting as I come to the same conclusions often. I am posting now to keep this battle at the forefront of my mind, lest I let down my guard like I did last time. I've been continuing to meditate to cultivate conscientiousness, to prevent having as many close calls.

That's all for now.

Onwardssss

 

[BrassBalls707]

Day 16/30

I relapsed again, getting further than last time.

I recall not reminding myself of the steps necessary to curb this addiction. It really is as simple as staying conscientious for me, and if I don't cultivate that I will keep relapsing.

I know what my mistakes are. Bringing phone to bed, not meditating, not keeping this at the forefront of my mind when the urges will be strongest...

I will beat this.