Believe in the Process

[Hunter_]

Day 13

Today is a special day as it marks my highest porn abstinence form the period May - July 2023 (3 months). So what changed now ?

First and foremost I started attending 12 step meeting for porn addiction every single day. It's like a dose everyday that I am taking to remind myself I am an recovering porn addict and I shouldn't let my guard down.

Secondly I stopped using YouTube in my mobile phone, only using it when really required. 99% of the time I fell into porn is becoz of getting triggered and fantasized by videos which gets poped out from no where. It's like a saying AA members used to tell "if you hang around barbershop long enough, sooner or latter, you are going to get your hair cut". So I thought its better to avoid rather than control the usage because I am powerless over this.

Finally, I started to give importance to the concept of just one day at a time as it made the things simpler.

 

[Blondie]

Great to hear this @Hunter_ !!

 

[Hunter_]

Day 14

Today morning I was upset and angry on my father over an disagreement on an issue. I can't concentrate on anything as the feeling are overwhelming. So, I sat with it and thought about different way of possible solution from my and his perspective and came up with the better one. After this, emotions where under control and I was more in the present.

I got a wet dream yesterday! Also I have experienced urge in the daytime today but it was mild and I am safe as of now.

Grateful to be sober for 2 weeks, No more depression; started using time productively and moreover I am living my life!

 

[Brutus]

Awesome job Hunter! I can't say enough about 12 step recovery groups, I still attend one that my church hosts every week. There is real power to be healed from the addiction when you live those 12 principles. I agree with your other post about needing a higher power to overcome. The best decision I ever made was going all the way with step 3 and completely submitting to my higher power. The fight got way easier afterwards!

 

[arcana]

Awesome job Hunter! I can't say enough about 12 step recovery groups, I still attend one that my church hosts every week. There is real power to be healed from the addiction when you live those 12 principles. I agree with your other post about needing a higher power to overcome. The best decision I ever made was going all the way with step 3 and completely submitting to my higher power. The fight got way easier afterwards!

Excuse me, but why didn't a higher power protect you from porn addiction?
Or why didn't a higher power create an ideal brain that doesn't fall into addiction?

 

[Brutus]

Excuse me, but why didn't a higher power protect you from porn addiction?
Or why didn't a higher power create an ideal brain that doesn't fall into addiction?

I'd rather not make a long reply thread on someone else's journal so I won't go into too much detail here. I will say that my personal choices are what led me into an addiction to pornography and that God has saved me from that addiction. I also learned some important life lessons because of this struggle that I would have never learned otherwise. Part of the reason we live in imperfect bodies is to learn and grow from the things we struggle with, mine being lust. It required me to put complete trust in God and have faith in His saving power. I never would have learned this without going through the addiction.

 

[Hunter_]

Day 15

 

[Hunter_]

Day 16

Yesterday and today I think I am letting my guard down. These two days i am mindlessly scrolling YouTube. Though I haven't watched or came across any arousing content, I have a long history of falling into porn after hours of mindless scrolling to get more dopamine.

I don't want to fall this time, so from tomorrow I want to be cautious and to stop watching mindless content on any platform.

Though having some turbulence I am grateful to be sober today.

The best decision I ever made was going all the way with step 3 and completely submitting to my higher power. The fight got way easier afterwards!

True words brother! I can completely relate to it.

 

[Androg]

These days, most porn addiction is also internet addiction. As someone said, "Today's porn users are trying to quit drinking while sitting at a bar."

We have to limit our mindless scrolling. It leaves us hungry for what can only truly be found IRL.

 

[Hunter_]

Day 17

Today's urge was so strong. I can't able to nap in the afternoon, my mind is full of thoughts to get that rush of dopamine. Somehow I managed to sleep and in the evening I attended online 12 step meeting where I shared my restlessness and about my mindless scrolling. After sharing I feel relieved and no longer had that mad dopamine rush.

One day at a time!

 

[Blondie]

Nice job brother.

 

[Hunter_]

Relapsed today.

The urge was so hard I gave in and masturbated to a love making scene in a movie.

Last 17 days I found the new hope after attending 12 steps meeting and I plan to do more sincerely and learn more.

 

[Androg]

Glad you're sticking with the support. Good work avoiding the endless novelty of porn!

Better to get off to what you want to find arousing in the future. Otherwise, you're conditioning your brain to whatever you're using (now) instead.

 

[Hunter_]

Day 1

I'm an porn addict who is trying to become free with the help higher power.

 

[arcana]

A good shift of responsibility to higher powers…

 

[Androg]

Hey, whatever it takes! Go for it Hunter.

 

[Blondie]

A good shift of responsibility to higher powers…

Hey @arcana, I've seen you do this before, and it looks bad on you brother. I agree with you, I'm not one to believe in higher powers much myself, however, this is HIS thread, not yours, and if it's working for him, then good on him.

 

[arcana]

Hey @arcana, I've seen you do this before, and it looks bad on you brother. I agree with you, I'm not one to believe in higher powers much myself, however, this is HIS thread, not yours, and if it's working for him, then good on him.

Hi, I've seen people hoping for higher powers as a last chance. But when it didn't help, they thought that God had turned away from them and drove themselves even more into depression.
What's difficult is just to admit that you can't quit and out of sheer disgust that I'm so weak, take and tear up this world, this fucking porn.
This guy has been keeping a diary for a long time and every 10-20 days he has relapses, for a long time.I feel sorry for him, because I have been in his place for a long time and felt sorry for myself.
Then I realized that I was just shifting responsibility, at some point, to God, to something else.
Therefore, there is a feeling that he just for fun to reach 10-20 days and make a relapse. And no one will condemn, and will write 100 times: go on, you can!
But we see that he does not draw any conclusions, once every 10-20 days he has relapses.
Therefore, I want to go from the other side to awaken anger in him and not shift my responsibility to others (God, chance, moment).
That God will turn off porn for him on the 20th day of the reboot?
Or will he turn it off?
It is not necessary to play the role of a "convenient friend" if we really want to help a person.

 

[Hunter_]

Hi @arcana, previously you made some comment which I ignored but now you didn't seemed to be stopping and taking personal attacks too. This is not cool man.

I never mentioned anywhere I am shifting responsibility to higher power. Know the difference between help/belief/surrending over shifting responsibilities.

When I mean to get help/ believe/ surrender to higher power It isn't about avoiding personal accountability or relying solely on external forces to solve problems. Instead, it involves acknowledging that there are aspects of life and recovery that are beyond our control, and it's about finding strength and support from a source greater than oneself.

If you want proof whether it works check out numerous AA fellowship members who have been sober for decades with this approach. If it works for substance addiction it will work on behavioural too. Don't generalize things if it doesn't WORK for you.

It's always healthy to share our opinion unless it becomes personal attacks. Since the day I started writing here I have grown a lot and I am very grateful for RN. From struggling regularly a year ago to go 20 days porn free is a big achievement for me. Everyone's journey towards recovery is unique and it isn't a race. So do mind the language when commenting on others thread.

Therefore, I want to go from the other side to awaken anger in him

What kind of psychology is this? In recovery anger never help us rather it is empathy, hope, gratitude, forgiveness and acceptance that matters.

If you don't believe in higher power and its work for you well and good, congratulations. But don't come to others thread and ask:

Excuse me, but why didn't a higher power protect you from porn addiction?
Or why didn't a higher power create an ideal brain that doesn't fall into addiction?

It doesn't work like that.

The single reason we came to RN is to get free from porn. It doesn't matter which path we use, we should support each other to make our life manageable again.

 

[Hunter_]

Day 2