F
Feetfirst
Guest
Well hello, this is pretty weird for me. My first post ever... I have been addicted to porn and masturbation for probably 20/30 years now. a result I have been carrying around a huge amount of guilt and shame which of course has only fuelled the fire. The worse you feel, the more you act out the more you act out the worse you feel. The more shame the less able you are to expose your shame to another. The feeling of being trapped with this unacceptable dis ease has been with me for far too long. I am realising now that for me the only way to 'out' this problem is by opening out to others and seeking help, regardless of how excruciating it is. So here I am. For too many years have I tried to conquer this alone. I have to get the message. It won't work! So thank you for being there! I have certainly suffered consequences as a result of porn addiction, even lost good relationships. But even that hasn't been enough to force me to quit for good. It certainly messes with your mental health and that really is the worst of all. After all without that there can never be happiness. I am not a bad person, even though I often feel as though I am. Much of the rest of my life is dedicated to helping people improve their lives in one way or another, so porn addiction is such an anomaly in my life. It is not compatible with my life and seductive as it is I don't want it, and I don't need it! Although of course the addicted mind is very skilful at telling you/me the exact opposite. However, because it is such an anomaly it has for too long allowed shame to rule the day and feed the idea of being unworthy etc. The reality is we are not our addictions but it is realising it that matters. I am only a week free now but I really do want to be completely free from this monster.
I have started counselling to explore the root causes of the addiction and that has been a monumental step for me and feels good at least to speak to a real person and admit I need help. I have tried so many times to stop but this time hopefully by putting myself out there and getting (and giving) support it will be different. I has to be different!
I have started counselling to explore the root causes of the addiction and that has been a monumental step for me and feels good at least to speak to a real person and admit I need help. I have tried so many times to stop but this time hopefully by putting myself out there and getting (and giving) support it will be different. I has to be different!