One day at a time.

[benhj]

Checking in. A very productive day at work. Glad to be getting on well with colleagues again. Glad to be sober. Grateful to be alive.

 

[benhj]

Feeling a bit edgy today in the sense of being aware of the addict wanting to come out and play. Glad that I got through it. Grateful to be sober.

 

[pinkerton]

Keep coming back ben. I've been feeling similar the last couple days. Especially in dreams. I think I've just conditioned my addiction so that it thinks we abstain for a time then indulge. Good luck to you.

 

[fgpied]

Pinkerton's last comment rings so true. I used to talk myself into it that if I got through the week I could indulge on Fri eve. The suddenly it was 3am looking for the ultimate O. wake up Sat thinking "well I may as well again as I've lapsed, may as well gorge". Then Sunday morn too and i'd wasted a full weekend sat on my couch only to then decide to start over monday. so i hear ya that we condition ourselves to to abstain then indulge. like a PMO cookie treat for being a good boy during the week! in fact i found this the harder part, as no O would just build and build so i got excited by a super O after a 4/5 day build up. This is my struggle to break through this and no lapse, but sharing is helping and just putting it out there and knowing others doing the same has helped me through my first week. keep going! keep on keeping on

 

[benhj]

Thanks Pinkerton, thanks fgpied. Yeah I think I do like to 'reward' myself. I like that cookie treat analogy. But yeah I do find sharing and hearing other people share to be so helpful.. Lots of fantasy during the night -- imagining myself PMOing etc. Fortunately I didn't act on any of it but now its Monday morning, I'm still feeling a bit edgy from that..

Anyway, forgot to check in yesterday. Had a very relaxed day. The sun was actually out for a change. Grateful to be sober. Glad to be alive.

 

[benhj]

Man, very intense 'ideas' earlier this afternoon.. I think the stress of looking to buy a house.. Anyway, I'm sober but I feel, only by the skin of my teeth. Still I'm sober, and am grateful for that. I hope I can make it through the rest of the evening. Grateful to be alive.

 

[pinkerton]

Hey benhj, hope you made it through the rest of the evening. That's a bad feeling. Good luck, let me know how you're doing today.

 

[benhj]

Hey Pinkerton, thanks man, I made it through thankfully and today was a good productive day. Probably wouldn't have been if I'd acted out so very grateful for that and grateful to be sober. Very glad for the forum here and the encouragement! Cheers!.

 

[phoenix0015]

Hi benhj,

Very happy to see you progress. It gives me motivation. My last 15 days have been very bad but I have already started once again. and I want to make all the way this time.
Please keep it going. Stress is one of main reasons for relapse so keep a check on same. Maybe reading or meditation will help.

We are with you my friend.  Best of luck.

 

[benhj]

Thanks Pheonix0015 really appreciate your encouragement. Had a good day today. Went to an excellent SAA meeting this evening where we talked about relapse and withdrawal -- found it to be really helpful and reminded me to work the tools of recovery, in particular phoning friends in recovery and remembering to take things a day at a time.. Glad to be sober from porn just for today.

 

[phoenix0015]

Hey benhj,

I noticed you just reset your counter. Hope you are ok ? Remember you have already made so much progress. 22 days must have given enough resting time to your mind and body.

Just hang on there and remember relapse is part of recovery. What we are fighting is decades of reconditioning which will take time to recover.

Best of luck.

 

[pinkerton]

Hey ben, miss seeing your posts. Hope you're doing alright.