A good time for a massive change. ED, Performance anxiety, porn, fetishes etc.

[Shaft]

Hello to everyone.
I must admit I've been looking for a similiar site for more than 2 weeks or so, and I've to say this is the only one that looks like a good environment.

To begin with, I've to say that I have never had much of a sexual experience (very little, actually), and on top of that, occasions that happened to lead to sex, of course haven't been the most succesful either. But I've never been a serious porn addict - up until now I would watch a regular clip for no longer than 5-8 min. once a month or two.

Yet it is quate clear that addiction I'm talking about doesn't completely rely on time you spend watching porn, but rather the intensity and overall impact of the visuals.

The problem that I have  is the one that of lot of us have- I simply can't get fully erected while being with my GF. A week ago I invited her into my apartment, things got quate serious and it could have been a great time for our first sex, yet my ED killed the romance completely. I felt like a loser, needless to say, I freaked out.

As I was getting more and more intimate with my GF, I used to check porn sites, and pictures slightly more often. But then again- only for a couple of minutes, maybe once a week. But that was enough to mess up my mind  big time. I suddenly developed a new  fetish- anal sex, which occupied my mind so much and brought so many unstability in my mind. Needless to say this is fuckin insane.

It got to a point where I would ejaculate only by seeing a photo of for eg. regular anal penetration or even READING about anal sex without even  touching myself. This happened to me twice.  Needless to say I felt like a garbage afterwards. This is freaking insane.

A week after my first failure with my GF there was a second failure which was even worse. Initially after my first night of a shameful experience I decided to obstain from any visual content once and for all, and obstain from masturbation as long as possible. I thought 10 'clean' days would help big time, unforunately problems remained. Last time I made it for 10 days (NO FAP) ans I failed, yet not by jerking off- just tried to put a condom when I was by my own. Just wanted to see whether the brand fits or not and prepare well for the next time. To begin with, i had a hard time getting it up, but when I did, and while I was putting a condom on I ejaculated within the few seconds. I freaked out again. This happened while I was in the flatline.
While hanging out with my GF, I get erections just by holding her hand to be quate honest. Everything is fine unless the time for actual penetration comes. During the second time we tried to have sex all of a sudden I got myself into severe performance anxiety because the thoughts of not getting it up occupied my mind again. My GF got nervous as well, I had to explain to her multiple times that she's perfect- yet she continues blaming herself for not being good enough which is not true. She's very attractive physically and I was schocked that I was barely able to get a strong erection by kissing her all naked.
Ah, by the way- she's a virgin, so I kinda managed to mess up her two first intimate experiences with a man. Good job, buddy!

It's obvious that my problem is mental. I'm a healthy young man (21), I eat well, I've been into fitness for the past 7 years. My libido currently is on the lowest it's ever been, and I'm afraid to fail for a third time as well. Actually, I'm very afraid. I'm even considering to see a specialist on top of doing NO FAP, and continue 0 exposure to any unnatural triggers from no on.

Thanks in advance for any help or tips how to deal with the ED issue.

BTW- Doing NO FAP is great, yet it constantly gives me so called blue balls which eventually lead to a severe lower back pain. I can barely walk at times, and I know for sure, this is due to no fap.

 

[Shaft]

Today was a decent day. Watched "Saving the Private Ryan" the other night. What a movie! Yet way too long IMHO.
No or very little morning wood today, although I got very aroused just by thinking about my GF. I think I'm on the verge of getting of the flatline.

Unfortunately, the worst thing of pornography to me is not actually wanting to watch it that bad. I'm in 100 % control of my physicval actions, but all the visual material comes back as flashbacks from time to time and I hate it. This includes even gay porn which I've seen only a few times in my life. The experience was schocking  and quite disguisting, but my penis responded to it quate well. Since I'm straight and I've never been atracted to men in my life, that's quite an example of how porn fu*ks up your brain.

 

[Shaft]

The last time I PMO'ed was 15 days ago. Damn, it feels like it was almost yersterday. I need to get rid of those past experiences  and thoughts as soon as possible.

It's easy not to get any arousals or boners when you're in a flatline. This was a about a week ago when my libido was zero. But as I'm starting to feel a bit better, I feel that libido and strong erections are coming back. It's very easy for me to get aroused without watching any porn related material or fantasising, yet I'm not gonna edge or touch myself. I need to reassociate and train my brains to become only eager in sex with a real woman, not visuals or my hand, because it leads to fantasies eventually.

 

[dwenjang1218]

true that.
I find masturbation without fantasies tend to become more difficult by the day.

 

[Shaft]

Agree.
Well more than obstaining from watching porn once and for all (which is not that hard after all) one of my main goals is to delete all unnatural fantasies induced by porn from my head (which appears to be way more complicated than you would normally think).

 

[Never_again]

Hey,

Good luck for your reboot !

BTW- Doing NO FAP is great, yet it constantly gives me so called blue balls which eventually lead to a severe lower back pain. I can barely walk at times, and I know for sure, this is due to no fap.

Why do you think doing NO FAP is great? I'm actually kind of doubtful about not masturbating at all during a reboot (although i'm doing it because it seems like it helped a lot of people

Unfortunately, the worst thing of pornography to me is not actually wanting to watch it that bad. I'm in 100 % control of my physicval actions, but all the visual material comes back as flashbacks from time to time and I hate it

I'm almost exactly like you on this point, I have frequent flashback of porn I've watched, but it doesn't really turn me on.

This was a about a week ago when my libido was zero. But as I'm starting to feel a bit better, I feel that libido and strong erections are coming back

I'm still far from that, but I've just passed my first week of NO PMO, I really hope my libido is gonna come back, I feel like my penis is dead sometimes..

Good luck to you!

 

[Shaft]

Thanks for the support!

Well I think NO FAP is great because fapping with or without porn is not the most natural and psychological healthy form of your sexual expression. Not to mention you feel dirty and ashamed of yourself, feel like a loser after you bust nuts all over yourself. Not the most pleasant view to think of.

I intend to abstain from any porn once and for all from now on, because it's already caused tremendous amount of anxiety in my thoughts which I have never experienced  up until now. Regarding the masturbation itself, I have no intention of abstaining from ejaculation for more than lets say 3-4 weeks or so. It all depends. I might develop premature ejaculation problem while not releasing my load at all which is a bad thing. All I want to accomplish is to have normal sexual relationship with the woman I love. This might sound a bit strange, but I also believe that you should only be intimate with someone you are close with.

Flashbacks are really bad. Some of them are even 3-4 years old. I don't get turned on to any of them either, but the fact of them poping in and out bothers me.

Well I guess it depends on how severe your addiction is. Anyways, time and patience will heal all the wounds.

 

[fugu]

Hey man! It's great you are here!

A little advice on the blue balls - cold showers! Helps a lot.

 

[Shaft]

I do understand the mental benefits of cold showers- I've been doing them for almost a month but I stoppped. It got to a point where it only would exaggerate the anxiety and  give me urges to touch the area downstairs because of the feeling 'Hey, you've been torturing yourself long enough in that ice cold shower, lets just edge a bit, it fells great'. I guess that's kinda unusual, plus I'm already tired enough after my workouts.

 

[Shaft]

And again, thanks for the support!

I noticed that while doing NO FAP your body somehow accumulates that extra energy or maybe it's just a placebo. I slept for only 6 hours the last night, but today woke up around 8:30 and was feeling great. I usually wake up way later, but the morning wood woke me up. I hope I won't fall into a flatline again. But who knows. For me flatline and anxiety problems are inseparable.

 

[iwillprevail]

Hey there shaft. I would try to not focus on your penis when about to have sex. Let your girlfriend handle your penis as if shes going to give you a handjob. But tell her to do it slowly, this way your brain will start to rewire to a womans touch.

 

[iwillprevail]

Just enjoy the moment and try to relax. Make sure she kisses you on the lips every now and then and gently caress her body. Take it slow, this is not a performance test. Youre making love. Dont touch yourself, let her do it for you. Let her know that you

 

[iwillprevail]

love her and thank her. This will put her at ease. Focus on her and try not to fantasize. Now, if you have an erection and think youre ready to have sex, put the condom on. Otherwise, just keep going. Im telling you this because I experienced something

 

[iwillprevail]

similar with my girlfriend. I had a hard time keeping it up when I was about to penetrate her missionary style. So I politely asked her to try spooning or doggystyle, it was easier to penetrate. When my penis went limp with the condom, I would rub it on

 

[iwillprevail]

her buttocks or genital area until I got hard again. When I did I would penetrate her and take it slow from there. Another thing that works for me is thinking about something unrelated to sex like soccer or football when I feel im about to climax..

 

[Shaft]

Relaxing and not paying attention wether or not you'll get erection actually play the biggest role here. I know that I'm healing myself from a slight PIED, but performance anxiety is just as important. Not to mention the damage of years spent for fapping. This is why I don't think one should fap on a daily or even weekly basis (even if it's without any visual stimulation) because of the psychological aspect of it. I remember the occasions I was about to have sex for the first times and I would lose erection shortly after penetrating. And this wasn't PIED, because I wasn't watching porn at all in the past. I might even call this case 'Masturbation induced ED'. Of course, partially it was due to performance anxiety, but also this was due to years of jerking off on a daily without knowing what real sex with a woman is, so body was struggling to respond to a real woman.
Now it gets better and better each day.  Thanks for the suggestions. ;>

Another thing, you immediatly get nervous when you plainly see your erection is going down. So you're far away from overthinking wether she'd enjoy it or how long will you last etc.  When you see that you have rock hard erection you don't have any performance anxiety. Simple mathematics.

 

[Shaft]

Woke up today around 8:30 again because of the morning wood. Felt great. Libido is gradually rising. I thought I might have low testosterone or sth, but that probably isn't the case. Now only a thought of taking a shower with my GF gives me a boner. Temptations to jerk off are getting more intense, but I'm not gonna edge. As for the porn, no desire to take a look at it all. I would quite like to see some pictures of my fetishes though. But I'm not gonna do that.

GOALS: (1 MOTNH)

Cure ED as soon as possible;
Regain natural sexuality;
Clear up the mind from all the garbage that porn has induced in my head;

This equals having stronger erections, which equals to less or no performance anxiety and eventually leads to a decent intercouse.

IMPLEMENTATIONS: (1 MONTH)

1. No PMO (Once and for all)
2. No O (for the following 30 days or so)
3. No edging
4. No fantasizing
5. No visuals related to porn
6. Reverse kegel exercises (at least one of them)
7. Got to get back to my regular training routine
8. Spend most of the free time focusing on my finals in college and looking for a job
9. Continue writing a journal on RN
10. No more reading on any sexual content and fetishes

 

[Shaft]

I edged today for a few secs, got horny and was about to explode, but somehow managed to calm down. At least it all was without any unnatural stimulation, just thoughts about my GF. Such fantasizing left me with a severe lower back pain afterwards. No edging from now on, what the hell was I thinking.

 

[iwillprevail]

It seems to be that its more of an anxiety issue than a porn one. But maybe its both? Try not to be so hard on yourself..

 

[Shaft]

Well it's both, but anxiety plays a bigger factor here. This is just the way I'm. I have sufferred from severe depression most of my adult years, have never taken any medication for this though, because I knew what actually caused it and what were the reasons. Now I'm better than I've ever been apart from this ED.

For the past 2 days I've been practising an exercise where you stop the flow while urinating for 1 sec. and then continue the flow for a while, then stop for 1 sec and do so multiple times. This should help a bit with premature ejaculation, for some reason I believe this is likely to happen because it has happened before to me while being alone and doing NO FAP. For eg. shortly after putting a condom on, not to mention while doing no dap for 10 days or so I would explode by one touch without any artificial stimulation.  Even though I've never ejaculated prematurely while with the girl I'm afraid that's gonna be a problem if I abstain from orgasm for 3 weeks or so. I guess I'm  being a bit too hard on myself, because today's regular uritaning is damn painful and I know for sure this is due to the exercise I was practising yesterday.

From now on I'll try to take it easy.