As a matter of fact, it's been so long since I masturbated to some sort of fantasy, it's hard to say, but back in the day I would imagine a few girls that I know. That's about it. Sometimes, yeah, I would include that fetish in my fantasy. No porn stars or crazy things. I have to add that I have only been with a real woman like 2 times. Other times it didn't lead to the actual intercourse. I've met like 21 women via Internet during the last 2 years, and I rejected them all because I wasn't looking for short-term, shallow relationship.
Despite what I said, all the fantasies that I had back then were simply blurry, not vivid or anything like that. It was harder and harder to imagine things because I would very rarely (maybe once a month or two) watch porn only for 5 mins or so. Needless to say, that was bad enough, but again, I wasn't a heavy user watching gangbangs, shemales, rape scenes etc. This all was after my first sexual experiences, so I already knew what to expect from a real thing.
I've never been a heavy user, as I said. I usually would MO once a day or two, sometimes without even fantasizing about anything at all. Just a mechanical movement to release the load (which ought to be saved, btw.)
Whatever. All that was pathetic as hell. I wish I was more clever back then. It's really sad. Time lost is never reagained though.
Well, for the past two months I haven't fantasized at all, so I'm not into developing any unrealistic expectations, plus I'm ok with how the females are in reality anyway. I was ok 3 years ago as well.
I think it's mainly due to PA and my lack of experience, (previous 2 experiences were not the greatests either) plus, I REALLY care about the person I'm currently with. I'd like to marry her one day. I said, I can have and maintain normal erection while naked during foreplay, and the way she touches me is great. But then all of a sudden deep down I felt extreme nervousness, had a strong shiver all around my legs, and that was the end.
Well, that was a total failure. I didn't O'ed on purpose. After 14 days of no MO, I wanted to test myself wether or not I can maintain an erection in a regular missionary pose (testing- bad idea). Imagined my GF. It was totally porn unrelated, as a matter of fact, I don't think I've seen a single scene o fa porn video containing 'boring' missionary pose). And the erection was there, unfortunately, I went slightly too far, and wasn't able to stop ejaculation. Major failure, as I said. Perhaps, that might lowered my libido for that day, but I'm a healthy young man in my early twenties, I do cardio and lift weights 3 times a weak, eat rather healthy, I never get drunk etiher, don't smoke. Been living so for the past 7 years. I think after 14 days of abstinence, a normal young male ought to show better results. Ha, forgot to mention- during my first sexual encounter I went limp and wasn't able to get it up till the next morning. And back in those days porn was pretty much non existant in my life.
From now on, definately keeping away from testing, MO, or any edging. As regards to porn, I'm proud to say that I haven't had any flashbacks this week so far, my brain is unable to imagine any vivid material at all. No desire to watch anything stimulating either. I'm pretty sure I'll never watch it again.
Not to mention, I've never ever had hard time getting it up when being alone without any visual stimulation or unrealistic fantasies, was experiencing random boners, etc. I started to experience ED after I lost a good portion of my confidence and suffered from stress because of my failure previuos times.
Thanks for the suggestions man
.. So being as she is being negative right now, she will be positive again. Girls are unstable like that. Just let her know how much you love her and things like that. P.S. drink plenty of water..