cordy212
Member
Hey Guys,
Just want to start off that I'm starting this journal for I suppose you can say selfish reasons, I simply want to improve my overall life and I don't claim to be here to help other people. However, if my experiences do help anyone then that's definetly a bonus. The plan of this journal is mainly for self reflection, so I can observe when my worst urges occur and if I can find any patterns in when and why I'm most at risk of PMO. If no one posts on this thread that's cool with me because as stated this thread is really mainly to log my own progress and further understand any underlying problems, that said feel free to post any issues you may have or any advice that you may feel relevant and I'l try to get back to you ASAP.
Background
Hi, I'm 21 from England in the UK and started watching porn at a young age (around 12ish) and it all began very, I suppose you could say, "normal" with the fact PM wasn't very frequent and nothing to hardcore. Around the age of 15 I really began to realize PMO as a massive issue, it became very frequent and the genres became more extreme which I'm sure many of you have experienced. Looking back on it now I'm disgusted about what the videos escalated to and they definitely wasn't what I fantasized about before porn or after, anyway, In conjunction with heavy video gaming I became very isolated and would never dare go to any social event due to extreme anxiety. I could no longer look at a female in a natural way and instead replaced a natural attraction with images of what I experienced in porn and my daily life became one big porn video of constant fantasizing. Everything else in my life was falling to pieces, family & friend relationships, my eating habits, exercise habits and my academic results, one reason is because of the constant fantasizing and not being able to get PM off my mind but also due to the actual length of the act (sometimes edging for hours on end).
I'm a reasonably attractive guy (not to brag) and didn't struggle to gain female attention through my heavy porn use days due to my looks, and even though I would have liked to have become intimate with some of these girls whenever they tried to get close to me I would get to anxious and would make excuses that I was busy and just return to porn.
Age 18 onward
From about the age of 16-17 my porn use decreased as I saw it was having a negative impact on me, then from 18 onward I realized I had to quit for good to try and remove this social anxiety and return back to my pre porn confident self. From 18 onward I went 18 months without PM which was very difficult but definitely worth it.In this period my social anxiety diminished and my confidence went through the roof which gave me a lot of female attention for which I could reciprocate for once! This resulted in having girlfriend for 9 months starting from the 4th month of my 18 month stretch and ending of the 13th. My performance between the sheets was quiet aggressive and not very caring at first to my girlfriend of the time (due to the violent nature of most porn I had been conditioned to from an early age), however over time she pretty much trained me to have normal sex and I must say it felt so much better knowing that both of us were really enjoying it.
After this relationship I've been with a few girls but nothing serious however PMO crept into my life again a couple of months ago and all of the old anxiety's, constant tiredness and lack of motivation came flooding back.
This is why I've began this journal because I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel and from the past 2 months experience it has affirmed in me that PM is really not worth all the suffering that comes along with it.
The plan
I find the best way for me personally to avoid PM is to exercise regularly and keep on top of university work so that's on my list of priorities, I will also try and write in this journal as regularly as possible and use this journal to help me avoid PM when urges arise.
If you read this journal then I appreciate it, if its too long then sorry but I don't really care As said this is mainly for my own record but I'm willing and happy to answer any questions.
Thanks,
Man of Steel ;D
Just want to start off that I'm starting this journal for I suppose you can say selfish reasons, I simply want to improve my overall life and I don't claim to be here to help other people. However, if my experiences do help anyone then that's definetly a bonus. The plan of this journal is mainly for self reflection, so I can observe when my worst urges occur and if I can find any patterns in when and why I'm most at risk of PMO. If no one posts on this thread that's cool with me because as stated this thread is really mainly to log my own progress and further understand any underlying problems, that said feel free to post any issues you may have or any advice that you may feel relevant and I'l try to get back to you ASAP.
Background
Hi, I'm 21 from England in the UK and started watching porn at a young age (around 12ish) and it all began very, I suppose you could say, "normal" with the fact PM wasn't very frequent and nothing to hardcore. Around the age of 15 I really began to realize PMO as a massive issue, it became very frequent and the genres became more extreme which I'm sure many of you have experienced. Looking back on it now I'm disgusted about what the videos escalated to and they definitely wasn't what I fantasized about before porn or after, anyway, In conjunction with heavy video gaming I became very isolated and would never dare go to any social event due to extreme anxiety. I could no longer look at a female in a natural way and instead replaced a natural attraction with images of what I experienced in porn and my daily life became one big porn video of constant fantasizing. Everything else in my life was falling to pieces, family & friend relationships, my eating habits, exercise habits and my academic results, one reason is because of the constant fantasizing and not being able to get PM off my mind but also due to the actual length of the act (sometimes edging for hours on end).
I'm a reasonably attractive guy (not to brag) and didn't struggle to gain female attention through my heavy porn use days due to my looks, and even though I would have liked to have become intimate with some of these girls whenever they tried to get close to me I would get to anxious and would make excuses that I was busy and just return to porn.
Age 18 onward
From about the age of 16-17 my porn use decreased as I saw it was having a negative impact on me, then from 18 onward I realized I had to quit for good to try and remove this social anxiety and return back to my pre porn confident self. From 18 onward I went 18 months without PM which was very difficult but definitely worth it.In this period my social anxiety diminished and my confidence went through the roof which gave me a lot of female attention for which I could reciprocate for once! This resulted in having girlfriend for 9 months starting from the 4th month of my 18 month stretch and ending of the 13th. My performance between the sheets was quiet aggressive and not very caring at first to my girlfriend of the time (due to the violent nature of most porn I had been conditioned to from an early age), however over time she pretty much trained me to have normal sex and I must say it felt so much better knowing that both of us were really enjoying it.
After this relationship I've been with a few girls but nothing serious however PMO crept into my life again a couple of months ago and all of the old anxiety's, constant tiredness and lack of motivation came flooding back.
This is why I've began this journal because I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel and from the past 2 months experience it has affirmed in me that PM is really not worth all the suffering that comes along with it.
The plan
I find the best way for me personally to avoid PM is to exercise regularly and keep on top of university work so that's on my list of priorities, I will also try and write in this journal as regularly as possible and use this journal to help me avoid PM when urges arise.
If you read this journal then I appreciate it, if its too long then sorry but I don't really care As said this is mainly for my own record but I'm willing and happy to answer any questions.
Thanks,
Man of Steel ;D