Conquer. Personal Growth.

My man, this is another hurdle you are going to get over, it sounds like your body is adapting to change.  Things will get better in time, you just have to stay strong.  I have been where you are before and I know what it feels like. The only thing I can tell you is that in time you will heal and be better off for it.  Its going to suck for a little bit but when you are done you will be better off. And yeah I used to try and call my mom but it never helped, only people that can help you now are brothers aka strong willed men who know what you are going through.  Feel free to give me a call or PM if you are feeling low again.
 

robust

Active Member
Partingglass said:
Feel free to give me a call or PM if you are feeling low again.

Thanks. But it's part of my developement. I'm going through this by myself, just as I'm always doing. 8)

Don't get me wrong, guys. I "apologize" for whining that much in here (actually I don't give a big shit, just a small one about what some people think; I don't have to be sorry). But that is exactly what I'm suppossed to do in my opinion. That is what helps me overcoming this stuff and what makes me stronger.

And let's be honest. The "bad times" I'm describing here can in fact not be as bad as my brain wants them to be. Otherwise, worse things would have happened and I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing. I didn't even masturbate to release the stress. The low states I'm going through are just more (damn hard) challenges. And by mastering them, I can build leverage. Leverage to conquer life even more. Objectively, I'm doing fine in my life and almost all its concerns. But my mind wants to tell me the opposite. I wonder what is going to happen when my mind is realizing that it was wrong. Then I'm going to be fine and feel good about it. That's what I want to reach and that's what I'm striving for in this journey. After that - and in the meanwhile as well - there will be space for improvements I've never dared to dream about. I know that for sure. My task now is to push as hard as I can. Easy as can be. And at the same time probably one of the hardest things I've ever done.
 

robust

Active Member
How are you doing, brothers?

5 weeks passed since I masturbated the last time. I'm moving towards half-time. I really don't have anything to write about anymore because I think I said so much in this journal already. The learning curve was quite steep, so it is time to implement the learnt stuff into reality. The enthusiastic state of the beginning is gone (or just got normal), mood-swings, insomnia and urges are things I just have to deal with. It is time to just do things. Not PMO'ing is a nice tool, which has to be used now.

More and more, I can get aroused by women. I were out last night, the effects of NoFap were amazing again. In some moments, I had a slight boner while walking through the city. It's getting better day by day. Morning-Woods however, are not as strong as they have been in the first weeks. I'm not sure whether this can be related to the bad sleeping quality or just to the healing process. I'm quite horny all the time. Penis and glans are - in my humble opinion - good looking but can also get "flatlined-small" during the day. I'm looking forward to more improvements.

One week ago, I reached 220 pounds. The weight has dropped even lower: 217 (98,5 kilo). I want to see the 209 (95 kilo) on the scale.

Listening to this all the time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziXITEAKl3w.

Have a nice day. I'm done.
 

robust

Active Member
'sup. 8)

I'm feeling a tired, even a little bit groggy. I actually slept pretty good again. There is not much going on today, business as usual. The craving for sexual acts (not for masturbation!) is growing and growing. The morning wood returned. My mood is pretty normal and more or less stable. The mad desire of the beginning of the journey to conquer returns. I can feel it. It was there all the time, but it was a kind of weaker or just not as noticable. The inner solitude is leaving my brain. I don't have to socialize anymore in order to not feel alone. I'm fine by myself now, which doesn't mean that I want to be alone. All in all, I seem to get on the right track. An inner balance is establishing.

By the end of this month, many things will be different again. I'm telling you. I am convienced about that.

My cooking-skills are improving by the way. Since I don't masturbate, I'm putting time and effort into the kitchen. I had some people here in my flat and they wanted to see my fridge. They were like: are you living with somebody here? Why is there so much food? :D

Listening to Fabolous - Everything, Everyday, Everywhere. Too lazy to look for the link.

Done.
 

dwenjang1218

Active Member
Congratz robust, looks like your mood is on the rise.
I'm beginning to think that you can see the finish line from where you stand.
 

robust

Active Member
VforVictory said:
I'm beginning to think that you can see the finish line from where you stand.

Not at all, brah. Still a long, enjoyable way to go. 8)

Life's good.

Done.
 

DarthVader

Member
Hey Robust,

I'm just wondering how many hours of sleep you usually have? I know in your previous posts, you had a period whereby you struggled to sleep for various reasons i.e. energy, urges etc.

I usually need 8.5 hours. Any less and I'm a zombie. Also wondering whether you woke up the next day with more energy even on the days when you didn't sleep well?
 

robust

Active Member
DarthVader said:
Hey Robust,

I'm just wondering how many hours of sleep you usually have? I know in your previous posts, you had a period whereby you struggled to sleep for various reasons i.e. energy, urges etc.

I usually need 8.5 hours. Any less and I'm a zombie. Also wondering whether you woke up the next day with more energy even on the days when you didn't sleep well?

Hey. Yeah, I struggled the last time. And also in the beginning of this journey.

In the last week, my sleep was terrible. I didn't get the well-rested feeling after waking up. During night, I used to wake up several times. I was not rested in the morning, so I actually "slept" longer, which means that I was like 10 hours in the bed (accumulated). It was just not possible for me to get up due to the stress of this journey, the calorie deficit, the sports etc.. There were no dreams.

In the beginning of this journey, I did not sleep much too. I didn't wake up all the time durning night, I just had struggle to fall asleep. But the point is: I dreamt (I know.. You're always dreaming - but I could remember them). Although I woke up and felt tired as hell, I "forced" myself to get up and stick to my routine (see below). The well-rested feeling came later during the day. It seems as if the body recovered anyway.

My "normal" way of sleeping - before the journey began and now again - looks like this: Going to bed at 10 in the evening, sleeping until 4:59 (alarm is set to 4:59) in the morning.

Six hours are possible durning busy times. But sleep deprivation is a tool, not a way of life though. There's a time to rest, there's a time to push hard. But never exaggerate. Sometimes, I'm sleeping eight hours -  as a kind of reward. But not often. And if, only on sundays.

Improve the quality of your sleep as good as you can. It's 1/4 to 1/3 of your lifetime. Spend money into a good matrace. Spend money into a good apartment, which is quiet and has a good isolation (if in town). Just do everything that is possible to get the best sleep. It will make you live longer. I'm convinced about that.

Do some stretching before going to bed. It helps. "Meditating" (just sit the fuck around and do nothing - no science :D) as well.

Cold shower immediately after waking up. And then keep busy. Do some easy tasks like washing dishes, if you're feeling like a zombie.

Intermittent Fasting improved the quality of sleep as well. Especially eating carbs as a last meal helped me (I don't know whether there's a scientific explanation for that; I experimented by myself). It seems as if I slept better with a full stomach.

Good night. 8)
 

DarthVader

Member
Thanks for the feedback mate.

I will take some of your advice on board i.e. stretching, sticking to a routine. Funnily enough, I've just finished reading a book on intermittent fasting, so I may give that a go too.
 

robust

Active Member
Hello. :)

I'm having a pretty good day. Bought 12 books in the morning, more are about to come tomorrow. I love books. 8) One of it is "The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science". I'm looking forward to this one.

Fell asleep with quite a good erection, woke up with quite a good erection. My ED is curing. In the beginning, I could get it up to 70%, now there is a 80% erection (just some numbers.. Don't take that too serious). Penis is flaccid all the time - in a positive way. Testicles are just hanging around there, but seem full and bulging. Glans is sensitive like never before. Short touches under the shower are feeling great. Sometimes, I'm just laying my hand on my genital area and let it rest there. I don't want to get my penis hard, but I think that some touches can't be too bad. I'm not stroking or so. I just want to feel some warmth. I think the next step will be about spontaneous boners. I'm really excited when they will come.

The new semester is going to start next week. I'm curious who I'm going to meet there. 8)

See you. Done.
 

robust

Active Member
VforVictory said:
Hey robust, how is your sleep now?
Is insomnia still effecting your daily routine?

Nah, I'm fine. Sleep is better than it's ever been. Can remember my dreams every morning.
 

robust

Active Member
Reading: The male brain - Louann Brizendine. Well, actually I finished it already. Took me four hours for like 150 pages (left one or two chapters). I fully recommend this book as an overview of the main differences to the female brain and as an overview of hours male functions as well. Well-written, not too many information. Good as a start.

About to read: Practical Ethics - Peter Singer. The chapter about the environment.

MW a little weaker, probably due to the fact that I didn't sleep much (no, it was not the insomania - I just had to get up earlier). Penis still nice and flaccid, as well as the testicles. Several erections until now, most of them during my readings of the mentioned book (no, it's not pornographic and it does not include any triggers). Strange. But that's how it is. Urges are getting more and more manageable. I'm actually enjoying them. They are a sign of health and male power. Whenever fantasies are coming up, I'm allowing them to pass. Fantasizing about a female breast can't be unnatural. Of course, it shall not become a pr0n scene in my head (apropos porn: no reason to watch them. No urge, no images popping up.. I think I overcame this part.).

"Normal" mood, which means: Concentrated as never before, calm thougts, quite a positive attitude, good reading-skills, good memory, not tired, calm and present energy levels, non-caring mindset. Good ol' hunger for more.

Enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCgG3JgU1-M.

Dooooooone.
 
Sounds like you are doing good as always brother, keep it up. I don't think that the fantasies are bad, men are sexual creatures at their core.  Just let it pass like you do and you will be better off for it. Now if only I could learn to do that.
 

robust

Active Member
Partingglass said:
Sounds like you are doing good as always brother, keep it up. I don't think that the fantasies are bad, men are sexual creatures at their core.  Just let it pass like you do and you will be better off for it. Now if only I could learn to do that.

Yeah, dreaming about that "vanilla stuff" seems fine. Well, of course you shouldn't do it all the time. If a thought comes, I'm enjoying it. But I'm not forcing it to stay. A couple of seconds of daydreaming are not bad, in my humble opinion.

I just got approached by a 50-55 years old woman. What the fuck is happening. Please stop this shit. :mad: :D I didn't even know what to do, brothers. She stared into my eyes all the time and made sexual innuendoes. We knew for like five minutes when it started. Finally, she went away.

...
 

robust

Active Member
Boom, 40 days!!!!!!!

I'm celebrating every fucking progress. I swear. I enjoy that shit. The toughest fucking shit I've ever done, but also the most rewardable. This fight here is incredibly fucking unfair. Every aspect of this journey is hard. The enemy is within myself. But what choice do I have? Gotta crawl through it. I'm accepting all the negative aspects. Urges, insomania, weak erections, anxiety.. Whatever it is. Come at me. Fight against me. I've gone through hard times, I can make it another time. I didn't want to masturbate for 90 days. Now I decide not to masturbate until the end of this semester. NO MASTURBATION UNTIL THE 25th OF JULY.

My motivations has reached a peak, brothers. Nothing special happened today. I just followed the usual routines. Well.. There was something special. I felt something like passion inside of me. Everything just got so easy to do. The positive things got more positive, the negative things got less negative. Reading texts became easier than ever, overcoming an urge was not even a problem. Just by saying "no" to it, it disappeared. Those little frustrations can't do me any harm. My washing machine leaked water. So what? Fix it. No need to complain.

Met a docent of mine at the university. We had a nice conversation. He could be useful for me. Got approached again by a girl. Wasn't my type, so I didn't hang into it (anything else wouldn't be honest).

Don't know about my penis. Can't tell you. I just didn't care about it today.

I'll eat now. Hungry as hell. Been hunting all day long. It's time for a feast, brothers. And after that, the well-deserved sleep is waiting for me. Man, I'm looking forward to some nice dreams, which will make my mood even better. 8)

I'm tired. But this kind of tiredness is actually what I'd like to feel all the time. Knowing that you used your time in the right way, carefully chosen what to do and what not to do.. That's how I love it.

Done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA5nN65B_eg
 

robust

Active Member
One more thing that I just forgot.

I need to quote something that I read in the morning.

"An [environmental] ethic rejects the ideals of a materialist society in which success is gauged by the number of consumer goods one can accumulate. Instead, it judges success in terms of the development of one's abilities and the achievement of real fulfilment and satisfaction."

Peter Singer
 

iamnotauser

Member
Congrats on hitting the 40 mark man, you seem like you're on a massive high - and may it continue! Very inspirational thread dude, looking forward to reaching your level of success. :p

On another note, someone had mentioned intermittent fasting. Sounds pretty great for nothing if not strengthening discipline. Seems like dudes here got some good results doing it.
 

robust

Active Member
iamnotauser said:
Congrats on hitting the 40 mark man, you seem like you're on a massive high - and may it continue! Very inspirational thread dude, looking forward to reaching your level of success. :p

Thanks, man. I appreciate that. Yeah, it may continue. If it doesn't, I will go on anyway. You'll be fine, man. I even hope that you're trying to outperform me. I wish you all the best. Challenge yourself.

iamnotauser said:
On another note, someone had mentioned intermittent fasting. Sounds pretty great for nothing if not strengthening discipline. Seems like dudes here got some good results doing it.

Look at page 1 of this thread. The last two posts. :D There you can also find a study about IF, which was posted by Gabe.

An old - female - friend of mine just confirmed that my voice got manlier. She couldn't say what exactly it is, but something has definitely changed. So did my skin. It looks cleaner, like baby skin. Especially in the face. Met her for a couple of minutes. She's gone now. Looking forward to see her again. No love. Just a good vibe with her.

By the way: Thanks for over 1000 views, guys! Let's go nuts, brothers! Gun to your heads! Execute!!!
 

dwenjang1218

Active Member
Congratz on 40 days!!
Your new goal is sounds awesome!
And I also agree that this is the one of the toughest things I've ever done.
 
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