M
mtaha2015
Guest
you have a girl friend. so instead of going to porn, why don't you go to your GF. I can't understand this attitude. why even you think of porn instead of your GF. what the fuck is this ?
Time for a reboot - 28M - Mybestself
- Thread starter mybestself
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DayByDay
Active Member
mybestself said:
Sounds like you handled that perfectly man. I have yet to have any experiences like that but thanks for sharing I will be sure to keep my eyes open for them especially if they can grab you first thing in the morning. You are 100% right about the routine. Just keep following the steps you've outlined for yourself and days will blend into weeks which will then blend into months and you will be there in no time.
mybestself
Active Member
mtaha2015 said:
Hey mtaha. I hope that from being a part of this community you can understand that porn addiction (or any addiction for that matter) is more complex than that. Yes I have a girlfriend and yes I am working on a personal goal to kick porn for good but I'm also honest with her about it and I'm fortunate that she is also very supportive of me. I truly wish it were so simple, that by being in a relationship I would have absolutely no desire to watch porn.
DayByDay said:
Cheers DayByDay! As much as I am very grateful that I did not act out I also have to admit that in the moment I was quite tempted. Crazy how our adversary in all this is just a part of our brain that has learned to associate computer pixels to a massive dopamine rush!
mybestself
Active Member
Day 14 (J). Day 12 (NOFAP). 20 April 2015.
So yesterday I probably ended up playing between 4 and 6 hours of a computer game and a consequence I definitely neglected quite a few of my daily habits. On one hand is was nice to binge out on a computer game, something I haven't done for a while now, but I absolutely cannot afford to do so over by my daily habits and my sobriety - these are far more important to me.
At the suggestion of R (girlfriend) I won't be playing any games today to help me to get back on track. In addition to this, I'm also going to refrain from reading about any games as this can also be addictive. Beyond this I would like to find a way to manage this game so I can play for entertainment. Here are a couple of ways that I'm thinking of going about this:
1. I could have a rule whereby I only play this game after completing all daily habits. Downside here is that I could find myself rushing through each habit which goes against the point
2. I could have a rule whereby I only play for an hour on a weekday or two hours on a non-weekday. I could use a phone timer as a trigger to stop playing. I could also add this as a daily habit e.g. "Play no more than 1 hour of computer games". Downside here is that sometimes (only sometimes) it's quite nice to binge out on entertainment and this rule doesn't currently allow for this
Right now I'm leaning towards point 2 but I'll give it some more thought. Anyone else here play games or engage in any other semi-addictive entertainment alongside of their quest to kick porn? Please let me know how you manage this if you are reading.
Right, time for the daily habits checklist:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Woop, home run!
mybestself
So yesterday I probably ended up playing between 4 and 6 hours of a computer game and a consequence I definitely neglected quite a few of my daily habits. On one hand is was nice to binge out on a computer game, something I haven't done for a while now, but I absolutely cannot afford to do so over by my daily habits and my sobriety - these are far more important to me.
At the suggestion of R (girlfriend) I won't be playing any games today to help me to get back on track. In addition to this, I'm also going to refrain from reading about any games as this can also be addictive. Beyond this I would like to find a way to manage this game so I can play for entertainment. Here are a couple of ways that I'm thinking of going about this:
1. I could have a rule whereby I only play this game after completing all daily habits. Downside here is that I could find myself rushing through each habit which goes against the point
2. I could have a rule whereby I only play for an hour on a weekday or two hours on a non-weekday. I could use a phone timer as a trigger to stop playing. I could also add this as a daily habit e.g. "Play no more than 1 hour of computer games". Downside here is that sometimes (only sometimes) it's quite nice to binge out on entertainment and this rule doesn't currently allow for this
Right now I'm leaning towards point 2 but I'll give it some more thought. Anyone else here play games or engage in any other semi-addictive entertainment alongside of their quest to kick porn? Please let me know how you manage this if you are reading.
Right, time for the daily habits checklist:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Woop, home run!
mybestself
DayByDay
Active Member
Honestly yes. Theres been twice in my life so far where I've genuinely felt like I was fully blown addicted to video games. Both of these games I would get into arguments with my family members over for spending too much time on the computer, blow of friends, call in sick to work and just generally miss out on life. The last one (Guild Wars) left me short 4000 hours of my life during the space of 2.5 years.
Its because of the above that I'm very hesitant to play anymore video games for long periods of time. I just seem to get hooked into them way to easily. Its a pity because I really enjoy them, but when I binge on them, I just cant help but feel guilty for doing it which can make them less than pleasurable at the same time.
I was actually only thinking about it today that I should be a littler bit easier on myself when it comes to them (especially now) as they can help a great deal with a stress and can be a good way to distract your from PMO and the likes. But on the other hand, they also drag me further away from the life id like to live (outgoing, adventurous etc.)
What game is out of curiosity dude ?
Its because of the above that I'm very hesitant to play anymore video games for long periods of time. I just seem to get hooked into them way to easily. Its a pity because I really enjoy them, but when I binge on them, I just cant help but feel guilty for doing it which can make them less than pleasurable at the same time.
I was actually only thinking about it today that I should be a littler bit easier on myself when it comes to them (especially now) as they can help a great deal with a stress and can be a good way to distract your from PMO and the likes. But on the other hand, they also drag me further away from the life id like to live (outgoing, adventurous etc.)
What game is out of curiosity dude ?
M
mtaha2015
Guest
May be this is because there is complete acceptance in Porn and you can do what ever you want to do with who ever you want to do.
while relationship with GF isn't easy. there might be rejections some times.
is that the problem ?
while relationship with GF isn't easy. there might be rejections some times.
is that the problem ?
mybestself
Active Member
Day 15 (J). Day 13 (NOFAP). 21 April 2015.
@DaybyDay. Totally relate to binging on computer games and the impact it can have on ones social life. Like yourself I tend to stay away from MMO's these days due to their addictive nature. I would love to get to a point in my life where I can succesfully moderate myself, which I suppose is what I'm trying to do with the game that I just started (Elite Dangerous). That being said, if it does start to take over my life then I would rather drop it. Kicking porn once and for all has to take precedence. I guess i'll have to see how it goes : )
@mtaha2015. You've posed a good question. I guess it's a little hard to explain the attraction of porn when I also live with my girlfriend. I can say that for me, I believe that it has nothing to do with our sex life. I've been watching pornography since I was 12 years old and I think that growing up I learned to use porn as a mechanism of escape - my very own messed up comfort blanket. If I think of the times where I'm most triggered it's normally when I'm stressed, exhausted, sick or hungover. In these moments where I'm suffering to a degree, my brain knows that it can get a reliable hit of dopamine which, for two hours or so will provide me with an escape. It's sort of why I imagine a drug user or alcoholic would use their drug of choice - irrespective of whether they have a loving family, wife or a good career etc..
Yesterday I successfully refrained from playing or reading about the game that I started. The not playing part wasn't too bad though I was certainly tempted during the day and evening to read about the game. I suppose the temptation mechanism is a lot like pornography whereby my brain will attempt to come up with an argument for why I should do something, even though I made a commitment to myself to not do it. I was tempted to read about the game during my lunch break at work and I was tempted to read about it in the evening after I had finished all my daily habits. "Hey, you've finished all your habits, don't you think that you DESERVE to just read about your game???" - Messed up! The more I write about this the more I realise that It's EXACTLY the same mechanism. If I say that I'm not going to watch pornography, my brain will rarely try to convince me to seek out hardcore porn, no no, too obvious. It normally tries to get me onto something lighter which will eventually lead to the hardcore stuff. This is why it's super important that I stick to my commitments regardless of how small they are. It's the same mechanism so I believe that training my brain to stick to the small commitments will transfer over to my ability to stick to the big ones
Ok, running a little late for work so time to bus out the daily habits:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: TBC
- Tidy one section of my flat: TBC
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Keep fighting the good fight!
mybestself
@DaybyDay. Totally relate to binging on computer games and the impact it can have on ones social life. Like yourself I tend to stay away from MMO's these days due to their addictive nature. I would love to get to a point in my life where I can succesfully moderate myself, which I suppose is what I'm trying to do with the game that I just started (Elite Dangerous). That being said, if it does start to take over my life then I would rather drop it. Kicking porn once and for all has to take precedence. I guess i'll have to see how it goes : )
@mtaha2015. You've posed a good question. I guess it's a little hard to explain the attraction of porn when I also live with my girlfriend. I can say that for me, I believe that it has nothing to do with our sex life. I've been watching pornography since I was 12 years old and I think that growing up I learned to use porn as a mechanism of escape - my very own messed up comfort blanket. If I think of the times where I'm most triggered it's normally when I'm stressed, exhausted, sick or hungover. In these moments where I'm suffering to a degree, my brain knows that it can get a reliable hit of dopamine which, for two hours or so will provide me with an escape. It's sort of why I imagine a drug user or alcoholic would use their drug of choice - irrespective of whether they have a loving family, wife or a good career etc..
Yesterday I successfully refrained from playing or reading about the game that I started. The not playing part wasn't too bad though I was certainly tempted during the day and evening to read about the game. I suppose the temptation mechanism is a lot like pornography whereby my brain will attempt to come up with an argument for why I should do something, even though I made a commitment to myself to not do it. I was tempted to read about the game during my lunch break at work and I was tempted to read about it in the evening after I had finished all my daily habits. "Hey, you've finished all your habits, don't you think that you DESERVE to just read about your game???" - Messed up! The more I write about this the more I realise that It's EXACTLY the same mechanism. If I say that I'm not going to watch pornography, my brain will rarely try to convince me to seek out hardcore porn, no no, too obvious. It normally tries to get me onto something lighter which will eventually lead to the hardcore stuff. This is why it's super important that I stick to my commitments regardless of how small they are. It's the same mechanism so I believe that training my brain to stick to the small commitments will transfer over to my ability to stick to the big ones
Ok, running a little late for work so time to bus out the daily habits:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: TBC
- Tidy one section of my flat: TBC
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Keep fighting the good fight!
mybestself
mybestself
Active Member
Day 16 (J). Day 14 (NOFAP). 22 April 2015.
Two weeks of nofap - Woop Woop!!!
Feels great to make it to the two week mark. Maybe this a good time to reflect on how I feel overall after two weeks of no porn or masterbation. Basically I feel pretty darn good. My concentration is solid. I'm cracking lots of jokes at work. I'm promptly replying to personal emails and messages. I"m not binging in any area of my life. I'm not feeling much stress or anxiety. I'm sleeping through the night. I feel really close to my partner. Overall mood is very positive. I have energy when I come home from work and feel like I can achieve something in my free time.
This is fantastic when I contrast against some of my earlier posts. Two weeks ago I would comment on feeling groggy after waking up. I would get up 20 minutes after my alarm. I was knackered after returning home from work and would fail to achieve anything in my evenings. I slept poorly and would often wake up during the night. My overall sentiment was less positive (way less smiley faces). I was anxious and stressed from work. My journal was less structured and I wrote less.
Wow! That's actually quite a massive change in just two weeks - particularly around my overall mood, confidence and energy levels. If kicking porn would result in just these three benefits then it would already easily be worth it. Combine it with all the other benefits (and there are lots) and it's a not even close. I truly and passionately desire to never seek out pornography again. I'll say that again, I truly and passionately desire to never seek out pornography again, no matter what. I know I can do it.
Right, time for the daily habits. Yesterday I failed to practice either yoga or my tidy habit so I"m going to make a big effort to do both today.
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice
Have a great day everyone!
mybestself
Two weeks of nofap - Woop Woop!!!
Feels great to make it to the two week mark. Maybe this a good time to reflect on how I feel overall after two weeks of no porn or masterbation. Basically I feel pretty darn good. My concentration is solid. I'm cracking lots of jokes at work. I'm promptly replying to personal emails and messages. I"m not binging in any area of my life. I'm not feeling much stress or anxiety. I'm sleeping through the night. I feel really close to my partner. Overall mood is very positive. I have energy when I come home from work and feel like I can achieve something in my free time.
This is fantastic when I contrast against some of my earlier posts. Two weeks ago I would comment on feeling groggy after waking up. I would get up 20 minutes after my alarm. I was knackered after returning home from work and would fail to achieve anything in my evenings. I slept poorly and would often wake up during the night. My overall sentiment was less positive (way less smiley faces). I was anxious and stressed from work. My journal was less structured and I wrote less.
Wow! That's actually quite a massive change in just two weeks - particularly around my overall mood, confidence and energy levels. If kicking porn would result in just these three benefits then it would already easily be worth it. Combine it with all the other benefits (and there are lots) and it's a not even close. I truly and passionately desire to never seek out pornography again. I'll say that again, I truly and passionately desire to never seek out pornography again, no matter what. I know I can do it.
Right, time for the daily habits. Yesterday I failed to practice either yoga or my tidy habit so I"m going to make a big effort to do both today.
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice
Have a great day everyone!
mybestself
mybestself
Active Member
Working from home today with an unprotected computer. Cracking on with work whilst listening to classical music on my new headphones. No temptation to act out. Glorious!!! ;D
DayByDay
Active Member
Hey man,
I am so happy to hear that the rebooting process is going so well for you. It is very inspiring to hear that once you embrace the problems in your life and face them head on that you can feel so good and satisfied with life in general.
You will have to teach me some of your tricks to a productive lifestyle because at the moment it seems to be my biggest weakness!
Anyways man! Keep going strong, keep on fighting! Things can only get better from here on out!
I am so happy to hear that the rebooting process is going so well for you. It is very inspiring to hear that once you embrace the problems in your life and face them head on that you can feel so good and satisfied with life in general.
You will have to teach me some of your tricks to a productive lifestyle because at the moment it seems to be my biggest weakness!
Anyways man! Keep going strong, keep on fighting! Things can only get better from here on out!
mybestself
Active Member
Day 17 (J). Day 15 (NOFAP). 23 April 2015.
Thanks for stopping by DayByDay. I've got a few tricks that I've picked up along the way but I'm also very much a student of recovery myself - Still lot's to learn. For example I haven't (yet) broken the 70 day mark which I'm really gunning for this time round. My problem in the past has been achieving a degree of sobriety, always by putting in a good chunk of effort at the beginning, and then slowly doing less and less for my recovery up until the point where I have a vulnerable moment and I somehow *forget* or fail to care that I'm not supposed to be watching pornography and I relapse. All a consequence of me dialling down the importance that I place on my abstinence. This time through is going to be different. Never before have I dedicated myself so much to a journal, I feel this time round that I actually *get* what journalling is about, before it was something I was just trying out because it sounded like a good idea. Now I really enjoy it. My plan is to journal every single day without fail for at least the next year, regardless of any relapses. I have faith that if I can do this (and I believe I can) then it will absolutely help me to reach my dream of kicking pornography for good. So far so strong : )
In other news I'm still slacking a little on my wedmin, tidy and yoga habit. I believe this to be a consequence of prioritising a computer game that I've just started. To help me a long, I'm going to try out a new rule - that I will not play any of my game unless I have completed all of my core habits. This should in theory still give me plenty of time to play this game whilst keeping me moving forward with other areas of my life. Anyhow, I'll give it a go.
Also want to mention again how nice it was to work from home yesterday and not act out. The morning was pretty easy and I found myself blasting through work without any temptation to seek out pornography. The afternoon was a little tougher but I was able to make it through. Great result!
Right, time for the daily habits:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice (had an evening work social)
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice (had an evening work social)
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice (had an evening work social)
- [Game time. Unlocked from completing all of the above]: Locked
Stay classy!
mybestself
DayByDay said:
Thanks for stopping by DayByDay. I've got a few tricks that I've picked up along the way but I'm also very much a student of recovery myself - Still lot's to learn. For example I haven't (yet) broken the 70 day mark which I'm really gunning for this time round. My problem in the past has been achieving a degree of sobriety, always by putting in a good chunk of effort at the beginning, and then slowly doing less and less for my recovery up until the point where I have a vulnerable moment and I somehow *forget* or fail to care that I'm not supposed to be watching pornography and I relapse. All a consequence of me dialling down the importance that I place on my abstinence. This time through is going to be different. Never before have I dedicated myself so much to a journal, I feel this time round that I actually *get* what journalling is about, before it was something I was just trying out because it sounded like a good idea. Now I really enjoy it. My plan is to journal every single day without fail for at least the next year, regardless of any relapses. I have faith that if I can do this (and I believe I can) then it will absolutely help me to reach my dream of kicking pornography for good. So far so strong : )
In other news I'm still slacking a little on my wedmin, tidy and yoga habit. I believe this to be a consequence of prioritising a computer game that I've just started. To help me a long, I'm going to try out a new rule - that I will not play any of my game unless I have completed all of my core habits. This should in theory still give me plenty of time to play this game whilst keeping me moving forward with other areas of my life. Anyhow, I'll give it a go.
Also want to mention again how nice it was to work from home yesterday and not act out. The morning was pretty easy and I found myself blasting through work without any temptation to seek out pornography. The afternoon was a little tougher but I was able to make it through. Great result!
Right, time for the daily habits:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice (had an evening work social)
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice (had an evening work social)
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice (had an evening work social)
- [Game time. Unlocked from completing all of the above]: Locked
Stay classy!
mybestself
mybestself
Active Member
Day 18 (J). Day 16 (NOFAP). 24 April 2015.
Day 16 already. Feels like the days are blasting by. Still struggling a bit on how I should be managing this new game I"m playing. I journaled yesterday that I should refrain from playing unless I had completed all of my core habits, at which point gaming would be unlocked and I could play to my hearts content.
Logically I think this is pretty solid though emotionally it's not off to a great start : ) Yesterday I returned home after a work social, beers and pizza. I returned home at around 9.30. At which point I could have done a bit of tidying and maybe some wedmin but I was certainly not in any mood to do yoga. Not surprisingly I was in the mood to play this computer game. I rationalised that I couldn't possibly complete my tasks for the day and I proceeded to play for about an hour before heading to bed. It was fun.
Hmmmm. Not too sure what the best course of action is here. Am I being too restrictive on myself by locking down this computer game or is this the right thing to do to help ensure I don't lose focus on the other areas of my life... For now I'm taking out the locking mechanism and will ponder on this some, I may well end up adding this back in. We shall see. Please reach out if you have any advice on the area.
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice
Have a good Friday all!
mybestself
Day 16 already. Feels like the days are blasting by. Still struggling a bit on how I should be managing this new game I"m playing. I journaled yesterday that I should refrain from playing unless I had completed all of my core habits, at which point gaming would be unlocked and I could play to my hearts content.
Logically I think this is pretty solid though emotionally it's not off to a great start : ) Yesterday I returned home after a work social, beers and pizza. I returned home at around 9.30. At which point I could have done a bit of tidying and maybe some wedmin but I was certainly not in any mood to do yoga. Not surprisingly I was in the mood to play this computer game. I rationalised that I couldn't possibly complete my tasks for the day and I proceeded to play for about an hour before heading to bed. It was fun.
Hmmmm. Not too sure what the best course of action is here. Am I being too restrictive on myself by locking down this computer game or is this the right thing to do to help ensure I don't lose focus on the other areas of my life... For now I'm taking out the locking mechanism and will ponder on this some, I may well end up adding this back in. We shall see. Please reach out if you have any advice on the area.
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice
Have a good Friday all!
mybestself
DayByDay
Active Member
Hey man!
In my opinion you are being a bit to restricting. It would be different if you came home at 9:30 and stayed up till 3-4am playing it. But you arrived home, unwound by playing an hour, and headed to bed. Sounds like a responsible dosage instead of an uncontrollable binge. For example, today I did a bit of graphic design while eating my dinner, managed to get a draft of a logo done during the time. I knew I would busy working on my bike till bed time so I took a half an hour to sit down and play a quick game (before 9pm which isn't supposed to happen). Didn't feel guilty because I wasn't hinging and was still committed to my other plans !
In my opinion you are being a bit to restricting. It would be different if you came home at 9:30 and stayed up till 3-4am playing it. But you arrived home, unwound by playing an hour, and headed to bed. Sounds like a responsible dosage instead of an uncontrollable binge. For example, today I did a bit of graphic design while eating my dinner, managed to get a draft of a logo done during the time. I knew I would busy working on my bike till bed time so I took a half an hour to sit down and play a quick game (before 9pm which isn't supposed to happen). Didn't feel guilty because I wasn't hinging and was still committed to my other plans !
LuckySaintJames
Member
Hey mybestself,
I have been following your journal for about a week. I am also 28m. I've been trying to stop PMO for probably 5 years... maybe more, but there is always this little rationalizing voice. In the past I have read that people who masturbate have lower rates of prostate cancer and that it is healthy to masturbate and whatever so when it came down to a week or so of no PMO I could always rely on one of those excuses to help me give in and give up trying to resist.
Now I see that the PMO cycle is so damaging that I would be willing to slightly increase my incidence of cancer if I never masturbate again. Until I realized the damage it has been doing to me for the last 13+ years I would look for any excuse to act out and I would cave.
In my past I also spent a lot of time playing games, and I still get cravings for games. I played heavy MMO's, online FPS's, RTS, I spent a lot of hours playing. I spent a lot of my youth playing. If I could go back I would stop myself and spend the time doing something more productive. We are who we are today because of what we did then, and we will be who we will be in five years because of what we do right now.
If you are like me every time you see a picture of a girl that looks good you want to click it and see where is goes because after all it's not a porn site, but there is a little voice inside that says no don't click it, you've been down that road before. I get the same voice when I think about games and playing them. Even when you said the name of the game you are playing I wanted to look it up, even if its just to fantasize about playing it, but the little voice said no its not worth it. It is not going help you become the man that you are on the path to becoming.
You know what you should do. If playing a game a little bit everyday is going to help you become the best man you can be then you should do it, but your little voice is telling you to finish all of your daily habits before you even think about playing. But it sounds like some louder voice is yelling looking to convince you to shirk your daily goals and throw caution to the wind. You probably have been down that road before and you probably know where it leads.
I have been following your journal for about a week. I am also 28m. I've been trying to stop PMO for probably 5 years... maybe more, but there is always this little rationalizing voice. In the past I have read that people who masturbate have lower rates of prostate cancer and that it is healthy to masturbate and whatever so when it came down to a week or so of no PMO I could always rely on one of those excuses to help me give in and give up trying to resist.
Now I see that the PMO cycle is so damaging that I would be willing to slightly increase my incidence of cancer if I never masturbate again. Until I realized the damage it has been doing to me for the last 13+ years I would look for any excuse to act out and I would cave.
In my past I also spent a lot of time playing games, and I still get cravings for games. I played heavy MMO's, online FPS's, RTS, I spent a lot of hours playing. I spent a lot of my youth playing. If I could go back I would stop myself and spend the time doing something more productive. We are who we are today because of what we did then, and we will be who we will be in five years because of what we do right now.
If you are like me every time you see a picture of a girl that looks good you want to click it and see where is goes because after all it's not a porn site, but there is a little voice inside that says no don't click it, you've been down that road before. I get the same voice when I think about games and playing them. Even when you said the name of the game you are playing I wanted to look it up, even if its just to fantasize about playing it, but the little voice said no its not worth it. It is not going help you become the man that you are on the path to becoming.
You know what you should do. If playing a game a little bit everyday is going to help you become the best man you can be then you should do it, but your little voice is telling you to finish all of your daily habits before you even think about playing. But it sounds like some louder voice is yelling looking to convince you to shirk your daily goals and throw caution to the wind. You probably have been down that road before and you probably know where it leads.
mybestself
Active Member
Day 19 (J). Day 17 (NOFAP). 25 April 2015.
Hey LuckySaintJames, DayByDay. Thank you both for your comments. I basically fluctuate from both extremes. I have certainly had times in my past where I have played games in excess which has led me to skipping on other commitments. I also go through periods where I ban computer games completely. Currently I am undecided. If ever I feel that my behaviour is taking me away from my goal of complete sobriety from pornography then I need to make a correction. For now I feel that I am OK but that I want to make an adjustment to get me back on track with my yoga habit. SO. My plan for the coming week is to ensure that I do at least 5 sessions of yoga.
In other news. My cousin is staying with me currently from abroad and so I left early to take her on a long walk along the coast. Later I joined my best friend for a boat cruise that he had organised for his work. Both were really good fun (the the second being quite boozy) though it made it difficult to journal first thing in the morning as per my normal schedule. Anyhow. I'm back at home now and I'm making the effort to journal - want to make sure that I do this no matter what.
Also. An adjustment to my daily habits. I've decided on a number of goals for the next month and year and I'm adding a daily habit to review these goals each day so they remain in focus:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: No dice
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Have a great Saturday everyone.
mybestself
Hey LuckySaintJames, DayByDay. Thank you both for your comments. I basically fluctuate from both extremes. I have certainly had times in my past where I have played games in excess which has led me to skipping on other commitments. I also go through periods where I ban computer games completely. Currently I am undecided. If ever I feel that my behaviour is taking me away from my goal of complete sobriety from pornography then I need to make a correction. For now I feel that I am OK but that I want to make an adjustment to get me back on track with my yoga habit. SO. My plan for the coming week is to ensure that I do at least 5 sessions of yoga.
In other news. My cousin is staying with me currently from abroad and so I left early to take her on a long walk along the coast. Later I joined my best friend for a boat cruise that he had organised for his work. Both were really good fun (the the second being quite boozy) though it made it difficult to journal first thing in the morning as per my normal schedule. Anyhow. I'm back at home now and I'm making the effort to journal - want to make sure that I do this no matter what.
Also. An adjustment to my daily habits. I've decided on a number of goals for the next month and year and I'm adding a daily habit to review these goals each day so they remain in focus:
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: No dice
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Have a great Saturday everyone.
mybestself
mybestself
Active Member
Day 20 (J). Day 18 (NOFAP). 26 April 2015.
So, some pretty big news. Last night I came to the conclusion that I would stop playing the game that has taken over my journal this past week. At first I was open to seeing If I could use the game as a form of entertainment that would come second to the other priorities in my life but I must graciously accept that this trial has been somewhat unsuccessful. Which I'd like to add is totally cool as it was just a trial - there are no positive or negative outcomes here. Here are some of the changes I have seen in myself this past week:
1. My recovery journal has become practically dedicated to my musings on this game
2. I have not been successful at my attempts to control the frequency or duration of my game time
3. I have been less dedicated to practically all of my core habits. Two of which (yoga and tidy) have been missing for 5 days now
4. It has felt like I have had less free time over all as the game has been a massive time sink. 1 hour of game time would feel like 20 minutes
5. I have been going to bed later and have been playing games just before bed. As a consequence I am more tired and less energetic
6. I have neglected spending time with my cousin whilst she stays with me. She's only here for a week and I live on the other side of the world so it would be a shame if I didn't spend some quality time with her whilst she's here
7. I have been going back on my commitments to both myself and others. E.g. I would say that I will play just 30 minutes before doing something else (work on my wedding website, go to bed, etc...) but would decide to just keep on playing instead. I have also skipped out on social engagements. Not cool.
I think I have known for a few days now that giving up this particular game would be for the best. Last night I raised it with my partner to ask for her opinion and together we decided that It would be best to let it go. I was a little sad at the time (and I guess now to a degree) but I know in my heart that this is the right decision. I have since removed the game from my computer and feel no regrets.
I'd like to add that I am not banning all games from my life but that there is a particular breed of game that has a tendency of taking over my life. I know that I probably could learn to better control these games but I also know that it would take a huge amount of effort and even then something would have to give. I know from experience that it is far easier to simply let it go. So that is what I have done.
Phew! I've got to say that I am quite relieved : )
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check! and double Check!!
Stay strong, be true to yourself and enjoy the last day of the weekend!
mybestself
So, some pretty big news. Last night I came to the conclusion that I would stop playing the game that has taken over my journal this past week. At first I was open to seeing If I could use the game as a form of entertainment that would come second to the other priorities in my life but I must graciously accept that this trial has been somewhat unsuccessful. Which I'd like to add is totally cool as it was just a trial - there are no positive or negative outcomes here. Here are some of the changes I have seen in myself this past week:
1. My recovery journal has become practically dedicated to my musings on this game
2. I have not been successful at my attempts to control the frequency or duration of my game time
3. I have been less dedicated to practically all of my core habits. Two of which (yoga and tidy) have been missing for 5 days now
4. It has felt like I have had less free time over all as the game has been a massive time sink. 1 hour of game time would feel like 20 minutes
5. I have been going to bed later and have been playing games just before bed. As a consequence I am more tired and less energetic
6. I have neglected spending time with my cousin whilst she stays with me. She's only here for a week and I live on the other side of the world so it would be a shame if I didn't spend some quality time with her whilst she's here
7. I have been going back on my commitments to both myself and others. E.g. I would say that I will play just 30 minutes before doing something else (work on my wedding website, go to bed, etc...) but would decide to just keep on playing instead. I have also skipped out on social engagements. Not cool.
I think I have known for a few days now that giving up this particular game would be for the best. Last night I raised it with my partner to ask for her opinion and together we decided that It would be best to let it go. I was a little sad at the time (and I guess now to a degree) but I know in my heart that this is the right decision. I have since removed the game from my computer and feel no regrets.
I'd like to add that I am not banning all games from my life but that there is a particular breed of game that has a tendency of taking over my life. I know that I probably could learn to better control these games but I also know that it would take a huge amount of effort and even then something would have to give. I know from experience that it is far easier to simply let it go. So that is what I have done.
Phew! I've got to say that I am quite relieved : )
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check! and double Check!!
Stay strong, be true to yourself and enjoy the last day of the weekend!
mybestself
mybestself
Active Member
Day 21 (J). Day 19 (NOFAP). 27 April 2015.
Today marks three weeks of journalling every day - great result. I truly hope and intend to keep journalling well into 2016 as I'm finding it a great tool for helping me stay focused on my quest to kick pornography for good. Actually, it's greater than that, it has become a tool for keeping me focused and on track with my life in general. The fact I was able to conclude that I needed to quit an addictive game after only a week of playing was in large part due to my journal. I was conflicted about the game the entire time but it was only through my journal that I was able to channel my thoughts which in turn, led me to a decision far quicker than what I would have achieved without my journal. I went off course but through journalling I was able to make a quick correction and now I feel I"m back on target.
Talking of back on target, yesterday I was able to hit all daily habits with the exception of yoga (which I'll be focussing on this week). I'm also not too far from completing all major wedding admin tasks so it will be nice to free up that habit when I can. Will need to decide if I should simply remove it or replace it with something new. Not sure yet.
With regards to my main quest, my brain still tries to throw me pornographic suggestions from time to time but it passes quickly. Whenever this happens I try my best to stay calm, I acknowledge the thought (rather than reject it) and then play it out to the bitter end - E.g. I *could* seek out pornography and it will probably give me a rush for the first 10 minutes but It will inevitably become boring. I will waste 2+ hours searching for that perfect clip, which I'll never find, before finishing up and feeling depressed for letting myself down. I'll then suffer from exhaustion, brain fog and lack of motivation as I slog up hill to once more regain my sobriety. No. I would far rather engage in another activity which will lift me up instead.
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Home run! 8)
It's a new day, a new week and a new opportunity to make a positive change in your life. I wish you luck!
mybestself
Today marks three weeks of journalling every day - great result. I truly hope and intend to keep journalling well into 2016 as I'm finding it a great tool for helping me stay focused on my quest to kick pornography for good. Actually, it's greater than that, it has become a tool for keeping me focused and on track with my life in general. The fact I was able to conclude that I needed to quit an addictive game after only a week of playing was in large part due to my journal. I was conflicted about the game the entire time but it was only through my journal that I was able to channel my thoughts which in turn, led me to a decision far quicker than what I would have achieved without my journal. I went off course but through journalling I was able to make a quick correction and now I feel I"m back on target.
Talking of back on target, yesterday I was able to hit all daily habits with the exception of yoga (which I'll be focussing on this week). I'm also not too far from completing all major wedding admin tasks so it will be nice to free up that habit when I can. Will need to decide if I should simply remove it or replace it with something new. Not sure yet.
With regards to my main quest, my brain still tries to throw me pornographic suggestions from time to time but it passes quickly. Whenever this happens I try my best to stay calm, I acknowledge the thought (rather than reject it) and then play it out to the bitter end - E.g. I *could* seek out pornography and it will probably give me a rush for the first 10 minutes but It will inevitably become boring. I will waste 2+ hours searching for that perfect clip, which I'll never find, before finishing up and feeling depressed for letting myself down. I'll then suffer from exhaustion, brain fog and lack of motivation as I slog up hill to once more regain my sobriety. No. I would far rather engage in another activity which will lift me up instead.
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Home run! 8)
It's a new day, a new week and a new opportunity to make a positive change in your life. I wish you luck!
mybestself
D
Dcjo18
Guest
Your attitude and mindset towards rebooting is truly inspiring. I've not red all your journal, only your most recent few posts, but still, thumbs up man. With regards to Yoga I've been thinking of taking it up myself, Would you say it helps a lot with rebooting or is it more of a personal thing you do?
mybestself
Active Member
Day 22 (J). Day 20 (NOFAP). 28 April 2015.
Hey Bluefly. Thank you for your kind words! Also notice that you've got a great streak going on - that's awesome. Keep it up! Regarding yoga I would say that it probably does help though I think I would benefit from any form of regular exercise. I chose yoga as it's relatively easy (at least compared to other exercise) to do every day plus it's quite meditative. If you are looking to get into it then I would suggest checking out yogadownload.com who do free 20 minute podcasts on iTunes - perfect if you're feeling complacent but still want to achieve your goal of doing some exercise / yoga / meditation for the day.
I'll have to keep the rest of my post quite brief as my alarm didn't go off this morning and I woke up 30 minutes later than usual....
I'm glad to say that yesterday was a great result for me. I came home to an empty flat as my girlfriend and cousin were both out. I had some small moments of temptation (or rather than saying I was tempted, it might be more accurate to say that a certain part of my brain tried making some suggestions) but I stayed strong and was able to enjoy a nice evening in. I went to yoga after work. I cooked for myself. I watched some comedy and I even did a good chunk of my wedding website. A great success : )
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Home run! 8)
Have a great day.
mybestself
Bluefly said:
Hey Bluefly. Thank you for your kind words! Also notice that you've got a great streak going on - that's awesome. Keep it up! Regarding yoga I would say that it probably does help though I think I would benefit from any form of regular exercise. I chose yoga as it's relatively easy (at least compared to other exercise) to do every day plus it's quite meditative. If you are looking to get into it then I would suggest checking out yogadownload.com who do free 20 minute podcasts on iTunes - perfect if you're feeling complacent but still want to achieve your goal of doing some exercise / yoga / meditation for the day.
I'll have to keep the rest of my post quite brief as my alarm didn't go off this morning and I woke up 30 minutes later than usual....
I'm glad to say that yesterday was a great result for me. I came home to an empty flat as my girlfriend and cousin were both out. I had some small moments of temptation (or rather than saying I was tempted, it might be more accurate to say that a certain part of my brain tried making some suggestions) but I stayed strong and was able to enjoy a nice evening in. I went to yoga after work. I cooked for myself. I watched some comedy and I even did a good chunk of my wedding website. A great success : )
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!
Home run! 8)
Have a great day.
mybestself
canttugwonttug
Active Member
Sounds like things are going well brah, we will be watching 