Time for a reboot - 28M - Mybestself

[mybestself]

Day 23 (J). Day 21 (NOFAP). 29 April 2015.

Sounds like things are going well brah, we will be watching

Thanks for the words of encouragement canttugwonttug! : )

Boy i'm tired this morning. Might be due to having two cups of coffee yesterday or it could be related to prolonged exposure to my computer in the evening (wedding admin stuff). Might be down to how I slept. Who knows.

Yesterday I found myself browsing computer game websites. I think a part of me is looking for a game that I can sink some hours into now and then. Am I trying to escape from something? Is this in response to my life going really well, some invisible force trying to sabotage the upward trend in my life right now to bring me back to a place where I'm just trying to keep my head above water? Am I overthinking this and is it just harmless entertainment?

About the thriving / surviving bit I mentioned earlier. I read a fantastic book recently where it talked about three states of life - Failure, Survival and Success. When a person is looking down the barrel of failure in their lives, they will do whatever it takes to get themselves moving, something, anything, to start climbing upward toward the point of survival. And then, once they get to the point where they're keeping their heads above water, they start heading back down again. As they near closer and closer to the failure line they once more become motivated and the cycle repeats itself. In this book the author argued that the small daily actions that get you from failure to survival are exactly the same as the actions that you need to get yourself from survival to success. When I first read this chapter it really hit home for me, I massively identified to pushing upwards following a glut and also to trending back down just when everything is going great in my life. The key here is consistency, those habits that get us from Failure to Survival, we have to keep doing them no matter what if we wish to keep moving forward.

Well, that was a small detour but it's a metaphor that really hit home for me so I hope that it might do so for others. I suppose it has reassured me somewhat also. I just need to keep focusing on my journal and other habits and I trust that I will stay on course.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!

Home run!  8)

A journal entry every day keeps the temptation away
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 24 (J). Day 22 (NOFAP). 30 April 2015.

And that makes three weeks - woohoo! 

I had a really good evening last night. I was home alone, with a multitude of ways to access pornography if I so wished and yet I was able to have a relaxing night in. Wow. It feels SO GOOD to be able to relax without experiencing constant pressure to seek out sexually explicit material. Such a simple thing and yet it has escaped me for such a large portion of my life. I could seriously get used to this.... : )

I'm also extremely grateful to have passed the three week mark. In line with my increased length of sobriety, I'm finding it easier and easier to make progress in the other areas of my life. I no longer dread having to do wedding planning in my evenings after work. I'm starting to think of various side projects which I'd like to start once I have some spare capacity. I'm craving self-development books on productivity and personal finance. It's subtle but it's super awesome.

I'm also very conscious that this isn't a free ride and that a relapse will always be waiting for me around the corner if I don't stay vigilant. I've made 30+ days quite a few times before and I've made 60+ days maybe two or three times. On my 60+ days I remember feeling invincible, like I'll never relapse again. I stopped doing all the things which brought me sobriety in the first place and then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, I relapsed. I can't let this happen this time. I'm willing to keep journalling for as long as it takes to help me change, how long will this take, who knows, but right now I'm planning on maintaining this journal for at least a year, and beyond if necessary. If dedicating an hour each day to a set of rituals keeps me porn free then it is worth it. This is the year.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: Check!
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice

Have a great day all.
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 25 (J). Day 23 (NOFAP). 1 May 2015.

Made it through another night home alone last night. Again, so grateful to be able to relax by myself without being tempted to seek out pornography.

This morning I'm pretty tired. I feel like I've been burning the candle this week at work due to an upcoming software release. My days have been quite manic, running around, making sure everything is in line. I've also upped my caffeine intake from one cup to two (I think since either Tuesday or Wednesday). Fortunately, I feel like my journal and yoga practice have been really helping to keep me grounded so relatively speaking I'm coping with it all quite well. More good news is that it's Friday so I'll very soon have an opportunity to relax and re-energize.

Think I'll keep it at that for this mornings entry and dedicate the rest of my morning to contribute to the journals of others.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice

Stay classy reboot nation.
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 26 (J). Day 23 (NOFAP). 2 May 2015.

Yesterday I visited my office for end of the month beers. I only intended to have one but we had a visitor from the US office and I ended up making a night of it. On one hand I wish I had a bit less to drink as I'm feeling a little rough but on the other hand I really appreciate that I was willing to stay out to help entertain one of my colleagues who was visiting on holiday.

Similarly, this morning one of my neighbours invited me to go out for breakfast and I replied yes without hesitation. There has been so many moments in my past where I have rejected or ignored social invitations so I could stay at home and watch porn or play computer games. A lot of these times I was doing so subconsciously but the end result was the same, I would deny the invitation and isolate myself.

So, right now I'm feeling very grateful for this increased vigour for socialising. I know without a doubt that I have my sobriety to thank.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: No dice
- Review my goals: No dice
- Read from an inspirational book: No dice
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: Check!

Have a great Saturday all!
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 27 (J). Day 24 (NOFAP). 3 May 2015.

Morning all. Regardless of not making all of my daily habits yesterday I had a good day overall. I started by grabbing breakfast with my neighbours. Picked up my wedding suit and printed off the invitations (both of which took a long time). Scheduled in Sunday lunch with my best man. Read a good book. I also bought the complete star wars saga and watched episode 1 with my partner - It was a lot worse than I remembered : )

What really resonated with me yesterday is that I felt so calm and relaxed! I was really tired from an intense week at work, I drank too much on Friday and I slept poorly on Friday night and yet, I felt really calm. Amazing!

Historically I've found free time to be a little bit stressful. I've always enjoyed the concept of a weekend but when It arrives I won't have a clue what to do with myself. I wonder if this is because growing up I spent so many of my weekends either playing computer games or watching porn. As a result the weekend would pass in a blur without me having really accomplished anything. Perhaps this became such a routine over the years that I would find myself at a loss without them.

With my sobriety and my new morning routine I'm finding things are shifting. I'm starting my day strong and I'm gaining motivation to make some positive changes in my life. I feel very grateful.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: No dice
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: Check!
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 28 (J). Day 25 (NOFAP). 4 May 2015.

Monday morning and pretty tired. Probably due to my partner being pretty restless during the night.

Weekend was pretty good and overall very social. I could have done more but it was also nice to recuperate. One thing that did occur which freaked me out a little was on Sunday afternoon. My partner had a friend round to do some study and I situated myself in our study. Whilst they were talking revision I started browsing computer games on the internet. I must have been at this for 2 hours or so, literally, just reading about games on the internet. I would click through one game after the other, trying to find that *perfect* game when it hit me. This is exactly what I do with porn! Shit. At that moment I also realised that I was in a the dopamine tunnel - That feeling where you realise dopamine has you in it's grasp and you know you should stop but something else is compelling you to keep going. That scared the crap out of me as the feeling was all too familiar with pornography. I immediately closed my laptop and headed straight to my bedroom to get some space.

I'm going to stop reading about games. I can still play games (not that I'm playing any right now) but I think reading about games in the way that I did on Sunday is far too close to my pattern with pornography which I want to avoid at all costs. So, for now I'm adding an additional daily habit to remind myself to refrain from this addictive pattern.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: No dice
- Work towards a career related goal: Check!
- Yoga Practice: No dice
- Tidy one section of my flat: No dice
- Do one thing for my wedding: No dice
- Refrain from reading about games: Check!

Have a good Monday all.
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 29 (J). Day 26 (NOFAP). 5 May 2015.

Morning all. Will have to make this entry a quick one as I need to get into the office earlier today.

Feeling a little tired again which I suspect this is due to 1. my caffeine intake and 2. that I haven't been exercising that much recently. Then again, I'm also in high spirits and overall feeling very positive about life. Also hugely grateful that I'm staying strong after 26 days, I feel like my intention to kick pornography is just as solid as day 1 - for that I have this forum and my journal to thank.

I'm thinking of simplifying my daily habits. Right now I have 10 which is perhaps a little overkill. So, I'm going to reduce these down to seven daily habits. I might simplify these further but for now let's give this is a go.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: No dice
- Review my goals: No dice
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: Check!
- Yoga practice: No dice

One day at a time
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 30 (J). Day 27 (NOFAP). 6 May 2015.

Today makes 30 days of journalling and I'm pretty certain that this is the longest period of time that I have ever journaled. Awesome result : )

In other news. The last couple of days have been a little manic and as a result I've found myself doing less of my daily core habits. Work is a little intense right now and as a result I've been working longer hours. I've also upped my caffeine content from 1 cup a day to 2. I haven't done any yoga for five days and I've been a little light on my reading So, how can I make things better...

Yoga: I need to make time for this in my day as it really helps to relax me. Best way is to go either during work or after work. I just now booked myself into a class this afternoon so that's me sorted for today.
Reading: I'm going to change around my schedule so that I read on the way to work.
FRC and Review Goals: Will also do this on the way to work
Revision: I'm going to revise on the way back from work. I also want to find some time in my evening to revise

If I stick to the above then I should be able to nail all habits for today. Let's give it a go!

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: No dice
- Yoga practice: No dice

One day at a time
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 31 (J). Day 28 (NOFAP). 7 May 2015.

Yesterday I crashed big time. My brain was clearly running on empty from a manic two weeks at work and everything came to a screeching holt. I was knackered and it was clear to everyone.

Good news is that now I can do something about it. Something in my routine clearly has to change as working this way can't be sustainable, nor is it good for my health and wellbeing. Today I'm going to leave the office at 5pm on the dot. I'm going to cook myself a home cooked meal (I've been practically living off takeaways this week) and tomorrow i'm going to work from home. I'm also going to think long and hard on whether I want to be drinking coffee moving forward as it only exasperates the issue. For today, no coffee.

Have to make my way to work now but I'll be thinking more on the bus on what needs to change.

- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: No dice
- Review my goals: No dice
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: No dice
- Yoga practice: Check!

Blurgh
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 32 (J). Day 29 (NOFAP). 8 May 2015.

29 days ago I went through pornography withdrawal and now I'm going through caffeine withdrawal. My eyes feel puffy and sting whilst my brain feels tired and cloudy - all because I haven't had my caffeine fix for the day. Yesterday I went a day without caffeine and It was a bit of a small struggle. All morning and afternoon my brain tried negotiating with me for a caffeine hit but I stayed firm. Interestingly I was knackered by 9pm and went to bed at 9.30pm - Not sure if this is from the burn out, coffee withdrawal or both.

There's something quite satisfying about going against withdrawal. It's as if I'm testing my metal, finding out how strong my willpower has become. Maybe that's the reward we get from overcoming a deeply ingrained habit. The ability to see withdrawal for what it is, to stare it down and to win. You know, if that's what i've gained from 10 years of addiction then it's actually not too bad a trade.

I haven't decided if I would like to kick coffee for good but for now I'm keen to take on this challenge to explore a life void of caffeine. Will it stabilise my energy levels? Will it reduce my levels of anxiety? Will it improve my quality of sleep? Will it make me more creative? How long does it take to get past the initial withdrawal stage? I'd like to find out the answer to all of these questions.

For now I'm setting myself a challenge of 7 days. I'll see how I go from there.

- Full days without coffee: 1
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: Check!
- Yoga practice: Check!

Home run!  8)
mybestself

 

[Pinky]

29 days ago I went through pornography withdrawal and now I'm going through caffeine withdrawal.

Welcome to the caffeine withdrawal club! Just a word of warning: fighting several addictions simultaneously may be difficult. While your willpower is busy making sure you don't drink coffee, you may accidentally find yourself jacking off to porn almost without realizing it. So, be extra careful these days and avoid triggers. Best of luck!

 

[DayByDay]

Good job on the coffee front! I'm the same as well, on my 4th day now. Honestly, I feel tired throughout the day and it feels like a cup of coffee will quickly perk me right back up! I also find myself yawning a lot. Gonna aim for 14 days maybe and see how I feel then. Keep us posted how it goes for you!

Also, I completely get you when you talk about fighting withdraws. Theres no better feeling than knowing you can do something like break a habit or an addiction. For me it was tobacco, then porn, now coffee ... But I feel good because of it!

 

[mybestself]

Day 33 (J). Day 30 (NOFAP). 9 May 2015.

Hey Pinky. DaybyDay - thanks for stopping by! It's good to know I drop by your Journals if I need some motivation to kick the coffee habit. Can also relate to trying to give up too many things at once but I'm feeling strong. I think I've got this  8)

Today also signifies 30 days without pornography - Awesome!!! This is the longest I've ever made on reboot nation after attempting several journals (my second best being 28 days). It's also the longest time I've gone without pornography for quite some time now. I feel deeply grateful to have made this far and I intend to keep going for as long as it takes. A year, 5 years. 10 years. It doesn't matter. If by journalling every day I can finally put this destructive habit to rest then it is completely worth it.

Another reason why I'm on a high today is because I woke up with some fairly heavy temptation to watch pornography and I didn't give in.  I have a somewhat controversial trick for handling such situations. It might not work for everyone on this forum but it works for me. Basically, I realised that I was in the funnel of addiction and rather than give in to my old porn addiction, I committed to masterbate the old fashioned way. I did so, it probably took all of 5 minutes and then I was done. Goodbye porn addiction. I'd like to point out that this is the first time that I have masterbated (with or without porn) for 30 days now and so It's not something that I do often. Instead I keep this in my recovery toolbox if ever I find myself in a situation where I'm at heavy risk of watching porn. This works for me because I don't have a masterbation addiction. My stuff is and always has been about the porn. If you're the same then I would recommend this as a powerful tool to pull out in emergency situations. I did so today and considering that it might well have saved me from breaking my 30 day no porn streak, I am extremely happy that I did!

On the coffee front things are definitely starting to improve. Yesterday in the office was a bit of a struggle but it was easier than the day before. I didn't feel too tired but I definitely felt cranky. My brain also served me up some caffeine withdrawal headaches for good measure, as if the tiredness, brain fog and crankiness wasn't enough - thanks brain! A couple of insights which were interesting though. Firstly, going through withdrawal really brings to awareness my dependence on coffee for getting stuff done. Yeah the coffee buzz is a nice feeling and all but I really hate to think of myself NEEDING it just to get some work done. I'm really keen to see if I can be just as productive (if not more) once I've ridden out the initial wave of withdrawal. Second insight is that I've been getting tired earlier and going to bed around 9.30pm BUT today I woke up naturally at 7am which is pretty awesome for a Saturday. This makes me wonder whether 9.30pm is actually the natural time for waking up between 6-7am and that by drinking caffeine I suppress my body's natural super power of telling me exactly how much sleep I need. Interesting....

So, bring on Saturday!

- Full days without coffee: 2
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: No dice
- Review my goals: No dice
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: No dice
- Yoga practice: No dice

Killing one addiction at a time to unleash my bodies natural super powers
mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 34 (J). Day 31 (NOFAP). 10 May 2015.

So, yesterday after writing my journal I downloaded a small indy computer game. It wasn't an online game or one that I had played before. I ended up playing for 12 hours straight - whoops!

I've got to say, it was kinda fun binging out on a game. It's been a hard slog of a week at work, my girlfriend was working and i had no plans for the weekend. But 12 hours, wow, that is a long ass time to play a computer game! At 10.30pm when I tore myself away from the game I was tempted to keep going. When I laid down in bed to go to sleep my mind was still buzzing. I imagine I probably had computer game related dreams : )

This morning I am of course tempted to keep playing. The temptation is pretty strong but also insignificant when compared to the temptation to watch pornography following a porn binge so I know I can keep to my guns. Now, here I have two choices. I can either decide to abstain from this game all day (seeing as I had a massive binge yesterday) or I can commit to playing no more than a certain amount of time - say 2 hours. The former would probably be more sensible whereas the latter is closer to the manner in which I would look to manage this game moving forward. It might be the dopamine talking but I think I'm going to give the latter a go. Two hours max today. No more. I've also arranged to see a friend in the afternoon which will get me outside.

In other news I've been skipping out on two of my habits pretty consistently. Reviewing my goals and doing my FRC practice. I think the reason why is down to the fact that I don't have a dedicated slot for these activities during my day. So, I'm now going to chain these two directly after my journalling.

My abstinence from coffee is going well also. I'm perhaps feeling less foggy though it's a little hard to tell following my massive game binge last night. Certainly don't have any headaches. It also feels that I'm able to write more fluidly - I'll keep on eye on this one. Would be awesome if my writing ability is improved by not drinking coffee.

- Full days without coffee: 3
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: No dice
- Yoga practice: No dice

mybestself

 

[DayByDay]

No harm in choosing the latter MBS so long as you stick with your limitation! Keep going strong buddy!

 

[mybestself]

Day 35 (J). Day 32 (NOFAP). 11 May 2015.

Woke up pretty darn tired today. Had one of those dreams where your brain is constantly toiling away with an impossible problem that you can't even remember when you wake up - arg!

I also ended up playing 4 hours of games yesterday rather than 2 hours. Not a disaster but I did exceed my self-imposed quota. This morning I started to wonder why I it is that I crave computer games. I mean obviously I find them entertaining but also it feels like I use them as a time sink to absorb free time. Take this weekend for example, I had the entire weekend free with no plans whatsoever, I could do whatever I wanted. When faced with this situation my immediate reaction was to start looking for a game. I found one and then invested 16 hours of my weekend into playing it. It's times like this that I wonder what my life would be like if I stopped playing games. I imagine I would probably find some other time sink to at least absorb some of my new found free time but I doubt it would take up anywhere near as much as computer games. I only get one shot at living, do I want to give it everything I've got or do I want to keep using time sinks... Just food for thought I suppose.

- Full days without coffee: 4
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: Check!
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: Check!
- Yoga practice: Check!

Home run!  8)

mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 36 (J). Day 33 (NOFAP). 12 May 2015.

Yesterday was the first day that I felt some real gains from not drinking coffee. I was quite tired in the morning, but once I got over the morning hump I had good levels of energy throughout the entire day. No headaches and no real temptation to drink coffee. So It looks like it takes me between 4-5 days for the caffeine withdrawal to subside. Another thing I noticed, is that without the morning coffee with milk, I've been feeling more hungry in the morning. In response I've started to add breakfast back into my diet, replacing fake drug fuel for real energy. Still very interested to see how this develops.

I've also been thinking about further simplifying my daily habits. Rather than aiming for 10 or so new habits off the bat, I'm thinking it would be better to keep the firmly established habits (i.e. journalling) and then pick a new habit each month. I would then dedicate myself to applying this one new habit until it became firmly established. At which point I can look at adding on something new. It might be slower but I think the chances of the habit sticking are stronger. Right now I'm between establishing the habit of task/goal setting or meditating. Currently leaning towards task/goal setting but any feedback on this would be welcome.

- Full days without coffee: 5
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: Check!
- Review my goals: No dice
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: Check!
- Yoga practice: No dice

mybestself

 

[CrazyGopher]

Hi mybestself,

You asked for feedback, so I will share my own experience with goal setting and meditation... Perhaps you will find it useful in making your decision?

Recently ntg has been trying to encourage me to focus on my goals. What I discovered is that it comes pretty naturally to me. If I just sit still for a moment, all sorts of goals start popping into my head and I want to rush off and do them! In fact, I feel like I have so many goals that there is no way I could ever possibly accomplish all of them.

In contrast, I have found meditation to be much more challenging. Sitting still for a long time without working on my goals does not come naturally to me! However, I've been meditating daily for quite a while now and I've found it to be rather helpful in dealing with cravings.

Cravings are something I really struggle with, and not just cravings for P: video games have been a big problem in my life as well. Perhaps that's why I've been enjoying reading your latest entries since I discovered your journal a few days ago? When you write about craving a new computer game and searching out new ones and playing for many hours at a stretch, that is something I can really relate to because I have also experienced it.

Anyway, thanks for posting! Hope you can get something valuable out of that.

 

[mybestself]

Day 37 (J). Day 34 (NOFAP). 13 May 2015.

If I just sit still for a moment, all sorts of goals start popping into my head and I want to rush off and do them! In fact, I feel like I have so many goals that there is no way I could ever possibly accomplish all of them.

In contrast, I have found meditation to be much more challenging. Sitting still for a long time without working on my goals does not come naturally to me! However, I've been meditating daily for quite a while now and I've found it to be rather helpful in dealing with cravings.

Cravings are something I really struggle with, and not just cravings for P: video games have been a big problem in my life as well. Perhaps that's why I've been enjoying reading your latest entries since I discovered your journal a few days ago? When you write about craving a new computer game and searching out new ones and playing for many hours at a stretch, that is something I can really relate to because I have also experienced it.

Anyway, thanks for posting! Hope you can get something valuable out of that.

Hey CrazyGopher - thank you for taking the time to post on my journal! I just read through your links and there's great material there. NTG really hits it on the head with his 8 tips, I strongly agree and relate to each and every one. The only advice I am in conflict with is in regards to spending time on this forum (though this could be based on where we both lie on our individual recovery scales). For me the main reason I have made it to 30+ days is because I have managed to establish a habit of journalling on this forum. All the times in memory where I have relapsed following a good bout of sobriety have all been due to me *forgetting* the seriousness of my condition (i.e. what watching pornography does to my life). Journalling thus far has been the best method that I have come across for keeping me grounded and focused on my goal of complete sobriety from pornography. I agree that the long goal is to no longer need to be part of a forum but I am personally willing to keep journalling here for a year and beyond if it means I can kick this stuff for good.

I can also relate to having lots of goals, often too many! In fact I was planning on writing down all of my goals as part of this morning's journal post so I can get them out into the open and see if I can decide on which one's are more important to me. My issue currently is that I'm not really collecting and following up on my daily tasks and so I'd like to start developing this as a habit.

With regards to meditation I can also see huge value there. Studies have shown that meditation is one of the few proven methods to improve willpower and happiness. It is no doubt a solid habit that can provide benefits over a life time. Big question for you - when do you schedule in your long meditation practice? Do you have a set time or have you linked this habit to a particular trigger - e.g. returning home from work or feeling triggered? I've found the key to establishing a habit is at least 50% based on when you do it so I'd be very interested to hear how you've managed to integrate it so strongly into your life.

Games are a tough one. I often err from enjoying them, to trying to manage them, to trying to ban them from my life. Ideally I'd like to manage them (and to be honest apart from the occasional binge I'm doing pretty good these days). Still, I often wonder If I would be better off without them in my life. Sigh. Still pondering on this one

Well, on the topic of goals. Here are all of the things that come to mind in this moment:

1 - I want to let go of pornography for good. For so many reasons
2 - I want to establish and maintain a daily journalling habit to help keep moving on the right path
3 - I want to start collecting, processing and acting upon a set of weekly and daily goals
4 - I want to establish a meditation practice to help keep me grounded in my life
5 - I want to start cycling to work to improve my aerobic fitness and energy levels
6 - I want to make better use of my weekends (rather than finding time sinks and not really achieving anything)
7 - I want to make more effort with my friends. Spending time with my friends in Australia and keeping in touch with my friends back home
8 - I want to further my knowledge of software development
9 - I want to start more initiatives at work
10 - I want to further my knowledge of investing

So there's 10 goals/habits that I would like for myself and If I wasn't time constrained I could probably write another 5-10. Clearly I can't do them all at once as I would be taking on too much. Still undecided between meditation and goal setting (though it feels like I am trending towards goal setting initially). I will ponder on this some more... : )

- Full days without coffee: 6
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: No dice
- Review my goals: No dice
- Read from an inspirational book: Check!
- Work towards a personal goal: Check!
- Yoga practice: No dice

mybestself

 

[mybestself]

Day 38 (J). Day 35 (NOFAP). 14 May 2015.

And that makes seven full days without coffee. First three to four days were quite hard with brain fog, headaches, tiredness. After seven days I feel like I'm no longer suffering from withdrawel but I still find myself craving coffee at certain points during work - typically first thing in the morning or in the afternoon after lunch.

So, where do i go from here? Well, from experience, drinking a coffee a day is likely to lead to two cups a day which will bring me right back to burnout. Similarly, I feel like any sort of coffee routine (e.g. every morning or every lunch time) is also likely to build dependence which I would also like to avoid. I'm undecided if I should keep on with my journey of not drinking coffee or if I should allow myself to drink coffee sporadically. Hmmmm. What are your thoughts guys?

With regards to my habits, I think I'm going to prioritise learning a goal setting habit. Apply it over 30 days and then focus on meditation next. I've picked up a book called Zen to Done from Leo babauta which I'm hoping can offer me with a good framework to get started with. I have a work certification exam on Saturday (hopefully I'll pass!). After that I'm going to get started.

- Full days without coffee: 7
- Journal Post first thing in the morning: Check!
- Contribute to someone else's journal: Check!
- FRC Practice: No dice
- Review my goals: No dice
- Read from an inspirational book:No dice
- Work towards a personal goal: Check!
- Yoga practice: No dice

mybestself