A Good Path for Me!

[LTE]

Very cold today!!! I had never considered the sinful part in this LTE! Cutting the grass on the big mower in a coat and toque and gloves brrr.... it's a long weekend here and yesterday there was a stream of cottage bound cars and trucks with boats and camper trailers and motorcycles heading north... yikes!

We are a tough or crazy bunch of people up here!

All is well on the PMO free path... I do get a nagging little , very little addict whisper once and a while... he is pretty easy to deal with , using all I have learned over the past few years!

Tough and crazy would be my guess.

I hope you know that it's all in jest. I have only been to Canada once but I was quite charmed by the place. I truly believe that the hard winters make people more appreciative of a nice day off. I worked in a northern town for a short while and I got the impression that anytime the thermometer was above the freezing point they were on motorcycles, in boats, camping, hiking, or some other outdoor activity.

 

[Viper]

Canadians sure do love their long weekends, even more so than Americans. Since moving to Canada 5 years ago, it has not yet ceased to amaze me how excited the locals get about having an extra day off to go camping and such.

They certainly have a bigger appreciation for nature and the outdoors than Americans,
I only appreciate the paid day off  8)

 

[Blue Bird]

Paul:

I have been to Canada several times. Love Lake Louise, Vancouver and other natural places. I had part of my honeymoon in Lake Louise. Terrific. Toronto is also very nice. I do not know if I could live there due to the very low temperatures. I live very far way from you.  I live in the south of South America. I would say around 14 hours or more by plane directly.
You see, there is no distance to connect with people and learn with them. I have been learnig with you. Thanks.
Wish you all the best during your jorney !

Blue Bird

 

[fcjl8]

Thanks Blue Bird, yes Canada is a large and beautiful part of planet Earth. I am fortunate and grateful to live here.

Got through a challenging weekend. There was a nagging "addict voice" even after this long stretch clean. I know I will never watch porn and masturbate to it again, truly. So, I wonder what the "addict voice" was after? I think it was telling me to try masturbating, but my resolve is to only share intimacy with my wife! Which we did last night.

I guess the temptation of that "voice" is okay, it is a challenge that I wish I did not have anymore but it is what I do that helps my recovery from this addiction.

 

[LTE]

Thanks Blue Bird, yes Canada is a large and beautiful part of planet Earth. I am fortunate and grateful to live here.

Got through a challenging weekend. There was a nagging "addict voice" even after this long stretch clean. I know I will never watch porn and masturbate to it again, truly. So, I wonder what the "addict voice" was after? I think it was telling me to try masturbating, but my resolve is to only share intimacy with my wife! Which we did last night.

I guess the temptation of that "voice" is okay, it is a challenge that I wish I did not have anymore but it is what I do that helps my recovery from this addiction.

Way to go. There are still occasional challenges, even at 500+ days! but they are relatively rare and pretty mild. It gets easier and I figure that if I can go 500 days I can go forever.

 

[WiP]

Excellent, glad you made it through a tough weekend. That addict voice rears its ugly head every now and again.  I try to catch it right away and am learning to  turn it over to the one that got me here in the first place. 

 

[nevergiveupman]

That's another reminder to me, to pray for people I might be having lustful thoughts towards, and to try and see where I can give to them and be helpful rather that to take.  It really worked yesterday when I caught myself lusting after a salesgirl at a store.  Immediately after prayer the whole atmosphere and interaction changed for the better.

 

[LTE]

That's another reminder to me, to pray for people I might be having lustful thoughts towards, and to try and see where I can give to them and be helpful rather that to take.  It really worked yesterday when I caught myself lusting after a salesgirl at a store.  Immediately after prayer the whole atmosphere and interaction changed for the better.

That's great to hear.

 

[chicken]

Okay so just got caught up on your journal FC so I have some things:

1.  Is it too late to get on that list of "screwed up people"?  When do we meet?

2.  How big is your lawn that you have to ride a mower?  and.... Why is your grass growing in that temperature anyway?

3.  Do I still get to be called a Canadian if I live in the Vancouver area and it has been 22C all week and snow brings the city to a standstill?

4.  Are we going to start a 500 Days club?  Save me a seat, I want in!  Maybe a while thought just hit 21.

 

[Viper]

Thanks Blue Bird, yes Canada is a large and beautiful part of planet Earth. I am fortunate and grateful to live here.

Got through a challenging weekend. There was a nagging "addict voice" even after this long stretch clean. I know I will never watch porn and masturbate to it again, truly. So, I wonder what the "addict voice" was after? I think it was telling me to try masturbating, but my resolve is to only share intimacy with my wife! Which we did last night.

I guess the temptation of that "voice" is okay, it is a challenge that I wish I did not have anymore but it is what I do that helps my recovery from this addiction.

Yeah, that's the devil and he's come a knocking. He's gonna try to convince you that you need porn. He knows that you've done a good job of shutting it out but that won't stop it from trying.
Looks like you were ready to shut it down again-

 

[fcjl8]

Thanks Viper for the reminder!

Hi chicken... yes even a Vancouverite is a Canadian, my public school years were on the west coast.
and to answer question No. 2... a big lawn- big mower- another reason we are considering selling this year, check that will sell this year!

Thanks for the words LTE, nevergiveupman and WiP!

Not bad today, very low or non-existent urges! Had men's group dinner at my place last night... I was stressed and anxious as I have never hosted before... it was nice and went well. I had nothing to be anxious about.

 

[fcjl8]

So... last night I had a BIG anger flare up at my son! I am very sorry about this as I love him so much. I really got mad and I have had great control over my temper for some time now.

In fact my temper has been replaced with patience since i started to break away from porn and masturbation. But, last night I really over reacted.

I told him I was sorry before we went to bed and that I love him.

 

[LTE]

So... last night I had a BIG anger flare up at my son! I am very sorry about this as I love him so much. I really got mad and I have had great control over my temper for some time now.

In fact my temper has been replaced with patience since i started to break away from porn and masturbation. But, last night I really over reacted.

I told him I was sorry before we went to bed and that I love him.

I've had the same experience. Hey, you can't be perfect all the time; that's my job. You apologized and that's more than a lot of fathers would do.

 

[SO Reboot Partner]

So... last night I had a BIG anger flare up at my son! I am very sorry about this as I love him so much. I really got mad and I have had great control over my temper for some time now.

In fact my temper has been replaced with patience since i started to break away from porn and masturbation. But, last night I really over reacted.

I told him I was sorry before we went to bed and that I love him.

I've had the same experience. Hey, you can't be perfect all the time; that's my job. You apologized and that's more than a lot of fathers would do.

I've seen this and while it isn't pretty, recognizing it right away is the most mature, well-balanced action you can ask for. You're doing more than alright.

 

[Blue Bird]

Paul:

I do that all the time with my daughters. We are from different worlds.  I am 52 and they are 14 and 15. Chock is inevitable. But, at the end of the day, or even earlier, I would say one hour later, I go talk to them and dissolve all bad understandings. All anger from them towards me is washed away in a very good way after the peace making conversation. Love is like this.  I am with you.
Regards.

Blue Bird

 

[LTE]

I am steadily learning that love is incredibly important. Love for all, even those we don't understand. It's rough raising children and sometimes you have to struggle to communicate and they don't always want to hear what it is that you have to say, so it's understandable that there are occasional flare ups. The world won't end.

 

[fcjl8]

Love is the key...

LTE, Blue Bird, and SO Reboot Partner thank you all for your words of support.

I have talked over what happened and that although I felt that he did upset his mother and myself, ultimately it was my choice to lose my temper and get mad! My son saw the part he played in the bow up and accepted that I am sorry that it escalated.

Old me, addict me... would have had a PMO binge that night for sure, facing such discomfort sober would have been unthinkable, I would have medicated and masked it at the first chance and carried on for several days. It used to be that I could not face any uncomfortable situation without using PMO afterwards.

New me, still an addict but working recovery... no masking, no PMO and dealing with what hurts clean and sober!

 

[LTE]

Love is the key...

LTE, Blue Bird, and SO Reboot Partner thank you all for your words of support.

I have talked over what happened and that although I felt that he did upset his mother and myself, ultimately it was my choice to lose my temper and get mad! My son saw the part he played in the bow up and accepted that I am sorry that it escalated.

Old me, addict me... would have had a PMO binge that night for sure, facing such discomfort sober would have been unthinkable, I would have medicated and masked it at the first chance and carried on for several days. It used to be that I could not face any uncomfortable situation without using PMO afterwards.

New me, still an addict but working recovery... no masking, no PMO and dealing with what hurts clean and sober!

Sounds like something you'd hear at AA but it's true and applicable.

 

[chicken]

I am constantly running into similarity between AA and recovery from PMO.  I guess that it all comes down to the human condition.  We aren't all that much different after all.

 

[LTE]

I am constantly running into similarity between AA and recovery from PMO.  I guess that it all comes down to the human condition.  We aren't all that much different after all.

I suspect that addiction is addiction and the substance varies from person to person, situation to situation. Alcohol has never been a problem to me. I have a nicely stocked liquor cabinet and I rarely open it. It never occurs to me to turn to alcohol when I'm feeling uncertain or unhappy. To me, a drink is more like a piece of candy, an occasional treat, but not an everyday thing.

Likewise for drugs. When I have had strong prescriptions, such as for pain management, I rarely even take them for more than a day or two. I just don't like the feeling of being drugged, even when there's a therapeutic reason. I'm easy to anesthetize but difficult to numb; the dentist has to call in a tank truck of extra Novocain when I visit, but I've never sought a high from drugs.

OTOH, I was all but hopeless with compulsive sexual behavior from an early age. It may be, in part, the result of a strict religious upbringing which made sex taboo. I dunno, but until I realized that there was an addiction at work I had no control over it.