A Good Path for Me!
- Thread starter fcjl8
- Start date
SlaveToRighteousness
Active Member
Viper said:
Being able to identify and then avoid my own triggers has been a huge key to my success thus far. The most important things are that I try to avoid being around attractive women any more than I need to, and I also try to avoid negative thoughts that make me feel bad about myself.
fcjl8
Active Member
I am just going up to bed, will read for a few minutes... the Bible. Say some prayers.
I have made some good progress today on a website redesign that I just kept changing and could not get any real direction on... I have a meeting in the morning with a client to show some revisions on some vehicle graphics and cool storefront graphics... presenting my creativity does cause some anxiety but I also get a bit of a good rush from that as well. Sometimes in the past ... that nasty little accusatory voice would suggest that my work was not going to pass muster, I am learning not to listen to that voice and to give those lies to my Saviour... Jesus. It has been working!
I am grateful for so many things tonight including my continued sobriety.
If God is for us , then who can stand against us. Romans 8:31
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7foqxkkh51M
I have made some good progress today on a website redesign that I just kept changing and could not get any real direction on... I have a meeting in the morning with a client to show some revisions on some vehicle graphics and cool storefront graphics... presenting my creativity does cause some anxiety but I also get a bit of a good rush from that as well. Sometimes in the past ... that nasty little accusatory voice would suggest that my work was not going to pass muster, I am learning not to listen to that voice and to give those lies to my Saviour... Jesus. It has been working!
I am grateful for so many things tonight including my continued sobriety.
If God is for us , then who can stand against us. Romans 8:31
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7foqxkkh51M
fcjl8
Active Member
Thanks LTE and shake19!
Yeas it's 100 days of continued sobriety since Dec 6, this combines with my 250-260 last year and makes for a pretty solid recovery. Not perfect but hey I'll take it.
There were so many years of almost daily PMO and sometimes even 2 PMO sessions in one day! Wow, this really is a great change all for the better.
Out in the big city yesterday with my wife and son, a nice treat. This morning at the bigger church we attend, all good eyes wise both yesterday and today!!! This is really good for me!
On Friday I stopped in at the home of a couple we have been friends with for about 12 years... Her husband , who had been very kind and helpful to me during depression once or twice, took his own life last fall. I had not been able to muster the courage to visit my friend, now a widow. Until Friday! She told me about his running off with a 27 year old woman last year, he was 63!!! "No fool like an old fool..." That running off with a young woman led to a steady spiral downwards in all areas of his life and the 27 year old dumped him when she had burned through his money! I had heard rumours of all this and that was part of my cowardice in terms of not stopping in to support his ex-wife/widow. I am really glad I did, it was hard and emotional but I was able to give good support and bring some closure to this sad , lingering story involving my friends.
I think his trip downward , spiraling out of control , is very similar to our porn addiction! No matter what the negative end consequences when mired in porn/masturbation hell we just keep surrendering to it... I tell this story as a cautionary tale to my brothers here!
Put this PMO crap behind you.. it's lies are as insidious as those that 27 year old told my delusional old friend!
Yeas it's 100 days of continued sobriety since Dec 6, this combines with my 250-260 last year and makes for a pretty solid recovery. Not perfect but hey I'll take it.
There were so many years of almost daily PMO and sometimes even 2 PMO sessions in one day! Wow, this really is a great change all for the better.
Out in the big city yesterday with my wife and son, a nice treat. This morning at the bigger church we attend, all good eyes wise both yesterday and today!!! This is really good for me!
On Friday I stopped in at the home of a couple we have been friends with for about 12 years... Her husband , who had been very kind and helpful to me during depression once or twice, took his own life last fall. I had not been able to muster the courage to visit my friend, now a widow. Until Friday! She told me about his running off with a 27 year old woman last year, he was 63!!! "No fool like an old fool..." That running off with a young woman led to a steady spiral downwards in all areas of his life and the 27 year old dumped him when she had burned through his money! I had heard rumours of all this and that was part of my cowardice in terms of not stopping in to support his ex-wife/widow. I am really glad I did, it was hard and emotional but I was able to give good support and bring some closure to this sad , lingering story involving my friends.
I think his trip downward , spiraling out of control , is very similar to our porn addiction! No matter what the negative end consequences when mired in porn/masturbation hell we just keep surrendering to it... I tell this story as a cautionary tale to my brothers here!
Put this PMO crap behind you.. it's lies are as insidious as those that 27 year old told my delusional old friend!
fcjl8
Active Member
I am okay this morning, hmmm actually better than okay.
I am clean and away from PMO and that is just fine! I am considering turning the counter off soon. I want to appreciate and grow strong in the recovery... I don't want to just click off days and pat myself on the back. The counter and day counting has been a good tool, but I want a deeper connection with this non pornography and non masturbation life I have come to.
I don't know if that makes any sense? I am very grateful for all that helps me in my recovery and most of that is really deep, in my case!
I have not said what i am really feeling... I have been thinking about the pornography business, the pain , suffering and total disregard it shows for the real people, the human beings involved in it. I truly can never play any part in that hideous world again! I am hoping one day to do some Outreach work... just basic stuff, maybe socks and sandwiches?? I am also looking into a local project that is designed for victims of human trafficking.
Peace to all at RBN!
I am clean and away from PMO and that is just fine! I am considering turning the counter off soon. I want to appreciate and grow strong in the recovery... I don't want to just click off days and pat myself on the back. The counter and day counting has been a good tool, but I want a deeper connection with this non pornography and non masturbation life I have come to.
I don't know if that makes any sense? I am very grateful for all that helps me in my recovery and most of that is really deep, in my case!
I have not said what i am really feeling... I have been thinking about the pornography business, the pain , suffering and total disregard it shows for the real people, the human beings involved in it. I truly can never play any part in that hideous world again! I am hoping one day to do some Outreach work... just basic stuff, maybe socks and sandwiches?? I am also looking into a local project that is designed for victims of human trafficking.
Peace to all at RBN!
SlaveToRighteousness
Active Member
It's definitely worth the effort. I've reached a point now where I have pretty much no interest in looking at women. There's no point in looking, because I am not going to have sex with any of them and I am also not going to fantasize about them. Looking at other women also interferes with my goal of focusing all of my sexual energy on my wife. At first I had to work hard not to look, but now "not looking" pretty much happens naturally.
fcjl8
Active Member
I have let my "lustful" side of my being go. I am letting it go, saying good bye, "I don't need it anymore, it does not serve me and never truly did". I share my life with a beautiful and truly remarkable woman... How blessed am I?
The "Lie" of lust and it's manifestation as pornography, leering, seeking risky images, and masturbation has no hold on me. I was told literally told... a few years back that I could "let it go" that "I no longer needed it and never really did". That message from God through The Spirit has been working on me ever since. I am free!
Last night at my men's group , our small group study film and accompanying questions focused on forgiveness... Wow, this got so involved, it so captivated the 10 men that we did not move to any other topic. We used examples of how we have been forgiven, by others and God, how we have forgiven others but sometimes with conditions. We also brought up times when we should have forgiven or could have forgiven others and our human nature got in the way and we missed the chance... and sometimes we never did and that person has since passed on. I am reflecting on forgiveness , true unconditional forgiveness. The same forgiveness The Lord gives us, if we only can receive it.
Forgive and Love, forgive and love yourself you deserve it!
The "Lie" of lust and it's manifestation as pornography, leering, seeking risky images, and masturbation has no hold on me. I was told literally told... a few years back that I could "let it go" that "I no longer needed it and never really did". That message from God through The Spirit has been working on me ever since. I am free!
Last night at my men's group , our small group study film and accompanying questions focused on forgiveness... Wow, this got so involved, it so captivated the 10 men that we did not move to any other topic. We used examples of how we have been forgiven, by others and God, how we have forgiven others but sometimes with conditions. We also brought up times when we should have forgiven or could have forgiven others and our human nature got in the way and we missed the chance... and sometimes we never did and that person has since passed on. I am reflecting on forgiveness , true unconditional forgiveness. The same forgiveness The Lord gives us, if we only can receive it.
Forgive and Love, forgive and love yourself you deserve it!
Powerful words FC! It brings to mindfcjl8 said:
1 Peter 4:3 For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles?when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries.
After reading that glimpse into the events that happen in the Playboy mansion I was appalled at just how debauched a man could become; and Hefner is among the more conservative pornographers. Lust is a lie. To embrace lust is to embrace a degraded version of yourself.
Forgiveness is the cornerstone of Christianity. I used to be loosely associated with a sect that was known for being judgmental and harsh and it was awful. I saw lives crumbling, mental health issues galore and even suicides by people that just couldn't measure up. It was horrid, and, IMHO, not particularly Christian, no matter what the claim.
fcjl8
Active Member
Will Master Po be the next incarnation of your avatar, LTE??? Do you actually have a head of hair or using the razor??
Much better this evening than mid morning, I was really out of sorts earlier... I don't think I was in any real danger of delving into PMO. That just does not seem like any kind of an option anymore. But, honestly the mood I was in was precisely why I so often sought masturbation before. Kind of an all encompassing frustration bordering on anger, anger with no cause or reason, anger stemming from the frustration. I think the root of all anger is really fear. In hindsight , sitting here on our couch, I realize I was irrationally afraid this morning. Not good as there was no need to be. But, that is the thing about fear isn't it? It is never really serving any purpose... that old adage about fear- false evidence appearing real!
I turned into the fear this morning not away from it with PMO. I did not return to bed and climb under the covers. I did not use any form of medication or mask. Guess what? The day went progressively better and that just kept building and building! Amazing.
See , still learning after all this time!
Much better this evening than mid morning, I was really out of sorts earlier... I don't think I was in any real danger of delving into PMO. That just does not seem like any kind of an option anymore. But, honestly the mood I was in was precisely why I so often sought masturbation before. Kind of an all encompassing frustration bordering on anger, anger with no cause or reason, anger stemming from the frustration. I think the root of all anger is really fear. In hindsight , sitting here on our couch, I realize I was irrationally afraid this morning. Not good as there was no need to be. But, that is the thing about fear isn't it? It is never really serving any purpose... that old adage about fear- false evidence appearing real!
I turned into the fear this morning not away from it with PMO. I did not return to bed and climb under the covers. I did not use any form of medication or mask. Guess what? The day went progressively better and that just kept building and building! Amazing.
See , still learning after all this time!