Yes I Can!

[NewVerse]

Oh, I'm struggling a bit.

Somehow I need to move to another level with this thing. I seem to be stuck in a rut and don't know exactly how to move forward. My work and my wife's work is very stressful so that isn't helping. But, I can't let that stand in the way of my recovery. It's just not worth it. I want to grow stronger in my relationship with my wife. I am working at it  but it is a slow process.

I know this is crazy talk but I want to be cured. Crazy because I believe this will be with me for the rest of my life. Maybe what I want is to have thinks happen around me and realize that I am confident I will not react.

Thanks for asking.

Agreed with Detente. Not crazy at all. I'm on my longest streak ever and I feel like my momentum has halted. In part due to stress and things I can not control. Watching other people's relationships and lives move forward makes me anxious and at times wanting to give up. I know  that's not the answer so I will keep pushing ahead. You should as well.

 

[uncreatedlight]

Oh, I'm struggling a bit.

Somehow I need to move to another level with this thing. I seem to be stuck in a rut and don't know exactly how to move forward.

Crazy because I believe this will be with me for the rest of my life. Maybe what I want is to have thinks happen around me and realize that I am confident I will not react.

You are growing even if you can't see it.  And perhaps the conditions of the disease will not change, but you will change.  The longing, the disease, may always be there, but you will learn to watch and resist it from beyond entanglement with the urge.

An interlocutor in one of Plato's Dialogues defines courage thus, "Well now, it seems to me that courage is a sort of endurance in one?s character ? if I have to say what it is in every case."  And so it is.  This is the battle.  This is your bravery.  You have endured here for so long.  That in itself is victory.

 

[aquarius25]

Hope you are doing well!

 

[Jbow]

Hi Bob, were back at it. Let's do it right this time. I'm tired of starting all over. This gs are so good when we are off the porn. Let's keep it that way .

 

[bob]

Welcome back.

Peace

 

[Jbow]

*things are so good when we are off porn

 

[bob]

Hello Reboot Nation!

I am making a dedicated change in the direction of my recovery. It is an altered way of thinking where I address this challenge in a positive instead of the negative light. This transformation is not without its challenges. But, it is my desire to remove the typical thought process where I focused on myself. I am not a person who is dependent on porn or acting out sexually. My commitment is to fantasize and obsess about my wife. I will leave my past life behind.

I didn't get to this point quickly or easily. I could not have gotten to this point without the support, care, and love of all who are presently on, or who have been on RN. My journey started early in 2015 and it continues on today. It has taken frequent RN check-ins, hitting rock bottom, visiting a STI clinic, professional counseling, visits to SAA 12-step programs, my desire to be a different man, father, husband, and the love and support of my wife. While I am admit to fail is human, this is the direction I choose to travel.

To all who are here and who have been on RN; I couldn't have made it this far without you.

Peace and love to all of you.

 

[bob]

I have returned to continue my quest.

Good evening folks,

This is a post that I made quite a while ago. I had to search back through my Journal to find it again. I wanted to revisit it as I felt like it provided some understanding on my reasons for working towards of life free of pmo.

[size=14pt]Reasons to take on a PMO, MO free life

• Brings me closer to my wife.
• Stay in the moment (no need to sneaking away).
• Sex is more intense.
• Enjoy my time making love, (no quick, "I have to O").
• ?Sure you can use my computer", (No hidden stash).
• All people deserve respect; Porn is not victim-less.
• Free porn is not free. No need to line the pockets of people who exploit others.
• More time available, ("where did the time go"?)
• Eliminate DE and PIED issues.
• Waking up with an intense hard on.
• Pleasant sexual response around attractive females.
• Increase sense of confidence.
• Perception that I am more desirable to others.
• I am in control.
  

Positive thoughts to all who are working through this process.

Peace

 

[Jbow]

These are all great points.  I'm glad your back bob. Now let's work on getting all this behind us. We are all stronger than this thing.

 

[bob]

Thanks Jbow,

Wanted to be much further along at this point but I am still here.

Counts for something.

No longer going to make proclamations. Just moving forward.

Peace

 

[bob]

I sometimes wonder how this whole thing happens. How can a titillating activity in our youth escalate into something that goes out of control. Something we can't stop. Something that takes us in a direction we don't really want to go.

It seems so simple. Just stop the behavior. Don't do the things that produce this behavior. But, as we know it is more difficult than that simple explanation.

For some, they just stop. For others, it is a struggle, a passage.

The point is to continue the struggle. To not give up. Don't ever give up. Ever.

Peace

 

[bob]

Good afternoon,

I am going to use this venue as an opportunity to track my thoughts throughout this process. I have been here quite a while and I know what i need to accomplish. It is just that my path has not been straight. And while that is OK, it continues to be a path that needs to be followed.

It amazes me the power of the brain to try and push the body into directions it feels are appropriate and fundamentally sound for the well being of both. I say that as I a currently "fighting" the urges that have plagued me over these many years. For you that are new, I encourage you to work through this process. For ones like myself, I encourage the same; work through the process.

Peace

 

[pckcomeback]

thank you
ufabet

 

[bob]

Somehow I need to assess the feelings of despair I have while I am stuck in this cycle. Not for self hate but to understand the joy of freedom.

 

[workinprogressUK]

Hey Bob. You know your stuff, so I'm reticent to try to give you any advice. I just wonder whether expecting "joy" is setting too high an expectation, which is likely to result in despair? When I've been on a long spell of sobriety, I get clarity, focus, energy, relief, calm.... but not a heck of a lot of joy. Could just be that I'm a miserable bastard, but I find joy to be in short supply during my reboot. Maybe if you set a less lofty aspiration along the lines of "not chaotically out of control" or something, you might not get disappointed?

 

[bob]

I'm a miserable bastard,

You made me smile...

Maybe you are right. I am just trying to realize that when I have a long time away from this stuff, there is a reason. That I don't want to temp myself. That need to understand why I am staying away.

Peace

 

[workinprogressUK]

I read you. Dream big.... shoot for the stars.... don't limit yourself. Helps to have a clear vision of what the future state will look like.

 

[bob]

Good evening.

I guess I should be spouting off my confidence in making it through to the other side, my ability to win this battle. But right now I feel sick, embarrassed, and discouraged. I will keep moving forward but this whole thing can get so frustrating.

I know it is brain chemistry, hormones talking and telling me to continue to check this out, check that out. But... it can make me feel so alone.

 

[bob]

I'm going for the 8 week mark.

"Some sources suggest that it [Delta-FosB] declines around the 6-8th week of abstinence."

http://biopsychiatry.com/cocaine/index.htm

 

[bob]

Just read in the Uncle Bob's Porn Recovery section of YBOP.


"Don't view porn as an ultimate evil. That gives it far too much power. Think of it as something that you can't have, just as people with allergies can't eat peanuts, or wheat. Porn is like an allergy."

Interesting thought.

Peace