Re-Boot Camp Journal

P

Punk Monk

Active Member
Seems like things are starting to get back on track. Had a great weekend with The Missus and the Little Monk behaved perfectly! No PIED or PIDE in sight.

Amazingly, the more "in the moment" I was, the more aroused I became! Something as seemingly minor as just caressing her face was a huge turn on. It was like my senses had been reawakened and all those little details...scent of her hair...feel of the sheets...were more exciting than any image or fantasy I could conjure up in my head.

It felt so good to release, I was actually giggling with joy afterwards!

And I was hit by the obvious (yet alien) realization that no porn or fantasy will ever be as enjoyable as the real thing. And the key is to channel all that vivid imagination in to present moment.

But, winning one battle doesn't win the war. So, I'll reset my counter for this week and continue on the current path.

Seems to be going in the right direction.

 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
It's been a challenging few weeks. Both my wife and I have been travelling over the past few weeks. This, unfortunately, forced us to spend the last three weekends apart. And a sad symptom of this is a complete lack of Gettin' it On.

This past weekend, I had the house to myself for the weekend and I cracked. I jacked myself silly for two and a half straight days, though I didn't do much surfing. Most of my inspiration came purely from the old internal Spank Bank. But it still had an effect.

I noticed I was really irritable on Sunday. Couldn't understand why. It was a beautiful day, I was chilled and relaxed. There was no reason to feel bad at all.

Then about mid afternoon, it me; "I haven't jacked off at all today! I'm having withdrawals!!"

But, happy to say I've been "clean" since Sunday night, the Missus is safely back home and we're both staying put for the foreseeable future.

So, all it well back at La Casa de Monko.

Still feeling the tinges of the withdrawal, though. Or maybe I just got used to having the house to myself for a few days!

 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
Haven't posted in awhile. But I'm happy to say it's been all good.

A couple of weeks ago, The Missus and I settled back into our steady groove of Weekend Business Time. And it was...wonderful! Everything worked as it should have. And I swear, it actually brought us closer together. For the first time in a long time, I actually feel intimate with my wife. The psychological and spiritual aspects of sex are slowly starting to return.

Last week, we had to take a little break because my wife had some minor female issues. It's okay now (although I wish she'd go visit her OB/Gyn. But like her husband, she steadfastly refuses to see a doctor when someone else suggests it!). During our downtime, I went solo for a night. And I have to tell you folks...I didn't really enjoy it. It's like my brain is finally rewiring correctly and recognizing that masturbation is a very poor substitute for the real thing.

As an aside, there was a time when, deep into my addiction...I preferred masturbation to actual sex. Now, I can honestly say that's not the case.

We got it on again today and it was awesome! Again, there was a time when I used to dread having sex with my wife. Not because it was bad, but because of my nerves, performance anxiety and all those other demons I'd posted about before. Today...I couldn't WAIT! I was like a horny little kid excited about the prospect of "doing it" (as Mrs. Monk likes to say) with a beautiful woman!

The thing I'm noticing the most is the change in the perspective. The hierarchy of needs (if you will) between masturbation and real sex has completely flipped. And I find little things in a physical world (touch my wife's back, kissing her neck, sniffing her hair, etc...) are more arousing than soft core porn pictures.

I still wouldn't say I'm "cured" yet (it just doesn't feel complete at this moment). As such, I'm still keeping my tracker at a two-week segment. But I definitely feel like I'm making some very significant progress.

Monk
 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
Interesting observation regarding that "change in perspective" I mentioned last time.

The Missus wasn't feeling too well this weekend (it's Allergy Season and the histamines took her down hard!). Naturally, that put a damper on our  "sexy-sexy time" (as my wife likes to say).

Now back in the day, this would have filled me with joy and relief. Because that meant I had an excuse to masturbate to porn. In fact, I actually preferred it to the real thing. I mean, that's like wanting to play a driving video game instead of actually going for a drive!

Today that was the furthest thing from my mind. In fact the though even just jacking it "normally" wasn't appealing. It's just a very poor substitute for the real thing.

And THAT my friends, is the sign of a brain in the midst of rewiring.

Monk.
 
L

Leon

Guest
Awesome, P.M., that's the way to go!

Nothing like the real thing, far better than the fantasy- because it comes with real world intimacy, which exceeds the unrealistic fantasy.

Blessings.
 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
Crap.

Feels like I've been "leaning off the wagon" a bit lately. It hasn't been a full blown fall, but I can see it coming.

Simply haven't been as disciplined. I'm also getting cocky (pun always intended). I noticed it definitely impacted my performance with the Missus today. Thankfully, she's a patience and encouraging partner. So the Little Monk was able to start and finish...but things were a bit touch and go for second.

So, I'm resetting the counter to a full month. And I pledge that any time I get the urge to surf the web for naughty places...I come here instead!
 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
This week's been a series of Good News/Bad News events.

Good News! Been able to stay clear of any soft core porn stuff for the week!
Bad News! Still feeling the impact from "leaning" off the wagon.

Good News! The Missus' "monthly visitor" didn't drop by today as expected...so we were able to get it on!
Bad News! I wasn't able to finish. Seems like I could get close, but I just couldn't ejaculate.

Good News! At least I was able to stay in the moment, focus on my beautiful wife and not cheat by going into my head.
Bad News! See above.

I think if I stay the current course, everything will work itself out. But I'm disappointed in myself. The DE shouldn't a problem anymore. In addition, my Niece-in-Law just had a baby and Mrs. Monk has been staring longingly at the pictures of the newborn. As I've said before, we're not trying to get pregnant...but we're not not trying. And I think she was a little disappointed that I didn't "spill my seed".

Or maybe I'm putting undue pressure on myself to finish, which in turn stressing me out enough to prevent me from doing the very thing I want to do!

Either way, it's really getting damned annoying...

 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
My Kung Fu Sifu often says "If do you things the ugly way, you become expert in ugly. Don't be ugly!" So lately, I've been focusing on throwing out the Ugly Habits and doing things The Right Way.

Nowhere is this more applicable than to my nemesis, the PIDE (Porn Induced Delayed Ejaculation)! Been really focused on breaking those Ugly Habits that prevent me from enjoying sex as completely and fully as I should.

This means not relying on imagery to get me to The Point of No Return (TPNR). I think it's working because I've hit a mini-flatline. The fantasy images that used to TPNR no longer work. And I'm forced to return to the present and stay in the moment.

Unfortunately, that doesn't work either...yet.

Today, with The Missus, I could feel the sensations arising. Then I panicked, went into my head so I could climax and damn near lost steam! I hastily returned to the present and felt the ol' Mojo returning. But alas...I wasn't able to finish.

I'm considering instituting a No Fap policy since the masturbation feeds the need for imagery. Though I'll admit, sometimes I jack it just to make sure I still CAN get off...and that there's nothing medically wrong with me.

I dunno... Have to think about this a little.

P Monk.
 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
Great day with Mrs. Monk! We were chill. We were fun. We ended up in the sack.

And..everything worked as normal!

Hooray! No PIED or PIDE in sight.

But I have to admit, I had to go "into my head" to just crest over The Point of No Return. Strangely, I imagined The Missus talking dirty to me. It was something she used to tell me when we were dating that, for some reason, just took me over the top.

I guess in the future, I can ask her to say it for real. But, for now, we'll count this as a win!

Now I just have to resist the urge to do a Victory Fap...
 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
Thanks, Strike.

You can do it.

I still stay staying on The True Path (HA!) is harder than getting on it. Every day we're able to not give in is a victory.

P. Monk
 
lyon03

lyon03

Respected Member
Hey PM. How are things my friend? Just checking in after a long absence from the nation. I look forward to reading your next update brother. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
lyon03 said:
Hey PM. How are things my friend? Just checking in after a long absence from the nation. I look forward to reading your next update brother. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
Click to expand...

Lyon, mon amis! Comment ca va?

Good to hear from you. Hope all is well in your world.

So far things are progressing nicely, but slowly.  I feel like my libido is finally returning to normal. The old unnatural urges and desires a thing of the past.

Nowadays if I'm horny, rather than get online...I'll just look for a willing and accommodating partner. Good thing, I'm married to one!

The PIDE (Porn Induced Delayed Ejaculation) is still an occasional problem. But more often than not, I can beat it by staying in the moment.

Mrs. Monk and I had a fun Sunday afternoon romp today and everything went fine. However, I did have to rely on a little imagination to get to The Point of No Return. For some reason, pretending The Missus is saying certain things to me helps get me off.

And while I suppose I could ask her to "talk dirty to me", she wouldn't be comfortable saying what I imagine. Maybe that's why they turn me on.

But that's a problem for another day.

But for right now, I'm Born Again, Porn Free!

P. Monk
 
P

Punk Monk

Active Member
First things first, is it me or are all the counters gone?

Anyway, things are progressing well. This weekend was Mrs. Monk's and my 7th Anniversary so we celebrated with a lovely romantic dinner at a swanky place we'd never been to.

I wanted to do something "special" in the bedroom this weekend. I had in my mind what I'd do, what she'd wear, etc.  Of course, things never go as planned. Life got in the way and we both got caught up with chores, work and family stuff. So I'd pretty much written off the possibility of any nookie this weekend. But later in the afternoon, The Missus wandered by and said "Come on. Let's do it."

Unfortunately, I was kneed deep in some work emails. But I wrapped those as quickly as I could and joined my wife in the bedroom. It was fine. And The Little Monk did not fail me. But I was stressed, tired and a little annoyed that it didn't go the way I wanted. So, although I could get the party started, I couldn't finish. Although I was really close to discharge, it just wouldn't happen. Tried to resort back to the old fantasy technique, but that just got me soft all that much faster.

Anyway, I'm a little discouraged. I need to work on finding inspiration in the moment and not dwelling on a preconceived idea of how things should be. But I also shouldn't be afraid to admit that I'm not ready yet, and ask for some time to get my head together.

It's amazing how much of sex is a mental thing.

P. Monk
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
my friend,
the key is letting go

let go that work must be completed. work never ends
let go that things must be perfect. but don't you realize that things are best when there are no expectations ?

be joyful and appreciate the opportunity and moment
forget the future, forget the past.
live the moment.
we might die tomorrow.
live the moment.

if you are at work, work
if you are at love, love.
let go of your standards, expectations, constructs.
live for the moment.
live for the moment
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top