Re-Boot Camp Journal
- Thread starter Punk Monk
- Start date
Great afternoon with the Missus yesterday. Everything was a go and we both had relaxed smiled on our faces when we were done,
In fact, I was feeling so good...I offered to get frisky again today! Unfortunately, she had someplace to be in a half an hour. So she didn't feel comfortable squeezing me in (pun intended) cleaning up and getting dressed in such a short time (which is perfectly reasonable).
So I did what any man would do. I took care of myself when when she was gone. No porn or porn subs involved. Just ran through my head what we would have done if she was there.
It's funny, but that actually helped in the healing process. The real thing is so much better than jacking it, I almost don't want to do that anymore. I'd way rather wait for my wife to be ready than turn to Ol' Rosey Palmer and her Five Sisters...
In fact, I was feeling so good...I offered to get frisky again today! Unfortunately, she had someplace to be in a half an hour. So she didn't feel comfortable squeezing me in (pun intended) cleaning up and getting dressed in such a short time (which is perfectly reasonable).
So I did what any man would do. I took care of myself when when she was gone. No porn or porn subs involved. Just ran through my head what we would have done if she was there.
It's funny, but that actually helped in the healing process. The real thing is so much better than jacking it, I almost don't want to do that anymore. I'd way rather wait for my wife to be ready than turn to Ol' Rosey Palmer and her Five Sisters...
Another successful weekend with The Missus! The Little Monk was able to get up, get in and do his thing!
So I think I'm officially over the PIED. And the DE doesn't seem to be a problem anymore either. In fact, I was almost in danger of becoming a "Minute Man"! I had to actually hold back and slow down for a change.
Being "normal" sure feels weird.
Wouldn't say I'm "cured" though. I still get tremendously strong urges to surf the web for visual content. And like any other addict, this usually flares up when I'm either stressed or bored.
I've been able to hold off (largely thanks to this community and all you wonderful people). But there's still the tendency to get complacent and think "Hey, I've gone a couple of months without incident. Surely one little PMO peek couldn't hurt, right?"
Except that's exactly how alcoholics fall off the wagon. What starts out as "one little drink" usually ends up in a binge.
So...every time I get the urge, I come here. Or I'll go to the gym...or fire up the XBox...or grab the guitar. Just something to get a away from the computer and move my mind to other thoughts.
On the plus side, the urges are far more easy to control these days and don't last nearly as long. Still, those little bastards still pop up every once in awhile.
But I'm ready for 'em...
So I think I'm officially over the PIED. And the DE doesn't seem to be a problem anymore either. In fact, I was almost in danger of becoming a "Minute Man"! I had to actually hold back and slow down for a change.
Being "normal" sure feels weird.
Wouldn't say I'm "cured" though. I still get tremendously strong urges to surf the web for visual content. And like any other addict, this usually flares up when I'm either stressed or bored.
I've been able to hold off (largely thanks to this community and all you wonderful people). But there's still the tendency to get complacent and think "Hey, I've gone a couple of months without incident. Surely one little PMO peek couldn't hurt, right?"
Except that's exactly how alcoholics fall off the wagon. What starts out as "one little drink" usually ends up in a binge.
So...every time I get the urge, I come here. Or I'll go to the gym...or fire up the XBox...or grab the guitar. Just something to get a away from the computer and move my mind to other thoughts.
On the plus side, the urges are far more easy to control these days and don't last nearly as long. Still, those little bastards still pop up every once in awhile.
But I'm ready for 'em...
The Missus was having some health issues in her Womanly Region. Thankfully it was nothing serious and she's fine now.
But naturally, there was no Nookie in the Monk household for the month as we were getting that all sorted out.
Unfortunately, I sought companionship in the internet and my own right hand.
Nothing serious...just a few pictures of pretty people to jog the ol' spank bank.
Nevertheless, that may have set me back a bit in the Real World. We'll see, I guess.
In the meantime, I reset my counter. And should probably start coming here every time the urge to stray resurfaces (which will probably be every couple of days at this rate...)
Anyway, the fight goes on.
Monk
But naturally, there was no Nookie in the Monk household for the month as we were getting that all sorted out.
Unfortunately, I sought companionship in the internet and my own right hand.
Nothing serious...just a few pictures of pretty people to jog the ol' spank bank.
Nevertheless, that may have set me back a bit in the Real World. We'll see, I guess.
In the meantime, I reset my counter. And should probably start coming here every time the urge to stray resurfaces (which will probably be every couple of days at this rate...)
Anyway, the fight goes on.
Monk
Wanted to check in and log a success story for the Forums.
Looks like I'm pretty much over the PIED and the PIDE ("Porn Induced Delayed Ejaculation"). For the last month or so, all my equipment's been working the way it's supposed to.
Sure, sex in the Monk household has been a little "vanilla" .But as the Missus reminded me, we've keeping things simple and standard until I felt comfortable (she's a trooper, that gal of mine!). Slowly but surely, the anxiety and angst has been lessening. And the Little Monk has been able to get up and working on a regular basis.
And yesterday, for the first time in a long time, we actually had normal fun spontaneous sex (the way we used to when we first got married). I wasn't nervous or worried or retreating into my head to force a reaction.
I was fully present and committed to the moment. And the result was wonderful!
Even after we finished (and boy did I finish!) things felt different...better...more real. I felt relaxed and wired at the same time. I couldn't believe I'd been sacrificing feeling this good for porn fantasies.
Now any time I'm tempted to fall back into old habits, I'll remember how good the Real World feels.
Hope everyone else is finding the their way out of the Porn Pit. If you're struggling, keep reading the Forums, talk to each other. Hell, drop me a line if you want.
This stuff REALLY works!
P. Monk
Looks like I'm pretty much over the PIED and the PIDE ("Porn Induced Delayed Ejaculation"). For the last month or so, all my equipment's been working the way it's supposed to.
Sure, sex in the Monk household has been a little "vanilla" .But as the Missus reminded me, we've keeping things simple and standard until I felt comfortable (she's a trooper, that gal of mine!). Slowly but surely, the anxiety and angst has been lessening. And the Little Monk has been able to get up and working on a regular basis.
And yesterday, for the first time in a long time, we actually had normal fun spontaneous sex (the way we used to when we first got married). I wasn't nervous or worried or retreating into my head to force a reaction.
I was fully present and committed to the moment. And the result was wonderful!
Even after we finished (and boy did I finish!) things felt different...better...more real. I felt relaxed and wired at the same time. I couldn't believe I'd been sacrificing feeling this good for porn fantasies.
Now any time I'm tempted to fall back into old habits, I'll remember how good the Real World feels.
Hope everyone else is finding the their way out of the Porn Pit. If you're struggling, keep reading the Forums, talk to each other. Hell, drop me a line if you want.
This stuff REALLY works!
P. Monk
L
Leon
Guest
Just visiting the forums, and saw you posted- P.M.!
So touched and inspired by that success story, and am encouraged that a brother in arms is making progress.
Peace to you.
So touched and inspired by that success story, and am encouraged that a brother in arms is making progress.
Peace to you.
Aaaaaand...I'm back!
Reset my counter after a nasty little relapse. The long and the short of it is...I got cocky (pun, as always, intended). After curing the PIED and the PIDE, I decided I was invincible. So I dallied here and there at some old vices.
My weakness had always been nude pictures of celebs. So while my wife was "paying her monthly bill" (we don't have sex when she's on her period), I revisited some old digital playmates. Figured what's the harm? I'm cured, right?
Wrong!
This is the equivalent of an alcoholic saying "One drink won't hurt me."
It wasn't even a full blown relapse...just a peek here and there. But it led to some regressive thinking. And when the new year arrived, so did the PIED and the PIDE. But that also brought a resolution. This year...I'm going to do it right and complete.
Managed to stay clean for the last few weeks. And I won't even look at bikini or lingerie pictures. Had a serious panic of performance anxiety this afternoon but managed to get through it. The PIED seems to be gone. But I wasn't able to finish.
Still, this re-enforced that the real thing is much better than the fantasy. Which in turn brings back the correct thinking. Rather than thinking "I'm horny, when will my wife leave so I can jack it", the thoughts are more along the lines of "I'm horny. Let's see what the Missus is doing now so hopefully I won't have to jack it."
My resolve is stronger than ever and I'm determined to permanently put the cap on this thing. I am constantly amazed by my Missus who's been sober for two years and is all the happier for it. Her patience, willpower and tenacity completely inspire me.
So here's to a Prosperous and PIED/PIDE Free 2017!
P. Monk
Reset my counter after a nasty little relapse. The long and the short of it is...I got cocky (pun, as always, intended). After curing the PIED and the PIDE, I decided I was invincible. So I dallied here and there at some old vices.
My weakness had always been nude pictures of celebs. So while my wife was "paying her monthly bill" (we don't have sex when she's on her period), I revisited some old digital playmates. Figured what's the harm? I'm cured, right?
Wrong!
This is the equivalent of an alcoholic saying "One drink won't hurt me."
It wasn't even a full blown relapse...just a peek here and there. But it led to some regressive thinking. And when the new year arrived, so did the PIED and the PIDE. But that also brought a resolution. This year...I'm going to do it right and complete.
Managed to stay clean for the last few weeks. And I won't even look at bikini or lingerie pictures. Had a serious panic of performance anxiety this afternoon but managed to get through it. The PIED seems to be gone. But I wasn't able to finish.
Still, this re-enforced that the real thing is much better than the fantasy. Which in turn brings back the correct thinking. Rather than thinking "I'm horny, when will my wife leave so I can jack it", the thoughts are more along the lines of "I'm horny. Let's see what the Missus is doing now so hopefully I won't have to jack it."
My resolve is stronger than ever and I'm determined to permanently put the cap on this thing. I am constantly amazed by my Missus who's been sober for two years and is all the happier for it. Her patience, willpower and tenacity completely inspire me.
So here's to a Prosperous and PIED/PIDE Free 2017!
P. Monk
Haven't posted in awhile. But I'm still having trouble with the PIDE (no, I'm not dyslexic. That stands for "Porn Induced Delayed Ejaculation').
When my wife and I have sex, I can get it up fairly regularly. However, I can't seem to finish. Part of the problem is that I've conditioned myself to ejaculate to imagery (due to the porn or porn fantasies). As a result, I need some kind of fantasy to get me to the Point of No Return. Once I'm there, I can shift back into reality and ride the wave to orgasm.
But right now, when I try to come, I can't. None of the old triggers work anymore (which is not a bad thing). I recognize this as being part of the infamous "Flatline" (that in-between phase where, as your brain is rewiring itself, nothing seems to trigger). I'm also aware I'm trying too hard. There will be times I'll try to force it, and just go limp inside her.
Today, as we were getting it on, I could feel the pressure building. So I went into my head to trigger the Point of No Return out of habit. When I realized what was happening, I tried to shift back to the Present, but it was too late. The Little Monk had retreated into his Wilt of Shame.
On the plus side, I haven't so much as looked at any old vices. It's tough, because there's always some internet article about "so-and-so celeb's bikini selfie" or "such-and-such's sexy lingerie shoot". I don't even click on them anymore. There was also a fetish site I used to frequent occasionally (side note: "frequent occasionally" seems like an oxymoron) that I haven't touched in close to a month.
I'm determined to beat this permanently. And it WILL happen. Just need patience and time (both of which always seem in short supply).
Monk
When my wife and I have sex, I can get it up fairly regularly. However, I can't seem to finish. Part of the problem is that I've conditioned myself to ejaculate to imagery (due to the porn or porn fantasies). As a result, I need some kind of fantasy to get me to the Point of No Return. Once I'm there, I can shift back into reality and ride the wave to orgasm.
But right now, when I try to come, I can't. None of the old triggers work anymore (which is not a bad thing). I recognize this as being part of the infamous "Flatline" (that in-between phase where, as your brain is rewiring itself, nothing seems to trigger). I'm also aware I'm trying too hard. There will be times I'll try to force it, and just go limp inside her.
Today, as we were getting it on, I could feel the pressure building. So I went into my head to trigger the Point of No Return out of habit. When I realized what was happening, I tried to shift back to the Present, but it was too late. The Little Monk had retreated into his Wilt of Shame.
On the plus side, I haven't so much as looked at any old vices. It's tough, because there's always some internet article about "so-and-so celeb's bikini selfie" or "such-and-such's sexy lingerie shoot". I don't even click on them anymore. There was also a fetish site I used to frequent occasionally (side note: "frequent occasionally" seems like an oxymoron) that I haven't touched in close to a month.
I'm determined to beat this permanently. And it WILL happen. Just need patience and time (both of which always seem in short supply).
Monk
I think things are finally back on track!
Had the biggest case of Blue Balls all week since we hadn't done "The Deed" in a couple of weeks (my wife had to "pay her monthly bill"). So when Saturday rolled around, I jumped at the chance to jump on my wife!
Everything worked as it should have. No PIED or PIDE!
That left me (and her) feeling so good, I was tempted to reward myself with a little Spank Bank Fantasy Wank a little later that night.
Just think about that for second. As a reward for being able to have good, normal REAL sex, I was tempted to have a virtual go with one of my digital playmates. That's literally like an alcoholic rewarding himself with a drink for staying sober for a week.
Happy to say, I resisted. But it's almost frightening the way the addicts brain works.
Thankfully, the desire for recovery is far greater than the need for momentary gratification.
Monk
Had the biggest case of Blue Balls all week since we hadn't done "The Deed" in a couple of weeks (my wife had to "pay her monthly bill"). So when Saturday rolled around, I jumped at the chance to jump on my wife!
Everything worked as it should have. No PIED or PIDE!
That left me (and her) feeling so good, I was tempted to reward myself with a little Spank Bank Fantasy Wank a little later that night.
Just think about that for second. As a reward for being able to have good, normal REAL sex, I was tempted to have a virtual go with one of my digital playmates. That's literally like an alcoholic rewarding himself with a drink for staying sober for a week.
Happy to say, I resisted. But it's almost frightening the way the addicts brain works.
Thankfully, the desire for recovery is far greater than the need for momentary gratification.
Monk
Been awhile since I posted.
Things are progressing nicely, though not at 100% yet. The Missus and I just had our weekend roll in the hay and it was quite fun. No issues getting The Little Monk to stand at attention. However, I encountered another problem...one that's been a rare occurrence for me.
We were literally about a minute into getting hot and heavy and I could feel the desire to release. So I tried to pull a "Sting" and hold off. But alas, alack and a chicken a la King, once I choked it back...I couldn't recover. So I didn't finish.
On the plus side, this suggests that I'm more in tune with the physical sensations than the mental imagery, so that's definitely a step in the right direction.
Mrs. Monk asked me why I didn't just let it go. "Because I was having fun and didn't want it to end just yet!"
The lesson here is that it's all about balance. The quest is to find that "Goldilocks Zone" that's juuuust right.
Maybe Mama Bear will be in the mood a little later...
Things are progressing nicely, though not at 100% yet. The Missus and I just had our weekend roll in the hay and it was quite fun. No issues getting The Little Monk to stand at attention. However, I encountered another problem...one that's been a rare occurrence for me.
We were literally about a minute into getting hot and heavy and I could feel the desire to release. So I tried to pull a "Sting" and hold off. But alas, alack and a chicken a la King, once I choked it back...I couldn't recover. So I didn't finish.
On the plus side, this suggests that I'm more in tune with the physical sensations than the mental imagery, so that's definitely a step in the right direction.
Mrs. Monk asked me why I didn't just let it go. "Because I was having fun and didn't want it to end just yet!"
The lesson here is that it's all about balance. The quest is to find that "Goldilocks Zone" that's juuuust right.
Maybe Mama Bear will be in the mood a little later...
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Not too hot.... but not too cold.
Made me smile - Goldilocks Zone is something we talk about a lot at work..... but not in relation to PIED
Made me smile - Goldilocks Zone is something we talk about a lot at work..... but not in relation to PIED
Okay, this is getting annoying. I seem to be regressing back to some old bad habits. And while it's not a full blown back slide, it's impacting me in a negative way. So far, the PIED hasn't returned...but the PIDE has. And in a weird way.
I can actually get to the Point of No Return, but for some reason am holding back. So I get close, hold off and go soft...leaving neither me nor The Missus satisfied. The worst part is that this has given me a serious case of angst and performance anxiety. So instead of looking forward to the Happy Fun Sexy time on the weekends...I dread it.
And although my wife continues to be a trooper, I feel useless and unmanly as I'm constantly letting her down. Of course, this further fuels the sense of insecurity and makes me tempted to self gratify.
The worst thing is how I justify the Surfing I do. "Just one picture", "It's no big deal", "It's not REALLY porn", etc...
The only thing to do is basically do a total hard reset and avoid EVERYTHING on the net. No bikini or lingerie pictures...no "check out such-and-such celebs hot bod Instragram", etc...
So, I'm taking a page from Kurall's book and resetting my counter to a smaller chunk of time.
Let's do this a week at a time until those pesky neural pathways get firmly locked into place.
I can actually get to the Point of No Return, but for some reason am holding back. So I get close, hold off and go soft...leaving neither me nor The Missus satisfied. The worst part is that this has given me a serious case of angst and performance anxiety. So instead of looking forward to the Happy Fun Sexy time on the weekends...I dread it.
And although my wife continues to be a trooper, I feel useless and unmanly as I'm constantly letting her down. Of course, this further fuels the sense of insecurity and makes me tempted to self gratify.
The worst thing is how I justify the Surfing I do. "Just one picture", "It's no big deal", "It's not REALLY porn", etc...
The only thing to do is basically do a total hard reset and avoid EVERYTHING on the net. No bikini or lingerie pictures...no "check out such-and-such celebs hot bod Instragram", etc...
So, I'm taking a page from Kurall's book and resetting my counter to a smaller chunk of time.
Let's do this a week at a time until those pesky neural pathways get firmly locked into place.
Well, that was tough week...but I made it through.
Actually, the first few days were easy. But my libido was raging by around Wednesday or Thursday. And just about every pretty girl was getting me aroused (this made Kung Fu class Thursday night especially challenging).
It's also doubly difficult when literally ever third article on any commercial news aggregate site is about some celeb's "new bikini body", "sexy photo shoot" or "hot new Red Carpet look". I managed to keep control and not click on anything. So far it's working.
For the spiritually minded among you (and I know there are several), I've also been folding some chakra balancing into my daily meditations...focusing particularly the 2nd chakra, which governs sexuality and pleasure. Have a feeling "opening up" the 2nd chakra may help resolve some issue. Seems to be working so far.
Anyway, I'm going to reset the counter and go week to week for awhile.
Stay tuned...
P. Monk
Actually, the first few days were easy. But my libido was raging by around Wednesday or Thursday. And just about every pretty girl was getting me aroused (this made Kung Fu class Thursday night especially challenging).
It's also doubly difficult when literally ever third article on any commercial news aggregate site is about some celeb's "new bikini body", "sexy photo shoot" or "hot new Red Carpet look". I managed to keep control and not click on anything. So far it's working.
For the spiritually minded among you (and I know there are several), I've also been folding some chakra balancing into my daily meditations...focusing particularly the 2nd chakra, which governs sexuality and pleasure. Have a feeling "opening up" the 2nd chakra may help resolve some issue. Seems to be working so far.
Anyway, I'm going to reset the counter and go week to week for awhile.
Stay tuned...
P. Monk
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
<clumsily side-stepping the spiritual bit, due to my embarrassing ignorance>
Congratulations on fighting your way through a tough week. Really feel for you with the performance anxiety and self-esteem challenge you're experiencing in the bedroom. I've had very similar challenges over the last 3 months and find very nervous about physical intimacy with my wife. I got to convincing myself that, even though I was committed to staying off the P&M, there was no spark left in my marriage. That was bullshit. Just another cognitive distortion to throw me off the path and into the nettles. I'm trying to take my time and be empathetic with myself. I know that there are times of the day when S has traditionally been gentle, no stress, relatively short and ultimately very relaxing. Other times when it was traditionally more exciting and more of a performance. I currently find that I'm less anxious and enjoy things better at the "low stress" times of the day, so I'm trying to build confidence at that time and I think it's working. Might be something to consider.
And I wonder whether you might consider changing your commercial news aggregator, mate? You must be feeding the temptation by using the ones that shout loudly about celebs, actresses and fashion shows. I used to use those ones and dumped them in favour of the dull, old, BBC and then eventually The Guardian. Made a big impact. My P & S addiction was very fetishised, though, so those types of "news items" were particularly dangerous for me. Might not be such a big deal for you.
Just my thoughts. Good luck for another week of success.
Congratulations on fighting your way through a tough week. Really feel for you with the performance anxiety and self-esteem challenge you're experiencing in the bedroom. I've had very similar challenges over the last 3 months and find very nervous about physical intimacy with my wife. I got to convincing myself that, even though I was committed to staying off the P&M, there was no spark left in my marriage. That was bullshit. Just another cognitive distortion to throw me off the path and into the nettles. I'm trying to take my time and be empathetic with myself. I know that there are times of the day when S has traditionally been gentle, no stress, relatively short and ultimately very relaxing. Other times when it was traditionally more exciting and more of a performance. I currently find that I'm less anxious and enjoy things better at the "low stress" times of the day, so I'm trying to build confidence at that time and I think it's working. Might be something to consider.
And I wonder whether you might consider changing your commercial news aggregator, mate? You must be feeding the temptation by using the ones that shout loudly about celebs, actresses and fashion shows. I used to use those ones and dumped them in favour of the dull, old, BBC and then eventually The Guardian. Made a big impact. My P & S addiction was very fetishised, though, so those types of "news items" were particularly dangerous for me. Might not be such a big deal for you.
Just my thoughts. Good luck for another week of success.
workinprogressUK said:
Thanks! And that's great advice. You're absolutely right; the best time to build up the confidence is when one is feeling confident. I recently discovered that I've been approaching sex as something we have to do instead of something we want to do. Lately I've been feverishly trying to mentally schedule time when we can squeeze in some intimacy between all our chores and running around. All this does is ramp up the pressure. I start feeling that if I can't make it happen during this tiny time window, that's it for the week.
But if I don't think about it, I'm relaxed and the right moment just...occurs. Then The Missus and I just happily follow the urging of our naught bits.
Of course, I can intellectualize it to death. Putting it into practice, however...aye. There's the rub.
That's...brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?! Seriously! I just went and deleted a couple of the biggest offenders from my bookmarks. I'll stick to CNN and the other dull (but safer) sites.
Thanks for the good tips, Workinprogress.
P. Monk