jnv
Well-Known Member
Hello there!
How could I start (sorry in advance for any mistake, English isn't my native language) ... Well, I came across this website this weekend after browsing from websites to websites.
I think the beginning of the story is quite basic and common so I'll try to keep it as short as possible. I started watching porn during my early teenage years when my family got high speed internet and I've been doing it every single day since that day. Sometimes only once per day, some other day 5,6,7 times.... I would do it whenever I was bored, horny, sad, etc for whatever reason.
I've always done lots of sports, I had friends etc, so I thought I was exactly the same as every other guy my age except for one thing, girls. For whatever reason, I didn't (even though it's a bit better now, it's not top notch) have the confidence required to get a gf. I had some "friends" who were girls and even though I was told that I was a quite handsome athletic guy I COULDN'T get any to be my gf by lack of confidence and I started to get trapped in a kind of vicious circle of frustration which led to more MPO (to the point I would only be able to get excited only to some sort of fetishes I'd be too ashamed to list.....).
So up until my mid 20s, my only experience with girls was porn and the reason why it happened is mainly because I didn't feel any need at all to get a gf since porn could give me unlimited pleasure in such a short amount of time that the thought of flirting and miking efforts to get a gf seemed too exhausting to me. I started to become really angry with myself because since my teenage years, I've been told by many girls that I was quite handsome, attractive, etc and that if I had some balls and tried something during parties, I could have many pretty girls but ALL I could do during parties was NOTHING AT ALL except watch other guys getting the girls and I start telling me there really was something wrong with me. Just so you can understand how shy I am with girls, 4 years ago, we were coming back from a party and we were around 15 people( 8-9 girls) in a van, I was sitting next to a smoking hot acquaintance who is a model etc. At the time, her relationship was really wobbly and uncertain and she told me something like: "MMhh you are very hot tonight, I feel strange.... I'm kind of horny but I don't know why..." while looking at me in the eyes (we all were a bit drunk but whatever) and all I managed to say to her on the spot was "you are really beautiful too.." because I freaked out... and then we all went to bed...
Well I decided to try and change all of this 3 years ago when I decided to work a lot on myself for a change about how to become more confident with women (PUA etc) so I did the common thing, googling, read a lot on the topic on internet etc and managed to date my first girl ever. It was a huge achievement in my life since it was a cute Asian girl, which was kind of a fantasy of mine (maybe a residue of porn fetishism...). It lasted like 6 month and it was the first time ever I realized no matter how bad or worthless/desperate you think you are, by hard work, you can change and achieve some goals.
During this first experience with that girl, I encountered my first sexual problem, which I first thought would be premature ejaculation but no, the exact opposite occured to me. The very first time we tried to make love, I just couldn't have an erection. I immediately made the link with porn and the fact that even though I found this girl extremely attractive and sexy, the stimuli didn't work on me the same way porn did. I then (without knowing all the theory about rebooting etc) improvised a reboot without knowing if it would eventually lead me to any success. After 2 weeks of no PMO and 3 failed attempt with the girl, I managed to keep and erection for a very long time. At that time, I was very satisfied with this improvement and everything went as good for the next 5 months during which I wouldn't PMO at all (this is not exactly correct. I did PMO but using a man masturbation toy simply to get rid of the death grip from classical masturbation, which I thought was a big part of the problem, and it worked quite well since I regained (although very light) some sensibility with the girl in question). Besides the 2 times in the week I would see her, I didn't allow myself to get sexually stimulated (by hands) only for the sake of my sexual health.
During that time, there was still a problem which remained and was the relative numbness of my penis. During the first successful attempt with that girl, even though I managed to keep an erection, I barely had sensations (with condom) and very little by little, by the end of the 6th month, I started to feel something pleasurable (I'd say I went from 5% of sensation to 10%) but the progresses were very slow. In term of sensibility, I was still to the point where seeing her body and her facial expression was what made me keep an erection and wihtout any visual stimuli I'd lose tit.
After that I had 2 quick experiences with other girls but then again, I fell into that vicous circle of low self esteem (it's been the case for the last 2 years) up until this weekend.
So here I am, I came upon this website and the NoFap section on reddit this week end and have started the NoFap thing.
I'm not sure yet (I still have a lot to read on the subject) but i still have hope that by resolving this issue, many other aspects of my life will get better. (better self-esteem, stick to my goal, having more energy, better concentration, behave more manly, etc) I don't want to live like this anymore because I really have the feeling that it is actually ruining my life and what could be the best years of it... I would say that my expectations are really huge because I look at this change as a potential rebirth.
Although day 1 and 2 were easy, today on day 3, it was quite difficult because I watched porn quite a few times keeping myself on the edge when I decided to put an end to this. So I decided to erase and empty all of my 750gb worth of porn I gathered on a external hard drive over years because I think I needed a meaningful act to really realize that I needed that change.
I wasn't sure about writing all of this in a journal (it's the first time I confess about that) but this site looks great so I hope I'll learn a lot from this community and that I'll be able to be of help as well!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm sure this whole journey will allow me to unlock my true potential in life and I want to use that to achieve some things.
Here is a glimpse of what I want to achieve in the short/middle term.
Achievements:
PMO:
Getting healed from Delayed Ejaculation: UNLOCK
Being able to O through VP: UNLOCK
Getting my first Wet Dream ever: UNLOCK
7 days no Porn: DONE
30 days no Porn: DONE
45 days no Porn: UNLOCK
90 days no Porn: UNLOCK
120 days no Porn: UNLOCK
180 days no Porn: UNLOCK
365 days no Porn: UNLOCK
7 days Nofap: DONE
30 days Nofap: DONE
45 days Nofap: DONE
90 days Nofap: UNLOCK
120 days Nofap: UNLOCK
180 days Nofap: UNLOCK
365 days: Nofap: UNLOCK
Video Games:
30 days no Gaming: DONE
90 days no Gaming: DONE
180 days no Gaming: DONE
365 days no Gaming: DONE
2 years no Gaming:
Work Out:
20 Push Ups straight: DONE
30 Push Ups straight: DONE
40 Push Ups straight: DONE
50 Push Ups straight: UNLOCK
10 Dips straight: DONE
15 Dips straight: DONE
20 Dips straight: UNLOCK
25 Dips straight: UNLOCK
30 Dips straight: UNLOCK
10 Pull Ups straight: DONE
15 Pull Ups straight: DONE
20 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
25 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
30 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
1 One hand Push Up: UNLOCK
5 One hand Push Ups straight: UNLOCK
Mastering the human flag: UNLOCK
Academics:
Law 1st year: DONE
Law 2nd year: UNLOCK
Law 3rd year: UNLOCK
Getting an official B2 level in Dutch: UNLOCK
Getting an official B2 level in Spanish: UNLOCK
How could I start (sorry in advance for any mistake, English isn't my native language) ... Well, I came across this website this weekend after browsing from websites to websites.
I think the beginning of the story is quite basic and common so I'll try to keep it as short as possible. I started watching porn during my early teenage years when my family got high speed internet and I've been doing it every single day since that day. Sometimes only once per day, some other day 5,6,7 times.... I would do it whenever I was bored, horny, sad, etc for whatever reason.
I've always done lots of sports, I had friends etc, so I thought I was exactly the same as every other guy my age except for one thing, girls. For whatever reason, I didn't (even though it's a bit better now, it's not top notch) have the confidence required to get a gf. I had some "friends" who were girls and even though I was told that I was a quite handsome athletic guy I COULDN'T get any to be my gf by lack of confidence and I started to get trapped in a kind of vicious circle of frustration which led to more MPO (to the point I would only be able to get excited only to some sort of fetishes I'd be too ashamed to list.....).
So up until my mid 20s, my only experience with girls was porn and the reason why it happened is mainly because I didn't feel any need at all to get a gf since porn could give me unlimited pleasure in such a short amount of time that the thought of flirting and miking efforts to get a gf seemed too exhausting to me. I started to become really angry with myself because since my teenage years, I've been told by many girls that I was quite handsome, attractive, etc and that if I had some balls and tried something during parties, I could have many pretty girls but ALL I could do during parties was NOTHING AT ALL except watch other guys getting the girls and I start telling me there really was something wrong with me. Just so you can understand how shy I am with girls, 4 years ago, we were coming back from a party and we were around 15 people( 8-9 girls) in a van, I was sitting next to a smoking hot acquaintance who is a model etc. At the time, her relationship was really wobbly and uncertain and she told me something like: "MMhh you are very hot tonight, I feel strange.... I'm kind of horny but I don't know why..." while looking at me in the eyes (we all were a bit drunk but whatever) and all I managed to say to her on the spot was "you are really beautiful too.." because I freaked out... and then we all went to bed...
Well I decided to try and change all of this 3 years ago when I decided to work a lot on myself for a change about how to become more confident with women (PUA etc) so I did the common thing, googling, read a lot on the topic on internet etc and managed to date my first girl ever. It was a huge achievement in my life since it was a cute Asian girl, which was kind of a fantasy of mine (maybe a residue of porn fetishism...). It lasted like 6 month and it was the first time ever I realized no matter how bad or worthless/desperate you think you are, by hard work, you can change and achieve some goals.
During this first experience with that girl, I encountered my first sexual problem, which I first thought would be premature ejaculation but no, the exact opposite occured to me. The very first time we tried to make love, I just couldn't have an erection. I immediately made the link with porn and the fact that even though I found this girl extremely attractive and sexy, the stimuli didn't work on me the same way porn did. I then (without knowing all the theory about rebooting etc) improvised a reboot without knowing if it would eventually lead me to any success. After 2 weeks of no PMO and 3 failed attempt with the girl, I managed to keep and erection for a very long time. At that time, I was very satisfied with this improvement and everything went as good for the next 5 months during which I wouldn't PMO at all (this is not exactly correct. I did PMO but using a man masturbation toy simply to get rid of the death grip from classical masturbation, which I thought was a big part of the problem, and it worked quite well since I regained (although very light) some sensibility with the girl in question). Besides the 2 times in the week I would see her, I didn't allow myself to get sexually stimulated (by hands) only for the sake of my sexual health.
During that time, there was still a problem which remained and was the relative numbness of my penis. During the first successful attempt with that girl, even though I managed to keep an erection, I barely had sensations (with condom) and very little by little, by the end of the 6th month, I started to feel something pleasurable (I'd say I went from 5% of sensation to 10%) but the progresses were very slow. In term of sensibility, I was still to the point where seeing her body and her facial expression was what made me keep an erection and wihtout any visual stimuli I'd lose tit.
After that I had 2 quick experiences with other girls but then again, I fell into that vicous circle of low self esteem (it's been the case for the last 2 years) up until this weekend.
So here I am, I came upon this website and the NoFap section on reddit this week end and have started the NoFap thing.
I'm not sure yet (I still have a lot to read on the subject) but i still have hope that by resolving this issue, many other aspects of my life will get better. (better self-esteem, stick to my goal, having more energy, better concentration, behave more manly, etc) I don't want to live like this anymore because I really have the feeling that it is actually ruining my life and what could be the best years of it... I would say that my expectations are really huge because I look at this change as a potential rebirth.
Although day 1 and 2 were easy, today on day 3, it was quite difficult because I watched porn quite a few times keeping myself on the edge when I decided to put an end to this. So I decided to erase and empty all of my 750gb worth of porn I gathered on a external hard drive over years because I think I needed a meaningful act to really realize that I needed that change.
I wasn't sure about writing all of this in a journal (it's the first time I confess about that) but this site looks great so I hope I'll learn a lot from this community and that I'll be able to be of help as well!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm sure this whole journey will allow me to unlock my true potential in life and I want to use that to achieve some things.
Here is a glimpse of what I want to achieve in the short/middle term.
Achievements:
PMO:
Getting healed from Delayed Ejaculation: UNLOCK
Being able to O through VP: UNLOCK
Getting my first Wet Dream ever: UNLOCK
7 days no Porn: DONE
30 days no Porn: DONE
45 days no Porn: UNLOCK
90 days no Porn: UNLOCK
120 days no Porn: UNLOCK
180 days no Porn: UNLOCK
365 days no Porn: UNLOCK
7 days Nofap: DONE
30 days Nofap: DONE
45 days Nofap: DONE
90 days Nofap: UNLOCK
120 days Nofap: UNLOCK
180 days Nofap: UNLOCK
365 days: Nofap: UNLOCK
Video Games:
30 days no Gaming: DONE
90 days no Gaming: DONE
180 days no Gaming: DONE
365 days no Gaming: DONE
2 years no Gaming:
Work Out:
20 Push Ups straight: DONE
30 Push Ups straight: DONE
40 Push Ups straight: DONE
50 Push Ups straight: UNLOCK
10 Dips straight: DONE
15 Dips straight: DONE
20 Dips straight: UNLOCK
25 Dips straight: UNLOCK
30 Dips straight: UNLOCK
10 Pull Ups straight: DONE
15 Pull Ups straight: DONE
20 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
25 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
30 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
1 One hand Push Up: UNLOCK
5 One hand Push Ups straight: UNLOCK
Mastering the human flag: UNLOCK
Academics:
Law 1st year: DONE
Law 2nd year: UNLOCK
Law 3rd year: UNLOCK
Getting an official B2 level in Dutch: UNLOCK
Getting an official B2 level in Spanish: UNLOCK