Hiya,
So, I'm around the 9 day point on NoPMO & NoMO. I've been noticing women more the last couple of days. Maybe it's the testosterone peak?! But, today is the first time I have reacted to a female since the start of this reboot; as I had some prolonged(ish) eye contact with a voluptuous woman when I was shopping for some things. I was then walking around for a good while with some 'wind in my sails', thinking about her and about sex, and maybe porn (I can't remember - should have typed earlier), but also the thought of going home to MO.
Later on today, I went back out to go to another local supermarket, and had one attractive woman (I'm trying to keep trigger language in-check) very obviously check me out as I was walking there... I won't lie, it felt really fucking good (both mentally and physically). Basically, to cut a long story short, when I was at the supermarket, I was quite aware of some of the women, and to one woman who I'm not usually attracted to the type, who I was particularly 'aware of'. It really felt frickin good... and, a bit frustrating! That actually sounds borderline wrong. But I hope you all know what I mean.
I forget who's journal I was reading last week (no disrespect meant), and they mentioned the ponolization of the media, which I wholeheartedly agree with. Tonight, just watching adverts on the TV was challenging.
My intention is to continue to go NoMO or Fap & NoPMO... I hope I make some good gains. One thing is encouraging, and that is that maybe if I feel this natural attraction to women, and keep porn free... maybe with some work (flirtation and relationships), I feel the future will be good. Today has been tough, as I was a bit hungover this morning (which as some of you guys may remember, is a trigger for me). But NoFap seems like it does produce benefits - how sustainable it is long term we will see. But, I am determined to try
I have been doing a concentrating/motivational move, now-and-again, that a guy called Whirlwind Tobias does on his youtube videos (though he hasn't done that many, and they are from a yr or two ago now, I think) and he slaps his hands together in a prayer/namaste position and concentrates. This has worked for me a couple of times, and it feels powerful. Feeling powerful is something that I like the idea of, but, also, it makes me feel selfish, like the honing of one's body and self into something great. I guess there is some ego in there. I've started to slowly incorporate some yoga and meditation back into my life (practiced reasonably regularly in the past - fuck, I'm being a little too modest there, as I used to practice almost daily) which can only be a good thing, right! So thanks
Boo, for your advice the other
week day! on doing some meditation/mindfulness
and also for your kind words the other day and this
Good for you in thinking about your PMO goals. We all need something to look forward to. Just keep the journey in perspective and don't beat yourself up if something goes a little sideways along the path. Progress is the key. You'll get there.
and
Philgood... That's too cool that you like the title of my journal, I'm super-glad it resonates... and re: the therapy... I am also doing some at the moment, and it's definitely helping!
Thanks! Here's to being authentic!! Oh, seeing similarities is exactly what helps me also.
Quickly going back to today, I was wondering how much or if any of my appreciation of women was bound up with P. But, will see how that goes...
Cheers, fyg
PS. I'll start supplying some quotes from readings soon (it's my style, I think) - it's all about being authentic and embodied!!