Hey man, caught your posts on Peace's page. Thanks for all the great journal entries. I found several pieces of info that I wrote down for myself. I wanted to address some of the stuff you were writing about. Some of it is from older posts so BUMP. hehe.
Also, I'm a bit of an analyst with a slight psychology background so don't shoot me
The sun was out, the parents were in a great mood in the morning, and I killed my routine today 8) No urges to deal with yet. Unfortunately tonight, I sort of snapped at my pops when he made some of his paranoid, unfounded, negative comments that I've become very resentful towards. That wasn't fair of me. I know that, yeah, it would be nice if those around us improved their habits, but I can't just expect that. I also see my reactions creating more distance between me and him. Sometimes showing love is just overlooking those things like that, and finding positive ways of showing yourself self-care afterwards. So that's what I will try now.
So I noticed that your use of identifiers changed frequently in this paragraph. "*The* parents", "I killed *my* routine", "*I* snapped at *my* pops", "...If *those* around me (referring to your parents)..." Etc... What this is often indicative of is that you're struggling to distance yourself from situations that are dis-pleasurable. It's not necessarily a bad thing but can often lead to a lack of responsibility for the actions that YOU could control i.e the snap at your dad. Most often he's probably looking to get a rise out of you and start a fight which probably helps him to relieve some bottled up emotions that he isn't dealing with. Your best bet is to do the same thing that you would do when a craving comes on and walk away. Leave for a while, get moving on something constructive. The urge to fight him is a similar urge to PMO.
My initial text response was essentially 'we were clearly just teasing you' but my 2nd text was more sensitive and she seemed to respond appreciatively as soon as she got it. Being empathetic and humble saves the day again.
So there's this quote from a movie I really like,
Book of Eli which you may or may not have seen. Most of the movie revolves around a bible which i'm not huge into myself except for when it teaches you good stuff. Anyways, Denzel Washington is protecting the "last" bible on the planet and some folks take it from him. Later, he's talking to Mila Kunis and he says,
"I was so busy protecting the bible that I forgot to live by it's words."
To which she replies, "What does it say?"
And he says, "Basically, do more for others than you do for yourself."
I probably paraphrased it a bit but the point stands. Often times we act in self interest because it's our basic state of being. Getting back to your situation with your friend, your first reaction to her being offended was self-protection/preservation. Your second reaction was of selflessness and compassion. You embraced that despite your lack of malicious intent, you understand that a person was offended and you apologized for doing so. This in turn led to her feeling understood.
I have other things to complain about that aren't worth complaining about, like the fact that I sort of made a new friend that I didn't want to make (which already sounds terrible). He's a cool enough dude but I just don't have much free social time. But after we hung out this afternoon, he already wanted to see what I'm up to Monday, and I'm just frustrated that I already have to let him down. Why am I even worried about that? Moving on :/
A sales technique I read about once talked about how easy it was to determine if someone was actually interested in a business relationship or not by setting appointment times. Basically, the salesman would ask if the person was interested in sitting down and talking. Most times the person would say yes. The salesman would then try make an appointment for this to happen. If the person agreed, great! But if they didn't agree, and weren't forthcoming with another time that they were free, often this meant that they weren't actually interested.
What this translates to in the social world is that often times, say, on facebook, you'll hear from an old friend "I miss you! Let hang out soon!"... "soon" being the loosest possible appointment set on the planet. What I often say next is, "I'm free next monday and tuesday night. Want to get together?" Some folks will say "yeah! lets do it!" and others will give excuses to any day that you're free, even if you push it further out to the following week or month.
Back to your situation, if you do like this guy and are interested in a friendship, don't just give him a series of no's and excuses, even if they are legitimate. When you give him the no's and excuses, you ARE letting him down. If you don't actually want to pursue a friendship, then it's fine. If you do, tell him. Say something like, "Monday is no good. I don't have much social free time but i'm free thursday night for a few hours. Want to get together then?"
This will make him feel like you actually want his company, even if you have to cancel later.
Well, I seem to have gotten overzealous. Let me know if i'm digging too deep. I do that sometimes
-The Faptain
