vigilantwarrior
Active Member
Journal Entry 1 ? Mon, 3/28
Getting Current
What's up guys!! So I want to introduce myself to everyone while I start my journey through this journal. I?m 26 and have tried to quit porn for 10 years, which feels pretty insane. I?ve put a lot more energy into it for the past 5 years, and yet I still haven?t broken free. This is, by far, the hardest challenge, of my entire life.
I?ve reached the ability to go for about 2 weeks without withdrawals, but it?s so hard to break through that barrier; I just shut down into kind of like a subhuman form, and everything feels wrong. I have to get through that Dead Zone. Despite my rough day yesterday, I actually feel? okay. I am not feeling depressed, and my head is somewhat clear, which isn?t always the case. Often, my porn relapses last many hours, sometimes in the double-digits, just bingeing as long as humanly possible, and I end up with severe dark thoughts and intense self-esteem issues, which are only encouraged by my constant failures. Without porn I can be a pretty great guy. But while it captures my life, it really deflates any shred of awesomeness that I've built over life.
That said, I?m ready to hit the ground running and not let *anything* in my head trick me out of my path to sobriety and enlightenment.
Learning & Expanding
I am putting intense focus towards learning and expanding my perspective during this process, to make personal growth while I fight this battle.
First of all I have to say that Gabe Deem's direct yet level-headed conversation about the potential destructive nature of porn with "Porn on the Brain" is very encouraging and impressive, and anyone who hasn't seen it should definitely check it out.
Craig Perra, one of the more notable online coaches and advisors for men with porn addiction, makes a hugely dramatic statement in his entry video. The one cure for porn addiction, sex addiction, mediocrity, etc. is: The Aggressive Pursuit of a Great Life. He keyed in on this and it made me think, obviously I haven?t done a good job of trying to replace porn addiction. Instead, I might play more video games and watch more movies, and spend more time doing things I should do and yet don?t always enjoy (working out, recovery reading, cleaning). Can I find what drives me and discover a passion instead of trying something new, failing, and giving up? That would be a great boost in my pursuit of sobriety.
Also, Tony Litster from ?curethecraving? insists that there are 4 important areas to focus on ? The body, the mind, the spirit, stress management.
I am looking forward to a new chapter.
Getting Current
What's up guys!! So I want to introduce myself to everyone while I start my journey through this journal. I?m 26 and have tried to quit porn for 10 years, which feels pretty insane. I?ve put a lot more energy into it for the past 5 years, and yet I still haven?t broken free. This is, by far, the hardest challenge, of my entire life.
I?ve reached the ability to go for about 2 weeks without withdrawals, but it?s so hard to break through that barrier; I just shut down into kind of like a subhuman form, and everything feels wrong. I have to get through that Dead Zone. Despite my rough day yesterday, I actually feel? okay. I am not feeling depressed, and my head is somewhat clear, which isn?t always the case. Often, my porn relapses last many hours, sometimes in the double-digits, just bingeing as long as humanly possible, and I end up with severe dark thoughts and intense self-esteem issues, which are only encouraged by my constant failures. Without porn I can be a pretty great guy. But while it captures my life, it really deflates any shred of awesomeness that I've built over life.
That said, I?m ready to hit the ground running and not let *anything* in my head trick me out of my path to sobriety and enlightenment.
Learning & Expanding
I am putting intense focus towards learning and expanding my perspective during this process, to make personal growth while I fight this battle.
First of all I have to say that Gabe Deem's direct yet level-headed conversation about the potential destructive nature of porn with "Porn on the Brain" is very encouraging and impressive, and anyone who hasn't seen it should definitely check it out.
Craig Perra, one of the more notable online coaches and advisors for men with porn addiction, makes a hugely dramatic statement in his entry video. The one cure for porn addiction, sex addiction, mediocrity, etc. is: The Aggressive Pursuit of a Great Life. He keyed in on this and it made me think, obviously I haven?t done a good job of trying to replace porn addiction. Instead, I might play more video games and watch more movies, and spend more time doing things I should do and yet don?t always enjoy (working out, recovery reading, cleaning). Can I find what drives me and discover a passion instead of trying something new, failing, and giving up? That would be a great boost in my pursuit of sobriety.
Also, Tony Litster from ?curethecraving? insists that there are 4 important areas to focus on ? The body, the mind, the spirit, stress management.
- The BODY ? physically, it?s an organism. How am I feeding my body, and setting myself up for cravings? Bad foods and stimulants literally can make the body more likely to crave porn.
- The MIND ? replace the shame cycle. Get our mind in alignment with the inner dialogue, and then learn how to meditate and visualize.
- The SPIRIT ? We need to bring the inner world of our feelings and our emotions into alignment with natural law of the earth, processing the chatter and the stress, and finding internal peace and quiet. It may include spending time in nature and being very still, and honoring the space within us.
- STRESS MANAGEMENT ? Stresses build up over time and can?t be eliminated, but we need to look at habits in our brain that are proven to unwind stress so you don?t need to crave an escape any longer.
I am looking forward to a new chapter.