Free At Last
- Thread starter achilles heel
- Start date
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Achilles! We're behind you 200% man!
And like Hablablos said, it really isn't day '0'. You've made HUGE progress, and the thing to do now is move as quickly as possibly out of the 'relapse zone'. Go outside, talk to people, interact with real humans, forgive yourself! Remember that we all have weaknesses, and remember that this journey is going to have a few set backs.
My last PMO relapse was on July 27th, but before that, I'd gone 3 whole months without PMO! Luckily I was able to NOT turn that one relapse into a string of relapses. (And I felt really bad after that relapse!), but luckily, the community was there for me, and gave me encouraging advice about how to get out of it as quickly as possible. So in the end, I viewed that one relapse as a minor step backwards in a huge string of steps forwards
It ok man! One relapse doesn't make you a horrible person. We're all trying to get away from this super tempting stuff, and we're all looking forward to the amazing benefits we will enjoy once we are more healed.
Keep up the good work! And we all love you man!
-Peace
And like Hablablos said, it really isn't day '0'. You've made HUGE progress, and the thing to do now is move as quickly as possibly out of the 'relapse zone'. Go outside, talk to people, interact with real humans, forgive yourself! Remember that we all have weaknesses, and remember that this journey is going to have a few set backs.
My last PMO relapse was on July 27th, but before that, I'd gone 3 whole months without PMO! Luckily I was able to NOT turn that one relapse into a string of relapses. (And I felt really bad after that relapse!), but luckily, the community was there for me, and gave me encouraging advice about how to get out of it as quickly as possible. So in the end, I viewed that one relapse as a minor step backwards in a huge string of steps forwards
It ok man! One relapse doesn't make you a horrible person. We're all trying to get away from this super tempting stuff, and we're all looking forward to the amazing benefits we will enjoy once we are more healed.Keep up the good work! And we all love you man!
-Peace
Hey achille, keep going man, its a necessary fail i think, a necessary setback, a set up for a comeback like they say. Learn from it, grow from it and get out stronger. Like they say also bro, use this pain/regret to fuel you and next time you feel tempted, draw from these regret to find the strenght to say no.
Btw, you are surely aware, but there is this chasing effect after a relapse that cause urge to be stronger i think, like, your animal brain took control during the relapse and now, it want more. So stay on your guard and keep going.
And yes, like they all said, one relapse doesn't cancel any of your effort, it just an opportunity to grow, so, yes, keep going dude, victory is the only option ultimately, so we'd better be strong.
peace man
Btw, you are surely aware, but there is this chasing effect after a relapse that cause urge to be stronger i think, like, your animal brain took control during the relapse and now, it want more. So stay on your guard and keep going.
And yes, like they all said, one relapse doesn't cancel any of your effort, it just an opportunity to grow, so, yes, keep going dude, victory is the only option ultimately, so we'd better be strong.
peace man
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Thanks a lot, Hablablos, Peace and Theself! Your comments mean so much to me and helped me get back up after relapsing again for two days until yesterday, just thank you!
I know about the chaser effect and it just got me. It's a bad setting currently, as I've got lots of free time on holidays and am staying alone at home too much because it's cold and dark outside. This shouldn't be an excuse, but the relapse happened once again and I now realize how far I've come before as these strong cravings had become unknown to me. Well, they're back. You're right, a relapse never is a setback to 0 and my progress isn't totally gone, but it's a major setback though!
I did underestimate the cravings, but yesterday finally blocked internet access at my old computer with a random keyword I just threw away. This is rather extreme, but I remember William's words about those ready to quit and those who aren't. Mentally I am ready to quit for a long time now, but I still need behavioural changes to achieve a long term success. Otherwise I will relapse sooner or later.
When I read through my journal I've got the answer right there, as I already spotted my internet addiction as a big problem and I've got to add my cell phone addiction without a doubt. I used to take my cell phone to bed, to the kitchen, even to go to the toilet. I won't live free if porn is always one click away. Cell phone stays out of bedroom, out of bath, out of my kitchen. I proved that I can make it almost 4 months PMO-free despite my cell phone and internet addiction. If I can change this behaviour, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Much love to each and everyone of you, thanks for helping me to get back up and all the best for you!
I know about the chaser effect and it just got me. It's a bad setting currently, as I've got lots of free time on holidays and am staying alone at home too much because it's cold and dark outside. This shouldn't be an excuse, but the relapse happened once again and I now realize how far I've come before as these strong cravings had become unknown to me. Well, they're back. You're right, a relapse never is a setback to 0 and my progress isn't totally gone, but it's a major setback though!
I did underestimate the cravings, but yesterday finally blocked internet access at my old computer with a random keyword I just threw away. This is rather extreme, but I remember William's words about those ready to quit and those who aren't. Mentally I am ready to quit for a long time now, but I still need behavioural changes to achieve a long term success. Otherwise I will relapse sooner or later.
When I read through my journal I've got the answer right there, as I already spotted my internet addiction as a big problem and I've got to add my cell phone addiction without a doubt. I used to take my cell phone to bed, to the kitchen, even to go to the toilet. I won't live free if porn is always one click away. Cell phone stays out of bedroom, out of bath, out of my kitchen. I proved that I can make it almost 4 months PMO-free despite my cell phone and internet addiction. If I can change this behaviour, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Much love to each and everyone of you, thanks for helping me to get back up and all the best for you!
Nice to hear you with such nice outlook and resolution, lets make 2017 a great year bro
4 month pmo free is a great achievement and just a stepping stone toward your next lvl. I agree too, block the temptation until you feel safe, there are times when we are confuse, not ready, and we are not feeling strong enough to make the right decision for us, so its better to block everything lol.
peace man !
4 month pmo free is a great achievement and just a stepping stone toward your next lvl. I agree too, block the temptation until you feel safe, there are times when we are confuse, not ready, and we are not feeling strong enough to make the right decision for us, so its better to block everything lol.
peace man !
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Good to see you're doing well, Theself. In 2017 we both will finally succeed!
I just want to skip the last days of 2016, feeling like shit right now and have to make it through this week no matter how...
I just want to skip the last days of 2016, feeling like shit right now and have to make it through this week no matter how...
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Thanks a lot, Dreieck. Made it 5 days already and need to keep fighting strong urges. All the best for you!
Firstbigstep
Active Member
Hi! We've not spoken before but your journal has been a great resource for me this morning.
I think things happen for a reason and there are so many points of commonality; I must have stumbled across your particular thread because I needed to read it.
Thanks for your honesty and inspiration.
2017 and success beckon.
I think things happen for a reason and there are so many points of commonality; I must have stumbled across your particular thread because I needed to read it.
Thanks for your honesty and inspiration.
2017 and success beckon.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 1
It's not easy to write this as I feel kind of stupid, but I fell for the "You didn't make any progress so far and might restart on 1/1/2017"-trick I warned myself about right here.
So, here I am, 8 months after signing up, into the fourth year of having recognized this addiction and fighting it. I reached streaks of three and four months last year which means I made big steps forward.
This journal is getting kind of repetitive, but hopefully this is the last time I write "day 1". The only thing I know for sure is to be here until I finally made it and I will make it. I do love my life and want to live it porn free.
Thanks a lot, it's very encouraging to read that this journal was helpful because as I said above: I feel like repeating myself due to the relapses throughout this journey. I will check your journal as soon as I find the time and wish you all the best!
It's not easy to write this as I feel kind of stupid, but I fell for the "You didn't make any progress so far and might restart on 1/1/2017"-trick I warned myself about right here.
So, here I am, 8 months after signing up, into the fourth year of having recognized this addiction and fighting it. I reached streaks of three and four months last year which means I made big steps forward.
This journal is getting kind of repetitive, but hopefully this is the last time I write "day 1". The only thing I know for sure is to be here until I finally made it and I will make it. I do love my life and want to live it porn free.
Firstbigstep said:
Thanks a lot, it's very encouraging to read that this journal was helpful because as I said above: I feel like repeating myself due to the relapses throughout this journey. I will check your journal as soon as I find the time and wish you all the best!
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Achilles!
I've got my eye on you man, and hope you're doing great
I also love my life and want to live it porn free
Like I said in my post though: it can be hard to see that through the turbulence when you're going through the aftermath of a relapse
2017 is just gonna keep getting better for us Happy New Year!!
-Peace
I've got my eye on you man, and hope you're doing great
I also love my life and want to live it porn free
Like I said in my post though: it can be hard to see that through the turbulence when you're going through the aftermath of a relapse
2017 is just gonna keep getting better for us
Happy New Year!!-Peace
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Thanks, peace!
Day 3
I realize how I didn't work on my recovery anymore as soon as I made it 90 days clean and subconsciously felt safe already. I wasn't prepared at all for a relapse and not working enough on progressing. Until friday I'm very busy, but this weekend I have to watch out because boredom and cravings will be a terrible combination again. Will write more on my motivation to stay clean then to remind myself of the various reasons to quit and make it easier to endure cravings.
Day 3
I realize how I didn't work on my recovery anymore as soon as I made it 90 days clean and subconsciously felt safe already. I wasn't prepared at all for a relapse and not working enough on progressing. Until friday I'm very busy, but this weekend I have to watch out because boredom and cravings will be a terrible combination again. Will write more on my motivation to stay clean then to remind myself of the various reasons to quit and make it easier to endure cravings.
Firstbigstep
Active Member
Hi Achilles
I'm at around 50 days PMO free, so don't have your insight into what it's like 3 months in, but I've found that identifying when I'm most tempted and then planning other activities helps me a lot. I know boredom, tiredness and hangovers are my weakspots, so I try to keep myself busy, well rested and sober!
Good luck with your recovery
I'm at around 50 days PMO free, so don't have your insight into what it's like 3 months in, but I've found that identifying when I'm most tempted and then planning other activities helps me a lot. I know boredom, tiredness and hangovers are my weakspots, so I try to keep myself busy, well rested and sober!
Good luck with your recovery
Rise Against
Member
I read your story bro and although I'm new to this forum I want to wish you all the strength in the world. Tiredness and boredom are also my achilles heel but we'll beat this thing man, with passion, power and hope for a beautiful future. We are all behind you!! Best of luck!!!
but we'll beat this thing man, with passion, power and hope for a beautiful future. We are all behind you!! Best of luck!!!achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 7
Kept myself busy working out and having an amazing creative output lately, if I look at the past week I've got the feeling that I made good use of my life time and that's what bothered me a lot: Porn is such a waste of time. I don't need to be bored, because there is always things to do and if I say I'm bored it's most likely due to procrastinating.
Thanks a lot for your nice comments, it helps a lot to not feel alone in this fight. The first month is always the worst and I hope to experience this for the last time. There will not be a relapse anymore, I'm done with this. There is not a single positive thing about porn, but there are tons of negative aspects. My life is better without porn and with a positive attitude towards life there shouldn't even be the question of using.
Kept myself busy working out and having an amazing creative output lately, if I look at the past week I've got the feeling that I made good use of my life time and that's what bothered me a lot: Porn is such a waste of time. I don't need to be bored, because there is always things to do and if I say I'm bored it's most likely due to procrastinating.
Thanks a lot for your nice comments, it helps a lot to not feel alone in this fight. The first month is always the worst and I hope to experience this for the last time. There will not be a relapse anymore, I'm done with this. There is not a single positive thing about porn, but there are tons of negative aspects. My life is better without porn and with a positive attitude towards life there shouldn't even be the question of using.
Firstbigstep
Active Member
Achilles!
Spot on! Porn adds nothing to our lives except pain, discomfort and guilt.
We can all do this if we stick with our decision - the decision to NOT use any more.
Go for it. We all need the support of others - you have mine.
Spot on! Porn adds nothing to our lives except pain, discomfort and guilt.
We can all do this if we stick with our decision - the decision to NOT use any more.
Go for it. We all need the support of others - you have mine.
Rise Against
Member
I totally agree now man!! Porn is definitely a waste of time. I can only imagine what I could have done with all those wasted hours/days or maybe weeks. Your attitude is inspiring man and I love reading your journal. Also thanks for the support/advise you gave me!! It already feels good someone is taking the time to read it!! I wish you good luck on your journey!!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 11
Going through cravings at night. This is where I really regret my relapses in late december, as I was already over that. At some point I feel frustrated about my reocurring failures, as I should already be "free". How many times did I say "This was the last time!" or "I finally shut the door!"? And yet it's different now because I'm constantly unlearning my addictive behaviour. My streaks increase every time and I learn to deal with my negative emotions without numbing them with porn. I'm using my life time to do things I like and live a fullfilling way. If I relapse for two days on a weekend, it doesn't make fourth months without porn undone. I just want to get porn out of my life and I will never get tired of repeating this to myself: Porn is not an option. Porn is leading me to unhappiness, to low self-esteem, to increased symptoms of social anxiety, to depression, to self-hatred. Using porn makes it hard for me to look in the mirror, but I want to look in the mirror every morning thinking that I made use of the endless opportunites I have instead of wasting my life time watching pixels on a screen to get a dopamine high.
Thanks a lot for your support, Firstbigstep and Rise Against, we are going through this together. You have all my support too, keep improving!
Going through cravings at night. This is where I really regret my relapses in late december, as I was already over that. At some point I feel frustrated about my reocurring failures, as I should already be "free". How many times did I say "This was the last time!" or "I finally shut the door!"? And yet it's different now because I'm constantly unlearning my addictive behaviour. My streaks increase every time and I learn to deal with my negative emotions without numbing them with porn. I'm using my life time to do things I like and live a fullfilling way. If I relapse for two days on a weekend, it doesn't make fourth months without porn undone. I just want to get porn out of my life and I will never get tired of repeating this to myself: Porn is not an option. Porn is leading me to unhappiness, to low self-esteem, to increased symptoms of social anxiety, to depression, to self-hatred. Using porn makes it hard for me to look in the mirror, but I want to look in the mirror every morning thinking that I made use of the endless opportunites I have instead of wasting my life time watching pixels on a screen to get a dopamine high.
Thanks a lot for your support, Firstbigstep and Rise Against, we are going through this together. You have all my support too, keep improving!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 13
Preparing myself for the weekend. Nutrition, sleep, workout and activities need to be planned in advance. No drinking allowed. I need my defenses as cravings will be strong.
I have to fight negative thoughts and stop blaming myself for the latest relapses. Instead I try to look at this addiction in a more positive way: Yes, it caused some serious damage. But it also forced me to reflect about my life and to improve. And while food, smoking, drinking or drug addition cause severe physical damage I'm still a healthy young man who "just" has to fix some brain cell wiring and by the way adapts a healthier and more conscious lifestyle.
Yes, withdrawals suck and it's certainly not easy for me as a porn addict to watch out for every possible trigger within our oversexualized society. But I notice how I tend to pity myself instead of having a clearer view on how lucky I should be with my cross to bear. Because there is a way out and it's up to me to finally leave this addiction behind.
Preparing myself for the weekend. Nutrition, sleep, workout and activities need to be planned in advance. No drinking allowed. I need my defenses as cravings will be strong.
I have to fight negative thoughts and stop blaming myself for the latest relapses. Instead I try to look at this addiction in a more positive way: Yes, it caused some serious damage. But it also forced me to reflect about my life and to improve. And while food, smoking, drinking or drug addition cause severe physical damage I'm still a healthy young man who "just" has to fix some brain cell wiring and by the way adapts a healthier and more conscious lifestyle.
Yes, withdrawals suck and it's certainly not easy for me as a porn addict to watch out for every possible trigger within our oversexualized society. But I notice how I tend to pity myself instead of having a clearer view on how lucky I should be with my cross to bear. Because there is a way out and it's up to me to finally leave this addiction behind.
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem
Active Member
You got this, G. Ain't no thang.