Free At Last

[Theself]

26 days bro, proud of you, u the man dude !

stay strong in your hardship, get stronger even, use that storm to get stronger, when you look back at it in a few months you will see how this 'test' made you stronger. whatever happens, happen for the best

you got some steel mindset, thats great to see bro ; going back is not an option of course. food, porn, smoking, alcohol and other many addictive behaviours are so many ways people (and I used to also) used to get rid of stuff they don't want to go trough (feelings, anxiety, emotion, stress and so on).

As men, we got to be stronger and face it like real men. on the other side of addiction is real life and freedom. freedom of doing what we truly want. if life get hard lets get harder.

peace bro, great to see you are going well. we will both succeed, i got no doubt for both of us !

 

[achilles heel]

I'm going to do it the hard way. No M at all to prevent myself from further cravings.

Well, this plan failed. Got very drunk again this weekend. I maintain my abstinence from porn and porn-subs and that's what matters, but to maintain this I need return to a healthier lifestyle.

 

[J_24]

Great going man.. some serious progress since you began. keep it up buddy.

 

[achilles heel]

Thanks, J_24!

This weekend was like the emergency landing of a plane. I MO'd several times due to feeling really low and felt horrible porn cravings. I thought it would make them go away, giving in at least to M. It didn't help and it's a miracle I made it. Drinking a bottle of hard liquor after breaking up with my girlfriend would normally guarantee I'd return to porn, but somehow I managed to tell myself not to give in to the addicted brain. I should feel stronger, but I don't. I need to go hard mode now and start working out again. Depression is setting in and if I sit there doing nothing, it will sooner or later drive me into relapse.

 

[Hablablos]

Hello achilles heel,

first of all I want to congratulate you for all you have accomplished so far. That is a victory itself. I can't imagine how hard it has to be to break up with girlfriend. I was just rejected by a girl recently. But I can relate to becoming depressed once again and for that I would recommend you this TEDxTalk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXy__kBVq1M with some tips what to do and a short story:

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question.

Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: ..."How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed ? incapable of doing anything." It?s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

Good luck.

 

[Theself]

stay strong dude. about depression, which i know well, from personal experience, sport and social stuff are your savior.

sport : workout, and workout hard, lift weight, push ups, do sprint (a lil footing will do nothing for a drepressed state), but make your heart beat and your body sweats. It REALLY help.

social : we are social animal, so go see your friends bro, talk to them, it feels good


and try (its hard but you have to) not to compromised and do stuff you would not really want to do. cause being weak (even in tough times) will kill your mindset and you won't see the opportunities of life coming.

so not only hang in there bro, get back up. do some sport, see people, and do not act on your urge.

peace bro !

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

Hey Achilles, I hope you're able to heal from this breakup in a healthy way. I feel that mourning a loss is important, but yes it's also imprortant to not "hold the glass too long" and get out there and go for a sprint

Hope you're well,

-Peace

 

[achilles heel]

Thanks a lot for your support, guys! I shouldn't have called it "depression", because I certainly don't suffer from depression and am far away from what others on here go through. It was just the addition of recent break-up, hangover and feeling low due to the progress of reboot at the end of the first month that came together.

I'm five weeks free now and feeling good at the moment. If there are depressed feelings setting in, I have to learn to identify them as part of the reboot process. They will pass. It's important to keep improving, to work out, do sports, live healthy and get my tasks at home done, no matter how low I might feel for a moment.

 

[achilles heel]

36 days clean

It's amazing how during every reboot I feel really low during days 20-30 and afterwards start feeling better again. It shows that it's not my real state of mind that affects me, but my starving addicted brain. Theself's tactics of just pushing through by excessive workout and forcing one self to just keep walking is the best way to handle those lows.

As I didn't make it three months porn free in 15 years now, I guess I need to fully reboot first to be able to experience my real self. Like I mentioned before, this addiction often made me feel schizophrenic and I'm just so fed up to be a slave to pixel induced dopamine highs. 36 days feels like a success already and the counter is really motivating, as I can't wait to see it go completely green!

 

[Theself]

Great bro, you are doing great, keep going like this, keep murdering the game like this dude ! days are increasing faster than we think (fuck are we already in oct 2016), time passes so fast, we got to stay strong, improve, get better and time will be our ally (i deeply think that with each day of not fapping, of keeping the semen inside, i'm getting better mentally and physically). your 90 days will come faster than we think i'm sure of it, so lets keep our grinding and hustling on point.

glad to see that our counter are increasing and that no relapse is in sight lol (relapse is not fucking allowed right now, we came to far to only came this far)

peace man, stay strong !!

 

[achilles heel]

43 days clean

Amazing progress, cravings once in a while, but not as heavy as around week 3-4. From now on it's getting easier, but I'll have to keep my awareness and long-term motivation.

 

[Theself]

awesome bro, you are making history right now. keep going

 

[Faptain America]

Hey buddy,

Just got through reading your journal since the last time I commented. What a roller-coaster! It looks like you've done alot of soul searching in that time and are on the right track. I'm on a month myself and it's a pretty neat feeling. The hardest part seems to be in NOT mounting every woman I see haha. I'm finding the less I think about the process the easier it is. That seems to be in line with what I learned previously.

Cheers,

-The Faptain

 

[achilles heel]

45 days clean

Halfway through the initial 90 days, that's a good thing. I developed a rather good strategy for myself to handle cravings. As soon as they arise I rationalize about them, thinking "Okay, if I give in then WHAT?", and it leads me to think about how this addiction will never lead to satisfaction. It's all about a bigger high, all the time. It starts with usual Facebook / non-nude triggers appearing. But I just prevent myself successfully from clicking by realizing how the initial rush of watching will lead to demand a bigger high immediately and how I will just waste hours and hours, feel like shit afterwards and not feel any real gratification.

I need to unlearn my addictive behavior and with every "No!" I'm getting closer. Yesterday some flirting on a chat went sexual and I interfered as I realized how this aroused me and she already offered sending me nudes. I already went too far into the danger zone and have to be cautious now, but at least I managed to resist to what I would have considered a relapse.

The problem of porn addiction in all its varieties is maybe deeper rooted within society than any of us might imagine. We're just the pioneers to fight what might be epidemic in a decade from now. Sexting seems to be totally normal these days, 10-year-olds have smartphones with nobody to control what they access to and if I look at the struggle of our generation who's in their 20s now, I guess the next generation with permanent access to high speed internet everywhere will be in big trouble. It's about time this addiction gets recognized as a real threat to society by mainstream media and scientists.

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

True that brother!

Everything you said in this post resonates with me! Much truth man!

I feel that this addiction is interwoven into all parts of our society, making it very hard to undo the conditioning that's already in our minds surrounding sex. It might possibly be one of the toughest habits to kick...... ever :/



...........but not impossible

-Peace

 

[achilles heel]

50 days clean

Just a little update, I'm still doing well. Despite breaking up with my girlfriend and having some conflicts at work I didn't consider porn an option to run away anymore. On the contrary I stood up for my opinion and didn't avoid confrontation, something I'd have preferred not long ago. Of course avoiding porn isn't the solely cause for my personal improvement and doesn't do any wonders, but it goes hand in hand with growing up and becoming a self-confident person.

I feel that this addiction is interwoven into all parts of our society, making it very hard to undo the conditioning that's already in our minds surrounding sex.

I'm glad I gave up watching TV, music videos were my biggest trigger for a long time. Due to abstaining from porn and porn subs I gained some distance to oversexed music videos and if I get to see one today it seems grotesque to me the way girls are presented there. Same goes for commercials. To overcome this addiction permanent precaution is necessary and at some point it seems really hard. Luckily this community helps in case of doubts, because we're not alone in this struggle.

 

[Theself]

50 days bro ! you rocks keep going !

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

Hey Achilles!

Good on ya mate for staying clean, and staying commited!!

I can't totally relate with what you're saying about not being on porn giving you more confidence; I'm starting to feel the exact same way. Or maybe another way to look at it is that now without porn, we no longer have that tormenting parasite sucking away our strength and confidence which allows us to deal more strongly with life's difficult challenges when they arise.

And also, yes, I totally agree with you that this forum gives us much needed support to talk to each other about the stuff we're going through, and know that many others are going through similar stuff

All the best! Talk to you soon!!

-Peace

 

[achilles heel]

57 days clean

It's been a week since I wrote the last entry on my journal and despite still being on track with my main goal, staying away from pornography, my life is heading towards the wrong direction. I have to interfere. I'm working too much, eating fast food, drinking too much alcohol, not doing sports/work out lately, not reading and MO as a stress relief which is slowing down my progress, if not setting me back.

Carelessness is setting in, I feel distant towards my last relapse as it's long gone and feel in control concerning my addiction. This is the turning point where I'll head towards a new relapse soon if I don't return to a healthy lifestyle.

I'll set up a plan for the next 10 days

- adding a counter to the no P and P-subs: hard mode
- no fast food, sugar and alcohol
- reading at least 20 pages of a book every day
- listen to 5 new albums during this week
- work out every day, at least 15 minutes
- go to bed early and wake up early
- cell phone stays out of the bedroom
- maximum of one hour internet use every day (except for rebootnation and journal entries)

I will complete this plan and when completing 10 days I'll make a decision if I extend it or return to the lazy life I lived for over a week now.

 

[Theself]

nice decision bro. yes, we got to be aware of getting confortable. be healthy, its the best decison you can take. workout, eat clean and so on

anyway keep going, and of course, don't return to your 'lazy' life, no point and fullfillment in it