Eight weeks complete, time is passing by very fast lately and I feel great. There are some ups and downs along the road, but putting this into perspective I don’t feel like I’m suffering and I surely didn’t give up anything valuable.
Thank you very much, SmokenMirrors and HappyNotFappy! I just entered the third month without porn for the first time in 4 years. I said “Porn is not an option.” many times before, but feel that after reading and understanding the EasyPeasy method I finally internalized it and am less likely to fall back into the trap.
I say “less likely” because of my history with addiction. My counter in terms of abstinence from any illegal drugs is at over 1200 days and still I have dreams about relapsing sometimes and had some triggering situations I have to be careful about. Becoming addicted was easy, but getting rid of the addiction is a life long task, because I can’t undo the changes in my brain completely.
In terms of mood, emotions and energy I feel no superpowers, but overall improvement. My energy depends a lot on my nutrition and my nutrition is bad lately as always during Christmas time. Emotionally I’m much more stable and have no mood swings lately, my social anxiety has improved a lot over the years of reducing my porn consumption and I’m capable of things I couldn’t have imagined doing 10 years ago. I went from sweating in front of the supermarket cashier because I felt all eyes on me to speaking in front of groups of 20-40 persons and feel a huge improvement in self confidence.
Eleven weeks complete and this is now within my longest streaks ever, but it almost failed last week. Ten days ago I drank too much and had a hangover, MO’d next morning and did so again the same day and the next day. I started to feel this well known “chaser effect” and if I reflect on that weekend, I only didn’t relapse because of being with my family the whole day. I’m very sure that every other year around this time I would have given in to the urges because they felt very strong.
Now I completed a first week in hard mode because I felt a setback last weekend and also a danger in opening the door to a relapse by allowing myself to MO. This event made me humble again after I thought that discovering and internalizing the EasyPeasy method changed my mind completely. It did in a certain way, but there are no miracles and I have to be careful.
The chaser effect is totally real and dangerous in my experience. Once you experience and relive the pleasure once, it's like your body just remembers that PMO is an option for instant pleasure, and it keeps popping in your head for the next few days.
Great job getting right back on with hard mode and not letting it turn into a full relapse. I wish you good luck staying vigilant and keeping up the fight!