Momentum Is A Cruel Mistress

[dennis]

I PMO'd tonight

I know exactly what triggered it too since I was just journaling here.. damn it...
I really need to find a way to channel my frustration after things don't go my way with women into other positive avenues.
I don't like the mindset I was in when I PMO'd. It was very much a frustrated, "I'm taking what's mine" kind of attitude, which is super messed up.
I need to learn how to deal with setbacks in my dating life better.

Back to the drawing board.
Must stay strong against the chaser effect...

 

[dennis]

Damn it, I'm weaker than I thought. I am underestimating P.
I was doing really well and thought I was cured of PIED and the need to watch P.

Yet I just gave in the chaser effect. I let the "why not" attitude win. It's been a long time since this happened. I have to go to class in an hour where I have to do some talking. I can't see this going well. Feeling pretty insecure/not confident right now.

i need to squash this chaser effect now. I was doing so well, I can't let this setback gain momentum. I need to take it seriously. Wake up man. All your hard work will wash away if you get careless.

 

[dennis]

Really disappointed that I PMO'd several more times in the past 36 hours.

It is now apparent that I had a sense of false confidence that undermined my dedication to see this thing through. I need to stop lying to myself. All progress will be lost if I continue to not take things seriously.

 

[dennis]

Happy to report I finally made it past the initial 72 hour chaser effect zone. thank the lord. I found just staying out of the house helped a lot.

 

[dennis]

I've been going to the gym a lot more lately. I feel like I'm probably in the best shape of my life. So physically, I'm in a good place. However, since my last relapse, I'm really having a problem with peaking. I'll accidentally see a hot girl in my instagram feed and then just find myself going deeper down the rabbit hole. Hopping from one account to another until I end up peaking at porn. It's still affecting my confidence, I can feel it.

The other night I was at a party and I found myself in a conversation with two attractive women. Although I presented myself confidently and held an interesting conversation, once one of the women touched me, I immediately felt doubt. I felt my confidence shoot down, and the familiar feeling of wanting to exit and kill all chances of hooking up came back into my mind. I reacted by friendzoning myself immediately and leaving the conversation. Smooth, right?

School has started again, which means that I've been incredibly stressed. There are many times when I feel that I have failed or didn't turn in my best work. There are many moments where I want to "release my stress" with P. Like I said, Ive been going to the gym a lot. But for some reason, it's not really fulfilling the same role P does. It doesn't help that there are so many attractive women at my university gym wearing tight yoga pants. But this is life, and I need to learn how to manage these temptations and how to handle stress and disappointment in other ways.

 

[dennis]

I can feel myself losing motivation. I notice girls noticing me, but i don't have the courage to go up and talk to them. My confidence is low despite going to gym every day now. I've been relapsing a lot in the past week. I know it's a cycle though. My confidence is low because of PIED. So then I seek to destress and feel better about my lack of confidence by watching P. It just perpetuates this cycle. I don't have the same motivation I once did when I would go 20 or 30 days. I think maybe I should rewatch Gabe's videos and read more of other people's journals again to re-motivate myself. I also don't feel much of the community connection here anymore either.

 

[Hablablos]

I know how you feel very well. It's good idea to remind yourself why do you want to beat this addiction. I actually like this quote about motivation:

"Fuck motivation. It's a fickle and unreliable and isn't worth your time. Better to cultivate habits, than rely on motivation. Force yourself to do things. Force yourself to get out of bed and practice. Force yourself to work. Motivation is fleeting and easy to rely on because it requires no concentrated efford to get. Motivation comes to you, you don't even have to chase after it. Habits are reliable. Motivation is fleeting."

With the community connection you are probably right. I am now in the similar situation. But we will get over it man. Just keep fighting, one day at time.

 

[dennis]

"Fuck motivation. It's a fickle and unreliable and isn't worth your time. Better to cultivate habits, than rely on motivation. Force yourself to do things. Force yourself to get out of bed and practice. Force yourself to work. Motivation is fleeting and easy to rely on because it requires no concentrated efford to get. Motivation comes to you, you don't even have to chase after it. Habits are reliable. Motivation is fleeting."

Dude, Hablablos, it means so much that you responded. You've been here with me since I first joined Reboot, so it feels like a friend heard me. I appreciate it man. And I really really dig this quote. I think it hit the spot perfectly. I've been reading it every day because it's so powerful. Thanks for sharing it man.

 

[dennis]

I'm starting to recognize when I am most vulnerable to PMO. It's usually Friday or Saturday nights when everyone is out partying or on dates, and I'm sitting at home. I start to feel sorry for myself, and this is when my relapses usually happen. The good news is that now that I identified it, I am aware when I need to be on guard.

I am going to try and get comfortable with being lonely. I think it is in these lulls in my life when P tries to draw me in. If I can just build better habits during these down times, I can hopefully erase P as an aversion tactic in my life. For now, just figuring out how to be more comfortable alone.

I spoke to the girl I was last dating on the phone today. She's back in town, and wanted to see if maybe I was interested in starting things up again. I'm very tempted, but I know it would be for the wrong reasons. Dating someone for companionship when I don't truly have strong feelings is not something I'm okay with doing. But still, it lingers on my mind even know I know it will only hurt both of us.

Again, I've got to grow comfortable sitting through the loneliness.

 

[Hablablos]

Hey dynamo, you are welcome. It's not a bad idea to get comfortable being lonely, but don't overdoo it. Sure, when you are alone you can think about your life and where are you going. I am used being lonely, because I spent most of my life alone. You can try to spend 2 weekends alone and for other two try to find some activity outside.  I am doing quite the opposite, I am trying to be more social, but it goes slowly.

I spoke to the girl I was last dating on the phone today. She's back in town, and wanted to see if maybe I was interested in starting things up again. I'm very tempted, but I know it would be for the wrong reasons. Dating someone for companionship when I don't truly have strong feelings is not something I'm okay with doing. But still, it lingers on my mind even know I know it will only hurt both of us.

I just want to share my opinion. I think it is possible that these strong feeling can develop over a time, but in western countries we rely too much on them when we are looking for a partner. Recently I was in situation when I had strong feelings toward a girl, but in the end I was rejected, because I couldn't reach her expectations. Now I am in situation when I have a chance to develop a relationship with another girl. We will see where it goes and I am willing to invest some time to it. But if it will take too long and I won't feel something more, I would end it.

Maybe you can find something helpful in this article: http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

 

[Hablablos]

Hey man, how are you doing?

 

[dennis]

Hey dude,

I've been having a really hard time lately. I basically fell off the wagon completely, October has been a wash. Literally every two days, falling into PMO'ing. I guess I was a little embarrassed to update here. It's hard for me to admit that I really messed up. But here I am again, with confidence real low, and lack of motivation to quit.

School keeps me insanely busy, but i know it isn't an excuse. I need to find time to rewatch Gabe's videos and other videos on the harmful effects of P. I just need to remember why I started this journey in the first place.

 

[Hablablos]

Hey,

I know it's always tough to update about relapse. But don't forget that you are not on the day one. You still made some progress, that's what counts. My progress in October wasn't very good either, because I had a lot of thing and I found out another upleasant truth about myself. But that's life. Important thing is that you are still fighting. That is what matter the most.

It's a good idea to remind yourself benefits of rebooting and how it affect you, but remember the WHY is crucial. By the way how it ended up with the girl you were talking back in September? You don't have to answer you if you don't want to talk about it.

Good luck.

 

[achilles heel]

I basically fell off the wagon completely, October has been a wash. Literally every two days, falling into PMO'ing. I guess I was a little embarrassed to update here. It's hard for me to admit that I really messed up. But here I am again, with confidence real low, and lack of motivation to quit.

If there's one place in the world were you don't need to be afraid or embarrassed to talk about relapsing, it's here. Come back, start again and don't give up, no matter how many times you might relapse!