Malando - getting started.

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Chip

Guest
True, very true.  I learned probably 90% of what I learned from porn before I ever sat foot in my first sex education class, which I aced and horrified my poor mother. 8) 
I guess all the class taught me was the proper medical terms and their bio-mechanical functionality.
 
TK-421

TK-421

Active Member
^^^ I agree with Chip, you are making good progress and seem to be in a good place compared to a couple of months ago. We can't get complacent though and really need to be vigilant about negative feelings that may mean we are not on solid ground.
 
Gracie

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Chip and Malando,  I would like to agree about the stigmatization.  And people ignoring.  I know I have grandsons and I talk to them.  My son assures me he is on top of it. (However he did have a porn problem)  I talk to them anyway.  I tell everyone whether child is a boy or a girl they do not need a phone with internet or picture taking.  They can get that when they are 18 out of the house and have a job.  But should not be on your dime.

So talk to everyone.  As I always say, if you help only one, then you have saved one.
 
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malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Doing some research on google images (totally non-sexual), I somehow stumbled on some mis-categorised images that were very sexually explicit. I'm pleased to be able to say that I felt no reaction to it other than "I don't want to look at that". It's repugnant to me now, not alluring. This is in stark contrast to my relapse a couple of months ago when my brain was completely overwhelmed by any exposure. My brain response is weakening as I disengage further. Now it's an intellectual response.
 
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malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
bob said:
Malando,

malando said:
Now it's an intellectual response.
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That's the way to think about these episodes. Your doing great!

Peace
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Thanks, Bob. P is not relevant for me now. I don't need it, or want it. I still have work to do on intrusive thoughts that pop into my mind. Hopefully that will taper off the further behind me P is.

PS - 40 days today!
 
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Chip

Guest
Just noticed you counter slogan, Love it!  Banished, hell yeah!

Congrats on reaching 40 Days!!  Well Done.
 
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malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Feeling very raw and emotional tonight. Had an almighty fight with my partner. Maybe the worst one we've ever had. Came out of nowhere. She even talked about moving out. It started off as something small and somehow snowballed into something massive and we were screaming at each other. I was accused of some things that I found very unfair. I feel wounded, upset, fragile, worried that I'm going to lose my family that I've only had for 2 years. Not thinking about P - no risk of relapse. Just feel totally shithouse. :(
 
D

Delerium

Member
Malando I'm so sorry to hear about what transpired with your partner. 

I commend you on having great strength and not falling back on porn. Well done! 

Stay strong, we are here for you.

 
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malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Chip said:
malando said:
Feeling very raw and emotional tonight. Had an almighty fight with my partner. Maybe the worst one we've ever had. Came out of nowhere. She even talked about moving out. It started off as something small and somehow snowballed into something massive and we were screaming at each other. I was accused of some things that I found very unfair. I feel wounded, upset, fragile, worried that I'm going to lose my family that I've only had for 2 years. Not thinking about P - no risk of relapse. Just feel totally shithouse. :(
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Really sorry to hear that, Buddy.  In my experience, for what its worth, the real issue is rarely what they actually say.  Usually it seems they're crying out, "I'm hurting" in an effort to get you to notice whats really bothering them.  I guess what I'm trying to say is just try really hard to listen and try not to fire back.  They're are very emotional beings and sometimes they just need to let it out.  JMO
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Thanks, Chip. It's still very tense at home. We are really only communicating about our daughter at the moment. She is shutting me out completely. Won't even sit in the same room with me. We're not fighting, but it's almost worse when the world freezes over. You couldn't say one of your prayers for me, could you? I dunno, seems like it's worth a try!
 
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malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Delerium said:
Malando I'm so sorry to hear about what transpired with your partner. 

I commend you on having great strength and not falling back on porn. Well done! 

Stay strong, we are here for you.
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Thank-you for caring enough to comment. It's appreciated. Not sure what's coming next, but I don't want to go back to P. Although I must admit, I did feel certain reflex tonight to seek out something stimulating. I guess it's the lack of dopamine, combined with anxiety and stress. The brain seeks comfort and nothing comforts like dopamine. But I know I have to stay strong and think of the bigger picture. We'll see what tomorrow brings...
 
TK-421

TK-421

Active Member
Sorry to hear about your recent troubles Malando.  I think one thing we all need to acknowledge is that getting free of our addiction is not a panacea for all of life's other challenges. There will always be difficulties at work, challenges with significant others, disagreements with friends and all of the petty annoyances that make up life. It's impossible to avoid this. What recovery does is it gives us the opportunity to deal with these things in a more intelligent and mature way. Instead of sulking or running into the washroom for a 3 hour PMO session when we have a fight with the gf or wife, we need to learn how to sit with those feelings, approach disagreements and discuss them, do things that are less self-serving. Not easy stuff.

I don't know what the answer is to this particular spat with your gf is, but I do know that if you slip into old routines of PMO that it will certainly be worse. I also can attest to the fact that since I have embarked on this program of recovery, that the spats with my wife have become less frequent and less intense. I also have to acknowledge that my years of PMO and other behaviours have damaged the relationship and damaged her. These things don't immediately resolve themselves. Be gentle with her and also with yourself. You (and I) are still early on in the period of renewal.

TK-421
 
Geo62

Geo62

Member
Hey Malando. Just read your post. Congrats on staying clean through that, you're a better man for it. I hope you and your partner can find a peaceful and happy resolve to bring you both to a better place. Stay strong! You have this under control.
 
Fungia

Fungia

Member
Morning everyone. Can i just say it is good to read your stories as it gives me hope. Shared pain is half the pain. Telling my partner about my past was scary because of fear of rejection, the main reason why i got addicted to p on the first place but she is amazing and just have given me more motivation to push beyond 100% committment. Thanks for telling your story.
 
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Objectified1

Active Member
Chip, When you talk like that it sounds like another form of objectification "they", "beings". Most women are more emotional then men, however, we are each different and we are each unique individuals. It would be like me saying "they" see women as objects and get their validation from women. They are very fragile creatures (about men). No "they" are not. My husband is an individual. He has specific concerns, feelings, needs, reactions that are unique to him. He is not the same as "Them". I guess its a detached way of speaking in my mind. Just a thought...
Malando, I will pray for you as well. Take care.
 
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