Chip said:
TK-421 said:
You know I experienced a similar dream around your time frame too, it seems to be common occurrence. That ole brain keeps trying to re-balance things in his favor, ain't gonna happen, Malando IS breaking out!malando said:
Yes, I am! Thanks Chip. 30 days today! First big milestoneChip said:You know I experienced a similar dream around your time frame too, it seems to be common occurrence. That ole brain keeps trying to re-balance things in his favor, ain't gonna happen, Malando IS breaking out!malando said:
malando said:
BlueSun said:
Nothing that would make me have to reset my counter!BlueSun said:
malando said:Nothing that would make me have to reset my counter!BlueSun said:
You know, I was just reflecting on the fact that being a P-addict carries a lot of shame and stigma about it. People talk about it in scathing tones - as though nobody they know would be of such low character as to be caught up in something so disgraceful. And that attitude is somewhat conveyed on the partners forum.
But when I look at this forum, in particular the 30+ guys, I see the opposite. I see guys who are self-aware, humble, willing to admit their faults, very honest with themselves, determined to get better, supportive to others. Many of us have incurred some damage to our self-esteem or experienced abuse as children, which made us particularly vulnerable to sexual material. But basically I see a lot of guys with solid character who happened to succumb to an insidious addiction. It's really not right to make any sweeping judgements about P addicts. I'm full of admiration for so many of you guys here. There are so many more men out there who are not honest with themselves, who aren't motivated to be better men, better partners.
Let's give ourselves some credit for standing up and owning our problems and faults, and striving to be better men. We are not bad people, we just got addicted to something, and now we are fighting our way out of it.
Onward and upward!
M.
Very good post, Malando. Its amazing how far you've come, in only 37 days... Its an honor and a privilege to share in your victory. I remember when you first got back you were so down, crushed. But now it seems everyday your stronger, more assertive, confident and a good friend to have around. You are a blessing.malando said:Nothing that would make me have to reset my counter!
You know, I was just reflecting on the fact that being a P-addict carries a lot of shame and stigma about it. People talk about it in scathing tones - as though nobody they know would be of such low character as to be caught up in something so disgraceful. And that attitude is somewhat conveyed on the partners forum.
But when I look at this forum, in particular the 30+ guys, I see the opposite. I see guys who are self-aware, humble, willing to admit their faults, very honest with themselves, determined to get better, supportive to others. Many of us have incurred some damage to our self-esteem or experienced abuse as children, which made us particularly vulnerable to sexual material. But basically I see a lot of guys with solid character who happened to succumb to an insidious addiction. It's really not right to make any sweeping judgements about P addicts. I'm full of admiration for so many of you guys here. There are so many more men out there who are not honest with themselves, who aren't motivated to be better men, better partners.
Let's give ourselves some credit for standing up and owning our problems and faults, and striving to be better men. We are not bad people, we just got addicted to something, and now we are fighting our way out of it.
Onward and upward!
M.
Wow, thank-you Chip. I'm so humbled by your comments. You brought a tear to my eye. I do feel I've come a long way in these 37 days. I have no wish to look at P. There are still some intrusive thoughts here and there, so that's my area of focus now, but I feel that I don't need anything P has to offer ever again. Discovering how evil it is has been such a blessing for me - it's made it so much easier to leave it behind. And in the process, I've discovered that I do stand for something. I do have morals and standards that I can act on. That's important to know. I always thought of myself as a principled person, but I didn't really live it out, if you know what I mean. What I want to do now in my life is practice what I believe, not be a hypocrite. It'll take some time, but I'm working on it. Thanks for being such a support to me.Chip said:Very good post, Malando. Its amazing how far you've come, in only 37 days... Its an honor and a privilege to share in your victory. I remember when you first got back you were so down, crushed. But now it seems everyday your stronger, more assertive, confident and a good friend to have around. You are a blessing.malando said:Nothing that would make me have to reset my counter!
You know, I was just reflecting on the fact that being a P-addict carries a lot of shame and stigma about it. People talk about it in scathing tones - as though nobody they know would be of such low character as to be caught up in something so disgraceful. And that attitude is somewhat conveyed on the partners forum.
But when I look at this forum, in particular the 30+ guys, I see the opposite. I see guys who are self-aware, humble, willing to admit their faults, very honest with themselves, determined to get better, supportive to others. Many of us have incurred some damage to our self-esteem or experienced abuse as children, which made us particularly vulnerable to sexual material. But basically I see a lot of guys with solid character who happened to succumb to an insidious addiction. It's really not right to make any sweeping judgements about P addicts. I'm full of admiration for so many of you guys here. There are so many more men out there who are not honest with themselves, who aren't motivated to be better men, better partners.
Let's give ourselves some credit for standing up and owning our problems and faults, and striving to be better men. We are not bad people, we just got addicted to something, and now we are fighting our way out of it.
Onward and upward!
M.
Chip
I know what you mean about, "Boys will be boys". When I started looking for help that was one of the answers I got a lot, and still do. The other is that its "normal", which is incorrect. It is normal for men to be attracted to and aroused by the female form and vice versa. However, having a natural normal attraction is a far cry from spending hours and hours drooling over the opposite sex strictly for pleasure. It is by all accounts, a perversion of our natural impulse. I knew I was doing wrong, I just couldn't find a single person other than my wife to actually agree and help me, for a long time. That's a good motto and rule of thumb, another tool I can add to my tool box. I've tried to warn parents and they usually blow us off, either we get, "my son would never do that" or "the boys will be boys" bit. It cuts me to the core that its not taken more seriously, but what can I do except try and help the guys I can on here.Gracie said:
Chip said:
