Malando - getting started.

[malando]

Thanks for your kind wishes, everyone. Much appreciated.

Things got very tense in the last few days, my partner stated her desire to move out. With some  long talking, we finally got to a place where that seemed too drastic. It has emerged that she is so unable to deal with conflict that it activates her flight reflex. She's loses all hope and just wants to cut and run. As a result, I suggested that we go to some couples counselling to talk through some issues and to gain some clarity on why we fight, and how to do it more effectively - as well as not making fights into something more than they are. She has agreed to do this - which is a big step forward because she has never been open to it in that past. Things still feel weird and a bit tense. We are not back to normal yet, but there is hope now.

 

[Chip]

Very glad to hear y'all are making progress. 

 

[bob]

Malando,

I suggested that we go to some couples counselling to talk through some issues

Great idea. I wish the best for you.

Peace

 

[Crystal]

My objection is that people are being raped, abused and degraded to get the footage. I can't stand to be part of that. I'm not telling people to be morally outraged about P, I'm asking them to look into it from the point of view of how it affects real people. If I had a guarantee that the industry was regulated to the extent that there was a sanctioned health professional in attendance to oversee the treatment of performers on set, I could drop this objection and focus purely on how it affects the brain to use it - and how it might affect somebody's relationship if they have one.

But the fact is, it's an abusive industry - you have no way of knowing what somebody went through to get that footage. I think it might help a lot of people to realise this if they want to kick the P habit.

Put it this way, I think anyone who knows the truth or has read my links and still has no objection to P on any level is probably devoid of empathy - which is a big worry. I feel ill at the thought of all the young people who have been caught up in this shit. I'm glad I know the truth. I'm happy to spread the word and if it ruins the fun for a bunch of people in the process, I'm happy. If people need erotica in their lives I'd rather they read an erotic story or something. At least you know nobody got hurt or raped to write that story.

I completely agree with you Malando that the way real lives are damaged in the making of porn is the porn industry's biggest problem. But somehow, this is something that is rarely talked about. I think changing that is the first step to reducing crime and abuse in the porn industry. So thank you for pointing that out.

Personally, I'm addicted to erotica, and I'm trying to give it up. But you make a very good point that I concur with: erotica is morally superior to porn in as much as erotica does not involve real people being subjected to unprotected sex, STDs, rape, abuse or injury in the making of the material.

 

[BlueSun]

Malando... despite bumpy roads, youre resolve stands strong.  Thank you for being the strength that you are.

 

[malando]

Malando... despite bumpy roads, youre resolve stands strong.  Thank you for being the strength that you are.

Thanks, my friend. You're too kind.

I've stayed away from P, but still battle to keep stray thoughts from entering my mind. It's a long process gaining control of one's brain - especially one that never had control in the first place. I'm starting to think that this is what being a man is - gaining control over oneself, not being a slave to one's base instincts. Base instincts were useful at a time when humanity had to spend a lot of its time focussing on survival. Now that we are in an era of excess and mechanised farming, we have too much latitude and too many forms of idle entertainment that caters to base instincts. We walk right into it and we become addicted long before we learn that there are consequences to our excesses. In this era, being in control of oneself is harder than it's ever been. It's a challenging time to be a man. The notion of a man keeps changing, it's poorly defined and confusing. But we must strive to be the best men we can be within whatever definition we settle on.

 

[Branch]

Great to see your progress!

 

[Chip]

You sir, Have hit the nail on the head!  Kudo's to you.

 

[Branch]

You sir, Have hit the nail on the head!  Kudo's to you.

Agreed.  That's some REAL insight.

 

[malando]

52 days clean now. P feels more and more distant in my life. Not posting much anymore - feels like I've been left behind by a few of my buddies. Makes me a bit sad when you write a long detailed message to somebody and get no reply or a short one that doesn't answer what you wrote at all. I guess this place is transient. People come and go. As long as they go onto a healthier life, I can live with that. People should only stay as long as it's good for them. Such is life. I'm grateful for the support I've had.

 

[bob]

malando,

I know what you mean. Not sure if it is RN withdraws but it is hard to realize that this process is temporary; that is if staying away from porn is accomplished.

Great to see you at 52 days. Your doing great.

Peace

 

[malando]

malando,

I know what you mean. Not sure if it is RN withdraws but it is hard to realize that this process is temporary; that is if staying away from porn is accomplished.

Great to see you at 52 days. Your doing great.

Peace

Thanks, Bob. I think it makes sense for people to move on. It's harder when people are still active here and stop making the effort for you. But we are all on our own journey, I suppose. I try not to judge.

You're doing great too.

 

[TK-421]

52 days clean now. P feels more and more distant in my life. Not posting much anymore - feels like I've been left behind by a few of my buddies. Makes me a bit sad when you write a long detailed message to somebody and get no reply or a short one that doesn't answer what you wrote at all. I guess this place is transient. People come and go. As long as they go onto a healthier life, I can live with that. People should only stay as long as it's good for them. Such is life. I'm grateful for the support I've had.

I prefer to think of it as passing the mantle, rather than that this is a transient place. Sure, it's a bit sad when guys who you have a rapport with and who are supporters move on, but it's also encouraging to see guys get healthy. I'd encourage you to stay active here and continue to welcome the newbies by providing advice and support. I think you are an asset to this place.

 

[Branch]

malando,

You're way ahead of me in your reboot, but I understand your thoughts on RN.  Yes, RN isn't an end in itself, but a means to an end.  Still, some recovered members come back and help others with their reboot.  Today I read an amazing post by balanced in my journal, and he's been p-free for over 1,000 days.  So that's another option.  Just something to think about.

You're doing great!

Branch

 

[fyg]

Hi Malando,

I haven't posted in your journal for a good while, and we haven't chatted that many times... But, You're doing great man. I'll be straight, I haven't posted as much on here as I was before, for a few reasons: studies; lost a bit of mojo; my own process and struggles with this and life

50+ days is awesome man. Keep going.


Respect!

 

[balanced]

I've stayed away from P, but still battle to keep stray thoughts from entering my mind. It's a long process gaining control of one's brain - especially one that never had control in the first place. I'm starting to think that this is what being a man is - gaining control over oneself, not being a slave to one's base instincts. Base instincts were useful at a time when humanity had to spend a lot of its time focussing on survival. Now that we are in an era of excess and mechanised farming, we have too much latitude and too many forms of idle entertainment that caters to base instincts. We walk right into it and we become addicted long before we learn that there are consequences to our excesses. In this era, being in control of oneself is harder than it's ever been. It's a challenging time to be a man. The notion of a man keeps changing, it's poorly defined and confusing. But we must strive to be the best men we can be within whatever definition we settle on.

You've articulated the central issue very well...the intersection between our lack of self control and what we have been told it means to be "a man" by society and previous generations of men.

You might find a documentary on Netflix helpful as it dives into the issue of a misguided and harmful societal definition of what a man is...it is called "The Mask You Live In".

Congratulations on your personal growth, it is necessary to victory over porn and it is the key to a more fulfilling life beyond.

 

[TK-421]

Hey Malando - Haven't heard from you for a while in here. How are you doing?

 

[Stede Bonnet]

It could be the process of RN has a peak in its usefulness to the user.  I see RN as kind of a safe place to heal and recover, but at some point I imagine talking about porn everyday can have a reverse effect.  I hope at some point I just get thoroughly disgusted by it and of talking about porn and just want to move on.  Does that make sense?

 

[Branch]

Thanks, Bob. I think it makes sense for people to move on. It's harder when people are still active here and stop making the effort for you. But we are all on our own journey, I suppose. I try not to judge.

You're doing great too.

It could be the process of RN has a peak in its usefulness to the user.  I see RN as kind of a safe place to heal and recover, but at some point I imagine talking about porn everyday can have a reverse effect.  I hope at some point I just get thoroughly disgusted by it and of talking about porn and just want to move on.  Does that make sense?

Makes perfect sense to me.  The point of RN is to get past needing it.  To be honest, at times I've seen RN can as a chore,  but lately I've started to see it as time well spent always, because always better than indulging.

 

[RecoveryJunkie]

Hey Molando,

I read back in your posts and saw that you and your partner are seeking outside help. Its good to hear that you are and not so good to hear of your relationship issues. My thoughts are with both of you as you try to work things out. Ne patient with her, she probably doesn't have half the support that you do. I am assuming a lot here but still, try to be patient and understanding. Congrats on 50 days bro... Your on the beam as far as being porn free is concerned, everything else will work itself out.