Hey you guys,
I know I've been AWOL for a while. For some reason I felt I couldn't visit my journal for a while. I think it's because i haven't been feeling quite as strong lately, and because I was feeling disappointed that some key people were not visiting my journal anymore.
But that has to stop now. A lot of you guys have graciously stopped in to wish me well and give me support. That is what I should be focussed on. What I should be grateful for.
So thank-you to all of you who have thought of me and offered your support. It means a lot to me.
I'll address you all separately:
Stede: You're quite right, it's never a waste of time if it keeps you on the straight and narrow. I've felt weakened of late, so I need to make sure I don't fall into a relapse. At some stage I will move on, but I still have a long way to go. Thanks for your thoughts.
Recovery Junkie: Hi mate, hope you are doing well! Yes, my partner and I are back on track again. We are communicating better and not overreacting to each other's less stellar moments. It feels good to have our stability back. I'm pleased that our trouble patch didn't make me go searching for any "outside" stimulation. We've had some brilliant intimate moments recently. More passionate than ever.
Branch: Yes, I think I did feel like visiting my journal was a chore for a while. I felt I was offering little and not helping anyone. But a journal is only as good as the effort you put into it. I was probably getting lazy.
TK: Yeah, I did go through some heavy stuff with my partner - nothing to do with sexual things or P. Just some things came up that we both didn't handle too well. We were right out of our groove and tension was high. It took us a while to settle and miss what we usually have. Eventually the freeze thawed and we started talking and relating again. Slowly the intimacy came back - and it's been very nice since then. For me, relationship struggles make me feel worse than anything else. I hate the tension and lack of warmth. It feels very threatening to me - some baggage caused by a childhood with a mother who regularly threatened to walk out. My security can feel easily threatened at times. I need to learn to separate that experience from my adult experience better.
Balanced: Thank-you for your kind words on what I wrote. It was one of those lightbulb moments that happen once in a while. I think if you string enough lightbulbs together, you eventually get a much brighter view of the world and what's important.
FYG: Thank-you, man! You know, I actually read your journal and your comments a lot. Even though we haven't interacted a lot directly, you are one of the guys I feel like I know because of your contributions. You're like a friend who doesn't know it!
Branch: Yes, I don't actually plan on leaving for a while yet. I still have a lot to learn, and I want to offer what I can to others who are just starting out, or still struggling. I have my struggles too, at times. I recently almost reset my counter. Even though I didn't technically PMO. I did view some arousing P-subs and later still felt aroused which led to an unscheduled MO. I have never tried to ban MO, but to only do it under strict conditions and not too often. But this incident was a bit too close to the line. I haven't reset my counter, but I thought about it. It did feel like I had polluted my clean mind somewhat. It was a wake-up call: don't get complacent.
I hope I didn't miss anybody. Thanks again for sticking around and giving me a boost. I'll try to return the favour where I can.
Cheers,
M.
I know I've been AWOL for a while. For some reason I felt I couldn't visit my journal for a while. I think it's because i haven't been feeling quite as strong lately, and because I was feeling disappointed that some key people were not visiting my journal anymore.
But that has to stop now. A lot of you guys have graciously stopped in to wish me well and give me support. That is what I should be focussed on. What I should be grateful for.
So thank-you to all of you who have thought of me and offered your support. It means a lot to me.
I'll address you all separately:
Stede: You're quite right, it's never a waste of time if it keeps you on the straight and narrow. I've felt weakened of late, so I need to make sure I don't fall into a relapse. At some stage I will move on, but I still have a long way to go. Thanks for your thoughts.
Recovery Junkie: Hi mate, hope you are doing well! Yes, my partner and I are back on track again. We are communicating better and not overreacting to each other's less stellar moments. It feels good to have our stability back. I'm pleased that our trouble patch didn't make me go searching for any "outside" stimulation. We've had some brilliant intimate moments recently. More passionate than ever.
Branch: Yes, I think I did feel like visiting my journal was a chore for a while. I felt I was offering little and not helping anyone. But a journal is only as good as the effort you put into it. I was probably getting lazy.
TK: Yeah, I did go through some heavy stuff with my partner - nothing to do with sexual things or P. Just some things came up that we both didn't handle too well. We were right out of our groove and tension was high. It took us a while to settle and miss what we usually have. Eventually the freeze thawed and we started talking and relating again. Slowly the intimacy came back - and it's been very nice since then. For me, relationship struggles make me feel worse than anything else. I hate the tension and lack of warmth. It feels very threatening to me - some baggage caused by a childhood with a mother who regularly threatened to walk out. My security can feel easily threatened at times. I need to learn to separate that experience from my adult experience better.
Balanced: Thank-you for your kind words on what I wrote. It was one of those lightbulb moments that happen once in a while. I think if you string enough lightbulbs together, you eventually get a much brighter view of the world and what's important.
FYG: Thank-you, man! You know, I actually read your journal and your comments a lot. Even though we haven't interacted a lot directly, you are one of the guys I feel like I know because of your contributions. You're like a friend who doesn't know it!
Branch: Yes, I don't actually plan on leaving for a while yet. I still have a lot to learn, and I want to offer what I can to others who are just starting out, or still struggling. I have my struggles too, at times. I recently almost reset my counter. Even though I didn't technically PMO. I did view some arousing P-subs and later still felt aroused which led to an unscheduled MO. I have never tried to ban MO, but to only do it under strict conditions and not too often. But this incident was a bit too close to the line. I haven't reset my counter, but I thought about it. It did feel like I had polluted my clean mind somewhat. It was a wake-up call: don't get complacent.
I hope I didn't miss anybody. Thanks again for sticking around and giving me a boost. I'll try to return the favour where I can.
Cheers,
M.