C
Chip
Guest
Very good advice.
Trashing a Life Without Knowing It
- Thread starter carlson
- Start date
B
Branch
Guest
A belated congratulations on your success!
And a belated thanks for the good word in your outstanding summary of insights and lessons learned at 100 days. Thanks, too, for all the help you gave me, and for understanding when I wasn't qualified to address your situation. You were gracious then, as always.
Wishing you all the best, Carlson!
Branch
And a belated thanks for the good word in your outstanding summary of insights and lessons learned at 100 days. Thanks, too, for all the help you gave me, and for understanding when I wasn't qualified to address your situation. You were gracious then, as always.
Wishing you all the best, Carlson!
Branch
Thank you, all, for the good words and encouragement. This addiction and everything that goes with it is a very hard thing to face. Ending it is probably the best thing I've ever done for myself - and something that I wish I had done a very long time ago.
At this point in my recovery, more than four months in, I am a new person. I am sickened by what I did, who I was, and the pernicious effects of pmo on my life and my family's life. Like any addict coming out of chemical dependency, I am overwhelmed by all the feelings I now have and all damage I have done to myself and others. I was an addict and a lier. I betrayed my family and friends. I lost my soul and my joy.
Today I live without PMO. I can be honest. I can reach out to the people that matter. I can find my soul and life can be joyful. But none of this comes without a lot of work and a lot of mistakes. It is frightening. There is doubt. There is shame. I have to live with and accept every part of my life, even the parts I wish had never happened.
The first step is essential - stop doing it. The second step is everything: build your life without it.
To those beginning their reboot, the first step may seem more difficult. It is a dramatic process, it requires fundamental change of mind, heart and body. There are withdrawal symptoms. Many don't succeed at first.
To those of us on the other side of an initial reboot, the second step is just as difficult. We have changed our hearts and minds, we are no longer dependent on PMO, but now we have to live in the real world. Emotions are bigger and tougher to manage. Our past behaviors hang over us and everyone close to us. Every thing we do is colored by what we did. Everyone we hurt needs to heal. We have to learn new habits of behavior, we have to be more honest and more open than ever before, we have to come out from habitual hiding. We have to focus.
And we can all do it. All of it.
Every once in a while, I glimpse a life that is becoming. I like it a lot and will do anything it takes to get it.
At this point in my recovery, more than four months in, I am a new person. I am sickened by what I did, who I was, and the pernicious effects of pmo on my life and my family's life. Like any addict coming out of chemical dependency, I am overwhelmed by all the feelings I now have and all damage I have done to myself and others. I was an addict and a lier. I betrayed my family and friends. I lost my soul and my joy.
Today I live without PMO. I can be honest. I can reach out to the people that matter. I can find my soul and life can be joyful. But none of this comes without a lot of work and a lot of mistakes. It is frightening. There is doubt. There is shame. I have to live with and accept every part of my life, even the parts I wish had never happened.
The first step is essential - stop doing it. The second step is everything: build your life without it.
To those beginning their reboot, the first step may seem more difficult. It is a dramatic process, it requires fundamental change of mind, heart and body. There are withdrawal symptoms. Many don't succeed at first.
To those of us on the other side of an initial reboot, the second step is just as difficult. We have changed our hearts and minds, we are no longer dependent on PMO, but now we have to live in the real world. Emotions are bigger and tougher to manage. Our past behaviors hang over us and everyone close to us. Every thing we do is colored by what we did. Everyone we hurt needs to heal. We have to learn new habits of behavior, we have to be more honest and more open than ever before, we have to come out from habitual hiding. We have to focus.
And we can all do it. All of it.
Every once in a while, I glimpse a life that is becoming. I like it a lot and will do anything it takes to get it.
B
Branch
Guest
carlson said:
Wow. Beautiful.
Carlson, this is so well stated, and it warms my heart to hear it. I have told my wife and my therapist that when I shifted from conquering my porn compulsion it was like going from standard resolution to HD. Everything was more vibrant...my feelings and emotions, my relationships, my day to day experiences. And it was so good I just wanted more, more of what life feels like when you are living in the truth out in the brilliant light of day.
Congratulations for walking across the threshold which takes you into the creation and living of a fuller more meaningful life. I did not really remember the definition and feeling of joy until I crossed this same threshold...and while that makes me sad at times, it outweighs any bad feelings many times over.
I have also embraced the "new normal" of self-discipline which actually has freed me to be a better person and have a richer life...as counter-intuitive as that sounds.
I'm so happy for you...enjoy this new part of the journey, and enjoy your new life.
Congratulations for walking across the threshold which takes you into the creation and living of a fuller more meaningful life. I did not really remember the definition and feeling of joy until I crossed this same threshold...and while that makes me sad at times, it outweighs any bad feelings many times over.
I have also embraced the "new normal" of self-discipline which actually has freed me to be a better person and have a richer life...as counter-intuitive as that sounds.
I'm so happy for you...enjoy this new part of the journey, and enjoy your new life.
TK-421
Active Member
carlson said:
Thank you for taking the time to post this. I find your words honest and inspiring. I agree that the first step is to quit the addictive behaviour. Quitting alone doesn't make us successful, but it gives us the opportunity to be successful in our relationships and is the first (and necessary) step towards building a more contented life without addiction.