The start of the road 06/25! Reread this in 3,6,9,12 months from now.

[David Albert]

Glad I could be able to help 

I've decided also to re-read that underdog post once in a while to keep reminding myself of what's important and what I ultimately want to achieve. I never tire of reading that text, it has so much truth in it and so much good advice. I've stopped counting days but of course I remember when I first started this process and that is enough. Laziness is a big problem for me as well as I find myself often procrastinating and not much in the mood for anything but to spend my time in front of the PC. We have to evolve on many fronts if we want to be successful at this.

You seem to have the intelligence to beat this addiction and regain control over your life so I encourage you to develop your self-discipline. Good luck and take care man 

 

[tenjyou]

Day 50:

# David

Definitely is the end goal to regain control over my life. Self discipline is definitely something I have to work on lol. I really appreciate the reminder that I should not be focusing on the days I haven't PMO'ed and just remember the start. After you mentioned that I did some thinking and came to the realization that counting the days I haven't PMO'ed is like constantly reminding myself that I have an addiction. In order to be a person who doesn't even think of PMO as an option, it is counter intuitive to constantly remind yourself of how many days you have not PMO'ed.

Anyways onto my day... not much happened today. Just the usual, called a friend for some financial advise. Played some Overwatch with my cousins and friends. Did some reading, and played harmonica for 30 minutes... Cant really say anything new happened today. Cheers guys.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 51:

So as much as I would love to keep writing interesting things lol... nothing really happened today other than going around, talking with a few banks to get their info on small business accounts and such... trying to figure out which bank we will be going to take our business to. Other than that... had a haircut, cooked some chinese food and tried to get ready for the franchise discovery day tomorrow... going to bed early, so writing this right now.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 52:

It seems to be whenever I'm busy with real life, I literally have no desire to PMO. It's like I just don't even really think about it, as I have so many other things I HAVE to do that day...for example I had to fly in for a meeting with the CEO of a franchise today. I was literally preparing financial forecast documents that I was going to ask his opinion on, things about the business I needed clarification on, discussing territory rights and other stuff like that. There was no urge to PMO.

On the flip side though, there was a LOT of eye candy today, and while I was able to tell myself not to stare at a good amount of them and really focus on the task at hand, I ended up staring when a squad of college cheerleaders walked off a bus in uniform and went to the same yogurt place I was at waiting to get picked up at. But overall it was a good productive day. Just need to have more of those and make my goals imperative that I accomplish, and not just things that would be nice to have achieved. How do you create urgency in your life... that's a question I have to think about... probably something all of us should think about. When we get the answer to that, all of us can kind of use that to help ourselves jump start the process of getting better.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 53:

So life as much as I wish I had cool things to say everyday... today is just another one of those days... Did some field research for my business went around and asked potential customers whether or not they would be interested in a place like mine... etc etc. Went to a meeting with business partner,and then went swimming and played some games with him. Came back here and that was my day. Overall it was a good day.... I wish I could think of something witty to say but I'll leave that for when sudden inspiration hits me lol... See you guys tomorrow!

 

[tenjyou]

Day 54:

So I was having a discussion with a friend of mine today about mentality and being spoilt. She is good friends with this one guy but he is incredibly spoilt. Never had any hardship because any problems he had at least financially were taken care of my his parents. Never really got a job and just had his parents give him money to support his family. It's to the point where he considers the his parents money as his own and will yell at his parents for spending money on something they want that he finds wasteful.

Aside from this he is a nice guy and it reminded me of how I was before realizing I had a pen addiction. Then after thinking about this I thought of all the guys I know who have a porn addiction and just don't even think about it as if it is something very normal for people to do. I thought of my friends who respect my wishes but believe what I'm doing is a complete waste of time, or that porn isn't my problem or what I'm doing is stupid. I realize that this isn't a choice that most people will make if asked. For sure it isn't an easy path.

And so to those seriously attempting to change against all this difficulties I raise my glass and salute you. What we all are trying to achieve can sometimes feel neigh impossible, or for those who keep rebounding and can't keep away it actually does feel like it is impossible, but we are keeping at it because the goal is it lead a more fulfilling life. Our lives are meant to have so much more value. We want better.

So keep at it guys and gals. We will eventually join the rest of them like Gabe and the others who are now leading a fuller more productive life.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 55:

Today was another rather long day... Somehow I have to start giving myself more energy and pushing myself to actually do things because once I start I enjoy doing them... it's just some mental block of mine that kind of prevents me from starting to do anything except maybe sleeping / napping... That's it lol... too tired to write more really.. See you guys tomorrow.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 56:

It's been a rather long and uneventful day.... As much as I would love to tell you about how I sat at a cafe and read legal papers all day... I won't bore you with those details... That's pretty much it lol. Talk with you all later if life decides to throw me some crazy drama or something.

 

[David Albert]

For sure this isn't the easy path to go. But it's the right one. Porn provides a fantasy world, a world that doesn't exist and I, for one, refuse to live in Matrix. It's not simple to give up this addiction, to put it behind you, but when you think of how much damage it has caused you and how better off you are without it, you just don't look back. Sure, people will laugh in your face saying what you are doing is stupid or it's meaningless. I tried to tell a friend about my quest but after he started laughing at the idea I just played it out to be a joke. Porn and masturbation are so common in our society and so well viewed that it's going to take many years before people will understand they create more damage than good. We should be happy we are doing this, we should be proud we are among the first who are really dealing with these issues. For every man like us, there are maybe 100 out there who aren't doing squat about it. I, for one, am glad. It's definitely the tough road to take but it's the one which will bring the most benefits in the future.

 

[David Albert]

I have the same problem as you, lack of motivation. Once I start doing something I enjoy it and I become productive. But before starting...I just feel zero motivation. Maybe we can work some solutions out  ;D

 

[tenjyou]

@David Albert

lol... The only thing that has worked so far for me is before I go to sleep, I write up a schedule for the next day. Once I wake up I force myself to follow that schedule because I physically wrote it down and have it on my door to the bathroom so I see it pretty much right after I wake up... The only problem so far is that I need to be awake enough to write the schedule... sometimes I just get too tired...

Other things that kind of help me get motivation is looking into why I wanted to do those things in the first place. When I watch Japanese Anime, it makes me want to learn Japanese, so I might watch an episode of some anime I really like to get me thinking about studying Japanese. When I hear the blues harmonica songs from Cowboy Bebop, it makes me want to practice harmonica, so just looking back on some of your goals and why you wanted to accomplish them in the first place can help get you motivated to doing those goals.

Day 57:

So today again was a pretty slow and boring day. I did end up playing Overwatch with the CEO I talked to on the phone with which was pretty cool. Also ended up helping my brother with star wars the old republic... Aside from that, it was coffee shops and legal document review that I did... Didn't have too much time aside from that to do other things... practiced harmonica for an hour just doing drills... Anyways If you all can think up good ways to motivate yourself to moving forward with your goals... it would be much appreciated if you share haha. They say to create urgency in your life, but it's not easy ~_~....

 

[tenjyou]

Day 58:

Busy day today... a lot of driving, so while driving I listened to a lot of harmonica music and motivational speeches. It helps keep me motivated to do the work to get my goals accomplished. Today was just a lot of calls, a lot of reading and a good amount of overwatch.  Set up some meetings and other things later. It works decently well... tired now so heading to sleep. Take it easy guys.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 60:

Forgot to do day 59 as that day was way too much work I passed out in my car on the side of the freeway because I literally couldn't get home... Busy basically.

Today was more of the same. Talked with some lawyers to get a better handle on an operating agreement. Went back and talked with my business partner for the rest of the day, hammering out the finer details of the operating agreement... an example would be how do we decide voting rights, what happens if someone wants to leave the company, or if someone dies... what do we do if we just cannot agree on some matter. How do we deal with additional contributions to the company. All that sort of nonsense that needs to be put in writing so there is no confusion later on when things get stressful. Spent the entire day on that... just got home and started writing this... I've been so busy I haven't had time to think about PMO so that's always a plus.

Need to sleep so I will talk to you all tomorrow.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 61:

So today was much to do about nothing. I seemed to be a lot more tired than usual and slept in quite a bit. When I woke up I had a late lunch and played some games because I wanted to relax. Played  a few matches of Overwatch and then went on to practice some harmonica. slow day basically... Tomorrow will be a bit more studying but that's tomorrow... Will update you all tomorrow but wanted to post to keep myself accountable.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 62:

man forgot to write something last night... This is a little bothersome, but not really as I've just been that busy... Today I was pretty much out of the house the entire day so no reason or way to PMO. Lunch and shootin the shit with a friend, studying and working on penmanship in the afternoon, Martial arts in the evening, Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri at night lol. Harmonica in the morning and a bit at night as well as some practice while I was stuck in traffic. Other than that I need to schedule days where I work on Chinese and Japanese as well as days where I learn qi channels and herbology.

That's about it. See you guys later.

 

[TiramiSu]

Hi there,

reading from your blog it seems you are doing very well....I hope you are smarter than me and do not relapse at 119 days...It is very good that you are journaling every day....congratulations....

 

[Rockit]

Day 62:

man forgot to write something last night... This is a little bothersome, but not really as I've just been that busy... Today I was pretty much out of the house the entire day so no reason or way to PMO. Lunch and shootin the shit with a friend, studying and working on penmanship in the afternoon, Martial arts in the evening, Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri at night lol. Harmonica in the morning and a bit at night as well as some practice while I was stuck in traffic. Other than that I need to schedule days where I work on Chinese and Japanese as well as days where I learn qi channels and herbology.

That's about it. See you guys later.

I find the daily blogging helps a ton.  Make sure if you do miss a day, that you don't the following day.  Slippery slopes are slippery.

Keep up the fight, my friend!!

 

[tenjyou]

@Rockit!

Appreciate the advice... I know I will be following it! I want to stay consistent. I just gotta remind myself that missing a day because I was too productive is a good thing.
Agreed that slippery slopes are slippery lol... it's a good saying and I will be keeping my eyes out for it.

@TiramiSu
Thanks for the grats. I agree with ya that journaling everyday helps... as it does help me... hahaha as for the relapse we will see... hopefully things work out for the both of us and we keep fighting the good fight.

Day 63:

Again thankfully another productive day. Although I did get extremely annoyed that my sister swapped out her old crappy iron for my nice one. Didn't find out till I started ironing out my shirts for a meeting today and the iron was leaking water all over the shirts and making them yellow or rust color... the coloring was probably just my fault and pressed too hard into the shirts =\ Anyways... had a business lunch and went over some of the demographics and population in the area we plan on opening at which was good, then went to another mall and talked with the leasing agent there. Got a good vibe from that mall and it's in a rich part of town, but the foot traffic daily isn't as great as the first place... Anyways after that got stuck in traffic, for two hours, but had my handy dandy harmonica and got some good practice in with that. Came home, ordered pizza and had a cute delivery girl deliver the pizza... next time gotta say something as I kinda froze today, but next time will definitely tell her I think she's cute. After that, ate dinner with my mom, and am here now.

Good day: I was out of the house being productive about my business.
Improvements: Since I want to learn more things, I should invest in some audio lessons for Chinese and Japanese so I get more done while on the road. Didn't study language at all these past few days.
Things I'm grateful for: Seeing you guys post here is always a great thing. Keeps me motivated seeing other people working hard on their own issues and slowly getting over them.  So thanks guys for fighting the good fight and we'll get through it.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 64:

So today was a really challenging day. When I wake up, generally the first thing I do is get my phone to turn off it's alarm, but today I woke up before the alarm and lo and behold the first thing I see is a message from a previous crush of mine that I still have feelings for. -_- Like I have had a crush on this girl for the past 10 years now and have never really gotten over her. She already knows I like her and actually rejected me last year. We haven't really spoken since last year mainly because I was being an idiot and feeling butt hurt for a while so it's really just my fault for not keeping in touch.  Anyways she is still the same as ever... the same girl that I fell for with her personality and charm. Made it a little hard for me to push past the memories and the dopamine I get from thinking about her as well as the stress later when I'm not talking with her... but I let her know that and she tells me again that she is not looking for any kind of relationship... just someone to play some video games with. I agree since the game she wants to play is a game that I also want to play, and I let her know I'll do my best not to make it awkward.

After we stop talking, she is literally all I can think about for the next 2 hours. I can feel myself getting curled around her finger like she owns me. It irritates me that I feel okay and happy about that and also that I currently do not have the self control to stop that feeling because I know it's not healthy. I like being around her and I like helping her and having her help me but I know that she currently has no thoughts whatsoever to be around me. During these next two hours I honestly cannot count the number of times my brain immediately went to porn... telling me to go masturbate. I could feel the old habits of using porn to make myself feel better and in the process running away from the feeling of helplessness I had at that moment. I really want to be with her but I can't and it sucks... I sit there in front of my computer fighting myself... I literally slapped myself a few times... punched myself in the gut a couple of times when I felt my body instinctively starting typing in porn into the search engine. At that point it feels like I have just waged a major war within myself and I had to just freaking get out of the house. Ran upstairs and took an ice cold shower and just immediately left the house.

While I was out of the house I was okay... I had things to do so I wasn't constantly staring at my phone wondering whether she would message me again later... Yes I understand I am pretty hopeless when it comes to the opposite sex. I spend most of the day gathering field research for my business... checking population demographics, age and gender distributions at one of the mall sites I'm looking into... Have a conference call with one of the IT guys for the franchise... and she messages me during the conversation. All of a sudden I'm super happy on the phone and yeah... anyways... I'll cut the story short as I've already written way too much... End up back at home and we play together for roughly 3 hours... and don't really feel that strong pull towards her after... just a sense of happiness that I'm around her again and it's not awkward... I was about to go to sleep feeling pretty happy in general when I realized I forgot to write here... So here I am and there was today's story folks.

See you all tomorrow.

TLDR: an old crush of mine messaged me out of the blue and wanted to play video games with me. That screwed with my head for a few hours and almost PMO'ed but fought and stopped myself before actually looking at any P. Went out of the house and got productive, came back home and played games with her and here I am.

 

[tenjyou]

Day 65:

Writing this on my phone so it's going to be short. I botched up. I let my past affect me more than I could handle. The only good that came out of it was that I can identify that feeling I had that caused this lapse in judgement and will not let it affect me again.

That's it. Talk more tomorrow. Peace.