The start of the road 06/25! Reread this in 3,6,9,12 months from now.
- Thread starter tenjyou
- Start date
Day 67:
This is going to be a long one... So if I remember to I'll write a tldr later
I couldn't ask a girl out. My body and my mind both physically and mentally blocked me from standing up again to talk with this girl and to ask her out. Its stupid and dumb I know. I was at a starbucks talking with the beautiful barista for a bit about the business I was going into and getting info from her about the area... demographics of kids and how often they come to this mall... and it felt like it was going alright, I asked her about herself, going to school what's she doing up here etc... but the store got busy, we ended the talk and for the life I me I could not get myself to stand back up and talk with her again... I ended up sitting in that starbucks for 3 hours trying to psych myself up enough to talk with her, meditated for a bit to try to calm my nerves so I could talk with her... In those 3 hours of sitting 2 were mainly there trying to talk myself into standing up and asking her out. I'd lose my nerve when another barista came in to work and would start talking with her, I'd lose my nerve when a guy co-worker came in and started talking with her, I'd talk myself out of it when there was a line of people waiting at the register ready to order drinks. In the end... I outplayed myself.
Now some of you might go through the same things or maybe you all are naturals and can push those thoughts aside and just charge forward... Regardless this has happened to me many times and this is the first time I ever really thought a lot about it... what I came to realize was something I wanted to share with you all as I feel this is similar to our fight with PMO. I wrote down my feelings while I was at starbucks and wanted to post it here.
Now while these thoughts are obviously about my issues with women, I realize that this also relates to my issues with PMO. I have this feeling and this sense of identity. This is who I am. I am a person who PMO's and right now I'm trying to abstain from it. I also know that this is the absolutely wrong way to view yourself. I know that you have to change the way you identify who you are as someone who is a non porn watcher. You have to view yourself as someone who in a million years would never identify yourself as someone who watches porn. I have to get myself to think of myself like that. I cannot remain as someone who is abstaining from porn because that means that I am someone who needs it but is trying to not use it. I gotta change my self beliefs... that's it... it's f*ckin hard I know... But I have to keep looking up even when I don't want to...
Anyways that's it... Sorry for the long rant... and probably TMI but eh... I wanted to share... Take it easy all. Talk more tomorrow.
TLDR: I found I'm scared to change myself. Too much negative self talk. Need to reframe myself from I am someone who is abstaining from porn to be a non porn watcher. I am someone who in a million years would never turn to porn for anything.
This is going to be a long one... So if I remember to I'll write a tldr later
I couldn't ask a girl out. My body and my mind both physically and mentally blocked me from standing up again to talk with this girl and to ask her out. Its stupid and dumb I know. I was at a starbucks talking with the beautiful barista for a bit about the business I was going into and getting info from her about the area... demographics of kids and how often they come to this mall... and it felt like it was going alright, I asked her about herself, going to school what's she doing up here etc... but the store got busy, we ended the talk and for the life I me I could not get myself to stand back up and talk with her again... I ended up sitting in that starbucks for 3 hours trying to psych myself up enough to talk with her, meditated for a bit to try to calm my nerves so I could talk with her... In those 3 hours of sitting 2 were mainly there trying to talk myself into standing up and asking her out. I'd lose my nerve when another barista came in to work and would start talking with her, I'd lose my nerve when a guy co-worker came in and started talking with her, I'd talk myself out of it when there was a line of people waiting at the register ready to order drinks. In the end... I outplayed myself.
Now some of you might go through the same things or maybe you all are naturals and can push those thoughts aside and just charge forward... Regardless this has happened to me many times and this is the first time I ever really thought a lot about it... what I came to realize was something I wanted to share with you all as I feel this is similar to our fight with PMO. I wrote down my feelings while I was at starbucks and wanted to post it here.
Now while these thoughts are obviously about my issues with women, I realize that this also relates to my issues with PMO. I have this feeling and this sense of identity. This is who I am. I am a person who PMO's and right now I'm trying to abstain from it. I also know that this is the absolutely wrong way to view yourself. I know that you have to change the way you identify who you are as someone who is a non porn watcher. You have to view yourself as someone who in a million years would never identify yourself as someone who watches porn. I have to get myself to think of myself like that. I cannot remain as someone who is abstaining from porn because that means that I am someone who needs it but is trying to not use it. I gotta change my self beliefs... that's it... it's f*ckin hard I know... But I have to keep looking up even when I don't want to...
Anyways that's it... Sorry for the long rant... and probably TMI but eh... I wanted to share... Take it easy all. Talk more tomorrow.
TLDR: I found I'm scared to change myself. Too much negative self talk. Need to reframe myself from I am someone who is abstaining from porn to be a non porn watcher. I am someone who in a million years would never turn to porn for anything.
Day 68/69:
So it turns out for me the simplest trigger that I have the most difficulty dealing with is boredom. That is my top priority right now. If i can somehow channel when I feel bored into doing something worthwhile it will lead me to having a great leap in success. Now I just need to do that and put it into action.
That's all for today lol... See you all tomorrow.
So it turns out for me the simplest trigger that I have the most difficulty dealing with is boredom. That is my top priority right now. If i can somehow channel when I feel bored into doing something worthwhile it will lead me to having a great leap in success. Now I just need to do that and put it into action.
That's all for today lol... See you all tomorrow.
David Albert
Active Member
Hey, just seeing you in that Starbucks trying to find a way to ask that girl out makes me think about myself ;D That has happened to me many times but the truth is as long as I had PMO, I didn't give it much thought. I would be maybe frustrated at myself for a couple of hours than medicate with some P. Now it's different. Now I don't have that escape route so I have to face my own feelings.
I'm glad you realize that you are just abstaining right now and not really recovering. But I'm also sure you acknowledged a lot of things about yourself in these past 2 months. This is the mindset we must reach, that porn is not an option anymore. That it just doesn't belong in our lives. That it doesn't exist. If you were a smoker and the doctor told you that if you smoke just one more cigarette you would die, would you smoke it ? I don't think so, you would never think that cigarette even exists ! Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but if we keep going down this PMO path, it WILL destroy us. We have basically been destroying ourselves for years and years, it's time to rebuild our lives. We have to replace PMO with actual sex and asking a girl out and dating is part of that so we must face our fears. It's never too late for a new start but we have to make the necessary changes in our attitudes. Change the way we view ourselves, change the way we view women and sex, change the way we view life. Changing ourselves completely after so many years is indeed scary but we must never forget our goal, a better life
P.S. you should consider yourself lucky if boredom is your biggest trigger. Find yourself a new hobby or activity when you feel like that and you should have no problem filling that space.
One more food for thought: counting days will only keep you thinking about the fact that you're just abstaining. Once you reach your goal, be it 90 or 100 days, remember that the real goal is a lifetime without P Keep being strong man ! 8)
I'm glad you realize that you are just abstaining right now and not really recovering. But I'm also sure you acknowledged a lot of things about yourself in these past 2 months. This is the mindset we must reach, that porn is not an option anymore. That it just doesn't belong in our lives. That it doesn't exist. If you were a smoker and the doctor told you that if you smoke just one more cigarette you would die, would you smoke it ? I don't think so, you would never think that cigarette even exists ! Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but if we keep going down this PMO path, it WILL destroy us. We have basically been destroying ourselves for years and years, it's time to rebuild our lives. We have to replace PMO with actual sex and asking a girl out and dating is part of that so we must face our fears. It's never too late for a new start but we have to make the necessary changes in our attitudes. Change the way we view ourselves, change the way we view women and sex, change the way we view life. Changing ourselves completely after so many years is indeed scary but we must never forget our goal, a better life
P.S. you should consider yourself lucky if boredom is your biggest trigger. Find yourself a new hobby or activity when you feel like that and you should have no problem filling that space.
One more food for thought: counting days will only keep you thinking about the fact that you're just abstaining. Once you reach your goal, be it 90 or 100 days, remember that the real goal is a lifetime without P
Keep being strong man ! 8)@David Albert
lol I hear you on that.. it bothered me a lot that day, but after the day was over I was more worried about what I would do with her afterwards since I am still dealing with this PMO... It's just difficult as my entire family has been bugging me about getting a gf, get married and have a kid soon... not only that but I eventually want to start a family but considering I've only had one gf and that was 13 years ago I'm really out of the loop and kinda worried about that ~_~.
The day's in my post is just from the very first day I started this journey. Has nothing to do now with how many day's I've gone without PMO... I realized that half way through haha.
And appreciate the comments always David Albert.
Day 70:
So today was a good productive day. I woke up and started doing my qi gong routine that I'm trying to get into. Basically had to get out of the house the entire day which helped a ton. I just gotta be busy doing stuff... Time for me get some rest... See you all tomorrow.
lol I hear you on that.. it bothered me a lot that day, but after the day was over I was more worried about what I would do with her afterwards since I am still dealing with this PMO... It's just difficult as my entire family has been bugging me about getting a gf, get married and have a kid soon... not only that but I eventually want to start a family but considering I've only had one gf and that was 13 years ago I'm really out of the loop and kinda worried about that ~_~.
The day's in my post is just from the very first day I started this journey. Has nothing to do now with how many day's I've gone without PMO... I realized that half way through haha.
And appreciate the comments always David Albert.
Day 70:
So today was a good productive day. I woke up and started doing my qi gong routine that I'm trying to get into. Basically had to get out of the house the entire day which helped a ton. I just gotta be busy doing stuff... Time for me get some rest... See you all tomorrow.
David Albert
Active Member
Just keep it simple my friend. Try not to feel any sort of pressure coming from your family or friends etc. What YOU do and what YOU think should be your only concerns, after all it's YOUR life. It doesn't matter if you had a gf 13 years ago or 13 days ago. You are a properly functioning man who should have no problem in getting dates. You may have to go through some rejections and learn how to deal with that but if you keep trying, it's impossible not to succeed. Keep it simple, stay away from all kinds of artificial stimulation and rewire constantly to real people. Progress is inevitable that way
@David Albert
Thanks for the pep talk. I'll try to keep it in the fire front of my mind... But girls for some reason easily make me flustered. Just one of those things...
Day 71:
Not you much going on today. Bad stomach ache in the morning then dental appointment then qi gong classes and now here lol. Easy and busy day. I've taken up talking to myself in the mirror trying to talk myself into appreciating myself and being positive about myself instead of always criticizing myself and talking shit to myself. We'll see how that goes... Mainly I have an extremely hard time believing people when they compliment me, so when I seriously tell myself I'm an okay guy it feels wrong... But just repeating it over and over while looking into the irises of my eyes actually starts to make me believe it... At least for a couple of seconds.
Thanks for the pep talk. I'll try to keep it in the fire front of my mind... But girls for some reason easily make me flustered. Just one of those things...
Day 71:
Not you much going on today. Bad stomach ache in the morning then dental appointment then qi gong classes and now here lol. Easy and busy day. I've taken up talking to myself in the mirror trying to talk myself into appreciating myself and being positive about myself instead of always criticizing myself and talking shit to myself. We'll see how that goes... Mainly I have an extremely hard time believing people when they compliment me, so when I seriously tell myself I'm an okay guy it feels wrong... But just repeating it over and over while looking into the irises of my eyes actually starts to make me believe it... At least for a couple of seconds.
Day 74:
Been a decently productive day. Set out to leave the house by 10... Ended up leaving the house at 1 lol... had lunch at home to save money and played some overwatch. Got stuff done when I left the house, Bills paid, trash taken out, groceries bought... good amount of walking around... enough to get an egg hatched in pokemon go so a couple miles of walking. Martial arts in the evening. Overall a relatively productive day. Still need to get myself a more set schedule that I can follow.... Need to start getting in the habit of sleeping earlier... no good comes about when I have nothing to do at night but sit up and twiddle my thumbs... So I'll be attempting to meditate then... er now haha.. Talk to you all tomorrow.
Been a decently productive day. Set out to leave the house by 10... Ended up leaving the house at 1 lol... had lunch at home to save money and played some overwatch. Got stuff done when I left the house, Bills paid, trash taken out, groceries bought... good amount of walking around... enough to get an egg hatched in pokemon go so a couple miles of walking. Martial arts in the evening. Overall a relatively productive day. Still need to get myself a more set schedule that I can follow.... Need to start getting in the habit of sleeping earlier... no good comes about when I have nothing to do at night but sit up and twiddle my thumbs... So I'll be attempting to meditate then... er now haha.. Talk to you all tomorrow.
Day 75:
So i locked myself out of the house today... no idea how frustrating that was when I closed the door and saw at the last minute the keys through the closing door slit... literally spent the rest of they day out running, and trying to figure out a way back into the house... anyways i've been feeling a bit agitated but so far dealing with it. Waking up weirdly... we'll see.. Anyways other than that... Started sleeping earlier except forgot i needed to write in here haha so I half woke up and wrote this... going back to sleep now.
So i locked myself out of the house today... no idea how frustrating that was when I closed the door and saw at the last minute the keys through the closing door slit... literally spent the rest of they day out running, and trying to figure out a way back into the house... anyways i've been feeling a bit agitated but so far dealing with it. Waking up weirdly... we'll see.. Anyways other than that... Started sleeping earlier except forgot i needed to write in here haha so I half woke up and wrote this... going back to sleep now.
Day... damn lol I'm not sure now... We'll just say Day 76:
So for my birthday I went out for roughly a week to be by myself in the woods kinda... I went on a hike and just stayed there. I wanted to spend some time away from all the electronics and just away from people. Honestly it was pretty refreshing. It really gave me a lot of time to think about things in my life. I dunno what else to say honestly. I wish I had more knowledge or insights I could impart, but it honestly just helped me calm down from the fast paced life I was leading. I was living in a need instant gratification kinda lifestyle and that was very porn friendly. One thing I guess I kinda picked up on was that I need to work on my will power and not need so much instant gratification. An example is I hadn't had pizza or burgers in a week. When I ate a slice earlier today I had forgotten how amazing they taste lol.
Anyways it's nice to be back... I got rid of a lot of electronics at the house... No more smart phone, just an old school flip phone. Good enough for calls and texts which is really all I needed. I'll update when I stop by the library for studying or researching. Anyways keep up the good fight guys. We'll win sooner or later.
So for my birthday I went out for roughly a week to be by myself in the woods kinda... I went on a hike and just stayed there. I wanted to spend some time away from all the electronics and just away from people. Honestly it was pretty refreshing. It really gave me a lot of time to think about things in my life. I dunno what else to say honestly. I wish I had more knowledge or insights I could impart, but it honestly just helped me calm down from the fast paced life I was leading. I was living in a need instant gratification kinda lifestyle and that was very porn friendly. One thing I guess I kinda picked up on was that I need to work on my will power and not need so much instant gratification. An example is I hadn't had pizza or burgers in a week. When I ate a slice earlier today I had forgotten how amazing they taste lol.
Anyways it's nice to be back... I got rid of a lot of electronics at the house... No more smart phone, just an old school flip phone. Good enough for calls and texts which is really all I needed. I'll update when I stop by the library for studying or researching. Anyways keep up the good fight guys. We'll win sooner or later.
David Albert
Active Member
Hey, how's it going my friend ?