Hi! I'm over 6 months now. It's very difficult. I mean i can do without the porn, but i just need more and more to relate to women, which i do, but i cant get laid. I havent seen a naked woman since i stopped watching porn!!!! I just do everything wrong! Sometimes i try to hard, sometimes i tell them too soon, some times i lose interest because someone just rejected me and im depressed! Sometimes i get nervous and they look at me like i'm disgustingly crazy freak. I dont know man, it seams like bad luck mixed with total inexperience plus a tendency to sabotage myself and self destruct!!! And then i get so frustrated and angry at myself for not being able to get what i want the most from life, women. sometimes im so angry at myself i feel like beating myself up. But i just run and do push ups. And then everybody else seams to be having the times of their lifes! Plus soon i'll have to have a pc with me all the time again.... I'm not sure i can stay safe. I only stayed porn free this long cos i only used pc at work and near other people like library. But now, i'll have to have a laptop at all times.... I realy dont want to go back. It's much much worse in the porn pit. I feel like im out of touch with reallity when it comes to women, but deffinitly not as much out as when i was using porn. That was really crazy, i didnt even know how crazy i was! I dont want to go back. I'd just feel like shit and then start to try to stop again until despair. And if i managed to stop (which i doubt near a pc) I'd have to go through all this again!! I feel like im in a process. I cant damage it now. I cant abort this. I have to carry on. But i know how tricky desire is and i can very easily desire and lust after porn. Anything but relapse.
