I have been doing a lot of thinking the last week doing this challenge. I have to admit that I am one of those guys always questioning something, regardless the knowledge obtained - a classic non believer. It however helps me to understand something and to figure out my approach to it.
Of course I did some thinking on this challenge I am doing as well leading me to another sight on it which the following represents.
First of all: Porn is really not, what we usually should consume. But why? Ok, many sites (mybrainonporn eg.) explain the theory with Dopamine levels and an approach by showing that we get overstimulation by overusing masturbation together with porn. This is true (scientifically). On the other hand a lot of comment-reading also gave me another opinion Why we USE porn. I for myself thought it was because of many reasons. Boredom, sexual frustration, general frustration, stress relieve, habit or simply because I felt like it. But what does Masturbation compensate for? Why do we masturbate?
Ok. This is the point we have to think back a little. When the first urges arose and we took our libido in our own hands - literally. We got to know our Penis, got to know how we could receive a pleasuring sensation. (and we start with exploring sexuality between age 2 and 3 !!!!!) We became more and more experienced always focussing on something in ourselves pushing us to do it more and more often. Hell, it sometimes was even necessary...for me at least. Growing older and more attracted to women one starts to go crazy on hormone cocktail - yep testosterone - and becomes what most girls described as a "childish idiot that needs to geow up". the sad truth - for me at least - women/girls of that age usually are attracted to older "not childish" guys that had "experience" in fulfilling their desires (induced by the film-industry - little princess, prince on horse, sensitive understanding beardes muscular man...etc). A growing little man cannot fulfill those expectations -> and therefore is not interesting for those girls (bothersome at max.) -> leading to a failure. Which failure? Easy! Why did we behave like this? we wanted the girls' attention. Although "wanted" may be the wrong word. We basically did, what our "body" told us to. Because strangly this behaviour is a way to express sexual frustration. I have to get off but jacking off does not do the trick. I need a partner. Ok. Of course there is more to this story like cultural induced follow ups, pressure to "have a partner" or to "have sex" in order to rank higher in social status. Also curiosity, excitement and interest in the opposite sex - because wa already exprlored our own.
However: what happens after the failure? How cane one release the pressure, frustration and stress (all sexually induced this time)? Masturbation!!! And perhaps with some help because only doing it because of doing it became boring. We think of the girl (or boy because this applys any way round) we wanted to conquer during hand party, what we would do to her etc. Later on.. and especially now (facebook etc) we jack off to pictures - feels closer to the person. Anyway. These crushes on girls shift. They shift as our taste of women (yes and again this is any way round) shifts. Blonde, redhead, dark skin, blue eyes, green eyes, short, tall, voice, style etc. Usually A boy first needs to make sure what he likes by trying out everything. And since one cannot (ok, some can) do this in real life, we do it in our minds. Fantasy takes over. At this point it all is perfectly normal. We satisfy ourselfs with sole reason of relieving sexual frustrations because we are attracted to a girl or woman (ohhh remember the teachers... ;D) we couldn't reach. And rememer the rewarding sex (after the first few tryouts - because you think it is easy....) after finally being able to channel this sexual frustration into courage to asking a girl out?
This, however, does not work for everyone...sadly. Some guys are left out in a pretty darvinistic way. It actually is selection in a very raw form. But now being together in very large groups (cities, nations, clubs) we ar not actually subjected to this selection anymore, unless we want it or do nothing against it (there is basically a guy for every girl and the other way round so it is wrong to make "Luck", "Destiny" or even "God" responsible for this.) But even if the selection was still as strong as 40.000 years ago: Why the hell do we like Porn so much when we could have sex? easy question, easy answer!
Masturbation is a process we incorporated. We simply know best how to make ourselfs come fast. Porn helps this process as the research mentioned with Dopamin rewards and sexual stimuli etc. But when this overtakes, jacking off without porn becomes a very boring agenda....to put it simple: it is easier to watch a clip and "choke the bloke" than approaching a potential sexpartner. And nowadays we like life the easy way.
Ok, now I will make a point to this sermon of mine:
most of the challenges on the web focus on "not PMO". I asked: Why?. My Answers for myself:
Porn:
bad for me because it gives me unrealistic expectations on how sex should be
bad for me because I need it to get a hardon
bad for me because I have to use more of it everytime I do not feel satisfied with the result
Bad for me because I feel bad after MO to Porn.
bad for me because I am a spectator of sex instead of a participant -> vouyerism takes over sexlife
bad for me because I do not masturbate in order to feel good but only to reach the cannon shot
bad for me because it consumes a lot of time better used for other stuff
bad for me because I researched the conditions pornstars work in and I do not approve of this -> watching fuels the Industry
bad for me because when i have sex I try to copy what I saw instead of having actual sex
bad for me because I probably never knew what real sex is like
bad for me because I feel caged
bad for me because it became my point of reference to sex whatsoever -> when I masturbate fantasizing about my girlfriend or another girl I am in "viewer" perspective... and not POV.. I am a spectator in my own show
bad for me because I thought it to be normal for everybody.
Masturbation:
It actually is NOT bad for me. It is only then bad for me it I proceed with masturbation like I did mith PM. The rough, fast, orgasm-seeking strokes that had to become more and more intensive to make me reach Orgasm are the problem. I practically hurt my dick, tortured it only to climax several times a day. This had nothing to do with selfplesuring. this was solely a fast shot without aim. If sex is "making love" then selfsex should be making "love to yourself". I was so focussed on orgasms that after a while i had already ED without realizing it. I practically choked my dick at its root to keep the blood inside. I was not aroused no..My Brain on Porn just wanted to jack off. There was no reason to it. It was a habit induced by boredom and completly unrelated to libido of sexuality. And at this point All the orientation shifted. When we detatch masturbation from its purpose +++sexual pleasure and relieve of sexual frustration or libido++++ it becomes like drinking a coffee. There we are with the addiction. I personally drink coffee because I like it. But I do drink it in the morning, during lunch, in the evening regardless of the occasion. Its not about ?coffeine or wake up sensations or digestion support (espresso). It is about just doing something I like detatched from its purpose. And I did the same with masturbation. I forgot about how it should feel to masturbate. It only made sense if I had an orgasm. Also sex had only sense if I had an orgasm. And therefore it went limp when I didn't feel the reaching of it. I basically lost interest in the way to the climax. I just wanted to have the climax as fast as possible. Again -> addict.
What a fundamentally wrong assumption I had!!
Even so, i made up my mind. Why not go back to the little boy that enjoyed pleasuring himself solely because it felt good? why not rebooting the sensation? Do I really have to stop MO If I wanted to save my sex life? I know many guys (and girls) here have their goal set on no PMO. I respect that and I do NOT want to influence anybody here. i wrote down this stuff in order to bring it to a point for myself.
I asked myself: am I good at sex? and honestly I have to say: No. The problem is not, that I am a bad fucker but why I fuck. I do it because I want to climax or because I want my girl to climax. I don't do it because I enjoy the actual act of having sex. It is the same with masturbation overuse. I became insensitive. I taugth my dick to only react to very intense stimulaton. So of course the stimulation done with my hands was way stronger than any vagina or mouth could be. And therefore I felt nearly nothing. I once had a conversation with a woman that had a crush on me. I already was together with my girl for 5 years then. She asked me wether I liked sex. And I was a little drunk and answered honestly: No, not really. She then said, it was my girlfriends fault and that she could show me how real woman fuck. But I already knew the answer then. It was NOBODY ELSES fault but mine. I refudes to that offer and left. How sad I now thing. Why did I forget all that until now? I already knew the answer then - drunken. I purposely destroyed my sex drive with pornography and an overuse of masturbation to porn only for a fast climax. This fast orgasm could only be reached by harder and more intensive methods of stimulation every time. And as I did to myself I did in bed. I fucked hard and fast (of course i was under the assumption that woman liked it that way. Pornchicks always moan like crazy when banged hard etc.) because I couldn't feel anything otherwise. I was or better I AM desensitized.
How to revert it? I think I have to rewire myself. I have to teach my dick and body what soft stimuli are, to enjoy light touches and to become sensitive again. One step could be no MO. But this only would heal the physical damage of my skin and nervous system. But my brain will still crave the fast and rough orgasm. It is, sadly, more difficult than I thought. I will have to teach myself what pleasure is. Again. revert to being a boy in puberty in order to know what touching myself is like. Without external stimulation, without haste, without force. I need to take all the time necessary to teach my body what caressing is. And I really hope that my girlfriend can also help me.
So I changed my mind:
Porn is banned. for good. My challenge on that doesn't change. It basically is vital! because selection is still taking action. The limp won't reproduce. I will have to change the roots of the tree.
Prnography however is only one side of the medal. the other is my understanding of sexuality and pleasure.
This has to be rewritten and reorganised.
Therefore MO is vital. But not the fast and uptight wanking on my chair in front of my pc. The slow - maybe even tantric - approach is necessary to regain sensitivity to light, soft and caressing touches of myself and my girl. I have to be able to reach an orgasm by slightest and most subtle movements and then to develope it further together with my girlfriend until I finally understand, what sex is and how real "making love" (which can also be done the rouhgh way) is done.
In order to regain sensitivity however I will limit my MO to once a week. This excludes any way of visual and auditive stimulation. Lucky for me I strangely do not think about anything when I masturbate only for myself without any stimulaton.
So, Challenge:
Porn = no
MO = once a week
Time limit = 7 weeks starting today.
Again, I did not post this to influence anyone in his or her challenge. i did this only for me in order to remember my thought (it is a really long text in the end). I did this because I do the challenge for myself and in order to get my life back on track.
