Saving my relationship
- Thread starter Vincent
- Start date
Vincent
Active Member
Hmmmm....fucking relapse. I keep thinking about it. And I really really tried to sustain....i went running, cold shower, reading. I still was only focused on that fucking scene I saw yesterday. And I still WANT to watch it. Even pictures would satisfy me. After I couldn't abstain from browsing it on my phone I installed parental control on it as well.
I will set my goal now on a more realistic one. I managed 14 days earlier. so I am going to extend that line to 17. If I manage that I increase it to 21 and so on. so that I have at least some success.... It now makes me mad that I am under porns thumb this much. Fuck, it is like I don't really want to quit. And I think this is the problem. Perhaps I really have to force myself a bit more. But at least I am fired up a bit now.
I will set my goal now on a more realistic one. I managed 14 days earlier. so I am going to extend that line to 17. If I manage that I increase it to 21 and so on. so that I have at least some success.... It now makes me mad that I am under porns thumb this much. Fuck, it is like I don't really want to quit. And I think this is the problem. Perhaps I really have to force myself a bit more. But at least I am fired up a bit now.
jnv
Well-Known Member
You already made it to 14 days, there is no reason why you can't make it further this time, keep at it because you are on the right track with the good mindset in my opinion. In all honesty, I think relapsing is part of the whole process and a big one and thinking about your previous relapse is just normal.
Well now, I'm not an expert since I started my first attempt 2 month ago but already, I can say that now that I'm starting my second reboot I am much stronger and much more aware of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. The day after my relapse I was kind of depressed as well to see my counter back to zero and it was hard but I simply just read again some key articles on YBOP, read some success stories on reddit and I was ready again to fight.
Well now, I'm not an expert since I started my first attempt 2 month ago but already, I can say that now that I'm starting my second reboot I am much stronger and much more aware of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. The day after my relapse I was kind of depressed as well to see my counter back to zero and it was hard but I simply just read again some key articles on YBOP, read some success stories on reddit and I was ready again to fight.
Vincent
Active Member
Jnv, Thanks!
That is true.
Like you said today I feel much stronger. I also thinkt that only relapse makes you realise how addicted you are and that way you start fighting with yourself. If it is not a fight I will not free myself because there is nothing to be freed from.
But I see things much clearer now.
Day 2 was a success. 15 to go! And I will make it.
That is true.
Like you said today I feel much stronger. I also thinkt that only relapse makes you realise how addicted you are and that way you start fighting with yourself. If it is not a fight I will not free myself because there is nothing to be freed from.
But I see things much clearer now.
Day 2 was a success. 15 to go! And I will make it.
Vincent
Active Member
Day 3. Second Try.
It is a fucking up and down. I really catch myself all the time trying to circumvent my security systems. it is especially hard with my smartphone. There was no Browser where Porn could be blocked and since I am a privacy freak, I did not want to install Parental apps, that also send other data to a cloud. Now I did a habit analysis for the last 3 Days and I only take my phone to a certain place to look for porn (or to try after I checked something else). I therefore will not take the phone with me there anymore. I hope this prevents all this. It is really getting hard to focus at home alone. But all the struggle shows, that I did not give it up completely. I often have the sensation that I NEED to look at porn just the thought gives me an erection. I feel the shame of doing something that I forbid to myself and It feel like I could lose myself in that. There however is struggle with myself. And this makes me think positive. I tried to ban porn from my life a very long time. Once tried to download the most boring porn and to block all other access permanently so that i had to watch that boring one. It worked for 40 days since I lost interest in that vid very quick. After that I however tried to go around the block and eventually downloaded torrents....making it worse. I think the only chance I have is to fight myself and win. To absolutely accept that I do not need porn, to convince myself of the benefits of being without it. If I can't do that - let's not fool ourselves - then I will never make it. As long as it is a challenge I will always chase the tail and have porn in the back of my head. This is tiring. And is it even worth it? I catch myself so often thinking this. But then I get a grip. I really would like to punch myself sometimes. If it was anybody else but me I could help more, monitor the actions give tips, block other systems. But I know every fucking trick in the book i use. I really do not want to lose this fight and it angers me that I am this weak.
Sorry, i know this was kond of a selfish whiany post - but I had to blow off some steam.
It is a fucking up and down. I really catch myself all the time trying to circumvent my security systems. it is especially hard with my smartphone. There was no Browser where Porn could be blocked and since I am a privacy freak, I did not want to install Parental apps, that also send other data to a cloud. Now I did a habit analysis for the last 3 Days and I only take my phone to a certain place to look for porn (or to try after I checked something else). I therefore will not take the phone with me there anymore. I hope this prevents all this. It is really getting hard to focus at home alone. But all the struggle shows, that I did not give it up completely. I often have the sensation that I NEED to look at porn just the thought gives me an erection. I feel the shame of doing something that I forbid to myself and It feel like I could lose myself in that. There however is struggle with myself. And this makes me think positive. I tried to ban porn from my life a very long time. Once tried to download the most boring porn and to block all other access permanently so that i had to watch that boring one. It worked for 40 days since I lost interest in that vid very quick. After that I however tried to go around the block and eventually downloaded torrents....making it worse. I think the only chance I have is to fight myself and win. To absolutely accept that I do not need porn, to convince myself of the benefits of being without it. If I can't do that - let's not fool ourselves - then I will never make it. As long as it is a challenge I will always chase the tail and have porn in the back of my head. This is tiring. And is it even worth it? I catch myself so often thinking this. But then I get a grip. I really would like to punch myself sometimes. If it was anybody else but me I could help more, monitor the actions give tips, block other systems. But I know every fucking trick in the book i use. I really do not want to lose this fight and it angers me that I am this weak.
Sorry, i know this was kond of a selfish whiany post - but I had to blow off some steam.
Vincent
Active Member
Day five, second try.
It is getting easier. It really is odd but it seems to get easier every time if I take the first step. I had difficulties just focusing not on porn the day after the relapse. The second day after it became less hard but still - I wanted to watch porn. Now is the fifth day and I hardly feel an urge.
This week I went running 5 times and my L-Arginine cure is paying of. I have got more power now when training and my erections, which I now can get without porn and andy fantasy, are getting better (80-90% I would say).
It is getting easier. It really is odd but it seems to get easier every time if I take the first step. I had difficulties just focusing not on porn the day after the relapse. The second day after it became less hard but still - I wanted to watch porn. Now is the fifth day and I hardly feel an urge.
This week I went running 5 times and my L-Arginine cure is paying of. I have got more power now when training and my erections, which I now can get without porn and andy fantasy, are getting better (80-90% I would say).
skrodriguez
Member
Vincent said:
Yes but we help to program our brain through action. We reward porn by masturbating to orgasm in front of it thus it makes sense to think that porn=pleasure/orgasm/reward. And it would go the other way. If it doesn't then my reading of peoples' experiencies is that they can't get aroused. I agree, and I think consensus would corroborate that it is a brain issue, but that continued use has led it to affect other things (inability to become aroused without porn or related fantasy and death grip desensitisation) which may well need time to recover, particularly if they are physical problems.
Did you come to this conclusion before or after you attempted a reboot? It sounds reasonable, don't get me wrong but it also sounds a lot like expose factor justification for allowing masturbation. My line of thought would be: What did you masturbate to? If it was porn, you've associated the two behavious and I'll hazard a guess that it was for years. My next thought is then: Compared with that, why is 90 days of abstinence such a problem? You don't lose anything by trying. What happens if you go with the masturbation route (and I really don't mind what you do but I'll be the empathetic friend and play a bit of opposing advocate) and your lighter touch doesn't do it for you? You've gotten yourself aroused but brain wants porn and dick wants deathgrip. Light touch may be so unsatisfying that with the arousal you'll become frustrated and relapse. I don't see the problem with giving 3 months a shot to see. Worst case scenario? You haven't masturbated for three months and that just cannot of have done you any harm given where we're coming from. Or two months, or a month, or whatever.
Sounds like your girlfriend is nice and supportive, why not let her vagina retrain your member to sensitive touch? I don't mean to offend here at all but that's part of why you're doing this right?
You said:
[quote author=Vincent]
1. no porn anymore, Orgasms and sex only with my girlfriend so no masturbation = no PM(O)
[/quote]
I think you know what you wanna do.
Relapse can suck, and for days you feel like you're not getting anywhere which can lead to further indulgence. Once you get past a week to ten days you start to feel better about yourself. Keep at it. I would advise going cold turkey on it all like I said in one of my earlier posts: all or nothing cos a little is just torture. Keep the long posts up, they're a good way to vent, and make stuff clear to yourself as much as to others.
Vincent
Active Member
thanks skrodriguez, that was a very helpful post.
I know, and also had discussed it with other people on this forum, that the "one time a week" masturbation may lead to a compulsive behaviour of masturbation again, eventually even opening a hole in my defense against porn. This is perhaps even the hardest part. And yes, it would be very much easier to have sex with my girlfriend regarding this matter than touch myself. On the one hand it is a justification. It is a little breather on the long run. It on the other hand is not mandatory for me, because I only do it when I feel like it (the once a week thing is more like a retainer for me to focus on the main goal). However, it can lead to problems, yes. But things are not always as easy as just to stay clean for 90 days, there are more parameters to it. You are right! cold turkey is probably the best way to go for it. I however am not likely to "fall" for that - I know myself. it is not enough to just cut the rope - the rope will have to be constantly cut. And therefore I had to decide on my goal. I already managed to go no PMO for nearly 3 Month (3 years ago I made a table and pinned it in front of my desk at the dorm - it worked well because I didn't have time to do porn). After that I just went back to normal. I was satisfied with myself for being strong enough to succeed and back then also sure that whoever could go PMO free for 90 Days was not addicted. I thought I was just like " i don't need it i just want it and that's ok". Matter of fact: my behaviour regarding the prcedure didn't change at all. It went back to being the same one. And back then I did not have any problems with ED or sex whatsoever - at least I thought so. I just didn't want porn to be my sexlife when having a girlfriend.
On the other hand sex always has to be something to enjoy together - not alone. So I hardly can and could, then and now, tell her that I want sex now if she does not. Being together over 6 years now it is not like we always had an uplift. the last year was very frustrating for her as well, probably even more than for me. She always had to accept me getting limp on her, while I was not getting the problem. Wa talked a lot and we agreed that we will only then have sex, when I can be sure to be hard again. A pathway can also be created in a brain by constant negative experience, making a condition for her out of this. In this case, "using" my girlfriend for my rewiring - while not knowing whether it will work or not - is being egoistic on my side, while she gets thaugth: "this guy can't just get hard on me. is it my fault? did something happen? etc". This makes sex less enjoyable for her because not only I will think "IF" it will work but she as well.
So what am I supposed to do in order to be sure "that" it will work? This problem is something my GF and me have to work on together, yes. And we did for one year - without understanding my addiction or even not perceiving it alltogether.
Can i tell her "It is over because I now quit PMO for 90 days!" ? What, if it is not? What will it do to both of us? As you quoted me below I said "PMO and M are different". What I further meant is: PMO is not the only thing to worry about. It is but a factor. We have performance anxiety, the habit of following the same prcedure in bed, lack of novelty in sexual partners, stress in general and other problems, we have to cope with every time. They will not vanish just because I "think" to have succeeded my reboot.
And therefore I cannot just go ahead and "trial and error" my way to getting over an addiction - it can also harm the person dearest to me.
One of the most frequently asked questions on this forum is: when do I know that the reboot was a success?
and the first answer is:
well, yes. This is probably the most important question to ask. I would say the ONLY way for ME to know that I am rebooted is, when I have splendid sex with my girlfriend and we both enjoy it. But how can I have that guaranty before having sex with her? I could say "hey I probably am rewired, so lets try it out. If it doesn't work, I will have to go on for another 90 days". The cure might eventually come that way but what will it do to me and my girl? I know, a good partner suports you in good and bad times. Yes, that's what she did for over a year now. I cannot pressure her to do that anymore than I can do myself.
To (finally - I just cant stop my writing frenzy because of my MA thesis, sorry) get to the point: I have to help a little bit and rewire myself. Therefore I have to change my sensitivity dickwise
to light touches and a fully non visual and auditive sensation. One of the main problems I realized during sex when I still could get hard but couldnt come: I was searcing for any visual stimulus: her boobs, the penetration and so on. I was "watching" it. I was trying to whatch myself as porn while using her as my masturbation tool. And there I realized, that I was transferring porn in my sexlife. This is probably one of the most terrible things one could do to another regarding sex and I still feel miserable about it. My homework now is to focus on "sensation sex". I hope to explore it more with my girlfriend than with myself many times and showing how much I love her. But I cannot demand it. I can only show her - like this morning when I had tremendous morning wood and slept naked and she saw it 8) and smiled!
It may sound like, even be, an excuse to get an orgasm. May be I am not considering it the right way. But I need to also consider another person and a relationship into all my actions.
Porn has to absolutely disappear from my life. Not by blocking it out but simply by not needing it. All the triggers have to be like a boring advertisement to me. The fear of breaking a streak and of watching porn, of being sucked in have to stop. I eventually want to just think about it as if it is a boring documentary when I get in touch with porn and not to force myself away from it. How this happens I do not care - but I have to go all the way and try everything to make this possible.
And I really appreciate your concern and advice on this matter. This way I have to confront myself with my justifications, fathom them again and perhaps even change my perspective and pocedure. This is what makes this forum so special and helpful. Thanks guys!
I know, and also had discussed it with other people on this forum, that the "one time a week" masturbation may lead to a compulsive behaviour of masturbation again, eventually even opening a hole in my defense against porn. This is perhaps even the hardest part. And yes, it would be very much easier to have sex with my girlfriend regarding this matter than touch myself. On the one hand it is a justification. It is a little breather on the long run. It on the other hand is not mandatory for me, because I only do it when I feel like it (the once a week thing is more like a retainer for me to focus on the main goal). However, it can lead to problems, yes. But things are not always as easy as just to stay clean for 90 days, there are more parameters to it. You are right! cold turkey is probably the best way to go for it. I however am not likely to "fall" for that - I know myself. it is not enough to just cut the rope - the rope will have to be constantly cut. And therefore I had to decide on my goal. I already managed to go no PMO for nearly 3 Month (3 years ago I made a table and pinned it in front of my desk at the dorm - it worked well because I didn't have time to do porn). After that I just went back to normal. I was satisfied with myself for being strong enough to succeed and back then also sure that whoever could go PMO free for 90 Days was not addicted. I thought I was just like " i don't need it i just want it and that's ok". Matter of fact: my behaviour regarding the prcedure didn't change at all. It went back to being the same one. And back then I did not have any problems with ED or sex whatsoever - at least I thought so. I just didn't want porn to be my sexlife when having a girlfriend.
On the other hand sex always has to be something to enjoy together - not alone. So I hardly can and could, then and now, tell her that I want sex now if she does not. Being together over 6 years now it is not like we always had an uplift. the last year was very frustrating for her as well, probably even more than for me. She always had to accept me getting limp on her, while I was not getting the problem. Wa talked a lot and we agreed that we will only then have sex, when I can be sure to be hard again. A pathway can also be created in a brain by constant negative experience, making a condition for her out of this. In this case, "using" my girlfriend for my rewiring - while not knowing whether it will work or not - is being egoistic on my side, while she gets thaugth: "this guy can't just get hard on me. is it my fault? did something happen? etc". This makes sex less enjoyable for her because not only I will think "IF" it will work but she as well.
So what am I supposed to do in order to be sure "that" it will work? This problem is something my GF and me have to work on together, yes. And we did for one year - without understanding my addiction or even not perceiving it alltogether.
Can i tell her "It is over because I now quit PMO for 90 days!" ? What, if it is not? What will it do to both of us? As you quoted me below I said "PMO and M are different". What I further meant is: PMO is not the only thing to worry about. It is but a factor. We have performance anxiety, the habit of following the same prcedure in bed, lack of novelty in sexual partners, stress in general and other problems, we have to cope with every time. They will not vanish just because I "think" to have succeeded my reboot.
And therefore I cannot just go ahead and "trial and error" my way to getting over an addiction - it can also harm the person dearest to me.
One of the most frequently asked questions on this forum is: when do I know that the reboot was a success?
and the first answer is:
well, yes. This is probably the most important question to ask. I would say the ONLY way for ME to know that I am rebooted is, when I have splendid sex with my girlfriend and we both enjoy it. But how can I have that guaranty before having sex with her? I could say "hey I probably am rewired, so lets try it out. If it doesn't work, I will have to go on for another 90 days". The cure might eventually come that way but what will it do to me and my girl? I know, a good partner suports you in good and bad times. Yes, that's what she did for over a year now. I cannot pressure her to do that anymore than I can do myself.
To (finally - I just cant stop my writing frenzy because of my MA thesis, sorry) get to the point: I have to help a little bit and rewire myself. Therefore I have to change my sensitivity dickwise
to light touches and a fully non visual and auditive sensation. One of the main problems I realized during sex when I still could get hard but couldnt come: I was searcing for any visual stimulus: her boobs, the penetration and so on. I was "watching" it. I was trying to whatch myself as porn while using her as my masturbation tool. And there I realized, that I was transferring porn in my sexlife. This is probably one of the most terrible things one could do to another regarding sex and I still feel miserable about it. My homework now is to focus on "sensation sex". I hope to explore it more with my girlfriend than with myself many times and showing how much I love her. But I cannot demand it. I can only show her - like this morning when I had tremendous morning wood and slept naked and she saw it 8) and smiled!It may sound like, even be, an excuse to get an orgasm. May be I am not considering it the right way. But I need to also consider another person and a relationship into all my actions.
Porn has to absolutely disappear from my life. Not by blocking it out but simply by not needing it. All the triggers have to be like a boring advertisement to me. The fear of breaking a streak and of watching porn, of being sucked in have to stop. I eventually want to just think about it as if it is a boring documentary when I get in touch with porn and not to force myself away from it. How this happens I do not care - but I have to go all the way and try everything to make this possible.
And I really appreciate your concern and advice on this matter. This way I have to confront myself with my justifications, fathom them again and perhaps even change my perspective and pocedure. This is what makes this forum so special and helpful. Thanks guys!
Wow Vincent - some real insightful stuff right there - you never fail to fully explain your answers! That's has been a big help toe though because I am sure after the porn, the performance anxiety which has not built itself up inside me after so many failed and embarrassing attempts is only going to hold me back once the reboot is complete. This seems to be your fear also? Correct me if wrong!
That said - before starting the reboot I could M alone and still MO but that was no indicator that I could perform with my girlfriend. What you describe is giving yourself confidence you can MO still after so long of not trying, but that is no indicator of how the sex will be surely? I know personally, and i am still new to this, but if I MOed before attempting sex and then I had ED again when with my girlfriend - I would immediately blame my MO and believe I had wasted my last bullet as it were. I suppose I am hoping that by then I will be so eager for O that my body will see the only way will be to stay hard!
Not sure if this is any help pal, like I said I'm not an expert, I just our situations are quite similar so wanted to share my view! Good luck whichever route you choose!
That said - before starting the reboot I could M alone and still MO but that was no indicator that I could perform with my girlfriend. What you describe is giving yourself confidence you can MO still after so long of not trying, but that is no indicator of how the sex will be surely? I know personally, and i am still new to this, but if I MOed before attempting sex and then I had ED again when with my girlfriend - I would immediately blame my MO and believe I had wasted my last bullet as it were. I suppose I am hoping that by then I will be so eager for O that my body will see the only way will be to stay hard!
Not sure if this is any help pal, like I said I'm not an expert, I just our situations are quite similar so wanted to share my view! Good luck whichever route you choose!
skrodriguez
Member
I see where you are coming from. You think about it a lot as I'm sure many do, the difference is that you also write it so we get a glimpse, and I'm sure it's only a glimpse of the totality, of what it is going through your mind.
I'll focus on one interesting aspect of your...MA thesis...long term behavioural patterns. When you said you 'successfully' rebooted some time ago, it is interesting to then go on to read about the resumption of prior behaviours. I can understand this preocupation because I have had it myself, not from personal experience but I have asked myself...'like what if nothing changes?' Observing my own impulses and triggers over periods of abstinence I have come to realise that (before PMOing) and more recently FMOing (Fantasy) is something I have used to deal with loneliness, strees or frustration - factors which are conditioned by my life situation. Unless that situation changes it is conceivable that this 'treatment' could remain a problem. Reflecting on this I saw the benefit of a number of things:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Abstince as a form of breaking a pattern of behaviour. I've observed how much it is habit and brain-craving that makes me think I'm horny when it's as lifeless as can be down there.
[*]That that which I 'craved' and fantasized about was the voyueritic, detached or masturbatory aspects. Not sex.
[*]It's pure impulse behaviour, which means I'm not in control of something.
[*]The philosopher Stefan Molyneux said something very interesting:
I would feel anxiety but I wouldn't really investigate why or what for. This is still really relevant for me because without the MO I have to learn to deal with this stuff and feel that if I don't, the reboot won't help change my behaviour so while the reboot may be a necessary part, it's not everything. It gives me the breathing room to havea look at myself, but from there I need to work on my response and relationship to dealing with anxiety, no matter its cause. I currently have to, I won't say 'battle', but 'remain conscious' of mood swings and a desire to blame others if I feel bad when it's rooted in the same emotion. This is not easy and I don't always execute this very well. Particularly not in a distance relationship where loneliness, pettiness and bitterness can creep in easily.
[/list]
I should probably post some of this in my own thread too. I did find it a good read Vincent and I can see the level to which in engage in the whole experience.
I'll focus on one interesting aspect of your...MA thesis...long term behavioural patterns. When you said you 'successfully' rebooted some time ago, it is interesting to then go on to read about the resumption of prior behaviours. I can understand this preocupation because I have had it myself, not from personal experience but I have asked myself...'like what if nothing changes?' Observing my own impulses and triggers over periods of abstinence I have come to realise that (before PMOing) and more recently FMOing (Fantasy) is something I have used to deal with loneliness, strees or frustration - factors which are conditioned by my life situation. Unless that situation changes it is conceivable that this 'treatment' could remain a problem. Reflecting on this I saw the benefit of a number of things:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Abstince as a form of breaking a pattern of behaviour. I've observed how much it is habit and brain-craving that makes me think I'm horny when it's as lifeless as can be down there.
[*]That that which I 'craved' and fantasized about was the voyueritic, detached or masturbatory aspects. Not sex.
[*]It's pure impulse behaviour, which means I'm not in control of something.
[*]The philosopher Stefan Molyneux said something very interesting:
I would feel anxiety but I wouldn't really investigate why or what for. This is still really relevant for me because without the MO I have to learn to deal with this stuff and feel that if I don't, the reboot won't help change my behaviour so while the reboot may be a necessary part, it's not everything. It gives me the breathing room to havea look at myself, but from there I need to work on my response and relationship to dealing with anxiety, no matter its cause. I currently have to, I won't say 'battle', but 'remain conscious' of mood swings and a desire to blame others if I feel bad when it's rooted in the same emotion. This is not easy and I don't always execute this very well. Particularly not in a distance relationship where loneliness, pettiness and bitterness can creep in easily.
[/list]
I should probably post some of this in my own thread too. I did find it a good read Vincent and I can see the level to which in engage in the whole experience.
Vincent
Active Member
Thank you guys,
every outside view can help me to reflect on what I do. This is what really brings me to consider my actions.
@ollie90:
Yea, I would say I did and still do the same. Of course I cannot be sure, a successful MO experience without porn can guaranty a successful sex with my girlfriend. But What It can do is to break my pattern of MO and therefore to change my view of sex. Taking time, not seeing it as a sport and focus on feeling more than on the actual stimulation. I always thought having sex with a girl you really are into is so special because you finally can have her, uncover her body and indulge in her in lust and passion. I had some experience in this matter but was disenchanted when I realizet that every time I had sex I approached it the same way leaving every vagina, boob and face as just that. Instead of understanding the person behind the body and understanding the individuality of every sex I saw every fuck as copulation. And this i could lead back to my MO behaviour. In my mind I every time skipped the scene in order to fit it to my MO rythm. I did nor watch the scene and learn something from there. i just wanted to see a money shot or doggy sex or wehatever at the moment of O. The route to the O was uninteresting for me. So I just did the same in bed - which probably makes me one sore lover, which I then was informed about. I tried to then "improve" my "skills" (seeig it as a sport performance and the woman as a juror) by copying what I sam in porn only to find myself unsing sex as a method to satisfy the girl and getting praises - again I was lightyears away from what sex really is!. I now slowly begin to realise, that all these approaches I learnd from porn and manifested in my MO and Sex behaviour form a role I play. And therefore I do not treat sex as something normal but like an event which only happens a few times a Month -> this of course only CAN lead to performance anxiety.
I MO basically because I tried to get hard by touching myself with open eyes totally relaxed on my bad and really nothing moved. I tried thinking about sex....nothing. I closed my eyes and immagined something...nothing. At this point I thought: how the fuck are you supposed to have sex if you don't even know how to arouse yourself (without porn)....This made me terribly anxious. And I tried. And now, when i touch myself this one time a week - it takes very long time though - I get aroused. I do not need to think about anything. I understand what I like and do not force myself to O. I now need to transfer this into my sexlife.
Before I did this - I did not get hard in the morning lying next to my girl. No I just need to hug her and I do. It will take a lot of time and patience but it will eventually work - so I hope. This, however is, only one step of the many I need to still do.
@skrodriguez:
really can relate to that. this is also what I came across during reflection. Good to see that it is the same for ohers.
As for my Update:
today is day 7. I feel good and had a wonderful weekend with friends and especially with my GF. I do often think about taking my phone to the toilet an watching porn there - but I don't and am proud of this. I do not feel a real urge, just my brain tells me: c'mon - its not gonna harm anybody. Then I just tell myself: nope, i will.
I feel no need to touch myself and really feel attracted to my GF. Had a lot of sport this week and I feel pretty good allround.
every outside view can help me to reflect on what I do. This is what really brings me to consider my actions.
@ollie90:
Yea, I would say I did and still do the same. Of course I cannot be sure, a successful MO experience without porn can guaranty a successful sex with my girlfriend. But What It can do is to break my pattern of MO and therefore to change my view of sex. Taking time, not seeing it as a sport and focus on feeling more than on the actual stimulation. I always thought having sex with a girl you really are into is so special because you finally can have her, uncover her body and indulge in her in lust and passion. I had some experience in this matter but was disenchanted when I realizet that every time I had sex I approached it the same way leaving every vagina, boob and face as just that. Instead of understanding the person behind the body and understanding the individuality of every sex I saw every fuck as copulation. And this i could lead back to my MO behaviour. In my mind I every time skipped the scene in order to fit it to my MO rythm. I did nor watch the scene and learn something from there. i just wanted to see a money shot or doggy sex or wehatever at the moment of O. The route to the O was uninteresting for me. So I just did the same in bed - which probably makes me one sore lover, which I then was informed about. I tried to then "improve" my "skills" (seeig it as a sport performance and the woman as a juror) by copying what I sam in porn only to find myself unsing sex as a method to satisfy the girl and getting praises - again I was lightyears away from what sex really is!. I now slowly begin to realise, that all these approaches I learnd from porn and manifested in my MO and Sex behaviour form a role I play. And therefore I do not treat sex as something normal but like an event which only happens a few times a Month -> this of course only CAN lead to performance anxiety.
I MO basically because I tried to get hard by touching myself with open eyes totally relaxed on my bad and really nothing moved. I tried thinking about sex....nothing. I closed my eyes and immagined something...nothing. At this point I thought: how the fuck are you supposed to have sex if you don't even know how to arouse yourself (without porn)....This made me terribly anxious. And I tried. And now, when i touch myself this one time a week - it takes very long time though - I get aroused. I do not need to think about anything. I understand what I like and do not force myself to O. I now need to transfer this into my sexlife.
Before I did this - I did not get hard in the morning lying next to my girl. No I just need to hug her and I do. It will take a lot of time and patience but it will eventually work - so I hope. This, however is, only one step of the many I need to still do.
@skrodriguez:
really can relate to that. this is also what I came across during reflection. Good to see that it is the same for ohers.
As for my Update:
today is day 7. I feel good and had a wonderful weekend with friends and especially with my GF. I do often think about taking my phone to the toilet an watching porn there - but I don't and am proud of this. I do not feel a real urge, just my brain tells me: c'mon - its not gonna harm anybody. Then I just tell myself: nope, i will.
I feel no need to touch myself and really feel attracted to my GF. Had a lot of sport this week and I feel pretty good allround.
Vincent
Active Member
8th day, 2nd try.
It may be very early and therefore not the right time to talk about "today" since I just have woken up. It rained the whole night and was pretty warm so I didn't sleep very well. Sufficient, however. I finished my coffee and now thought about writing on my latest impressions before leaving for work. And since this whole day will consist of work it is fair to write on it - no chance to go to my PC or think about porn.
I have many flashbacks recently. It is always the same pornscene I tried to find when I relapsed. I am basically desperate for any input regarding this scene, and when I relapsed I did not search for porn but for this specific one. And since the relapse was on a picture, the flashbacks naturally are on that as well. It is really strange. I close my eyes in broad daylight and "plop" this picture appears. I lie next to my GF, close my eyes "plop" this f****** scene appears. I know I made some progress but this always keeps me shocked. How am I supposed to work though a reboot I a picture is enough to let my mind constantly focus on that? Whithdrawal, yes. That might be an answer to that. It is one of the many symptoms common to every addict (source below for those interested).
It figures, that my brain, deprived of its dopamine, it sinally putting up a fight. And it is strange for me to talk about my Brain as an enemy. It is not. But it feels like I am at battle. This however is not my first time fighting myself. I know my reactions or better my subconcious reactions with which I am trying to trick myself into justifying an "exception". But it is difficult, very difficult. I don't know what is harder: the fact that I am restraining myself from watching porn or the fact that porn is never going to be a part of my life again. Something so mundane for me, like checking my email or having my morning coffee. It seems I yet had to realise, how deeply entangled porn was into my daily routine, my life and perhaps even my personality. It was one of the constants in my life, more than sex, more than sport, more than having a talk. It became one of my basic needs. How very frightening.
Nevertheless: who cares....looks like I am still able to come out on top while struggling with my "basic need" This is giving me some real confidence ;D.
(above source: http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=5001296&fileId=S0033291700005705)
It may be very early and therefore not the right time to talk about "today" since I just have woken up. It rained the whole night and was pretty warm so I didn't sleep very well. Sufficient, however. I finished my coffee and now thought about writing on my latest impressions before leaving for work. And since this whole day will consist of work it is fair to write on it - no chance to go to my PC or think about porn.
I have many flashbacks recently. It is always the same pornscene I tried to find when I relapsed. I am basically desperate for any input regarding this scene, and when I relapsed I did not search for porn but for this specific one. And since the relapse was on a picture, the flashbacks naturally are on that as well. It is really strange. I close my eyes in broad daylight and "plop" this picture appears. I lie next to my GF, close my eyes "plop" this f****** scene appears. I know I made some progress but this always keeps me shocked. How am I supposed to work though a reboot I a picture is enough to let my mind constantly focus on that? Whithdrawal, yes. That might be an answer to that. It is one of the many symptoms common to every addict (source below for those interested).
It figures, that my brain, deprived of its dopamine, it sinally putting up a fight. And it is strange for me to talk about my Brain as an enemy. It is not. But it feels like I am at battle. This however is not my first time fighting myself. I know my reactions or better my subconcious reactions with which I am trying to trick myself into justifying an "exception". But it is difficult, very difficult. I don't know what is harder: the fact that I am restraining myself from watching porn or the fact that porn is never going to be a part of my life again. Something so mundane for me, like checking my email or having my morning coffee. It seems I yet had to realise, how deeply entangled porn was into my daily routine, my life and perhaps even my personality. It was one of the constants in my life, more than sex, more than sport, more than having a talk. It became one of my basic needs. How very frightening.
Nevertheless: who cares....looks like I am still able to come out on top while struggling with my "basic need" This is giving me some real confidence ;D.
(above source: http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=5001296&fileId=S0033291700005705)
Vincent
Active Member
Day 10, second try.
It is getting harder to controll myself. But it still works. Yesterday I came home from work after an 11 hour shift (I work as a chef part time) and was really tired. But during my way home I thought: why do I, everytime I feel like it, find an excuse not to do what I have or should do - sometime even would like to do?
Too many excuses - I wanted to have a run to relieve stress and energy accumulated from work. So I came home, put on my shoes and went to have a run, eventually coming home very happy and relieved as hell.
Today, better right now, I am alone at home and should go to uni. I don't want to. I want to watch my favourite Pornscene - or better the only one my brain is pushing me to watch calling for an extreme release for dopamine. I searched for it on google - naturally my filters blocked the srarch - and the search already, hoping for a picture to show gave me an intense rush of hormones. I felt being sucked in, intensified my search and was eventually standing at the point of the big question: should I work around my filters and just watch it? I could have done it. I really wanted. But then I just thought, probably even said to myself: how fucking weak you are. It this you? Is this what you wanna be? A sack full of excuses for something you don't even want to control? What a sorry, weak person. Then I got a grip. I AM NOT THIS FUCKING WEAK. It gave me a push - probably that's why I am writing this so very pumped. I clicked away, did what needed to be done. I can't rely on filters eventually -> I need to rely on ME!
To day is not only the 9th day of no PMO. I did also not MO - because I don't feel like it. There is no need to do it if you don't need it. So I will only do it if I have the feeling it could be a nice time to do it and extend it to every 14 days, lets see, how this works out.
After seeing myself reacting this way to a weaker self I can proudly say that it now has become an even fight - which I am going to win ;D.
And this also will hopefully lead to benefits in other aspects of my life. Selfrespect seems to be something very useful in those kinds of situations. On the other hand it is always up to the moment. Strenght and weakness lie very close to each other and the stronger I am now the weaker I may be later.
Maybe this is the one thing meant by " the way to the goal is the goal". Struggling, falling, raising up again, resolve and eventually change ones life without having regrets.... lets see how this works out. I am not afraid of ailure anymore because I don't need to hide it.
It is getting harder to controll myself. But it still works. Yesterday I came home from work after an 11 hour shift (I work as a chef part time) and was really tired. But during my way home I thought: why do I, everytime I feel like it, find an excuse not to do what I have or should do - sometime even would like to do?
Too many excuses - I wanted to have a run to relieve stress and energy accumulated from work. So I came home, put on my shoes and went to have a run, eventually coming home very happy and relieved as hell.
Today, better right now, I am alone at home and should go to uni. I don't want to. I want to watch my favourite Pornscene - or better the only one my brain is pushing me to watch calling for an extreme release for dopamine. I searched for it on google - naturally my filters blocked the srarch - and the search already, hoping for a picture to show gave me an intense rush of hormones. I felt being sucked in, intensified my search and was eventually standing at the point of the big question: should I work around my filters and just watch it? I could have done it. I really wanted. But then I just thought, probably even said to myself: how fucking weak you are. It this you? Is this what you wanna be? A sack full of excuses for something you don't even want to control? What a sorry, weak person. Then I got a grip. I AM NOT THIS FUCKING WEAK. It gave me a push - probably that's why I am writing this so very pumped. I clicked away, did what needed to be done. I can't rely on filters eventually -> I need to rely on ME!
To day is not only the 9th day of no PMO. I did also not MO - because I don't feel like it. There is no need to do it if you don't need it. So I will only do it if I have the feeling it could be a nice time to do it and extend it to every 14 days, lets see, how this works out.
After seeing myself reacting this way to a weaker self I can proudly say that it now has become an even fight - which I am going to win ;D.
And this also will hopefully lead to benefits in other aspects of my life. Selfrespect seems to be something very useful in those kinds of situations. On the other hand it is always up to the moment. Strenght and weakness lie very close to each other and the stronger I am now the weaker I may be later.
Maybe this is the one thing meant by " the way to the goal is the goal". Struggling, falling, raising up again, resolve and eventually change ones life without having regrets.... lets see how this works out. I am not afraid of ailure anymore because I don't need to hide it.
Vincent
Active Member
day 11, 2nd try.
I am ashamed. After the fired up sermon, the nice feeling of defeating my urge once, I fell for the urge only a day later. I could just not stop searchin and when I found the scene I watched it and PMOed. It was not nearly as pleasant as the MO I usually do and I feel like I'm lost. This is the sillyest thing of all. I couldn't restrain myself from jacking off to porn.
I realized that I have to make precautions tighter. So I erased the Browser from my phone - the medium of choice leading to this relapse. I tried to watch a vid today on the phone, but since I restricted the browsers streaming i could not. But the search and the pictures were Porn, they gave me (probably) the dame Dopamine, as the porn would have done. I could not control - wanted not to control. And when I searched on the PC I just went arount all security mechanisms.
However. As I am reading my yesterday words again and again it would be foolish not to accept the mistake as a failure. It would be lying to myself. And the only thing that is going to get me out of this circle is absolute truth towards myself - the only one I am accountable to.
In the meantime i read a lot on how to overcome addictions. Evidently I left out one important step, which is main part of my relapse. The prediction of weak spots. Therefore I am doing this now.
I tried to analyze the reason for the relapse. It is a very clear pattern that I however were unable to see. After some digging in my personal stuff I found old reports that I wrote on this during my first struggles. then I had perhaps more insight on myself which is sad but also a good thing - I can get the insight back, I think.
The steps are:
1. I decide to drop my guard and let myself go in the direction of watching porn. This could mean that I willingly type In something related to this topic or that I close the door. It also means taking the device to a private room - most problematic because of mobility of devices nowadays. The minute I feel save and nobody is watching the internal struggle begins.
2. I do not hit the breaks on just typing it in - i search for results. At this point I think the loss of control starts. I accept the failure at this exact moment and take into account that I can risk all my work for a quick look.
3. I look at the first picture - still having the chance to go away. This is the most critical point because it is way harder to walk away here. It is like a point of no return. It means that there is a gap of seconds, when I still can fight back. If this span is over I lost and get drawn in.
4. The search begins to expand and I binge on searching. This means still not bingeing on porn. I search without action because I get Dopamine by it. There might be still a very small chance to not PMO.
5. Pictures and clip previews begin to raise excitement for the main scene - the urge to watch it becomes incredibly strong and I am already drawn in, making it next to impossible not to start PM. This yet does not mean an Orgasm has to follow. Since the Dopamine release is already happening, the main problem is more around PM (that is my conclusion as part of my analysis in my case) and not the O.
6. An extensive search for all available pornstars and scenes that I hid in my memory starts exploding to a binge like PM. O is delayed in order to increase the Dopamine payout.
7. The alledged "best scene" is use to have a climax and a Dopamine explosion, leading to a end-means justification. After the rush, resentment comes up and I feel bad.
8. I think about "what a shitty day" and the question rises on whether it matters now to just do it the whole day and start with abstinence again tomorrow.
9. I binge om PMO
These steps are, as far as my behavoir is concerned, the leading points in my fight against this addiction. So I have to understand, where to break the cycle. You could say that up to step 6 one still can leave the party without being drunk. But that is wrong.
According to my observation the possibilities to do this are only given at step 1 and 2. The easyest way is to not let that 9 step flow happen at all and to recognize this pattern from step 1 in order to walk away.
In step 2 this still is possible but unlikely. If it was anybody else than me I was observing, a simple reward and punish system would do the trick. But I know how I will try to go around that.
Therefore I need to realize when the situation comes up, when my guard drops and then reinforce it. In the long run this could also establish itself as a reward system. Since I am proud of myself every time I can control myself, It also becomes easier over time and the reward is given for less effort. So an easy reward can be gained as substitute for the porns dopamine rush. Whether mindtricks like that work on oneself are up to discussion, though.
It is very difficult for me. I have to say that temptation is everywhere. And although I am up to the challenge and said that it is ME I have to rely on, I first have to navigate my ship out of the storm. Therefore I have to cut the possibilities.
My counter is now back to 0. I am very ashamed because I failed after bragging about my "great achievement" here on this site. But it does not matter what I feel as long as I do everything I can to go on and not let myself down.
After having slipped twice in a month of trial and seeing the positive effects already, I really want to discover what a 30 days without PMO, PM and especially P are going to feel like. But first I need to do the 17 Days I wanted to. If I now change the route every time something unpleasant happens it is more like running from something than walking towards it.
Therefore:
third try, Day 1 - 17 day challenge without P in general starts now!
Edit:
I did not want to post this edit as an own post...
I feel really miserable about me PMOing. I lost some confidence today. I really hope to recover it. I need to get over it fast and start fighting again. But is all seems so..... whatever. I will not give up nor will I lie to myself.
I am ashamed. After the fired up sermon, the nice feeling of defeating my urge once, I fell for the urge only a day later. I could just not stop searchin and when I found the scene I watched it and PMOed. It was not nearly as pleasant as the MO I usually do and I feel like I'm lost. This is the sillyest thing of all. I couldn't restrain myself from jacking off to porn.
I realized that I have to make precautions tighter. So I erased the Browser from my phone - the medium of choice leading to this relapse. I tried to watch a vid today on the phone, but since I restricted the browsers streaming i could not. But the search and the pictures were Porn, they gave me (probably) the dame Dopamine, as the porn would have done. I could not control - wanted not to control. And when I searched on the PC I just went arount all security mechanisms.
However. As I am reading my yesterday words again and again it would be foolish not to accept the mistake as a failure. It would be lying to myself. And the only thing that is going to get me out of this circle is absolute truth towards myself - the only one I am accountable to.
In the meantime i read a lot on how to overcome addictions. Evidently I left out one important step, which is main part of my relapse. The prediction of weak spots. Therefore I am doing this now.
I tried to analyze the reason for the relapse. It is a very clear pattern that I however were unable to see. After some digging in my personal stuff I found old reports that I wrote on this during my first struggles. then I had perhaps more insight on myself which is sad but also a good thing - I can get the insight back, I think.
The steps are:
1. I decide to drop my guard and let myself go in the direction of watching porn. This could mean that I willingly type In something related to this topic or that I close the door. It also means taking the device to a private room - most problematic because of mobility of devices nowadays. The minute I feel save and nobody is watching the internal struggle begins.
2. I do not hit the breaks on just typing it in - i search for results. At this point I think the loss of control starts. I accept the failure at this exact moment and take into account that I can risk all my work for a quick look.
3. I look at the first picture - still having the chance to go away. This is the most critical point because it is way harder to walk away here. It is like a point of no return. It means that there is a gap of seconds, when I still can fight back. If this span is over I lost and get drawn in.
4. The search begins to expand and I binge on searching. This means still not bingeing on porn. I search without action because I get Dopamine by it. There might be still a very small chance to not PMO.
5. Pictures and clip previews begin to raise excitement for the main scene - the urge to watch it becomes incredibly strong and I am already drawn in, making it next to impossible not to start PM. This yet does not mean an Orgasm has to follow. Since the Dopamine release is already happening, the main problem is more around PM (that is my conclusion as part of my analysis in my case) and not the O.
6. An extensive search for all available pornstars and scenes that I hid in my memory starts exploding to a binge like PM. O is delayed in order to increase the Dopamine payout.
7. The alledged "best scene" is use to have a climax and a Dopamine explosion, leading to a end-means justification. After the rush, resentment comes up and I feel bad.
8. I think about "what a shitty day" and the question rises on whether it matters now to just do it the whole day and start with abstinence again tomorrow.
9. I binge om PMO
These steps are, as far as my behavoir is concerned, the leading points in my fight against this addiction. So I have to understand, where to break the cycle. You could say that up to step 6 one still can leave the party without being drunk. But that is wrong.
According to my observation the possibilities to do this are only given at step 1 and 2. The easyest way is to not let that 9 step flow happen at all and to recognize this pattern from step 1 in order to walk away.
In step 2 this still is possible but unlikely. If it was anybody else than me I was observing, a simple reward and punish system would do the trick. But I know how I will try to go around that.
Therefore I need to realize when the situation comes up, when my guard drops and then reinforce it. In the long run this could also establish itself as a reward system. Since I am proud of myself every time I can control myself, It also becomes easier over time and the reward is given for less effort. So an easy reward can be gained as substitute for the porns dopamine rush. Whether mindtricks like that work on oneself are up to discussion, though.
It is very difficult for me. I have to say that temptation is everywhere. And although I am up to the challenge and said that it is ME I have to rely on, I first have to navigate my ship out of the storm. Therefore I have to cut the possibilities.
My counter is now back to 0. I am very ashamed because I failed after bragging about my "great achievement" here on this site. But it does not matter what I feel as long as I do everything I can to go on and not let myself down.
After having slipped twice in a month of trial and seeing the positive effects already, I really want to discover what a 30 days without PMO, PM and especially P are going to feel like. But first I need to do the 17 Days I wanted to. If I now change the route every time something unpleasant happens it is more like running from something than walking towards it.
Therefore:
third try, Day 1 - 17 day challenge without P in general starts now!
Edit:
I did not want to post this edit as an own post...
I feel really miserable about me PMOing. I lost some confidence today. I really hope to recover it. I need to get over it fast and start fighting again. But is all seems so..... whatever. I will not give up nor will I lie to myself.
skrodriguez
Member
Hey Vince! Never mind man, I think it's a great thing that you are taking away from this last little hiccup some hard earned knowledge. They say that failure teaches way more than success and I mean that in the kindest sense. There?s no real failure because you?ve learned from it and are still at it! Good work
Quite honestly I think the 'failure' as you put it started way before this point. I would have once agreed with you and maintain that if someone does a search for porn and doesn?t click through but instead backs out and quits, that that is well and good but in my experience for each stage of the search through which one progresses, it becomes exponentially less likely that they will stop. As you mention in step 3. It?s like starting to fiddle will lead to edging will lead to orgasm. Your only real chance is to not start the process.
The searching is actually the problem though right? It?s the search for the final clip/image that keeps the dopamine up right? The imagery is actually only a part of it becuase THE SEARCH is the impulse. If we?re fixing our brains and our brains do the dopamine thing, then the titillating thrill of searching on the brink would have the same effect on a sensitized brain as far as I understand.
Right with ya! After 1 I think it's pretty much over. Only a power cut would save you
I hear you Vince. Heads up about something. We?re all going through something really similar and don?t feel ashamed for having talked about your progress because everything you said was relevant for the stage you were at. Personally, I think too much energy is focused on the 'days counter' like that is the actual reboot. The reboot is a personal thing, it's a mindset, it's a decision, it's your brain and the time it needs as well as some hard f?%@ing work but it's not about 30, 60, 90, or 120 days. If you?ve learned some stuff you?ll be so much better equipped. Though I know actually breaking free is also a time thing.
Question: are you having regular sex with your girlfriend? If so have you noticed anything as a result of using less P?
Vincent said:
Quite honestly I think the 'failure' as you put it started way before this point. I would have once agreed with you and maintain that if someone does a search for porn and doesn?t click through but instead backs out and quits, that that is well and good but in my experience for each stage of the search through which one progresses, it becomes exponentially less likely that they will stop. As you mention in step 3. It?s like starting to fiddle will lead to edging will lead to orgasm. Your only real chance is to not start the process.
Vincent said:
The searching is actually the problem though right? It?s the search for the final clip/image that keeps the dopamine up right? The imagery is actually only a part of it becuase THE SEARCH is the impulse. If we?re fixing our brains and our brains do the dopamine thing, then the titillating thrill of searching on the brink would have the same effect on a sensitized brain as far as I understand.
Vincent said:
Right with ya! After 1 I think it's pretty much over. Only a power cut would save you
Vincent said:
I hear you Vince. Heads up about something. We?re all going through something really similar and don?t feel ashamed for having talked about your progress because everything you said was relevant for the stage you were at. Personally, I think too much energy is focused on the 'days counter' like that is the actual reboot. The reboot is a personal thing, it's a mindset, it's a decision, it's your brain and the time it needs as well as some hard f?%@ing work but it's not about 30, 60, 90, or 120 days. If you?ve learned some stuff you?ll be so much better equipped. Though I know actually breaking free is also a time thing.
Question: are you having regular sex with your girlfriend? If so have you noticed anything as a result of using less P?
Vincent
Active Member
Thank you so much, Skrodriguez.
What you said is exactly what I needed to stay on track. It is really helpful not to be alone in this and to share wins and losses with everybody here.
Regarding your question: No. For already more than 2 Month we are not having Sex. The last time we tried I got limp and concluded that more had to happen than sport and nutrition. So I cannot tell anything about results regarding abstinence from P. Since my GF and I agreed to first overcome the addiction and making porn at least a sporadic element of my life, we don't have sex now. She also was pretty frustrated about me getting limp on her all the time and said that no sex would be better for us both than bad sex. I agree with her on that. I also have to say that, since we lived in a distant relationship and both of us spent semesters abroad, it is not that difficult to not have sex for this period of time. Of course I think sex would make this easier and faster, but I have to consider her feelings as well. And If I were her, I probably would come to the same conclusion.
As soon as results begin to show and I finally can talk about success, I will certainly share it with everybody (according to all my rules of privacy, of course
What you said is exactly what I needed to stay on track. It is really helpful not to be alone in this and to share wins and losses with everybody here.
Regarding your question: No. For already more than 2 Month we are not having Sex. The last time we tried I got limp and concluded that more had to happen than sport and nutrition. So I cannot tell anything about results regarding abstinence from P. Since my GF and I agreed to first overcome the addiction and making porn at least a sporadic element of my life, we don't have sex now. She also was pretty frustrated about me getting limp on her all the time and said that no sex would be better for us both than bad sex. I agree with her on that. I also have to say that, since we lived in a distant relationship and both of us spent semesters abroad, it is not that difficult to not have sex for this period of time. Of course I think sex would make this easier and faster, but I have to consider her feelings as well. And If I were her, I probably would come to the same conclusion.
As soon as results begin to show and I finally can talk about success, I will certainly share it with everybody (according to all my rules of privacy, of course
Vincent
Active Member
third day of the third try.
After deleting all my possibilities to watch porn and after getting an app for addicts with some kind of reward system on my Smartphone I concentrate pretty much on that.
I am also reading a nice book about a story of someone that quit porn.
I feel better, get erections just by getting near my GF and am feeling the first signs of my ED vanishing.
good day, good impulses - now I need to make them standard.
After deleting all my possibilities to watch porn and after getting an app for addicts with some kind of reward system on my Smartphone I concentrate pretty much on that.
I am also reading a nice book about a story of someone that quit porn.
I feel better, get erections just by getting near my GF and am feeling the first signs of my ED vanishing.
good day, good impulses - now I need to make them standard.
skrodriguez
Member
Vincent said:
Hahaha. My phone is so crap for browsing the web that it's just tedious. I understand the desire for looking at porn. I don't have it anymore but I have other desires so I appreciate the power of it.
I'm busy fantasizing about various things related to my girlfriend and for the next few weeks I wanna work on those too. She's not in my life at the moment, physically, so none of this stuff can be acted on and I think my brain looks to fantasy to get its little hit so it's time to go quiet on all stimulus. That's related with....
Happy for you! My excitation comes from girlfriend but not from being near her (maybe it would but I can't test that), but rather fantasizing about her. I'm not getting morning wood, and no wet dreams meaning my body isn't needing it, just my brain. It's frustrating actually, not being able to be with her but in good time and for now I have a good chance to go quiet on all forms of stimulus and actively focus on other things. I'm happy for you though Vince.Vincent said:
Do you have a plan to make it standard? Nothing about changing behaviours at first is automatic in my experience.Vincent said:
Go for it Vince!
Vincent
Active Member
Hi rodriguez,
thanks for the encouraging words. Yes, I do have a plan for that ;D - which I am going to chare when it worked
otherwise it's only theory that will not help - and it is still in progress.
You are rewiring right now and it seems to be working great. Your fantasies about your girl are the most normal thing in the world - and will show her only more how much you like and desire her. Not only when you say it but all your actions will do. Like with me. If my GF is next to me I cannot control myself----well she gets very angry at me then because I get on her nerves....but better than watching porn.
If you isolate them fantasies as Your personal desire, it may aswell substitute the pathway in your brain and you will eventually link sex again to the person. Your progress makes me hope
I will keep it going and I hope the same for you!
thanks for the encouraging words. Yes, I do have a plan for that ;D - which I am going to chare when it worked
otherwise it's only theory that will not help - and it is still in progress.
You are rewiring right now and it seems to be working great. Your fantasies about your girl are the most normal thing in the world - and will show her only more how much you like and desire her. Not only when you say it but all your actions will do. Like with me. If my GF is next to me I cannot control myself----well she gets very angry at me then because I get on her nerves....but better than watching porn.
If you isolate them fantasies as Your personal desire, it may aswell substitute the pathway in your brain and you will eventually link sex again to the person. Your progress makes me hope
I will keep it going and I hope the same for you!
Vincent
Active Member
Update on day 6 second try.
I search and search and meanwhile the urge gets stronger. I get frustrated, because I can't find anything
'cause of my blockers. At max there are some pictures - of dressed woman. So I lose interest. I search and the search in failing. then, when I go to get some coffee and come back I kind of fell good. Because I did not find anything and the search just bored me out. Lets just take this further - because everytime I find something that even remotely comes next to "porn", I blacklist it. So the urge gets slowly more and more boring. It is really hard to control, however. Because I only can block access on my pc and Smartphone. But I have one very strict Codex now which I wont betray regardless the circumstances:
It does not matter what happens, where it happens and why. I never ever am allowed to use any other device than my PC or Smartphone to search for something like porn. This not only is one of my absolute morales (what is not your?s you don't use) but it also is my iron clad rule for survival through this addiction. It is MY addiction so MY problem and MY solution.
I slowly begin to accept that if I don't find anything there is no need to search anymore. everytime the search fails - or if I find a picture of a dressed pornstar - my Dopamine just gives a quick impulse, instantly vanishing. I want to find PORN. I really NEED to watch PORN!!! - That's what my brain is telling me. But I slowly try to teach my brain that there is only one pond we can fish in and if there is no fish anymore, well....
For me right now is the most dangerous situation during all my reboot time so far. I really have a stron urge every day, every night. I get close to my GF when I can and I think I am overdoing it there, getting on her nerves. I DO search for Porn and fail and I get frustrated because my desire gets not satisfied. But I stay strong and accept it. This is the most difficult part. There ARE other Computers here.....but I have to respect my rules in order to respect myself. That's it....and nothing else.
I really feel how every boob around me, every woman, every nice smile of a cute face to me is like the sun to a plant. It is crazy. My body is so full of energy - hurting, yes because I ran half a marathon on sunday and had two crazy 12 hour shift-days Monday and Tuseday - that I could just instantly take on everything around me. My brain is urging me to just skip this shit and "fuck or wank" to any possibility. But I will not give in - at least some part of conscience Is left to my testosterone filled head....
It is really hard.....really. And on the other hand it is more than worth it. Because I will be free of this ridiculously intense desire and a free person that can pursue his desires and ambitions without constantly seeing everything around him as sex related, and to understand, that there is more to it than Tits'n'asses......
(sorry for the explicite language in this paragraph... indeed I am frustrated - and happy ;D
I search and search and meanwhile the urge gets stronger. I get frustrated, because I can't find anything
'cause of my blockers. At max there are some pictures - of dressed woman. So I lose interest. I search and the search in failing. then, when I go to get some coffee and come back I kind of fell good. Because I did not find anything and the search just bored me out. Lets just take this further - because everytime I find something that even remotely comes next to "porn", I blacklist it. So the urge gets slowly more and more boring. It is really hard to control, however. Because I only can block access on my pc and Smartphone. But I have one very strict Codex now which I wont betray regardless the circumstances:
It does not matter what happens, where it happens and why. I never ever am allowed to use any other device than my PC or Smartphone to search for something like porn. This not only is one of my absolute morales (what is not your?s you don't use) but it also is my iron clad rule for survival through this addiction. It is MY addiction so MY problem and MY solution.
I slowly begin to accept that if I don't find anything there is no need to search anymore. everytime the search fails - or if I find a picture of a dressed pornstar - my Dopamine just gives a quick impulse, instantly vanishing. I want to find PORN. I really NEED to watch PORN!!! - That's what my brain is telling me. But I slowly try to teach my brain that there is only one pond we can fish in and if there is no fish anymore, well....
For me right now is the most dangerous situation during all my reboot time so far. I really have a stron urge every day, every night. I get close to my GF when I can and I think I am overdoing it there, getting on her nerves. I DO search for Porn and fail and I get frustrated because my desire gets not satisfied. But I stay strong and accept it. This is the most difficult part. There ARE other Computers here.....but I have to respect my rules in order to respect myself. That's it....and nothing else.
I really feel how every boob around me, every woman, every nice smile of a cute face to me is like the sun to a plant. It is crazy. My body is so full of energy - hurting, yes because I ran half a marathon on sunday and had two crazy 12 hour shift-days Monday and Tuseday - that I could just instantly take on everything around me. My brain is urging me to just skip this shit and "fuck or wank" to any possibility. But I will not give in - at least some part of conscience Is left to my testosterone filled head....
It is really hard.....really. And on the other hand it is more than worth it. Because I will be free of this ridiculously intense desire and a free person that can pursue his desires and ambitions without constantly seeing everything around him as sex related, and to understand, that there is more to it than Tits'n'asses......
(sorry for the explicite language in this paragraph... indeed I am frustrated - and happy ;D