Porn is not an option

[SmokenMirrors]

"You're the modern day William!" lol William who? This made me laugh.

Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.

My bona fides: over one year no relapses, no porn, no PMO, no MO. Gabe asked me to post here. I previously posted on NoFap, which I loved, and where my post had over 19,000 reads, when I left it, having achieved one year clean. Hello Gentlemen. First, let's figure out if this post is for...

forum.rebootnation.org

Check him out! He helped me and thousands of others immensely!

 

[Blondie]

Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.

My bona fides: over one year no relapses, no porn, no PMO, no MO. Gabe asked me to post here. I previously posted on NoFap, which I loved, and where my post had over 19,000 reads, when I left it, having achieved one year clean. Hello Gentlemen. First, let's figure out if this post is for...

forum.rebootnation.org

Check him out! He helped me and thousands of others immensely!

Thanks, I'll check him out!

 

[Blondie]

Day 202

My man is working again. I say again, because we never tried for a week, so who knows, but either way he is back to normal. I think I'm still getting use to the idea of not always "feeling horney", and thus, mistaking I must be in a "flatline". I know, what a ridiculous idea right, still using the patterns of my old self to judge my present self! What a fucked up thing porn is, where one of the most basic things about being human is your sexuality. However, after porn you don't even know how to properly gauge your most primal instinct!

Have a good weekend everyone and stay clean. Remember this shit will never be your friend! So get out there and talk to your girl, wife, boyfriend, have those hard conversations, read a book, cry if you must, bang your head against a wall or break up with someone. These are all preferable to this digital pixilated hell.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” –Rumi

 

[Phineas 808]

Check him out! He helped me and thousands of others immensely!

I knew that's who you meant, but William the Conqueror came to mind also, lol...!

 

[Blondie]

I knew that's who you meant, but William the Conqueror came to mind also, lol...!

That is exactly what I thought! But my mind connects strange dots though, so I figured that couldn't have been it. Too funny!

 

[searching4good]

Day 202

My man is working again. I say again, because we never tried for a week, so who knows, but either way he is back to normal. I think I'm still getting use to the idea of not always "feeling horney", and thus, mistaking I must be in a "flatline". I know, what a ridiculous idea right, still using the patterns of my old self to judge my present self! What a fucked up thing porn is, where one of the most basic things about being human is your sexuality. However, after porn you don't even know how to properly gauge your most primal instinct!

Have a good weekend everyone and stay clean. Remember this shit will never be your friend! So get out there and talk to your girl, wife, boyfriend, have those hard conversations, read a book, cry if you must, bang your head against a wall or break up with someone. These are all preferable to this digital pixilated hell.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” –Rumi

Love the quote - thanks for taking the time to share.

200+ days is some achievement by the way - imagine how much more empowering growth you'll have gone through with another 200.

 

[Blondie]

Day 203

Thanks Searching4good. Yes, 400 days porn free will be a beautiful thing!

 

[Blondie]

Day 204

7 months porn free is less than a week away!

Stay strong everyone.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Amazing work - keep giving porn hell and inspiring the community @Blondie!

 

[Blondie]

Day 205

I can definitely tell I was in a small flatline last week. About two days ago I started to feel happy and horney again and we had sex twice successfully in a row. Also still having very strange dreams. My mind has a long ways to go it seems, but it's getting there. Another thing I've noticed is how much more relaxed I feel when noticing beautiful women walking around campus. I see them as people first now and not just hot bodies. This makes me very happy indeed! I'm still blown away by women's beauty, and the female spirit in general, but I don't feel overwhelmed and distracted like I was before. This might also be from me being extra vigilant since my last relapse and not ogling over every girl I see. To clarify, I was never one to ogle with my eyes, on no, I hate guys like that, but I ogled with my heart and mind. I was always distracted and sexually frustrated because I was in a monogamous relationship, and could have only one beautiful girl in my bed!

To be honest, this is probably one of the biggest reasons for my porn use, stress being the other factor. I still have these thoughts of frustration here and there, but it's considerably better now since quitting porn. I've been reminding myself these last months that unless a woman is going to be in bed with you, what's the purpose of dwelling on her beauty, besides just the initial moment of seeing her. It serves me no good and makes me lose focus on the other great things in my life, like my own hottie back home. And hell, even if I did want to have a threesome with my girl sometime (something I definitely would be open to) that's only one more beautiful girl in my bed. I can just see myself having that experience and then noticing "another woman" the next morning at the grocery store! The moral of my story is this, if she or he, or three are not in thy bed, and probably never will be, what's the point of dwelling on it? Otherwise, it just leads to frustration.

Maybe gratitude is the answer for all our problems.

Keep killing it everyone!

 

[Phineas 808]

I can just see myself having that experience and then noticing "another woman" the next morning at the grocery store! The moral of my story is this, if she or he, or three are not in thy bed, and probably never will be, what's the point of dwelling on it? Otherwise, it just leads to frustration.

Great points, Blondie! It reminded me of these Bible verses:

For a [prostitute] is a deep ditch; and a [foreign] woman is a narrow pit. - Proverbs 23:27.

[the grave] and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied. - Proverbs 27:20.

The point is basically, that we're never satisfied. That there's an 'incorrect use' of sexuality that is like a narrow pit, hard to climb out of, or that our lusts are never satisfied!

I've come to a similar conclusion as yourself, that, why 'get myself worked up' to begin with? There's no practical reason for it, and it can never be satisfied- it will only get worse!

Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about some girl in public, and I snap out of it by asking myself- "What? Are you going to sleep with her in the grocery store??"

 

[Phineas 808]

I clarified a couple of words in the biblical texts above (in brackets) to kind of 'modernize' their meanings.... The 'prostitute' or foreign woman symbolizes the sex industry, in my opinion.

 

[Blondie]

Day 206

Thanks for your comments Phineas. I always appreciate it. When I first started doing this, my brain kept telling my "You're missing out on something". That is, missing out, if I didn't indulge in my fantasy of not being in a relationship. Funny thing is though, I now feel much more at peace these days not indulging, though it definitely isn't perfect. And don't get me wrong, I'm no moralist in any sense of the term, and I'm not talking about not appreciating beauty here either. My fantasy or fantasies in general was wishing I wasn't in a relationship. Because if that was true, then I could go over to talk to that woman and flirt with her, get to know her dreams and passions, and yes, obviously have sex sometime down the road (certainly not with every women, I'm no Don Juan!). However, it was always more than just sex for me. I just love women, old and young, I don't care, I just love talking with them, always have. Hell, I can't think of a time in my life when I didn't have a least two crushes going on simultaneously. That might even be my first memory in fact. And when I stop looking at porn, this becomes even more so!

When I got into a serious relationship years ago, that was my biggest challenge; how do I not cheat on my wonderful girlfriend and stay monogamous? So far I haven't cheated, although I've had many opportunities, and I guess the cam girls were the closest thing to it. Boy what a dumb ass I was! One of the lowest points in my life for sure. But I've always thought of porn as a shity shity substitute for the real thing. I'm sure a romantic type reading this would tell me that I obviously haven't found the "The One" yet and that I just need to break up with my current lady and get out there and find the right one! But the realist in me says that no such thing exists. And hell, even if I did find another girl who hit all the right notes, knowing me I would discover a new one after a fortnight playing them an octave higher! Which brings me back to my post yesterday, and about appreciating what you have before you.

Either way, the moral of the story is, porn is the worst substitute for your problems. And when we try to escape our reality, our reality becomes even more shity. Thus, perpetuating the cycle.

 

[Blondie]

Day 207

Yesterday I found myself talking to people again and socializing like I used to in my younger years. There was that guy on the bus I had a random conversation with. What a brilliant man! And then there was the joking around with my fellow classmates and saying stupid shit like I was kid again. I felt alive. I felt like I could connect to people. I felt like a human being. I have noticed myself over the last few weeks saying funny shit in class that I would never have said before. Porn made me too self-aware. When looking at porn, I lose all social confidence; and if there is any, it's just a pretense of confidence. When one tells himself over and over again that he won't do something, yet fails every time, a part of him dies in that moment. How can a man look someone in the eye, when he can't even look himself in the mirror? To be yourself in the company of others, is to forget yourself, and get lost in that moment. And to live in that moment, is to live unselfishly, but porn is nothing but selfishness.

I once did an addiction exercise where it asked you to find an old picture of yourself as a kid. A picture of yourself when you were more innocent, carefree, and curious about the world, and said whatever was on your mind because you didn't give a damn. A picture of yourself when women were sexual and wonderful, but not sexualized. A picture of yourself when you were curious about women sexually, because you were curious about that one girl (or maybe three girls in may case!). A picture of yourself when the world was a wonderful place of discovery, and you wanted to run towards it, and not run away from it. A picture of yourself as you really are, that beautiful kid before all the bullshit.

Yesterday, I felt I found a glimpse of that young boy in my picture again. And although I have much more to go, I sense there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Blondie]

Day 208

May everyone have a good porn-free weekend!

 

[Phineas 808]

However, it was always more than just sex for me. I just love women, old and young, I don't care, I just love talking with them, always have. Hell, I can't think of a time in my life when I didn't have a least two crushes going on simultaneously. That might even be my first memory in fact. And when I stop looking at porn, this becomes even more so!

Thank you for your previous comments, Blondie! I agree with you 100% I love women, all women, as they all have beauty- outwardly and/or inwardly.

I think that's really my 'problem' if you can call it that, if we sweep the distorting cobwebs of porn aside, I'm a romantic, always have been, and thus love women- even womankind. But, I just have one, lol... my wife. This answers why I search, am always searching it seems for the brightest star in the room, and then the woman becomes the focus of my time as I appreciate (or admittedly lust after) her.

Some of this reflects for me a deep inward need, which I've addressed elsewhere, or may be an anxiety driven lust. But fundamentally, I will always love women- and if it's a true love it will also come with a deep respect.

 

[Blondie]

Day 209

"Thank you for your previous comments, Blondie! I agree with you 100% I love women, all women, as they all have beauty- outwardly and/or inwardly."

Here here Phineas 808!

I think that's really my 'problem' if you can call it that, if we sweep the distorting cobwebs of porn aside, I'm a romantic, always have been, and thus love women- even womankind.

This made my laugh because I have often felt this way before and have asked the some question many a time. Do I have a problem? I don't think so, I've been this way long before porn (that is being completely captivated by the fairer sex) and it's nothing anyone should apologize for. However, porn brought out the worst parts of that natural inclination, and I wound up using it as a substitute so I could still be "faithful" and "monogamous". And as far as you being a romantic, I guess I'm one too, just don't tell anyone! Maybe I'm a cynical romantic or a realist romantic.

Stay strong everyone! Real is the only deal that matters.

 

[Phineas 808]

Yep, I don't think it's a bad 'problem' to have... frankly. I like that without porn or pixalation I can appreciate real women in the real world, at least as far as one is able. And, you've probably noticed this, too, they appreciate us more- especailly as being men in control of themselves. Like we used to hear a lot about feremone, we kind of put off a vibe to womankind that tells them we're being 'real men'- or, men in control of themselves. They're actually more attracted to us when we're not doing all that nonsense.

P.S., My wife might argue against me being a romantic.

 

[Blondie]

Day 210

Today marks seven months porn free. It's hard to believe I've made it this far because I've only done this a handful of times in my life. I believe I'm in another flatline because my dick is shriveled up like a prune left out to dry; and also yesterday we had our first semi unsuccessful sex in probably two months. All of this doesn't bother me and it just makes me all the more resolved to keep on keeping on. My plan is to continue the same methods I've had so far, and not change anything up at the moment.

- When watching TV, I will only look at women's faces, and try my best not to check out their bodies for that little dopamine hit.
- When on the internet (which is all the time for school) I will try not to replicate my porn behaviors with multiple tabs open or go down informational rabbit holes. Wikipedia anyone? I can do this without even thinking about it! What does porn have compared to spending five hours randomly learning about the intricate details of the Russian Revolution?
- And going with the above, I will try to read a book, fictional or historical, instead of randomly browsing the internet. Doing this brings a since of closure and purpose, and isn't just random hours being spent that you could never recall on your death bed.
- And going with the above, I will meditate on the fact that I will die one day, and that this life is a gift that can be taken away at any moment. Or as Seneca said so beautifully, death isn't before us, it's behind us, with all the time we've wasted.
- When out and about, I will notice beautiful women and thank God for them, but I will not dwell on them or fantasize about NOT being in a relationship etc. This serves me no purpose and only leads to massive frustration. If she's not in my bed, or ever will be in my bed, why the waste of mental energy?
- And going with the above, I will appreciate what I have before me, especially my beautiful lady, and remind myself that more isn't always better.
- Lastly, when I screw up with any of the above mentioned things (something I will inevitably do within the hour) I will remind myself that that's okay, and it doesn't mean, I can now run off and look at porn. Porn is not an option for me anymore. All of my frustrations about being monogamous etc. will have to be dealt with in real time and in real conversations. The buck stops here.

Stay strong everyone, and have a great porn-free week!

8 months is just right around the corner!

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

Hey Blondie,

Way to go on 7 months porn free! That's an increadible feat!