@Beautiful1973
Ya...I'm not ready to do that.
I've been wanting to do something like that for a while, I'm just plain not ready. I already feel like I've been too easy on him (although he doesn't see it that way).
I sit here pondering what I am feeling. I feel like he owes me on the emotional side of our relationship. I feel like I've been robbed of the man I married for years. While I've been trying to create romantic moments all these years he was busy lusting up a storm with 1000's of other women (girls really). So for now, creating romance is solely his job.
Funny, I've been pondering how you know if you've forgiven someone because I often feel like I have forgiven him and we just need to continue to rebuild trust. But twice this morning I have been hit with waves of "F You!" while looking at deeper emotions...so guess I haven't forgiven yet. One of the reasons he asked me to marry him was because he was amazed at how non-judgmental and forgiving I was of others. He's probably not so impressed with those traits right now.
Thanks for your thoughts, keep them coming, they help me dig deeper. (Although my husband might prefer I do less digging)
Edit: More thoughts on forgiveness...My husband seems to think that I will know I have forgiven him when the angry thoughts stop. What about the hurt and fear? I think it's the recurring feelings of hurt and fear that keep the angry thoughts popping in. I wonder if those feelings will fully go away. I can say the frequency and intensity have diminished. But the idea that I am unable/unwilling to make that romantic gesture suggests...I'm not sure, I guess I am still protecting my heart.
Ya...I'm not ready to do that.
I've been wanting to do something like that for a while, I'm just plain not ready. I already feel like I've been too easy on him (although he doesn't see it that way).
I sit here pondering what I am feeling. I feel like he owes me on the emotional side of our relationship. I feel like I've been robbed of the man I married for years. While I've been trying to create romantic moments all these years he was busy lusting up a storm with 1000's of other women (girls really). So for now, creating romance is solely his job.
Funny, I've been pondering how you know if you've forgiven someone because I often feel like I have forgiven him and we just need to continue to rebuild trust. But twice this morning I have been hit with waves of "F You!" while looking at deeper emotions...so guess I haven't forgiven yet. One of the reasons he asked me to marry him was because he was amazed at how non-judgmental and forgiving I was of others. He's probably not so impressed with those traits right now.
Thanks for your thoughts, keep them coming, they help me dig deeper. (Although my husband might prefer I do less digging)
Edit: More thoughts on forgiveness...My husband seems to think that I will know I have forgiven him when the angry thoughts stop. What about the hurt and fear? I think it's the recurring feelings of hurt and fear that keep the angry thoughts popping in. I wonder if those feelings will fully go away. I can say the frequency and intensity have diminished. But the idea that I am unable/unwilling to make that romantic gesture suggests...I'm not sure, I guess I am still protecting my heart.
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