So I had my New Years drinks with friends. I set up a fireworks display with my bestfriend and he asked me was I OK
I have to say I was kinda taken back but then I replied that I was and I was feeling better all the time. The fireworks were great, there was a bunch of kids there and they themselves nearly exploded with excitement
What I noticed is that I had to be so in control of those drinks and what pace I drank at it took the fun out of it. I didn't get that real happy buzz either, but strange headaches. And I was all about just staying porn free at the end of the night.
I got home at 3am. I had a missed call from my friend (she was out on the town and if she takes a drink, she's all over me.) I opened a beer and sat down. I had one mouthful of thar beer and thought "fuck this bullshit (drinking and messing around with her.)" I poured that beer down the kitchen sink and went to bed.
Maybe rebooting is about growth and change, but I have changed, and more than I had realised.
It doesn't bother me if I never drink or get wasted anymore, in fact I don't want to. They say a leopard can't change their spots, and I think its true about her, and I think for me she is quite toxic, and I'll be derailed fom what I'm trying to achieve if this continues. I am also quite toxic to her and I know that too.
But its not good enough to take responsibility for your actions, you have to make the right decisions too. And I must work on that also. It causes less anguish.
Ultimately I like being sober from porn and alcohol. I'm creating a life I enjoy. However there is a small part of that leopard in there and I need to keep working on that.