Day 0
Damn it. I'm so mad at myself right now. I knew this was coming, I thought I was evading it, and I still chose evil. I know I can't just pack it in and give up, but I feel so damned helpless. So pathetic.
I tried. Even when I was phasing in and out of the decision to relapse, I tried to push myself back from the edge. I looked at this thread. I tried to stall it. I just didn't muster the will to fight back.
I know that it's still not the worst thing to say that I made it nearly a week without. I know that's a startling improvement from where I began in this journey to recovery.
I'm going to take on an accountability partner. Someone else fighting this wickedness, preferably who has similar hours to me. I had one for a while, then he vanished. I still worry about that guy.
And on the bright side, I do have vacation coming up. That means a switch back over to daylight schedule. More time to spend with family and friends. This habit thrives in isolation and gets burnt up in the midst of fellowship. Maybe things are headed for a positive turn.