Recent content by Mbg

Pretty sober and pretty sane.  I definitely felt a little flustered this morning getting my 4 year old and my 2 year old ready for the day, but we ate some good breakfast and we all feel a little more spirited.  It felt great to get on the elliptical this morning too.  Well not great... But when...

When I think back over the span of my life, I can see that my addiction to porn is but a symptom of my overall addiction to sex.  At a young age, I would compulsively wear my moms underwear.  I had a very secretive fetish for women's underwear.  I also started romantically obsessing about girls...

I came to this forum about 2 years ago and was fairly active.  I hit 90 days hardmode and continued on for 115 days before I relapsed.  I joined a 12 step group for sex addicts and utilized tools from that program and this forum to help me through the first year or so in my recovery.  I have...

I was caught up looking at porn last night but thankfully I closed out before MO.  I just need to get it out there so it isn't a secret. 

I had to reset my counter yesterday and even today I've had powerful urges to continue down the path of addiction.  My saving grace today was the serenity prayer.  It's easy for me to throw up my hands and surrender to my addiction.  To be honest, acting out in my addiction really just seems...

I was reading some of the journals tonight and I got inspired.  I have a hand written journal I keep at work but I like the idea of an open journal.  I have been away from this forum for months now and it has taken it's toll on my sobriety.  I feel like I need to revisit the beginning of my...

I've been off the forum for months now and man it has cost me.. I have been struggling so much lately and barely eek out a few days of sobriety before I relapse... I really want to quit this shit but I am in constant fear of this disease and the consequences that come with it... If anyone is...

I have felt in the past that I was strident when it came to my recovery.  Getting on here, going to SAA meetings several times a week, writing in my journal, going to therapy, I even wear a recovery bracelet, and yet where am I now? Well I suppose one benefit is that I haven't looked at porn in...

The last two weeks I've been feeling quite enlightened.  I've really felt no desire to act out (for me, acting out is looking at porn or anything sexually explicit or masturbation).  My serenity seems to have been challenged today by on and off fantasizing and objectifying women and/or...

I've allowed my addiction to take control of my life lately and enough is enough.  I'm surrendering to my addiction, admitting yet again and daily that I am powerless to this disease. I have not been active on the forum lately and this has been a sign of isolating behavior and denial.  Living in...

And when I'm not triggered I focus on making healthy choices.  I feel that my recent slip in recovery was due to a lack of self-care and complacency.  I had also began isolating myself, convincing myself that I could contain my addiction on my own terms.  I realize that my obsessive fantasizing...

I woke up to beautiful sunny skies and felt spiritually full this morning, besides a bit of a head cold.  However, my feeling was over all exuberant and I felt as though today would be a good day.  Then for reasons unknown, I felt triggered and began browsing magazines at the grocery store while...

I suppose I have become somewhat complacent in my recovery lately.  I've been falling into old ways today.  The last couple days I have started to fantasize some.  Today it culminated into spending wha must have been the better part of an hour looking at "modeling" pictures.  It might as well...

I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling triggered lately, especially today.  I had a reset back on 12/27 after 114 days of sobriety and I feel like i lost a lot of progress with that relapse.  I just keep getting feelings of denial and my addict keeps whispering to me, "looking at porn will make...

And relapsed. It happened just like that.  I have been going through a rough time with my wife and I was fearful of the future.  My addict took advantage of my vulnerable state and I'm feeling miserable today.  I'm trying not to beat myself up and remind myself to learn from this slip.  I had...