37 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
Hello,

I don't know where to start, it's a long story, I'll try and keep it short.

I'm basically so depressed, unbelievably depressed with life. I will go through my story as coherently as possible.

I'm 33, a virgin, depressed since my early 20's, severely since 2011 (but bit better now for the last year or so) and really, really need your help.

It all pretty much started when when I was 22 - I couldn't find a job for the next 7 years. This truly destroyed my life and completely changed my outlook on life - not least due to the implications of that jobless spell.

This meant that I was unable to build my future on any solid foundation - and that, of course, includes any relationships.

Yes, I've never been in one and I've never even had sex. Not even a flirtatious conversation with one. In fact, I've never spent any time alone with a female on any social basis. I'm basically completely starved of women, they are like aliens to me.

Obviously having no job did not help my self esteem, but because I was unfortunate enough to have  been born into a background with religious ties - albeit very lax ties.(I'm even now an atheist, thankfully. ) This obviously also meant that girls are a no-no until I get a secure job and get married. (whatever happened to that life plan!)


So basically, no job and religious background meant that I simply couldn't live my life. I don't have any friends because, particularly during my jobless spell, I spent that time hiding myself from society - I was simply too embarrassed about who I was. (gym, library and job centre were my regular sights - my life was that bad, yes.) (And yes, I've never been even on holiday or a party. ) (Yep, it's that depressing... can you imagine losing your life away just like that?!!)

Anyway, so obviously to compensate on the lack of women in my life.... I used Porn.

I never thought Porn could be the reason for my ED - I mean I was enjoying it so much that it actually gave me some comfort when I was using porn, in addition to the sexual satisfaction. (believe me, when you are starved of a personal source of affection all of your adult life, porn/masturbation was the closest I could get to having a female company. )

Then few weeks back I watched the Gary Wilson documentary on YouTube - and now I have  made the commitment to not use porn. (I lost my libido 6 years ago but I still used porn, allbeit on reduced basis.)

All that time i though my ED was down to severe depression/stress - maybe it still is?

This is why I'm here - so I can see which one is it? Or is a combination of all three?

I haven't seen pornographic images since the start of the year now - but I am still masturbating. I really would like to stop if masturbating if it is hindering my progress.

I've been to endocrinology labs few times - various blood checks have come back normal. I'm a healthy person, never smoked, never drunk any alcohol, haven't even been ill for the last 11 years! I also work out three times a week. Good level of muscle and lowish body fat.)

One thing that is killing  me, I really don't know if there is hope for me or not. I have this inevitable feeling of middle aged suicide - I'm not too far off 40!!

PLEASE, PLEASE HELP. I can't describe how soulless, funless and joyless my life has been. PLEASE HELP. Do I have any hope of getting back to my old-self??






 

TiramiSu

Well-Known Member
Go out and meet some People. I think you think too much! Do not think. live your life. What are your dreams? I also do not have millions of friends but it does not matter. As a matter of fact, I do not give a sh....it is more important to have good friends than lots of friends.

Furthermore: Do Meditation every day and YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE.
 

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
It's a little bit too complicated still.

Basicllay, I still live with my parents and will be for at least the rest of this year. (I'm saving money as cash flow for when eventually I move out and also some for an online course that I'm doing - therefore it's important that I do this.)

Also, I live in a village about 30-45 minutes away from the city centre and I don't have my own transport - therefore my social life until I move out will still be nonexistent .

I'm not too convinced it's a matter of simply being with a girl - because when I'm closer to girls, for example on the bus, I don't feel anything about it. On the few occasions in the past when I have been close to a girl , I felt a feeling... well you know what I mean, I can't describe it as it has been such a long time now since I felt anything now.

 

gazz

Active Member
hey mate,

Here are some anti depressants MORE powerful than any drug

  • 5 minutes meditation a day
    exercise - not exercising is like taking a depressant
    giving up porn - porn directly connects to depression for many scientific reasons. sure, giving it up is horrible - you're looking at 3 months of mood swings, but that's a pretty short period to take out of your life
    The best thing of all is helping others. find a volunteer job, a soup kitchen or something, this gets you out there, meeting awesome selfless, helpful people; and makes you grateful for what you have;
    be grateful every day - before every meal. I assume you have at least one hand? be grateful for that hand. hands are awesome!
    journaling - in depression emergencies. grab a pen and write what youre feeling, the heavy feeling lifts

Yep, PIED is linked to watching porn. Many people here testify that. A friend of mine couldn't believe how he recovered, and then a quick porn relapse and he was suffering severe PIED all over again

When you start living, ie working for love/ living for other people/ giving up porn, life will happen to you, and all the awesome things that go with it
 

javidze

Member
gazz said:
The best thing of all is helping others. find a volunteer job, a soup kitchen or something, this gets you out there, meeting awesome selfless, helpful people; and makes you grateful for what you have;
be grateful every day - before every meal. I assume you have at least one hand? be grateful for that hand. hands are awesome!

I totally agree with this. Volunteering will help you feel useful and important. I'm sure there are lots of things you can do around your town.

You know, I feel you bro. I'm almost 30. I also live with my parents and have no  money. I have no job (yet), red numbers on credit card. I'm not a virgin but I've never enjoyed sex since I suffer PIED.
...I've cried naked lying on the bathroom floor wondering why I am what I am and why do this things happen to me.

But not anymore. I'm willing to believe that 5 years from now I'll be recovered from this P addiction that I have. I'll have a well paid job that I like, my own place, a steady relationship... and good real sex hehe.
I won't give up. I'm really looking forward to get my life together.

And I'd like you to recover too. We are not alone.

Be grateful that you have your parents around and that they are willing to help you out . Help them out as well, in everyway you can while you live in the same place.

Suggestion: Don't masturbate. I think complete abstinence during your recovery is way better.

One last thing. I'd consider changing my username. Being called DepressedAndOut doesnt necesarily help you with your recovery. You gotta be positive.
 

Mikel

Active Member
Like others have said, time to get out and start living. I know it's a daunting prospect, but once you start, it will be so much easier to move forward. You will have setbacks. You will be in situations which annoy you and also go into situations with fear running through your veins. However, it's going through emotions like these which make you grow as a person.

You're already going to the gym three times a week. Sign up for a few classes even if they don't really appeal to you. Just being around people in a social capacity will help your self esteem. Depression wise, consult your Doctor which I'm sure you're doing already.

Lastly. Congratulations on staying off the pron, that is superb. Laying off the masturbating will make it harder but it will be more beneficial in the long run.
 
X

xyz

Guest
Hey mate. Wow sounds like things are massively tough for you at the moment, that really sucks. A couple of thoughts.

I completely agree with DaveZ - consider changing your username! You might be depressed but you're definitely not Out, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

I strongly recommend quitting masturbation, at least for the first few months. Ive tried maintaining masturbation but I've recently found dramatic improvements by just avoiding it altogether. I feel like particularly in the early stages it just sends your brain too many mixed messages. Also for most of us porn is directly linked with masturbation so it becomes a really easy way to get urges again and relapse.

Always remember that quitting PMO won't fix all your problems in life. It will almost definitely fix some of them, particularly surrounding mood and even social and internal confidence. But even where it doesn't directly fix other areas, it frees up your mind to actively deal with any issues instead of retreating into a world of PMO.

All the best mate. It's truly a world wide community here and whilst we're never going to fix all our problems on here it's such a great way to get support, stay accountable and get PMO out of our lives.



 

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
gazz said:
hey mate,

Here are some anti depressants MORE powerful than any drug

  • 5 minutes meditation a day
    exercise - not exercising is like taking a depressant
    giving up porn - porn directly connects to depression for many scientific reasons. sure, giving it up is horrible - you're looking at 3 months of mood swings, but that's a pretty short period to take out of your life
    The best thing of all is helping others. find a volunteer job, a soup kitchen or something, this gets you out there, meeting awesome selfless, helpful people; and makes you grateful for what you have;
    be grateful every day - before every meal. I assume you have at least one hand? be grateful for that hand. hands are awesome!
    journaling - in depression emergencies. grab a pen and write what youre feeling, the heavy feeling lifts

Yep, PIED is linked to watching porn. Many people here testify that. A friend of mine couldn't believe how he recovered, and then a quick porn relapse and he was suffering severe PIED all over again

When you start living, ie working for love/ living for other people/ giving up porn, life will happen to you, and all the awesome things that go with it

Hello,

Thank you for your response.

I have done meditation on and off - it did show slight difference.

I will try and implement it more frequently.

Thank you.
 

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
xyz said:
Hey mate. Wow sounds like things are massively tough for you at the moment, that really sucks. A couple of thoughts.

I completely agree with DaveZ - consider changing your username! You might be depressed but you're definitely not Out, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

I strongly recommend quitting masturbation, at least for the first few months. Ive tried maintaining masturbation but I've recently found dramatic improvements by just avoiding it altogether. I feel like particularly in the early stages it just sends your brain too many mixed messages. Also for most of us porn is directly linked with masturbation so it becomes a really easy way to get urges again and relapse.

Always remember that quitting PMO won't fix all your problems in life. It will almost definitely fix some of them, particularly surrounding mood and even social and internal confidence. But even where it doesn't directly fix other areas, it frees up your mind to actively deal with any issues instead of retreating into a world of PMO.

All the best mate. It's truly a world wide community here and whilst we're never going to fix all our problems on here it's such a great way to get support, stay accountable and get PMO out of our lives.


Hello,

Thank you for your response.

I am doing hard mode now - no doubt I will slip up as far as masturbation is concerned. (Not bothered about Porn, I think I can fight it off)

I know fixing my ED will not help all of my life problems - but it would be an amazing start since it's the issue that's depressing me most right now.
 

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
DaveZ said:
gazz said:
The best thing of all is helping others. find a volunteer job, a soup kitchen or something, this gets you out there, meeting awesome selfless, helpful people; and makes you grateful for what you have;
be grateful every day - before every meal. I assume you have at least one hand? be grateful for that hand. hands are awesome!

I totally agree with this. Volunteering will help you feel useful and important. I'm sure there are lots of things you can do around your town.

You know, I feel you bro. I'm almost 30. I also live with my parents and have no  money. I have no job (yet), red numbers on credit card. I'm not a virgin but I've never enjoyed sex since I suffer PIED.
...I've cried naked lying on the bathroom floor wondering why I am what I am and why do this things happen to me.

But not anymore. I'm willing to believe that 5 years from now I'll be recovered from this P addiction that I have. I'll have a well paid job that I like, my own place, a steady relationship... and good real sex hehe.
I won't give up. I'm really looking forward to get my life together.

And I'd like you to recover too. We are not alone.

Be grateful that you have your parents around and that they are willing to help you out . Help them out as well, in everyway you can while you live in the same place.

Suggestion: Don't masturbate. I think complete abstinence during your recovery is way better.

One last thing. I'd consider changing my username. Being called DepressedAndOut doesnt necesarily help you with your recovery. You gotta be positive.

Thank you. I appreciate this advise. Good luck with everything.
 

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
Mikel said:
Like others have said, time to get out and start living. I know it's a daunting prospect, but once you start, it will be so much easier to move forward. You will have setbacks. You will be in situations which annoy you and also go into situations with fear running through your veins. However, it's going through emotions like these which make you grow as a person.

You're already going to the gym three times a week. Sign up for a few classes even if they don't really appeal to you. Just being around people in a social capacity will help your self esteem. Depression wise, consult your Doctor which I'm sure you're doing already.

Lastly. Congratulations on staying off the pron, that is superb. Laying off the masturbating will make it harder but it will be more beneficial in the long run.

Thank you. I really wish if i can go out and start living, but unfortunately for the rest of the year, it's about saving money and applying the advise on here.

Hopefully the later will come off!!

Thank you.
 

Firstbigstep

Active Member
Hi there!

Just a few small ideas -

You're talking the talk of defeat  - sure, this is a bloody hard nut to crack. But don't attack it with rubber nutcrackers.  Use positive phrases, - dont talk yourself out of success before you start.

Stop masturbating. No, really. Just stop. I've masturbated once in 80+ days after wanking on average twice a day for 35 years. I've had one wank in that 80 day period. I feel WAY better than I have in years.

Go join the world. We'll love you!
 

TiramiSu

Well-Known Member
Read up on some literature of HOW TO BE A MAN.

We all would not be here if we had been raised in more of a male way. Back in These days we all used to be hunters. If we did not fight we would not survive.

With ladies: Why don't you just go to a bar and pick up some. It is easy. 9 out of 10 will say no and one will say yes. With this one you can get laid! Very easy!

Watch YouTube on how to behave like a MAN!!!!

Really, someone on this Forum recently gave me a kick in my butt and told me to refocus. That helped.
 

javidze

Member
TiramiSu said:
With ladies: Why don't you just go to a bar and pick up some. It is easy. 9 out of 10 will say no and one will say yes. With this one you can get laid! Very easy!

I agree on going out and meeting women but it's not necessarily simple, since you are not in your "best-self" at the moment.
I'd say take a few months for yourself. Let's say 6 months. Reboot, take time to heal and work on your self-steem and get yourself together. Save the money you need too.

You don't want to go out feeling like crap 'cause it will notice. Focus on improving yourself first. This is your year.

And if you are considering a book to "be like a man" as Tiramisu said, get The Game by Neil Strauss. Fun book with great advices between the lines.
 

BabySteps

Active Member
Dude I feel your frustration!
The guys are right for suggesting you go out and meet people, so do that.
And that username buddy, change that man. Its not over for you, entertain positive thoughts man. Look at the future with a positive outlook, everything is going to be Ok.
 

TiramiSu

Well-Known Member
You said you have no Job. There is always opporunity to work: You can clean, you can flip burgers, you can work as a shop assistant....having work will make you think less about porn. Because you are busy.
 

gohanrage

Member
I Am Canadian. I'm going to be 37 this year. I've never been on a date either. I have been diagnosed with Social anxiety disorder and Generalized anxiety disorder. I am on 5 different drugs to help me. I am pretty sure I will be a single virgin for the rest of my life. Over my 36 years My penis has begun to act up. I will masturbate to Porno and still not be able to ejaculate. I usually can tell when I am not going to ejaculate and I end up giving up. My Porno Addiction is bad. I have a tumblr account and I have followed other tumblrs which have porno pictures and videos. with tumblr I can sign in and then just scroll down endlessly. while I scroll I am downloading the photos I like and the videos I like. I have two laptops and one desktop as well as external desktop hard drives and they all have porn. I used to have suicidal thoughts. they are gone now.

My anxiety has such a large impact on my life that I am on a Government Disability Pension. it is definitely not much to live on. I have to live on 600 dollars every month. I Pay my parents money as well. disability is divided into shelter and basic Needs.  Shelter goes to my parents But I know it doesn't cover all their bills.

I am terrified of getting an STD. my life since grade 1 has revolved around the bathroom. I will not enter a typical public washroom. if the washroom has a single toilet bowl and a single sink and the main door locks. I can urinate. those others even if I get the courage to enter one I can never do anything so I think to myself whats the point of even trying.

All my School life I never once used the washroom. I would eat but not drink at school from grade 1 - 8. once I hit high school I was so depressed. when I was at school I felt I didn't deserve to eat. Been seeing a phychiatrist since 2004 and I have made progress. I can eat in front of people no problem even in a restaurant by myself.

I have no idea how I would go without masturbating for months. It used to be if I didn't masturbate enough I would have a wet dream but that hasn't happened since i was in my early 20s.

what does the acronym PIED mean?

They say holding urine in for hours before relieving yourself can cause damage to the penis. make it more difficult to get an erection.

Maybe you should see a psychiatrist and get put on some anti depressants
 

javidze

Member
gohanrage said:
I have no idea how I would go without masturbating for months. It used to be if I didn't masturbate enough I would have a wet dream but that hasn't happened since i was in my early 20s.
(...)
Maybe you should see a psychiatrist and get put on some anti depressants

Tough one! But if you are wondering what would it be if you don't masturbate, I'd say try it out. You have some emotional situations you can't control, but you definetely can control porn and masturbation. Take it as a therapy. The benefits are incredible.

On the other hand, I'm supposed that if you've been diagnosed with anxiety disorders, it is helpful to meet your psychiatrist regularly.

PIED= Porn-induced erectile dysfunction. http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

It all starts with one good decision. Start today, keep us posted and good luck!
 

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
I'm making no progresss whatsoever, and it's really disheartening and depressing.

I'm mean, I don't have too much problem not viewing porn (apart from the odd glance at a naughty pic in non-porn sites) but unfortunately masturbating is a bit harder to Fight off. Especially when I have this tendency to test my penis every now and then and see if there are any improvements. (None!)

Just getting so sick of my life - not one intimate moment with a woman and I'm nearly 34!  I just feel so sick about it.

Suicide has been on my mind quite a bit lately. So sick.
 
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